Long distance boyfriend tested positive

[Nightbird101]

I have been in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years.. My boyfriend is bisexual and we have a policy that as long as we are honest, we can have sex outside our relationship. I can't fufill all his needs and I have always been ok with that. We last saw each other about 3 1/2 months ago and had unprotected sex several times. We both get tested twice yearly and are always protected with other partners.

Sometime either the week before he saw me or the week after, he had protected sex with a transgender female (preop obviously)  he met at a club. He was drunk and not sure if the condom broke or what, although he saw her put the condom on. He began to show symptoms- rash, diarrhea, flu like syptoms and weight loss. He skipped seeing me at Christmas because of his concerns. He tested positive after the first of the year, but waited to tell me till he got the second confirmatory test, since I was not at further risk at that time.

I took a rapid HIV test last week, which was negative. They sent off another which I am waiting on the results of. My palm has been itching but with no bumps or visible rash.. I've had colds, but no fever without sneezing etc. and no weight loss.

Is the non reactive test I took enough to breathe a sigh of relief? I know I will need more testing, but not being able to eat or sleep is taking it's toll.


I have decided to stay in this relationship because this is a risk we both took. Even if I am negative I am worried about us and what the rest of our lives look like

[Jeff G]

You can test at 6 weeks past any possible exposure . A negative 6 week test rarely changes but you must confirm it at 3 months for a conclusive result .

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

[Ann]

Nightbird,

Going by what you posted, it looks like the last time you had unprotected intercourse - with anyone - was three and a half months ago, and you tested hiv negative last week.

Provided you tested at twelve weeks or more since you last had unprotected sex, then you are conclusively hiv negative and do not need further testing at this time.

Make sure you are both tested for all the other, MUCH more easily transmitted STIs as well. Your partner will probably have this done as a matter of routine during his initial lab-work and examinations now that he's poz, but make sure you do as well.

Condoms don't always protect against some of the other STIs (unlike hiv) and you can have one and not display any obvious symptoms. The ONLY way to know your STI status is to test. Please note that syphilis shares a three month testing window with hiv for a conclusive negative result.

I hope this isn't a game-changer for your relationship. He's still the person he was before this virus came into your lives and if you loved him then, there's no real reason that should change. If you are going to stay in this relationship, you might want to post in the Someone I Care About forum. If you have some support yourself, you'll be better placed to support your partner.

Ann