MC:
Hello everyone, This is the first site ive been on ever that deals with my current and real situation.Ive been looking here and reading all the stories of support and information and am overwhelmed by care of this site and its members. I would like to share here as i see that its more than welcomed. I found out 3 weeks ago on July 31 that i tested positive for HIV.
Here is my story so far. Well the last 3 weeks in June i had been traveling around Asia with my work and that was all fine besides dealing with Jetlag. After i left asia i flew back on the 3rd of July to Amsterdam for 2 days and then off to America to visit my family and friends for a few weeks, the start of my Holiday.I had been feeling fine and energetic till a few days after arriving in the States. So after a few days i felt the Jetlag bigtime and was a bit tired and i figured after all this of course it was all that travelling that was making me exhausted? So and then came the fever after 5 days being at home, not having seen my family for a while, and another thing is my BF of 3 and a half years was arriving a week after me to meet my Family for the very first time ever (and the only one ive ever brought home.....important time for me).And here i was with this fever and couldnt really shake it (maybe just my nerves?)................mmmmmm, well he arrived and they loved and adored him like i do and i was happy about that, but this fever stayed and stayed. After my BF had arrived, the next morning i found myself in the car with my mom and BF being rushed to the emergency room cause my fever was so high and i felt faint.Got to the hospital, they rushed me in put me in a chair, in a room and i was waiting for a doctor, nurses checking things, i was shivering and in tears thinking what the hell is happening? The Doc tells me well its some kind of virus and there is not much they can do, so they sent me home telling me to take the tylenol to keep the fever down and itll go away on its own. Well i took their advice. of course thinking it was a flu(or scarily thinking bird flu since id been in Asia?) or cold and went home.Soon after arriving home my throat started to bother me a bit, but nothing that bad until later.After leaving the Hospital for the next 3 days i wasnt getting better and my throat had worsened to the point i couldnt swallow water (This turned out later to be Herpies, lessions, perhaps common with HIV?) and i started developing a rash which slowly started to cover the palm of my hands and feet.My fever was still very high, so we went back to the hospital and got some more tests. Seeing that the rash had appeared and was on my palms, the doctor said this so called virus could be perhaps either of the three viruses? Syphlis, lime disease or something else? They again sent me home informing me that if the test for the 3 things mentioned came back postive that they would call me ,but now with some Antibiotics that would help me if i had some kind of Bacterial infection and , if it was those 3 things, would aid that as well. Well i went back home and for almost a week or more ( i cant recall time that well as i was so tired, asleep or in pain most of it) i laid in the bed trying to deal with all this insanity of what i was going through. A day after arriving back at home i developped a new symptom , severe chest pain (later seemed to be some yeast infection, also common with HIV?).So with the throat lessions so bad that i couldnt swallow water even and now the chest pain? I really could not eat or drink very well and daily, even with these antibiotics, it was getting worse by the minute it seemed...........and also i couldnt sleep.It was hell, really and thank god for my BF being there under such strange circumstances and with my family meeting him/us for the first time i felt also quilty and felt responscible for the good time we were suppose to be having... (Im working on that one.:) ) So finally i decided i need to see another doctor and a not an emergency room. So i got an appointment at a local clinic to see a thrid Doc. I walked in to his office and sat down .He asked what my problems were and blah blah. He looked at me and asked are you gay? and have you ever been tested for HIV? Without even examining me............my heart sank, but then again my BF was in the room , so i had support. He explained to me that these symptoms i was having, Fever, fatique, throat (herpes) chest pain ( yeast infection?) are common with HIV patientes.......and so on .He tested my breathing and that was fine........ OK of course he wanted to test me for HIV there and it has been about 10 years since ive been tested (stupid..im dealing with that too).My BF and i agreed to be tested together in a few days when we got back to Europe, so i didnt do the test.So he told me that the antibiotics the previous doc had subscribed were making my condition worse, so he gave me new meds for the individual symptoms i was feeling and sent me home.A few days after starting the new meds my symtoms were improving but my fever was not....... I still felt very sick? I had not eat or drink really off and on for 2 weeks? It was pretty bad and i started to think of course HIV? Maybe, maybe not?..........I just wanted to go home and be there in my bed, sick!
So part of my nightmare had only begun After a few days at my mothers house had arrived a letter from the hospital telling me to contact the health department (It was the results from the 2nd time i had been to the emergency room). They had been trying to reach me by phone (somehow there was no call?) but had to try by post............ I immediately called the health department and they informed that my test results for Syphlis came back positive!!!!! I didnt know what to say and called my BF in the room and told him. He was more positive about it than myself, because they had finally found out what i HAVE? So again i had a another sleepless night and the next morning we headed down to the Health department and we talked and were interviewed and they again spoke of the HIV test and tested my BF also for the Syphlis.NO, we are waiting to get back home to have the test (somehow i knew that my body was not the same........but i would not entertain the thought that this really could be HIV?). I could tell by the nurses face when she looked at me her true concern. So after the 2 painful injections in my ass we went home and were finally somehow suppose to fly home the next day.My fever would not go away!! we had to cancel our flights home 3 times while we were there and i just needed my HOME!!
Finally i improved, my throat and chest pain went and i could eat finally!! I somehow pulled myself together with some help of a few pain pills made it back home on that long flight in one piece with my beautiful BF!! I was happy to be home, but that evening my fever got worse and we went for the first time here to the hospital clinic. Went into a room and the doctor looked at the medications i had been taking (he barely spoke english) and looked at my BF and rudely said HIV.........this stabbed me hard and realisation appeared again.This was a saturday and early Monday morning i went to my DOCTOR and he sent me to the HOSPITAL and there finally i had all the test done. They admitted me and i waited for the results in the room with my BF for a difficult (I was very sick) few hours. The nicest doctor came into my room and asked if we could take a walk .The door opened and closed. I sat there hand in hand with my sweet BF and i heard for real " YOU ARE HIV positive."
This was 3 weeks ago. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days and returned home.My fever and symptoms went away except the fatigue has been so up and down.I take no sleeping pills to sleep now for a week and my strength is coming back and im dealing mentally with my rollercoaster thoughts of me being HIV. I have an incredible partner whose unconditional love is so strong that i realise how fortunate i am at this time in my life.............thank you my love!
Excuse me for it being so long this forum, but it felt could to get it all out and i hope you understand and can keep up with the events...........Oh that feels great to share........ :) I know im not alone!!
MC
lydgate:
Hey MC,
Glad you found this site, it really is a wonderful place to be (given the circumstances). And don't apologize for writing long posts; I think we all understand how important it is just to talk freely, in a setting where people will listen and understand and not judge.
Things may seem crazy right now, with a million questions running around in your head. Take a deep breath. Now take another. It gets better, I promise. Just take things one day at a time.
Hope you write back to let us know how things are going. And welcome to these forums.
Jay
chemistry001:
Hi MC Sounds like you have had a very rough ride over the last month, fear not you have found a place here that will listen, give advice and support when you need it most. I was diagnosed 3 weeks ago and the only people I've been able to talk to so far are the people on here, its been a life saver, even if its just to write something down it all helps. As questions arise many answers can be found by reading others posts, otherwise start a post and the wonderful people on here will share their knowledge and experiences with you.
All the best, stay strong Paul x
Eldon:
Hello MC, it is Eldon. First of all welcome to the forums where you will find love, encouragement, support, understanding, fun, and answers to many of your questions relating to HIV/AIDS. This is a great group of people with a lot of information and I am so glad I found this site many months ago myself.
It has been a rough road for you to travel over the past month or so. I'm sorry that you found out that you had Syphilis and on top of that HIV. It is a good thing that you have your BF for unconditional love and support also. Educate yourself as much as you can on HIV/AIDS. It will take some time to digest all of the information but take it in stride.
As Jay said, there are a million questions running through your head right now, feel free to come and post to ask questions and to get some advice. Follow your doctor's lead and if he prescribes any medication to you, take it as he prescribes it.
Drink plenty of fluids, eat a healthy diet, and get plenty of rest.
Again, Welcome!
MC:
Eldon, Paul and Jay Good morning to you 3 and thankyou for your replys. Youre all right and my mind is racing and i have all sorts of questions but ive been advised to slow down on all the material to read on HIV and so i have.It is overwhelming to say the least.
I just keep thinking numbers and viral loads and CD4s CD8s.....on and on
From my last result which was 3 weeks ago my CD4s were at 320 and not sure my viral load. This was 3 weeks ago and i still had a fever at the time and had these symptoms of extreme fatigue and tiredness, but now daily i have more energy like the doc said, so id imagine they are improving ( the cd4s? viral load?) My next appointment is Sept 12th.................mmmmmmm just thoughts flying off my head......... Thanks again. MC