POZ Community Forums
HIV Prevention and Testing => Do I Have HIV? => Topic started by: JimR on August 31, 2006, 05:53:16 am
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The Situation
I think I have contracted HIV, I am showing all the symptoms. I know I should get tested and I already scheduled an appointemnt to test.
The issue is that I have probably contracted HIV in a moment of druken weakness with some woman I met in bar.
I am also in a 10 year old relationship with what must be the best woman on earth.
I love her deeply. My dileemma is what should I do if I am +.
The biggest problem is if she is + as well, although after the incident I always had safe sex with her.
My family is also a problem, coming from a deep christian background I am not sure my 60+ parents can take the news.
I am thinking that it is better to make a decision prior to the result as post the result I would not be in a state to make any wise decisions.
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My view on giving H to some one.
My perception on giving HIV to some one is murder and I think it should be dealt with by oneself and others as such - period. Let's not fool around with this, many of you may play with the idea that this is not, but I urge you to look deeper.
The fact that I even have exposed her to such a risk I fell I am guilty of attempted murder.
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My symotoms and case
I have depression + flu like symptoms (10 days) + loss of apetite + bubble like things on the sides of my toungue.My hope is a Herpes simplex outbreak caused by all this stress and anxiety.
The case I was drunk and not sure what happened, I think the anal sex was protected but then I am not sure I am sure I had unprotected Vaginal sex on two occasions in the 24 hour period.
Every time she snezzes is like some one drawing a stake in my heart, but up to now there no sore throat she has a blocked nose when se wakes up.
I am going to an anonyomus clinic later today and then another one next week. Tonight's clinic delivers results days later and thus will not know my exact fate next week.
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My true options and the big dillema
Result negative or positive.
Negative.
All is well and good, I am making an eternal promise to myslef no fooling around anymore I will buy an engagment ring she has been asking me for quite some time.
Positive.
There are 2 scenarios I envisage in a + result.
Option A:
Get her tested and see the result if she is positive then .. not sure
If she is negative obviosly she will leve me if not I will leave her. Then I would have to deal with her loss plus my terminal illness.
The problem with the above is not knowing if she will get a + result or not. If I knew she was negative than I will probably seriously consider staying around for a while longer. Probably leaving my job and go and live somewhere to enjoy the rest of my days.
But how can I get her tested without the emotinal stress that will be the result of this. I cannot bring myslef to look her in the eye and tell her listen love "I am H+, there is a 3/100 chance I have given it to you. I would like you to get tested." I do not have the strength to do that - considering at that time that I would be dealing internally with my + result.
Option B:
I have no clue.
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Well I promise to reply and seriously consider all your opinions and comments.
4 DAYS TO GO
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Jim
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OK Jim,
I think it's about time for you to settle down here. Making threats of self harm is a pretty serious state of affairs and I would urge you to seek the attention of a mental health worker.
Given the dramatic and dire nature of your comments, I've reported this thread.
MtD
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Well I am not giong to harm myself do not worry.
I am just super anxious, no need to report me anywhere I came here to seek help not the get reported!
Jesus.. I thought this was a place where one finds shleter!
Thanks anyway.
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What do you expect when before you edited your post you had Option B: Exit?? People here care, if you haven't figured that out.
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Jim,
You need to know that symptoms or the lack of symptoms mean nothing when it comes to hiv infection. Only the appropriate test at the appropriate time will reliably reveal your hiv status. Although you have had a risk, the risk is somewhat less for the insertive partner. The odds are in your favour of coming out of this with negative results. You don't even know if the woman you were with is actually hiv positive.
You need to test at 12-13 weeks after this encounter. The vase majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, so a negative result at this point would be a very good indication of your true status, but MUST be confirmed at the three month point.
Nothing you have reported in the way of symptoms points to hiv. Nothing.
Ann
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Jim,
I didn't report your thread because I wanted you to get into trouble. We get threats of self harm from distressed people here from time to time and we take them very seriously. I felt that a Moderator should review your post.
Jim, using terms like "Option B: EXIT" reads pretty clearly as a threat of self harm. Such things can cause great distress and upset in our Forums and frankly, I make no apology for reporting your thread.
MtD
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Jim --
I think you took Matty's post the wrong way. He just wanted to make sure the moderators of this site -- Andy, Ann, and myself -- are aware of your anxiety and distress. He said that out of concern... you're in no danger of being admonished, my friend! You are very welcome to stay and I sincerely hope that participation in the Forums will offer some support during this anxious time and answer some of your questions.
I'm relieved to hear that you're "just super anxious" and that you are "not going to harm" yourself. The fact is, the odds are very much in your favor that things are going to work out a-okay. The fact that you've taken the initiative of scheduling a blood draw for an HIV test is encouraging, as it does say that you are thinking logically about the situation.
While I understand that you're nervous about testing, it sounds to me as if guilt is what's really eating you up inside. I know this will be difficult, but see if you can keep a lid on your guilt and emotional turmoil until YOU'VE been tested and have learned the results. Projecting your anxieties and fears onto your girlfriend won't help matters at all. Once you're results are available -- and like I said, there's a good chance the results will come back negative -- THEN you should decide what (and how much) to tell your girlfriend.
Dumping all of this on her now (in my humble opinion) will not only make her agry, but scared and totally confused. Improving a relationship after an incident of infidelity is hard enough (if you decide to disclose that you have, in fact, been unfaithful). Bring panic and hysteria into the mix -- neither of which will benefit either of you in the slightest -- will only make matters that much harder.
The way I see it, the biggest challenge you face at this very moment is not the test, nor telling your girlfriend, but rather working to get ahold of yourself over the coming week. I know it will seem like an eternity, but it's only a matter of days. So, before you go making any mea culpas to your girlfriend of pledges to God, focus on yourself first. If your results do come back positive -- and, again, there's an excellent chance that they won't -- you can then systematically figure out how to go about things, with the full support of the Forums (and other systems of support) behind you. Right now, you're making a lot of major life (and death) decisions based on guesswork... and this isn't going to benefit anyone, especially yourself.
Keep talking it out... and don't forget to take lots of deep breaths.
Tim Horn
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Hi Tim/Ann and all the others
Thanks for answering and I am glad we are on the same wavelength.
I also assume so anything out of the normal such as tears falling on my keyboard, just as I am doing now is not the best thing to do.
It is hard though very hard to stay normal.
I keep thinking of my past, my friends and all I have accomplished to the moment and that does give me strength.
But I still think that making a plan now is better than after having the results in hand.
Jim.
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Jim --
While I agree that it's normal -- and often useful -- to think about what the results of a negative or positive HIV test might mean to you, talking about "THE END" (whether its your life or your relationship) is the antithesis of "planning."
Just like the hundreds of men who have visited the Forums in similar situations, I have a strong feeling that you'll soon be looking back upon this transient period of anxiety and let out a big sigh of relief.
In all seriousness, if you do think that you're a danger to yourself, it is imperitive that you seek out the counseling and support of a certified healthcare provider or mental health specialist. No matter how bad an acute crisis may seem, giving serious weight to the idea of ending your own life or sabotaging your relationship simply isn't rational or healthy. Getting professional support, to help you through this anxious time, may be something you should consider.
Tim Horn
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Jim, you need to know that nothing you have reported thus far about either you or your gf is in anyway suggestive of HIV infection. But then symptoms of any kind are never the way to know anything reliably about your HIV status. As Ann and other others have said to you, only an HIV test can give you that answer.
Right now you seem to be in that mind frame which (mis)interprets everything through an HIV mindset, so everything that happens or doesn't happen to you or your gf becomes another ominous portent of your worst fears.
The HIV science truth is that HIV is not an easy virus to transmit. It's significantly harder to accomplish from female to male. Now, I am not saying there wasn't risk in the incidents you have described, but the odds remains significantly in your favor against transmission having occured. But only a test will tell.
If you find yourself very impatient for at least an initial result, you can test at 6 weeks because at that point all but the smallest number will have seroconverted. Then assuming you get the negative result I expect you will receive, you should re-test at 13 weeks.
Guilt is a whole separate matter. You seem to be quite down on yourself. You are a dog like the rest of us and you went straying. It is not a testament to your higher character for you to flagellate yourself and to imply that you might commit suicide. (You say no about that, but you wrote in such a way as to imply it. If you're feeling that way you need to walk yourself to the nearest emergency clinic and tell them about it).
Feeling as you do at the moment about what I will call from your viewpoint "your sins," the most loving thing you could do for those you claim to care about is to take a breath and let go of the past and get on with your life. But that means you would have to give up beating up on yourself and do what is really hard --- dealing with your shortcomings and getting on with life anyway.
If I am missing something here please clarify.
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Andy,
Well I really think I need a mental health care provider, but who wouldnt in my situation!
I have been a dog for a long time and this is the time of reckoning, without a lot of drama. I have been lucky over and over again but I feel this time .. it will be my time.
What can a mental healthcare provider do ?
Sedatives call my KIN, all the issue would come out and then I am even worse cause I would have not controlled the disclosure of my status and they would probably put me in a strait jacket.
I can keep my self together until the result is out, I reckon.
Well I am off to see the DOC, but I think these guys deliver results after a couple of weeks which is a very loooong time.
Next week I am having one of those 10 minute tests ones.
I am a very stable individual I hold a good job with a good company, I am responsabile for the smooth running of a team of 30 people. I have never thought about death before and always had a big group of friends so I do not have a history of going beserk, if I did I would classify my thoughts as completly irrational, and call the asylum saying I am having another fit.
I am not crazy but I am a sane individual taking a consious decision based on the facts when I have them in hand.
J.
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Let us know how you make out at your doctor's.
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Jim,
Hiv isn't a death sentence these days. All this speculation and assumptions of a positive result isn't going to get you anywhere but it will make you extremely anxious and stressed and that in turn can make you ill. The saying "worried sick" isn't a saying for nothing.
Mental health care providers don't just dole out happy-pills. A good one will help you restructure your thought patterns to enable you to feel less anxious and stressed out. A good provider will help you gain much needed perspective over your situation. They can be your guide when you can't see the forest for the trees.
The drugs used today to help control anxiety do not make you lose control of your actions, so even if a counselor or therapist does prescribe some for you, they aren't going to make you go out and disclose anything to anyone you don't want to.
Please try to stay productively busy while you wait for your results. You don't say what the window period timing will be for these results, but if it has been at least six weeks, the results will be an excellent indication of your true status. I've never seen a six week negative turn into a positive at the three month point.
And by the way, this "lucky so far" stuff means nothing. A person could be infected the very first time, or the 900th time. The thing is to use condoms for intercourse every time, no exceptions and you won't have to worry about hiv infection no matter who you are having intercourse with. It really is that simple.
Remember, the odds are in your favour as the insertive partner to test negative.
Ann
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Thanks a lot once again,
Thanks for all your comments last night I went for the test and was usherd to the psycologist after 4 minutes . She did talk to me for one full hour.
She was really reassurring at times ... "you could have a low activity virus rather than a high activity one". Was that supposed to be reassurring ! Well I found it funny at the time.
But .. she really opened my eyes that there really is more options than checking out another doctor really really told me that life is life a path, fall -- sand up walk more fall again, no matter how big the fall the human spirit is to keep on fighting.
Morale is defintley up. I knew the results will be out in a week but going for a 10 mintue test on Tuesday.
My sore throat has some what cleared. The doctor told me that the bubbles on my toungue are not herpes. If they were they would be painfull.
My dillemma is stil my girl friend.
This thing also showed me I am not as mentally strong as I thought I was. I never faced death before I thought that I would face it with a smile while playng the vivaldi in my head but I suppose that is just a fantasy.
I have a huge feeling I am positive .. I am making myself eat which is making things better though.
I feel that all that can fix me at the moment is a Vampire bite (joking .. joking )
I admire all the people that have gone through this and came out standing on both feet, it is no easy feat.
It has been 7.5 weeks since the event.
Jim.
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first test came out negative! (7.5 weeks after possible infection)
will test after 13 weeks just in case.
Thanks for your kind words and support!
I would like to ask :
In case one does something stupid and exposes himself to risk, is there anything he can exactly after the sex that can dicrease the chances of getting infected ?
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If there was a significant risk of HIV transmission, Post Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP) may reduce the risk of transmission. PEP is a regimen of anti-HIV medications prescribed for 28 days and must be started within 72 hours of potential exposure (the sooner the better). PEP can carry serious side effects.
Remember, it is the doctor that determines whether there was significant risk which warrants PEP, not the patient. Also, the window period in regard to testing starts AFTER completion of PEP.
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There was no need for PEP in this case.
MtD
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Hi,
I am having another H scare, this time it really could be it !
I have extreme fatigue a headache for the last three days - constipation - what i think is hair loss and a rash on my right foot. Also a lesion on my shoulded. What is a lesion ?
I have 3 encounters all protected in the last three months, the top of my penis prushed against a vagina in one of the encounteres when still unprotected. these were all prostitues.
When I took the last test I was 4 weeks and not six weeks away from my last encounter.
What are my chances ?
Carl.
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Jim,
I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread.
If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.
Please also read through the Welcome Thread (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=220.0) so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.
You said you used protection and that means just that - you were protected. Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection, no matter who you are with.
The penis/vagina brushing was also not a risk. This falls under the heading of frottage (genital to genital rubbing) and is not a risk for hiv infection.
You haven't had a risk. If you choose to continue with testing, I fully expect you to continue testing negative. You really don't need further testing.
You need to see your doctor about your other problems. And by the way, if you don't know what a lesion is, how do you know you have one on your shoulder? Whatever is going on, it has nothing to do with hiv.
Ann