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Off Topic Forums => Off Topic Forum => Topic started by: aupointillimite on February 22, 2007, 03:49:59 am

Title: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: aupointillimite on February 22, 2007, 03:49:59 am
I had just gotten back from work tonight, gotten off the phone with Boo and was in the process of making myself a delicious chicken sandwich while talking to my roommate Liz when I heard a knock on the door.

It was my friend Will, who's been practically harassing me to hang out with him all week.

This is not the week to mess with me.

I am generally not a fan of the unexpected drop by, but I feigned some sort of pleasure in seeing him, said hello, etc... and then resumed my sandwich making and general roommate discussions.

We were talking about the sort of things that people in their twenties who have been living together for two years and are not dating talk about. 

Her driver's license was suspended, and she was detailing getting hit on by the guy at the DMV.

I told her about my trip to the doctor and all the fun that was going along with that.

Your eyes are glazing over now because this is ridiculously boring.  But I have a point later on.  I think.

My friend sat down and sort of stayed out of our conversation... I hadn't invited him over and felt no need to entertain him or put on my happy social face.  I was feeling more relaxed than I had been for the first time in days, and part of what helped was engaging the sort of easy, comfortable rapport Liz and I have.

We were discussing how the quality of the sushi in various Richmond restaurants had dropped off and how one could go about making a dessert sushi... and I notice Will is getting restless, so I finish making my foods and promptly turn on the TV. 

We exchange various, unremarkable remarks about some people we know... and then I realize that Law and Order: SVU is on.  "Rape Unit" is what we call it.  Now, one of the primary rules in the Slanty Shanty (which is what our apartment is called) is that when Rape Unit comes on... everyone shuts the fuck up.   

Liz and I watch TV... and my friend seems totally bored. 

And indeed, somewhat agitated that I'm not all about him.  I really am quite a gracious host when I am prepared to be... usually all showery with attention and such... but I started getting this odd feeling that he was intruding on something incredibly private.  It was the height of modern banality... but no one ever sees me or Liz like that.  We see each other like that all the time... it's nothing to us... but no one else ever does.  And it would seem that when they do... they can't deal with it. 

So much the better.

He finally left, and Liz turned to me and said, "Man... we are some boring fucks."

And maybe we are... but I sort of resented him attempting to force me into being social when I didn't want to... and it felt like this invasion of privacy in its own way.  We weren't talking about anything spectacular or secret or interesting... we were just being ourselves... and for someone to walk in on that made us profoundly uncomfortable.

What the deuce? 

Although... I had this sort of Cries and Whispers epiphany when I realized how comfortable it was... it was just me, and Liz, a very good friend of mine, talking about nothing in particular... and my cat sleeping on the sofa... but I felt happy in that moment.  I don't really know why... but it was sort of beautiful in its own uninteresting way. 
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: indyguy on February 22, 2007, 04:38:53 am
I think you should start a carreer as a writer. ;D
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: budndallastx on February 22, 2007, 06:27:00 am
You should start a column on common courtesy ..

People who "drop by" should never have the expectations the person they're visiting will drop everything to entertain them.  It's rude and unnecessary considering almost everyone has a phone.  Your friend should have called first and asked.  He got what he deserved.

Now, having said that, if it's someone who's from out-of-town, and happened to be in the area, that's a different story but again, the vistor's expectations should be low since you have a life too.

Good for you!

Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: dtwpuck on February 22, 2007, 06:37:58 am
Benj... that's really nicely written. 
I'm also not a fan of the unexpected drop by.  Private is private.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: fondeveau on February 22, 2007, 06:43:19 am
Meanies.  Sometimes the unexpected guest proves to be the very best.  Last unexpected guest I had wanted to play - hehe.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: mjmel on February 22, 2007, 07:12:11 am
 aupointillimite you wrote:
 "Liz and I watch TV... and my friend seems totally bored. 
And indeed, somewhat agitated that I'm not all about him.  I really am quite a gracious host when I am prepared to be... usually all showery with attention and such..."

Those words of your well-written account catches my attention. Will is your friend and perhaps was feeling the need for your friendship (for whatever reason he had) in the manner he was accustomed to receiving. Admittedly, you lavish attention on him under other circumstances. Hope he has learned a bit about dropping in on folks unexpectedly. Home is sanctuary. But.......I get the feeling you kind of feel badly about this episode........like seeing a puppy learning through error.

P.S. I was really enjoying the fact that I could actually follow your written words and have comprehension as well.........until I got to
"What the deuce?"


Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: Lwood on February 22, 2007, 08:07:28 am
I dont have any friends so this sort of thing isnt a problem. Although back in my Roommate days anyone that interrupted one of our sacred Television sessions of Duckman, New Yankee Workshop or Beavis and Butthead got a similar serving of Cold Shoulder.  People that suddenly find themselves needy of idle chatter and social interaction should drop by their favorite bar, not someones home, midweek.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: Longislander on February 22, 2007, 01:00:25 pm
I'm not a fan of drop-ins either. You mentioned your friend has been trying to get you to hang out all week. I suppose he just wanted to see for himself if you were avoiding him or something. He probably feels worse now.

I'm also wondering if he had something he wanted to talk about. ???
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: aupointillimite on February 22, 2007, 01:06:58 pm
I'm not a fan of drop-ins either. You mentioned your friend has been trying to get you to hang out all week. I suppose he just wanted to see for himself if you were avoiding him or something. He probably feels worse now.

I'm also wondering if he had something he wanted to talk about. ???

Well, I had texted him back a couple days ago that I was pretty stressed out over the Health Insurance Debacle at work and didn't feel like dealing with anyone really... this part is true.  I've stayed in all week, with the exception of Friday, when I went to a resto with one extremely close friend of mine to have beer. 

I've been avoiding everybody... and I feel like I've explained myself more than sufficiently, so they need to wait for me to start coming out again... not come over and force themselves in like that.

Maybe he did want to talk to someone about something... but to be perfectly honest, I'm not the guy he should be talking to right now.  I'm quite full up with my own problems... that might sound mean... but at least I'm honest.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: swede_dish on February 22, 2007, 01:16:54 pm
I know what you mean....you feel horrible thinking that way,  but one can only handle so much.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: jkinatl2 on February 22, 2007, 01:31:04 pm
I do not answer the door to drop-ins. Maybe I am rude, but when I have made it clear that I am unwell or otherwise engaged - or when there is no advance notice at all, I feel absolutely no obligation to even engage. I value my alone time, and friends who do not respect that are not friends for very long.

When I DO entertain, it's all out. Snacks, drinks, a movie, perhaps a pan of brownies to take home. But seriously, invitation only. I used to ascribe all that to my agoraphobia, but now I am beginning to think I simply have decorum, and perhaps even manners.

That having been said, my closest friends have permission to come over if they have not heard from me in several days. Don't want the neighbors to have to complain about the smell.

Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: Boo Radley on February 22, 2007, 02:11:41 pm
Benj, darling!

You and Liz simply enjoy a little mundane domesticity, a shared intimacy, the ability to relax and not worry about entertaining anyone or being a gracious host.  That's my modus vivendi.   Most of my close friends are the same way so when we're together it's like family and we talk or don't talk ("and even after hours of not talking we can still find things to not talk about").   Those are usually the times I enjoy most. 

I keep my gates locked so no one can get to either door and must call before coming over.  Since I never answer the phone (except for you, my son) they rarely penetrate my defenses unless given the telephonic OK first.  If you don't have a judas in your front door call the landlord immediately and demand one.  One should never have to open a door without knowing who's on the other side and calling out "who's there?" makes it impractical to pretend you're not home if the response isn't satisfactory.  My god, those nuts with WatchTowers will stand at the door for hours if they think someone might open it.

Boo
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: jkinatl2 on February 22, 2007, 02:21:35 pm
and even after hours of not talking we can still find things to not talk about

I LOVE those kinds of friends :)

Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: manchesteruk on February 22, 2007, 02:25:34 pm
I enjoyed reading that Benj I can certainly relate to that sometimes.  On the other hand though if i'm ever feeling a little down I think my mates can detect it and usually drag me down to the pub that soon sorts me out haha.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: aupointillimite on February 22, 2007, 02:29:54 pm
Most of my close friends are the same way so when we're together it's like family and we talk or don't talk ("and even after hours of not talking we can still find things to not talk about").

My friends hate soup and snow peas.   ;)

Damn them.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: Bucko on February 22, 2007, 02:46:14 pm
My friends hate soup and snow peas.   ;)

Damn them.

I adore both soup and snow peas, but loathe "drop-ins". It's the height of effrontery.

Brent
(Who is known for his manners)
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: Miss Philicia on February 22, 2007, 02:58:29 pm
People in NYC do not do "drop ins."
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: aupointillimite on February 22, 2007, 03:24:03 pm
People in NYC do not do "drop ins."

People around here don't do it either... it was so weird, that's why I'm writing about it.   Maybe it's a city thing.  Or an East Coast thing.  I don't know.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: Tucsonwoody on February 22, 2007, 03:30:11 pm
Yup - I am in the "don't ever come over without notice" camp.  Back when I had friends, I made a point of telling them I wouldn't answer the door or tell the guard at the entrance (when I was lucky enough to live in a gated place) to let them in.

Hmmm....wonder if that's why there's no more friends?  But I like my monkish life too.  Oh and I love caller ID...the equivalent of the guarded entrance!
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: Miss Philicia on February 22, 2007, 03:32:08 pm
People around here don't do it either... it was so weird, that's why I'm writing about it.   Maybe it's a city thing.  Or an East Coast thing.  I don't know.
Oh no girl... it's very much a Virginia thing.  Happens constantly in my family and at my grandmother's.   My grandmother always had a ham in the fridge for such occasions.

Anyway, what do you know about the South?  You're a half-Jew from NYC.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: aupointillimite on February 22, 2007, 03:33:56 pm
Oh no girl... it's very much a Virginia thing.  Happens constantly in my family and at my grandmother's.   My grandmother always had a ham in the fridge for such occasions.

Yeah... but that's rural Virginia.  You know we have nothing to do with their odd folkways.

Of course, my friend is a "county person" as we call them...
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: aupointillimite on February 22, 2007, 03:46:50 pm
Anyway, what do you know about the South?  You're a half-Jew from NYC.

I just saw this, and I am completely and totally offended.  You know how sensitive I am. 

I'm crying.  Squish squish.

I'm not from New York!  I'm from that great focus of Southern culture... Virginia Beach. 

That's the paradox of living in Virginia... people expect you to be all Southern... when you've spent most of your life in Northern Virginia, Hampton Roads, and Richmond. 

With a Jewish father from New York, and a mother from DC.

We call it Southern Yankee.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: Queen Tokelove on February 22, 2007, 03:49:13 pm
Thanks for this thread,Benj. I needed to see this because today definitely isn't a good day for me. Back to the topic, I have rules like that for my house too. I don't answer the phone if it's not a number I don't recognize and if you don't leave a message, you will not get a call back. I even made a message saying so but in a very rude way. I think I can say it has developed into a pet peeve. I do not accept the drop ins either, although it is kinda hard to drop in on me because I live in a secured building. Although, every now and again someone will slip by without buzzing me. I also have 2 tvs that are connected to the camera at the door.

Another commandment I have is that no one is to call me on a wrestling night. This is Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. And they know what time they come on. If someone calls they either get cussed out or the answering machine that is set to cuss you out....Beeeeeep. ;D
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: Miss Philicia on February 22, 2007, 03:49:27 pm
I thought your father was from near the pickle place on the Lower East Side.  Did your mother actually grow up in DC?
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: bear60 on February 22, 2007, 03:51:17 pm
We still dont know why he dropped by...or did I miss something.  Did you bother to ask him if there was something on his mind? 
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: aupointillimite on February 22, 2007, 03:54:18 pm
I thought your father was from near the pickle place on the Lower East Side.  Did your mother actually grow up in DC?

He is from the Lower East Side.

My mom is from Arlington... within spitting distance of the Tidal Pool... but since most people can't be bothered to learn the names of the approximately 14,000 place names in the DC area, it's a lot easier to say "DC."
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: aupointillimite on February 22, 2007, 03:54:52 pm
We still dont know why he dropped by...or did I miss something.  Did you bother to ask him if there was something on his mind? 

No, I didn't, actually.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: Boo Radley on February 22, 2007, 04:08:01 pm
I'm crying.  Squish squish.

Sweetie-darling!  You know I can't do that tears thing like you do...

Quote
That's the paradox of living in Virginia... people expect you to be all Southern...

It's also a paradox of being from New Orleans, which is not part of the traditional South.  On almost every business trip I took to the East Coast one or more new acquaintances would say "But you don't have a Southern accent."  Quite often I replied "No, I speak queen's English."  but the hearer didn't get it.  Luckily I no longer have business trips to make.

Boo
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: aupointillimite on February 22, 2007, 04:15:40 pm
Sweetie-darling!  You know I can't do that tears thing like you do...

It's also a paradox of being from New Orleans, which is not part of the traditional South.  On almost every business trip I took to the East Coast one or more new acquaintances would say "But you don't have a Southern accent."  Quite often I replied "No, I speak queen's English."  but the hearer didn't get it.  Luckily I no longer have business trips to make.

Boo

See, Virginia used to be part of the South... capital of the Confederacy, etc... but demographic changes and population increases have rooted the state's urban areas more or less firmly to the BosWash. 

There's an interesting hybrid East Coast-Southern culture in the cities... with the Southern being removed more and more each year... but I do meet some provinicial people from the North who are still surprised that I don't have an accent or chec tabaccy or something like that. 
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: ACinKC on February 22, 2007, 04:33:04 pm
DUDE, your married to Liz.  Whether you know it or not.  Youre STRAIGHT!  AND MARRIED.



[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: aupointillimite on February 22, 2007, 04:35:45 pm
DUDE, your married to Liz.  Whether you know it or not.  Youre STRAIGHT!  AND MARRIED.

We were talking about this today and decided that we are, in fact, married.

We act like a fucking married couple... down to finishing each others' sentences.  Except... you know... without the sex part.

And you, AC, are hot.  Oh yes.

Forward my picture to Mrs. AC please.  I'd like to see if I meet up to her high standards.   ;D
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: ACinKC on February 22, 2007, 04:39:15 pm
Well that wasnt me.  Have to admit.  But yeah I'm hot.  And if you're in town I'll definitely get the hookup for ya.  I'll tell her its mandatory!
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: ACinKC on February 22, 2007, 04:40:03 pm
We act like a fucking married couple... down to finishing each others' sentences.  Except... you know... without the sex part.


THAT is how you know FOR SURE youre married! 
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: aupointillimite on February 22, 2007, 04:42:16 pm
Well that wasnt me.  Have to admit.  But yeah I'm hot.  And if you're in town I'll definitely get the hookup for ya.  I'll tell her its mandatory!

Ha ha ha!

Brilliant!

And I trust that you're hot.

I am buying plane tickets right now.   :D

P.S. I'll call before coming over.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: fearless on February 22, 2007, 05:13:31 pm
My flatmate and I don't do drop-ins either.
Unfortunately, he has one very rude friend, who calls first and then when we don't answer the phone comes over and pounds away on the door. Agh!!!
He gets testy and agitated if we're not paying him sufficient attention.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: fondeveau on February 22, 2007, 07:25:16 pm
Visiting cards also known as calling cards first appeared in China in the 15th century, and in Europe in the 17th century. The footmen of aristocrats and of royalty would deliver these first European visiting cards to the servants of their prospective hosts solemnly introducing the arrival of their owners.
Visiting cards became an indispensable tool of etiquette, with sophisticated rules governing their use. The essential convention was that one person would not expect to see another person in their own home (unless invited or introduced) without first leaving their visiting card with the person at their home. Upon leaving the card, they would not expect to be admitted at first, but might receive a card at their own home in response. This would serve as a signal that a personal visit and meeting at home would not be unwelcome. On the other hand, if no card was forthcoming in return, or if a card was sent in an envelope, a personal visit was thereby discouraged. As an adoption from French and English etiquette, visiting cards became common amongst the aristocracy of America and Europe. The whole procedure depended upon there being servants to open the door and receive the cards and it was, therefore, confined to the social classes which employed servants.
Some visiting cards included refined engraved ornaments and fantastic coats of arms. However, the standard form visiting card in the 19th century in the United Kingdom was a plain card with nothing more than the bearer's name on it. Sometimes the name of a gentleman's club might be added, but addresses were not otherwise included.
The visiting card is no longer the universal feature of upper middle class and upper class life that it once was in Europe and North America. Much more common is the business card, in which contact details, including address and telephone number, are essential. This has led to the inclusion of such details even on modern domestic visiting cards, a practice endorsed by modern books of etiquette, such as Debrett's New Etiquette.

Let's resurrect the social graces.  Edited to add: You and roomie can swap serving each other.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: aupointillimite on February 22, 2007, 07:32:41 pm
That's so cool!

I am such a giant dork...  :D
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: fondeveau on February 22, 2007, 07:50:00 pm
I love you so.

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: aupointillimite on February 22, 2007, 07:50:48 pm
I'm like a singing telegram.

Only replace "singing" with "complimentary."

And "telegram" with "prostitute."
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: allopathicholistic on February 22, 2007, 08:00:03 pm
He finally left, and Liz turned to me and said, "Man... we are some boring fucks."

Bwahahahahh!!!!!!  :D  :D

Yeah, this is the age of not just cellphones - but TELEPHONES too! Hello?!  :D

Oh, yeah, SVU ... Chris Melonilicious  :P
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: Miss Philicia on February 22, 2007, 08:27:56 pm
DUDE, your married to Liz.  Whether you know it or not.  Youre STRAIGHT!  AND MARRIED.



Ah so that's what a man look like who has a wife that fucks him with strap-ons.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: ACinKC on February 22, 2007, 08:34:38 pm
That wasnt me.  But whats got two thumbs and is going to get pounded tomorrow night by the wife or an anonymous top?

THIS GUY!!!
(http://leildavid.com/resources/_wsb_467x620_DSCN0489.JPG)
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: aupointillimite on February 22, 2007, 08:35:43 pm
You're hot and wearing a Trek shirt?

Pick me!  Pick me!  Pick me!
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: allopathicholistic on February 22, 2007, 08:38:26 pm
I always knew the west was wild!
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: jyngfilm on February 22, 2007, 09:23:49 pm
dilythiam crystals my ass, that dudes hot. lefty's need not apply.

~ha. ~jordon
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: Miss Philicia on February 22, 2007, 09:45:02 pm
fucking trekkies
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: aupointillimite on February 22, 2007, 09:45:28 pm
fucking trekkies
... is hot.

Make it so.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: ManISOMan on February 24, 2007, 07:08:37 am
After reading your story...........I sat here and typed my own story about a neighbor/friend.  it included a necklance, a stained glass window, and one late night impromptu visit made by aforementioned neighbor.  And, a reciprocal late night impromptu visit that would never be made by me, as I knew it would not be welcomed. 

Anyway, bing, bang, boom...........when the neighbor came to see the stained glass window hanging, she saw the necklace, purchased it later for a real bargain, agreed  to go bowling and never did.  And all this after a late night visit made in an inebriated state, which I knew better than to ever return.

Then, I proceed to include photos of the necklace and stained glass window, only to receive a message that my file is too large.  I use the prompt to go back...................lo, and behold my story is no longer there.

But, my point, which I'll make right here, is........................I only wish I had so many friends that I could put one off.  And no that isn't really my wish.................it's absolute sarcasm. 

Go ahead, think what you will of me...........................but I'd love nothing more than to have a friend that felt like they could just stop by, any time.  Once upon a time, I had a friend that I could call at any time, and even when he'd have to get up early for work, he'd answer the phone and speak with me.  And, that worked both ways!  Time didn't matter, it was our friendship that mattered. 

My friend in the story that didn't get posted, couldn't find time to just go bowling with me. 

Sincerely,
Scott
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: ManISOMan on February 24, 2007, 07:12:23 am
Neckace in story!

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: ManISOMan on February 24, 2007, 08:05:31 am
I don't know if anyone here will recall or has ever seen an old black and white film called, "The Slender Thread."  It's small cast included Sidney Poitier, Anne Bancroft, and Telly Savalas. 

Anne Bancroft's character was married to a fisherman and they had a son.  I'm not sure of the exact circumstances, but I believe that somehow the fisherman finds out that the son he always thought was his, isn't his son.  He has to leave to go out on the sea, and his very angry with his wife.

She is so distraught that her husband has left and is angry with her.  She wants to explain what has happened.  Well, since he is gone, she keeps trying to talk with people about her situation.  No one will take the time to listen. 

She finally decides to go to a hotel and take an overdose of pills and calls a suicide hotline to speak with someone and that person is a student working that hotline played by Sidney Poitier, who in turn calls the doctor on duty, that happens to be Telly Savalas.  They can tell by her breathing that they don't have a lot of time to trace the call to try to find her, as it wasn't so easy in the old days to trace a call. 

All, the Anne Bancroft's character needes was to speak to someone.  Before going to the hotel, she tried speaking to get her husband on the phone and she couldn't. She had to go to work, couldn't concentrate and all of her coworkers were too busy to talk, and she left work. She searched for her son and found him with his friends surrounding a dying bird, she then went to a hospital, just to speak to someone.  They told her to fill out some forms first.  Well, she didn't go there to fill out forms, she needed someone to listen. 

Yes, this is just a movie...................but gosh some of you seem so cold about your impromptu visits and your rules.........................and you're all entitled............................but sometimes, you do need someone to listen or pay attention.

Sorry, I may not have presented my story as eloquently as the first person...................it's just that my mother did kill herself when I was fifteen...........................and when I got home from my job at the sub-shop that night I remember how I heard her breathing.  I grew up in a small rowhome.  I had asked my Dad what was wrong and he just said that my mother wasn't feeling well.  Well, I went to bed and remember asking in prayer for God not to let my mother die..........I didn't even think my mother had been deathly ill as I had no reason to think so. I was awakened to find paramedics trying to revive my mother in the upstairs hallway outside my bedroom.  She was already dead. 

I just don't think we should so easily ignore others.  You never know what a person may be going through or what they may need. 

Sorry if my story seems a bit severe in response to something perhaps not so severe, but it is what it is.  Not trying to win any applause for this posting.
Title: Re: Unexpected Visitors
Post by: 020501 on February 24, 2007, 10:42:22 am
people should call first, yet i envy your problem.  i'd love to have a friend that wanted to come over and hang out for a while.  consider yourself blessed.