Nervous about recent experience, seek guidance.

[ucrick]

Good Morning, Thank you for having this Forum, it has been helpful as I have read through many of your postings and topic pages.  Insightful and direct in terms of information...it's great. 

Here is my dilemma.  I am bisexual, in a committed relationship for 15 years.  In these 15 years I have had some outside oral fun, fewer than 10 incidents 7 without ejaculation in my mouth.  That is neither here nor there, since I understand the statistics on oral sex and HIV.  My issue is that I have had a friend for about 10 years, he is older and is a Top, and he too is in a committed relation going on 15 years with another man.  We have enjoyed time together playing in some S/m type situations - some of these have led to oral again, without ejaculation.  Recently in January he penetrated me for the first time, I thought with a condom, but it was in fact bareback. He did not ejaculate inside of me, we  fucked for 5 minutes, off and on, and it is probably worth mentioning that he has a condition which prevents him from creating pre-cum.  In ten years of playing with him, I admit to never seeing pre cum ... and he has told me several times when I have commented about this, that he just doesn't create any, "never have."  He is tested negative, (he reports to me that he tests 2x annually as does his partne)r, both are reportedly negative.  I have not personally seen these results, but I also don think I have a reason to do so, or to questions their validity.  He has never shown me that he lies or takes risks himself.  In fact he tends to be uber concerned when he hears I have oral with other men.  Again, we have a friendship dating back 10 years and this is the only time he has penetrated me.

It has been an excruciating several weeks since this event.  I feel guilt over having allowed him to bareback me, and have told him we can no longer engage in that.  He confirmed again that he is negative, and I should not be concerned, but the guilt and anguish is killing me inside.

Am I at risk in this situation?  I am not sure I am, I keep talking this through my head, and some days I am confident I am not, others I am terrified I am. 

Thanks for any thoughts, and insights.  I appreciate your comments.

Rick

[Jeff G]

As you know already unprotected anal or vaginal sex is a risk for HIV so the responsible thing to do is to test at 6 weeks and again at 3 months .

I did read your concerns carefully but the only good advise to give to any one who has engaged in unprotected penetrative sex is to tell them to test . Because of window periods for HIV and the stigma around it the only HIV test you can ever trust is your own ... so do the right thing and go get tested .

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

[ucrick]

I took the Ora quick test and at 7 weeks it showed NEG, so I am pretty relieved.  I've heard mixed reviews on Ora Quick...can I believe the NEG at 7 weeks? I am hopeful I can put this behind me and move on...thanks!

[Jeff G]

I took the Ora quick test and at 7 weeks it showed NEG, so I am pretty relieved.  I've heard mixed reviews on Ora Quick...can I believe the NEG at 7 weeks? I am hopeful I can put this behind me and move on...thanks!

A 6 week or in your case a 7 week negative test is highly unlikely to change , they very rarely do . You still must test at 12 weeks for a conclusive result ... and yes you can trust the results of the oraquick test you took .

[Ann]

Rick,

You need to confirm your negative result at the three month point before you can "move on" from this incident.

And please learn from this. Someone may tell you that they are hiv negative and they might truly believe that - but if they're barebacking with you, who knows who else they've been barebacking with. They could be hiv positive and be totally unaware of it. Just be safe and protect yourself by insisting on condoms and checking for yourself that they're being used.

Ann