Don't know what else to say...

[Eyesing]

...that hasn't already been said!  I was infected around February of this year, had a really annoying seroconversion combined with one of my bi-annual sinus infections about a month later, and finally got the nerve to get tested a couple of days ago.  I've been stressing out about it for months, so finally told myself that I just have to get in and get tested so I can do what I need to do.

When I got my oraquik test the guy set it on the table in front of us and started asking me questions for the paperwork.  That was awful!!!  I sat there answering his questions watching the line next to C (control) appear... and slowly but surely the line next to T (test) come into view.  I finally had to interrupt his questions and make him tell me I was positive.    I go back in on Tuesday to get my blood tests done... and with my stomach rather upset for the last month or so (it doesn't feel like my normal stomach problems related to anxiety, so of course I am assuming already that it is symptomatic HIV *sigh*), but it isn't awful either... but it's something else to worry about... so I'm so scared already... HIV+ I handled surprisingly well... but if my numbers come back all crazy I will be a basket case!

Oh and I've apparently gone from being a social smoker to being a pack-a-day smoker overnight. haha  That should stop on Tuesday when I see the psychiatrist (after the doctor) and get back on xanax and zoloft. heh

Thanks for letting me ramble... and I'm so glad I found this place... I hope to get to know you all very well in the coming months and years.

(maybe I'll post my first name at a later date... I'm still too paranoid  )

[RapidRod]

Was a confirmative test done? Don't count yourself as being positive until you have had the confirmative test ran. False positives are known to happen and you just might be one of the lucky ones. Good luck to you.

[Eyesing]

Hey if I was younger and more naive I might take some false-hope from your message... that's kind of mean.

But yea they did take the blood for a confirmatory test... I get that result in a week or two.  But seriously... there were about 3 factors that all lined up right according to the textbook that made me know deep down inside what the result was going to be.  Actually it was weird... normally on the way to get tested I am always saying something like, "Please just let me be negative this time and I swear I will never slip up again!"  But this time... I don't know, I couldn't even say that, I just knew.

*sigh* ok, i guess I can't bring myself to talk about it much past that right now...

[Andy Velez]

Eye, well I can appreciate that you don't feel much like talking right now. But as with many things related to this new situation in your life, that may very well change. And we'll be here. You're welcome here to ask questions and to talk about anything you want to.

Right now living with HIV may feel huge, overwhelming and sad. Gradually you're going to see that your life is going to go on and that it's not all going to be about HIV. It is important to make sure you have a good doctor with whom you can be a partner in keeping you healthy.

You might want to check out some of our lessons to get some basic information. Take things for now at your own pace and pop in here whenever you want to.   

Again, welcome.

[hotpuppy]

Congratulations on taking the first step to being in control.  It's often hard to go and get tested, but it's the first step to not letting HIV run your life.  You have to be diagnosed before you can treat it.

Treatment is the path to long term survival for 99.5% of us.  Diagnosis is not the end of the world, although it may feel like it for a few weeks. 

At best you'll be neg and come out of this with a new appreciation for safe sex.  Even if you come back poz you can enjoy a normal lifespan with normal problems like high blood pressure, arthritits, etc.  yea, who thought anyone would ever "enjoy" those things? 

It's important that you create a social network.  This site can help to a certain extent, but it's not a substitute for live people. 
1. Look for a counselor / therapist.  This is a neutral person who will listen and help you make constructive decisions. It requires your participation, but it's a safe place to talk and get it off your chest.  Most ASO's provide this as part of testing.  Testing is always coupled with counseling.

2. If you do find out you are poz, look for social activities with other poz guys.  There is NOTHING that helped me more than seeing 30, 50, or 150 other poz guys at a social, campout, or other function.  Knowing that others have been where I'm at and moved on for 10, 20 or more years is the single most empowering thing that happened to me.  If they can live a full life, than I can do it too.

3. Besides opening your eyes to the full life you can have, it helps to have friends who have HIV.  I enjoy being able to call up a friend and ask an HIV related question. 

4. Dont' write off your dating and social life.  Yes, you may find some ignorant people who have an issue with your status.  Move on from them, they can do you no good.  There are still plenty of really nice, hot guys and gals who are poz.  Being HIV positive forces you to realize the scarcity of life and appreciate each day and each opportunity.  I personally feel like this makes me more alive than I was before.  I used to trudge through things and not really take time to appreciate life.  Now I put more emphasis on having fun, being happy, and doing what I want to do.