Author Topic: Interesting Story to Share (Read 18752 times)

egello · « **on:** October 06, 2007, 01:02:29 pm »

Hi

Last weekend, I hooked up with this guy on line. He was hot and amazing in bed. (Yes I do play outside my current roller coaster relationship, and please don't judge me for it, that isn't the point of this story!)

The next day, he IMs me to see how I was and etc... and we started talking. Before signing out, he asked me if I was negative, clean and etc... I tired to avoid the question by asking him some other random questions and I just told him that I was "Clean" which I was. I ended the conversation really fast and logged off. I felt really really bad, so I logged back on, and told him that I was a pozie and that I felt really really bad and blah blah blah blah. He wasn't happy and responded back saying that we will not be hooking up again and that he wouldn't have hooked up with me if he knew and that I should have given him the option to decide whether we were going to fuck or not.

I FELT HORRIBLE!

So I wrote him back, telling him how horrible I felt and how much it hurts that he responded such way since I haven't been rejected like so blatantly before. He must have felt bad, he writes me back again and started to chat. He asked me a whole bunch of questions, and I explained it all to him very carefully and honestly. Neg people just have no clue no matter how old they are or the kind of place they live in where in the gay are of S/D supposedly 50 percent of people are pozie. Soon or later, we were humping again, safely of course...

I guess sort of happy ending story.

milker · « **Reply #1 on:** October 06, 2007, 01:45:06 pm »

But were you erect?

Milker.

egello · « **Reply #2 on:** October 06, 2007, 02:30:08 pm »

NO, but to him, it was ok, he was Topping

camille07 · « **Reply #3 on:** October 06, 2007, 04:21:40 pm »

Quote from: milker on October 06, 2007, 01:45:06 pm

But were you erect?

Milker.

next2u · « **Reply #4 on:** October 06, 2007, 05:36:37 pm »

milker-- you are too funny.

e -- i don't think it's right for you not to disclose your status to your sexual partners, especially if they ask you. i wouldn't have turned down a poz guy, its just information we need to know and share.

i'm glad this worked out for you, but in the future (personally) i don't think it is ethical to deceive someone for something as insignificant as an orgasm.

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #5 on:** October 06, 2007, 05:39:00 pm »

Actually Next, Eggy said:

I felt really really bad, so I logged back on, and told him that I was a pozie and that I felt really really bad and blah blah blah blah. He wasn't happy and responded back saying that we will not be hooking up again and that he wouldn't have hooked up with me if he knew and that I should have given him the option to decide whether we were going to fuck or not.

. . . so let's not finger wag too much, shall we?

MtD

leatherman · « **Reply #6 on:** October 06, 2007, 05:54:44 pm »

Quote from: matty.the.damned on October 06, 2007, 05:39:00 pm

. . . so let's not finger wag too much, shall we?

sorry, but i gotta agree with next2u on this. I think it's bit unethical to not disclose, not to mention dangerous, and perhaps unlawful. Unfortunately, by the time egello had fessed up, it was after the fact. Even though he side-stepped the issue at first with his "clean" reply (it was nearly a "lie by omission"), at least it sounds like he played safe.

thunter34 · « **Reply #7 on:** October 06, 2007, 05:57:11 pm »

Quote from: leatherman on October 06, 2007, 05:54:44 pm

Unfortunately, by the time egello had fessed up, it was after the fact.

By the time the guy even asked, it was after that fact.

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #8 on:** October 06, 2007, 05:59:28 pm »

Oh puh-leeeze!

Since when did we become responsible for other people's sexual health? Irrespective of Eggy's disclosure stuff, the obligation (and I'm aware of the legal aspects) was on the other fellow to ensure he practised safer sex.

MtD

leatherman · « **Reply #9 on:** October 06, 2007, 06:15:12 pm »

Quote from: thunter34 on October 06, 2007, 05:57:11 pm

By the time the guy even asked, it was after that fact.

ah, i see that you are correct.

I hope your new friend watches out, egello. Asking after the fact is never going to prevent him from getting infected.

IMHO I think the responsibility lies with both people. People should be smart enough to ask first. On the other side, out of common decency, I think people should disclose. You'll cover your mouth when you cough, so you don't spread cold germs; but you won't disclose about this? HIV has a lot more ramifications that a simple cold germ.

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #10 on:** October 06, 2007, 06:16:59 pm »

You'll cover your mouth when you cough, so you don't spread cold germs; but you won't disclose about this? HIV has a lot more ramifications that a simple cold germ.

And a cold germ is far more infectious than HIV, I really don't think the two are comparable.

MtD

newt · « **Reply #11 on:** October 06, 2007, 06:23:58 pm »

The last time sommat like this happened to me, oh so long ago now, I got the response "I don't believe you". This was qualified (cos I asked why) to "I don't wanna believe you, I don't want to believe HIV could be part of my life" (or words to that exact effect). This guy was pushing for condomless sex too. hmmm. We still shagged (with a condom but not for want of him trying to bin it).

Even though I was once negative, I really do not fathom the mind of many negative blokes. Me (past me) included. I fucked around, oh so safe, but fucked my boyf I knew was positive bare. We were well up for it and it was a special day. I would do it again I guess. Sommat about being in love.

I still have my lets-give-out-condoms-in-a-backroom-bar promo T that says DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL, FUCK SAFE, STAY WELL << it was the late 80s, and I didn't write the slogan and we was trying hard to help. Many people here who are positive now were negative once and DIDN'T WANNA ASK ABOUT HIV STATUS or TOOK A CHANCE or WOULD HAVE SAID NO IF WE KNEW HE WAS POSITIVE BUT DECIDED IT WAS TOO REAL TO TALK ABOUT (PLUS HE LOOKS FIT & I'M HORNY & MY PARTNER'S AWAY ON BUSINESS SO I BETTER GET IT IN etc)

...I am reminded of that saying "People in glasshouses.."

This seems an all to human story, and kinda rings true << and well there you go mr-no-dirty-boyz was "lying" to himself cos he did hook up with our-friend-is-positive E again. Hook-ups and disclosure, messy business, steps towards mutual honesty, not a straight line. Just saying. There are many things I'd like to know about a casual shag like does he have a girlfriend/boyfriend? is he a psycho? sometimes you get the chance to ask/tell, sometimes not.

Thanls for posting Eg.

- matt

leatherman · « **Reply #12 on:** October 06, 2007, 06:27:35 pm »

Quote from: matty.the.damned on October 06, 2007, 06:16:59 pm

And a cold germ is far more infectious than HIV, I really don't think the two are comparable.

Granted HIV is less infectious; but it's a lot deadlier too.

Sorry, I didn't really mean to start something here; but sI do believe that some of onus has to be on "us" to help prevent the spread of this too.

David_CA · « **Reply #13 on:** October 06, 2007, 09:24:06 pm »

So, we shouldn't disclose, but should play safely instead? What if the condom breaks or slips off. What do we say then ... "Oh, I'm positive, but, well, at least I tried". That's not cool. Even if one doesn't bring up the disclosure conversation, one definitely shouldn't lie about it when asked directly. We all know what 'clean' means. I agree that people should protect themselves when they're negative, but that sure doesn't give us permission to flat-out lie about our status when a (soon to be) partner asks us.

David

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #14 on:** October 06, 2007, 11:48:23 pm »

This post constitutes an Original Matty the Damned Angry Rant^TM. If you're too much of a pussy to hack it, then skip on over to the next thread.

Bah to the culture of enforced disclosure, I say!

Herein lies the rub:

I do believe that some of onus has to be on "us" to help prevent the spread of this too.

Despite Leatherman's Parkeresque wordplay, it seems to me that all of the onus rests on poz people, whilst the neggies get to parade around with nary a regard for their own sexual health.

And when, through their own genitally driven stupidity, they end up with a dose, there's hell to pay for the evil AIDS spreader who is solely responsible because he or she failed to disclose. Of course it doesn't matter that the former neggie was too fucking ignorant to wear a condom.

Fuck that shit.

Disclosure laws do nada to prevent the spread of HIV, and if you don't believe me check the infection rates in jurisdictions that have them. I doubt you'll be able to demonstrate any co-relation between the two.

But if we have to have disclosure laws, why should they focus on us poz bodz? As a wise woman mentioned to me the other day, it should be a criminal offence for HIV negative people to solicit or have unprotected sex with a positive person.

That would make the morons take responsibility since, if they still refuse to rubber up, it's Sustiva, social disgrace and 5-10 in the state pen for them.

And don't start with that "it's about safer sex education" stuff either.

Quite frankly unless you've been living in a desert village in India, under a rock or in a single wide in the swamp country of Arkansas for the last 25 years, you've got no excuse for not understanding that condoms, correctly used, prevent HIV transmission.

So next time, when someone after receiving the bad test result news bleats "but I didn't know he had HIV" you can say:

"Well you fucking know now, don't you?"

Here endeth the rant.

MtD

woodshere · « **Reply #15 on:** October 07, 2007, 12:09:28 am »

matty, makes some very valid points. This whole issue really divides me in half. My heart says that we are responsible for one another and therefore even if the other party doesn't want to protect themselves then we should insist or not partake. However, my thinking side says that there should be some personal responsiblitiy and if a neggie knowingly has unsafe sex with a poz guy or doesn't bother to ask and just backs his ass up to a glory hole to let whoever fuck him, then obviously they just don't care or just don't have a clue. But when push comes to shove my heart wins out, doesn't make me any better than someone who does what my thinking side thinks, it's just who I am. This really adds nothing to the discussion other than to say it is possible to feel both ways.

Woods

milker · « **Reply #16 on:** October 07, 2007, 12:17:35 am »

The issue is not about disclosing when having safe sex. The issue is that he lied when was asked if he was "clean". He lied and I think this is wrong.

Milker.

komnaes · « **Reply #17 on:** October 07, 2007, 12:19:34 am »

I agree that laws to make not disclosing a criminal offense do nothing, at worse it will even give the negative people an excuse. The problem with such laws lays in it false justification - oh well, since education doesn't seem to work, we should stop the pozzies from infecting other people.

If we accept that the responsibility lays entirely on us, what you can expect to see next is something like the recent attempt by the Singapore government to make it a criminal offense to not disclose even when someone ONLY has reasons to believe that he/she might be HIV+. The justification - oh well, since the original laws don't seem to cover those "mystical negative" people who are still having unsafe sex, they should also be held responsible.

From this point you can never tell how far the government can go law-making wise once we accept the "onus" is entirely on us. It reinforces the social stigma of HIV and allows the government to protrait us HIVers as some sort of evil, diseased monsters who are out there to spread the virus and harm "innocent" people.

However, I do think there's a moral responsibility on our part to disclose if the sex involves any riskier behaviors, and I do believe in "bad karma". If I do anything without disclosure it will be something that I am sure is entirely safe, restricting myself to hand jobs and giving blowjobs. I will tell if it goes any further than that not only because I do have a moral responsibility, but more of not wanting some bad karma to come back and bite my ass, which is no good for me mentally and hurt my CD4 count.

Shaun

David_CA · « **Reply #18 on:** October 07, 2007, 12:23:11 am »

Quote from: milker on October 07, 2007, 12:17:35 am

The issue is not about disclosing when having safe sex. The issue is that he lied when was asked if he was "clean". He lied and I think this is wrong.

Milker.

Exactly.

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #19 on:** October 07, 2007, 12:25:26 am »

So David and Milker think lying is wrong? So what? I think black is a bad colour on Rosie O'Donnell but that doesn't stop the fat cow wearing it.

If a person believes some trick they met over Teh Intahnetz or a truck stop toilet (the distinction is slight) when they claim to be "clean" and proceed to fuck pink on pink then they deserve everything they get.

Yes, even anal warts.

The point is expecting someone to tell the truth won't protect you against AIDS. Insisting on safer sex is the only thing that will do that. You can't sit in the VD clinic and say to the doctor

"Oh no, that positive result doesn't apply to me. He told me he was clean."

MtD

milker · « **Reply #20 on:** October 07, 2007, 12:35:15 am »

Obviously I got infected by someone who either lied or lied by omission. I realize I'm 100% responsible of my infection and I've never said I blamed the person who infected me. Now that I am infected, I have always disclosed, except for the infamous week after knowledge of my status which triggered the I've been bad thread. Expecting someone to tell the truth is not the way to protect yourself, for sure. Telling the truth, to me is important. If I end up jacking off alone because I disclosed, then be it.

Milker.

jkinatl2 · « **Reply #21 on:** October 07, 2007, 12:38:13 am »

Quote from: matty.the.damned on October 07, 2007, 12:25:26 am

If a person believes some trick they met over Teh Intahnetz or a truck stop toilet (the distinction is slight) when they claim to be "clean" and proceed to fuck pink on pink then they deserve everything they get.
MtD

A post so nice, it needs posting twice.

milker · « **Reply #22 on:** October 07, 2007, 12:42:51 am »

And let me add something because obviously this question of disclosure has been a problem for me since infection.

Matty I totally agree with you when it comes to the point where you've done your job and if the boy still wants it bareback then fuck it, let's do it and it's his problem. I've been in this situation already. I totally agree that there is a level of responsibility you have as an HIV+ person, but there are situations when if the partner doesn't get it then this is not your problem and you should enjoy the fuck and be it.

Milker.

egello · « **Reply #23 on:** October 07, 2007, 01:34:50 am »

Leave me the mommy whale alone!

In any case, to clarify, no question was asked at first because he was horned up like crazy, and he only asked the next day if I was negative AND clean. In this case, being negative refers to HIV and clean refers to herpies, warts and etc...

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #24 on:** October 07, 2007, 01:38:34 am »

Eggy,

This time Matty the Damned is on your side, it's those other old shiksas who are on your case.

MtD

milker · « **Reply #25 on:** October 07, 2007, 01:45:40 am »

so the question is back to deciding to disclose if you had protected sex and there was no incident. Tough. I haven't been in that situation yet so I don't know.

Milker.

egello · « **Reply #26 on:** October 07, 2007, 01:47:33 am »

oh,, lol, thanks aunty, is that because i complimented on how you looked in that picture? i thought you were red headed punk skin head with piercings....

anyways,,, its a weird proposition especially when one is the infect-ee vs. the infected, totally different mind set in terms of feeling guilt, responsibility, rebellion and honesty.

egello · « **Reply #27 on:** October 07, 2007, 01:51:52 am »

Quote from: milker on October 07, 2007, 01:45:40 am

so the question is back to deciding to disclose if you had protected sex and there was no incident. Tough. I haven't been in that situation yet so I don't know.

Milker.

No Comments! I agree with MTD! hurray

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #28 on:** October 07, 2007, 01:58:58 am »

No Comments! I agree with MTD! hurray

Everyone does eventually Kiddo.

MtD

David_CA · « **Reply #29 on:** October 07, 2007, 02:26:37 am »

Quote from: matty.the.damned on October 07, 2007, 12:25:26 am

So David and Milker think lying is wrong? So what? I think black is a bad colour on Rosie O'Donnell but that doesn't stop the fat cow wearing it.

Rosie's clothes don't make people physically sick... well, maybe, but not an infected kind of sick.

I guess I missed the part where Eg said that they played safely. I suppose telling oneself that it was the other person's fault might make them feel batter about not disclosing, if one happened to infect another person. As much as I hate these laws that require us to disclose, I can't help but think that lying and / or not disclosing will make us look even guiltier and more 'evil' (than some of us already are). If a person says they're negative, does that mean much, in terms of being reliable? No. If they say that they are HIV+... that would likely mean a lot. Hell, the person might also be HIV+, but you won't know if you don't ask.

I don't blame whoever infected me; I don't even know who it is. If I'd asked that person and he'd replied that he was HIV+, I seriously doubt I'd done anything but blow him or played safer. I guess that's the main point I'm trying to make. And yes, I think lying is wrong, and I doubt many think otherwise.

David

leatherman · « **Reply #30 on:** October 07, 2007, 02:45:45 am »

wow, i went away for a nice dinner and nite of cards with friends and y'all really went to town.

For the record, I never said anything about "disclosure laws".
(HIV a disease; not a crime)
Nor did I say that the responsibility fell ONLY the poz.

Everyone is responsible for their own health. Whether your partner(s) discloses or not, and whether they lie about it or not, the only good bet is safe sex. The best bet is no sex. But who the hell wants that?

[stepping onto my soapbox]

However, as a person with a communicable disease, I feel that morally (in an ethical way, not religious) it is up to me to take responsiblity too. Perhaps it's my Baptist upbringing ("being your brother's keeper") or perhaps it's just the simple humanity of not spreading a deadly disease.

I spent 10 lonely years after my partner died. My best friend through all those years desperately wanted us to have a real, full relationship; but I had a hard time making that leap. It's been enough of a mind-fuck worrying that I'm going to be putting him into the situation I was in - holding the hand of my lover as he uttered "love you" with his very last breath. I've been sick enough through the years that there's been a high probability of that happening.

Then there's worrying, that I could be the one to actually pass this disease to him. It's been fifteen horrible yrs of meds, hospitals, puking, grief and depression for me. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy; much less the person I love. We've only had safe sex, but there's always a little voice in the back of my head worrying if this could happen.

So from my point of view, I don't think it's ethical to not disclose, much less to lie about it. If a person was dumb enough to stand in front of me, as I held a gun in my hand, and I pulled the trigger, I'd be guilty of murder.

[leaving my soapbox]

I've stayed up way too late tonite and y'all have given me a lot to ponder (and worry about). I'm sorry Mtd but I think we'll just have to agree to disagree on this. I hope no hard feeling either.

woodshere · « **Reply #31 on:** October 07, 2007, 03:31:22 am »

Quote from: milker on October 07, 2007, 12:17:35 am

The issue is not about disclosing when having safe sex. The issue is that he lied when was asked if he was "clean". He lied and I think this is wrong.

Milker.

Isn't disclosure after the fact, whether the sex was safe or not, a little like trying put the country back in the girl after she has been in the city?

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #32 on:** October 07, 2007, 03:38:31 am »

Quote from: woodshere on October 07, 2007, 03:31:22 am

Isn't disclosure after the fact, whether the sex was safe or not, a little like trying put the country back in the girl after she has been in the city?

wut

Ann · « **Reply #33 on:** October 07, 2007, 07:40:59 am »

I think something that all too often gets lost in these discussions is what I think of as the "blind spot". I firmly believe the vast majority of new infections have been passed on by people who do not know their status.

Raise your hands - how many of you were diagnosed with numbers that indicated an established infection? With hindsight, I knew I'd been positive for four years before I got my diagnosis. If someone had asked my hiv status during that four years before diagnosis, I would have said I was negative. And believed it.

It's useless to ask a person's hiv status unless it's being done in the context of a monogamous relationship - and followed up with testing together. That's the cold, hard facts.

I'm in total agreement with the wise woman Matty mentioned and I'd take it one step further - I'd make it illegal for any hiv negative person to have unprotected intercourse with anyone, period, until such time as they're in a relationship and have tested together.

After all, if you're not wearing a seatbelt and get into a car accident, if you're alive to tell the tale afterwards, you just might find yourself with a fine for not wearing that seatbelt. There are already precedents in place that put the onus on the healthy person to protect their health. Why not here too?

I do agree that we, as positive people, do have a moral imperative to make sure our virus stops with us. But by the same token, it also means that hiv negative people not only have a moral imperative to protect themselves, but also to know their accurate status in the first place. Perhaps what is needed is mandatory testing - maybe that would be the thing to shake the world out of their complacency and get rid of the "blind spot" that is fueling the pandemic.

It's not hiv positive people who know their status who are creating the majority of new infections, it's the hiv negative people who are only hiv negative in their dreams.

Ann

David_CA · « **Reply #34 on:** October 07, 2007, 09:12:15 am »

Ann, I'll quote myself from above:

Quote

If a person says they're negative, does that mean much, in terms of being reliable? No. If they say that they are HIV+... that would likely mean a lot. That's why we should disclose. The fact that many don't know their HIV status just reinforces this.

It reminds me of that joke where 'no' means 'maybe' and 'maybe' means 'yes'. Saying one's negative means 'maybe I'm HIV+, I don't know'. I'll bet few 'fess up and say they're HIV+ when they're not. Us mentioning our status to them might just get them to play a little safer, or, even worse for us, not play at all. After all, one would have to almost want HIV if the person getting ready to bang 'em bare said he was HIV+.

I'm sure it's only going to get worse, in terms of HIV laws, before it gets better. The more we do the right thing, by disclosing and suggesting a condom, the less 'guilty' we look to the general public. I remember the last guy that asked when I'd last been tested. I told him when I last had labs done and that my numbers were definitely improving.

I'm not saying we're not responsible for everybody's health, but why wouldn't we look out for another person that we were considering as a sex partner? Just because somebody is stupid doesn't mean that they deserve to be HIV+.

You know, there was a guy riding a bike the other day. He turned onto the crosswalk right in front of me. I slammed on brakes and swerved to avoid him. Crosswalks are for pedestrians, not people on bikes, scooters, or any other device with wheels. I had the right of way. I didn't have to stop. Thinking back on it, maybe I should have just killed him with my truck instead; that would send out the 'right lesson' for people riding bikes; you aren't a pedestrian and don't have the right of way on crosswalks. I guess we're lead by our conscience less than I thought.

David

David

egello · « **Reply #35 on:** October 07, 2007, 11:01:20 am »

Quote from: Ann on October 07, 2007, 07:40:59 am

I think something that all too often gets lost in these discussions is what I think of as the "blind spot". I firmly believe the vast majority of new infections have been passed on by people who do not know their status.

Raise your hands - how many of you were diagnosed with numbers that indicated an established infection? With hindsight, I knew I'd been positive for four years before I got my diagnosis. If someone had asked my hiv status during that four years before diagnosis, I would have said I was negative. And believed it.

It's useless to ask a person's hiv status unless it's being done in the context of a monogamous relationship - and followed up with testing together. That's the cold, hard facts.

I'm in total agreement with the wise woman Matty mentioned and I'd take it one step further - I'd make it illegal for any hiv negative person to have unprotected intercourse with anyone, period, until such time as they're in a relationship and have tested together.

After all, if you're not wearing a seatbelt and get into a car accident, if you're alive to tell the tale afterwards, you just might find yourself with a fine for not wearing that seatbelt. There are already precedents in place that put the onus on the healthy person to protect their health. Why not here too?

I do agree that we, as positive people, do have a moral imperative to make sure our virus stops with us. But by the same token, it also means that hiv negative people not only have a moral imperative to protect themselves, but also to know their accurate status in the first place. Perhaps what is needed is mandatory testing - maybe that would be the thing to shake the world out of their complacency and get rid of the "blind spot" that is fueling the pandemic.

It's not hiv positive people who know their status who are creating the majority of new infections, it's the hiv negative people who are only hiv negative in their dreams.

Ann

AMEN!

Really, I think they should make Versatiles illegal. You know, without them, there will be FAR less incidents of hiv spreading!

j/k

egello · « **Reply #36 on:** October 07, 2007, 11:04:18 am »

Quote from: David_NC on October 07, 2007, 09:12:15 am

Ann, I'll quote myself from above:
It reminds me of that joke where 'no' means 'maybe' and 'maybe' means 'yes'. Saying one's negative means 'maybe I'm HIV+, I don't know'. I'll bet few 'fess up and say they're HIV+ when they're not. Us mentioning our status to them might just get them to play a little safer, or, even worse for us, not play at all. After all, one would have to almost want HIV if the person getting ready to bang 'em bare said he was HIV+.

I'm sure it's only going to get worse, in terms of HIV laws, before it gets better. The more we do the right thing, by disclosing and suggesting a condom, the less 'guilty' we look to the general public. I remember the last guy that asked when I'd last been tested. I told him when I last had labs done and that my numbers were definitely improving.

I'm not saying we're not responsible for everybody's health, but why wouldn't we look out for another person that we were considering as a sex partner? Just because somebody is stupid doesn't mean that they deserve to be HIV+.

You know, there was a guy riding a bike the other day. He turned onto the crosswalk right in front of me. I slammed on brakes and swerved to avoid him. Crosswalks are for pedestrians, not people on bikes, scooters, or any other device with wheels. I had the right of way. I didn't have to stop. Thinking back on it, maybe I should have just killed him with my truck instead; that would send out the 'right lesson' for people riding bikes; you aren't a pedestrian and don't have the right of way on crosswalks. I guess we're lead by our conscience less than I thought.

David

David

Maybe thats why I haven't been able to get an erection, because of that subconscious guilt feeling... I should see how it works if I have sex with HIV poz person,,, haven't done that since I tested poz.

David_CA · « **Reply #37 on:** October 07, 2007, 01:28:50 pm »

Quote from: egello on October 07, 2007, 11:04:18 am

Maybe thats why I haven't been able to get an erection, because of that subconscious guilt feeling... I should see how it works if I have sex with HIV poz person,,, haven't done that since I tested poz.

Definitely try to have sex with another POZ® person... it can certainly be less stressful! I had a guy disclose to me not long ago that I already knew was HIV+. I told him it was ok and that I knew (we'd seen a couple of his profiles online, but didn't know him from online.) He was surprised and a bit worried that we'd heard it from somebody else... kinda like people are talking, etc. I explained how I knew and that I was HIV+ too. I could tell he was relieved; his eyes lit up and, well, he was even more excited. We discussed our meds and current labs (how's that for foreplay) and then had really great sex. I can honestly say that it was one of the better sexual experiences for me, as the apprehension from rejection just wasn't an issue. The fact that you said in your initial post that you felt bad about it shows this is on your mind. Search the forums for 'serosorting' and you'll find lots of posts.. many from Bucko. Good luck with it.

David

egello · « **Reply #38 on:** October 07, 2007, 02:05:41 pm »

well, its bit hard to find hiv poz tops

in terms of foreplay,,, was it hot to talk about all that lab stuff? didn't it seem like you guys were asking similar questions such as "do you have warts?, I have warts too HAHAHA, lets fuck"!!!!

Ann · « **Reply #39 on:** October 07, 2007, 02:06:33 pm »

Hi David,

I'm not sure why you reiterated the position you already stated, in response to my post. I wasn't disagreeing with you. What I was trying to point out was summed up in my last comment:

It's not hiv positive people who know their status who are creating the majority of new infections, it's the hiv negative people who are only hiv negative in their dreams.

My argument is to say that the whole "ask about status" exercise is pointless. Having that conversation and being told by your partner that he/she is negative doesn't mean you can dispense with the condoms. The current mindset of society is "oh dear, now I'm hiv positive, I have to use condoms all the time" when it should be "I have to use condoms all the time until I've tested together with my monogamous partner".

It's less about us disclosing to dispel the stigma and more about destigmatising sex in general and condoms in particular. I've lost count of the times I've heard people say (something to the effect) that they become suspicious if their potential sex partner insists on condoms. We've got to turn this mindset around to having people become suspicious when condoms AREN'T insisted on.

Ann

David_CA · « **Reply #40 on:** October 07, 2007, 08:27:28 pm »

Ann, my response was more about disclosing in general and how not disclosing, or lying, could make the 'having sex when HIV+' laws stronger, ie, more intrusive. Some people prefer to have sex with other HIV+ people. Not asking kinda makes it impossible to serosort. Yes, people not knowing their status is bad, and is likely the cause of most new infections, as you say. Disclosing, and NOT lying about our status, might keep somebody out of court and keep us from looking like lying infectees who couldn't care less if we infect a negative person. I'm sorry it sounded like I was contradicting you. (In fact, I had just sent a PM to another member, who was unsure of your post, and stated that you were for more testing and condom usage. Believe me, I know your thoughts on those two things!

)

David

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #41 on:** October 07, 2007, 08:48:51 pm »

Quote from: Ann on October 07, 2007, 07:40:59 am

I think something that all too often gets lost in these discussions is what I think of as the "blind spot". I firmly believe the vast majority of new infections have been passed on by people who do not know their status.

INDEED X TEN

mikeyleerocks · « **Reply #42 on:** October 07, 2007, 10:28:23 pm »

I told him it was ok and that I knew (we'd seen a couple of his profiles online, but didn't know him from online.) He was surprised and a bit worried that we'd heard it from somebody else... kinda like people are talking, etc. I explained how I knew and that I was HIV+ too. I could tell he was relieved; his eyes lit up and, well, he was even more excited.

TOTAL tangent...I've tried dating some poz guys since testing positive and one downside is that there is this "eyes lighting up" karma because we're both poz - so our chances of compatibility are better type of mentality...and it hasn't exactly worked out that way!

allopathicholistic · « **Reply #43 on:** October 09, 2007, 10:36:42 am »

All this talk about disclosure, I'm glad. Frighteningly, lots of guys don't even think to think about HIV status, protection, etc. - Bareback proponents mainly. Yes, even as recently as 2003 (I can say from personal experience). Not a word - not one

gets mentioned about HIV, condoms, nada. In other words, there are guys out there have unprotected sex as if we're living in Rome, 337 B.C.

As for the "HIV stops with me" principle, the fact that we (forum members) keep it so close to our hearts reminds me that we truly are good people. You guys are my rock. I thank you.

Moffie65 · « **Reply #44 on:** October 09, 2007, 10:54:20 am »

Some things that rang my bells in this thread.

"Clean" Fuck yes I am clean..... I shower at least once a day and have a douche hose in the shower which makes me twice as "Clean" as the average bear. Shit, we cannot accept this "lingo" for HIV- status, and we are the only ones that can change this stupid definition...... So there!

Accepting that it is my responsibility to tell anyone I am HIV+ is not morally or legally something that I will accept under any circumstances. If someone wants to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge while I am watching doesn't obligate me in any way to save their fucking life by interveing. Shit, this one is so very overworked and under thought that it still makes me sick. Why is anyone HIV+ responsible for anyone who wants to take it raw and will do so with anyone that comes along.

Truly a stiff dick still has no conscience.

Lastly, I cannot believe that this conversation is still going on when the posts that Matty and Ann have given still are the most truthful and most reasonable. Those that are HIV+ and won't test are still the ones globally that are infecting the population far more than most HIV+ people who know their status, and if you or I are responsible for that, I'll just go ahead and shoot myself today, because this means that the state of reason has left the planet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOve,

leatherman · « **Reply #45 on:** October 09, 2007, 04:23:09 pm »

Quote from: allopathicholistic on October 09, 2007, 10:36:42 am

As for the "HIV stops with me" principle, the fact that we (forum members) keep it so close to our hearts reminds me that we truly are good people.

ah, but that's not what I found from this thread. I found out that there are some who don't believe that principle at all.

This thread really saddened and disturbed me.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #46 on:** October 10, 2007, 08:41:17 am »

Quote from: thunter34 on October 06, 2007, 05:57:11 pm

By the time the guy even asked, it was after that fact.

Yes dear, BUT ARE YOU "CLEAN"?

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #47 on:** October 10, 2007, 08:50:38 am »

Quote from: milker on October 07, 2007, 12:35:15 am

Obviously I got infected by someone who either lied or lied by omission.

Milker.

No. A third (or something) of pozzies don't even know they're positive, because they don't get tested regularly. So, in fact, they did not lie if that was the case.

You were infected because you barebacked, plain and simple.

Florida69 · « **Reply #48 on:** October 10, 2007, 10:13:56 am »

I know that many of you here only know me from my random posts, so I will not beat around the bush and wanted to chime in. When I was diagnosed I was required to sign a waiver by the Health Department that said I would not use some else's tooth brush, razor, finger nail clippers and oh yeah I had to disclose my status to all my sexual partners. It is not for me to judge anybody. Not everyone that is infected with this virus got it from the lack of practicing safe sex; condoms are only effective if both partners use them properly. It is up to both partners, positive and negative to ensure that the negative partner is protected, and yes we are responsible for our own health. I was infected through someone that I dated for few weeks, we practiced safe sex and he took off the condom during sex, as I soon as I realized the condom was not in place, I stopped the act and ended the relationship, and he did not know his status. I found out later after finding out my status that he was positive and tested right after our encounter. Stuff happens in which we have no control over. As a positive person, and I know this has been argued in many courts of law (I have done the research), it is our responsibility to disclose our status or face prosecution in the United States.

I am in agreement with Ann.

Oh, did anyone see Boston Legal last night regarding the 15 yo that was sued her school for not teaching anything other than abstinence only?

egello · « **Reply #49 on:** October 10, 2007, 10:24:37 am »

Dudes and gals, Leave me alone and stop being so preachy! as long as you aren't hiv poz and going around raping people, don't be so this, that and moralistic about people's behavior!

Forums Index

Welcome

Author Topic: Interesting Story to Share (Read 18752 times)