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Author Topic: YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN ... v2.0  (Read 6641 times)

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Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN ... v2.0
« on: July 24, 2006, 05:30:13 pm »
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7.You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15 You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of matching salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighbourhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
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MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Teresa

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  • Posts: 1,755
Re: YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN ... v2.0
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2006, 05:54:20 pm »
I have actually done one of these.

And no its not the first one....LOL


Teresa
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Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)

Offline Jeffreyj

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,403
Re: YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN ... v2.0
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2006, 01:11:18 am »
Funny post man, thanks for the laughs! I liked #30 the best...Love, Jeff (a NEW YAWKER)
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Positive since 1985

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,530
  • 36 years positive, 64 years a pain in the butt
Re: YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN ... v2.0
« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2006, 01:13:40 am »
Teresa,
If I were to guess, I would say "owned a fireworks stand," just because you are such a dynamic lady.

I actually did one of these too, but it wasn't No. 1. I don't have a dog. (LOL)

HUGS,

Mark
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"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline David_CA

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,246
  • Joined: March 2006
Re: YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN ... v2.0
« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2006, 05:43:14 am »
And don't forget...

31.  Call getting new hubcaps for the house 'home improvement'.

32.  Have more dogs sleeping under the house than in the house.

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Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Teresa

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  • Posts: 1,755
Re: YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN ... v2.0
« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2006, 08:33:34 am »
Mark,

LOL..no its not a fireworks stand.

Thanks for the saying the "dynamic lady" part but actually I'm really more of a dork!

My kids remind me of that fact quite often....LOL They have given me a magnet for the fridge that says I Love Dorks, and gave me a very nice engraved pen that said Dork, established 1958.

OK Mark, I'm guilty of  Entertaining myself with a fly swatter. Which one are you guilty of?

Hugs
Teresa
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Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)

Offline david25luvit

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,409
  • Member since March 2005
Re: YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN ... v2.0
« Reply #6 on: July 25, 2006, 11:46:14 am »
Okay so three out of thirty......does that make me a little redneck or a part time redneck?
Funny, Daniel.....Enjoyed reading them! :-*
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In Memory of
Raymond David McRae III
Nov. 25, 1972- Oct. 15, 2004
I miss him terribly..........

Offline allopathicholistic

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  • Posts: 3,258
Re: YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN ... v2.0
« Reply #7 on: July 25, 2006, 06:06:40 pm »
as long as it's NOT
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
 :o :D
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Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,389
  • Member 2005
Re: YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN ... v2.0
« Reply #8 on: July 25, 2006, 08:58:50 pm »
ahh mmmm rrrggg.. #1... But it was a PINE!
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Offline Lisa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,240
  • Formerly known as sweetieweasel/Joined Nov. 2004
    • http://www.myspace.com/lisanowak58
Re: YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN ... v2.0
« Reply #9 on: July 26, 2006, 08:38:54 am »
Well thank you so much........I will keep in mind the ironing board this Christmas. ;D

I was good right up to the toilet brush comment. EEEeeeeewwwwww! ;)
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No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline CaptCarl

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,114
  • Located in the Palinsville subdivision, JesusLand
Re: YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN ... v2.0
« Reply #10 on: July 26, 2006, 11:26:56 am »
Guilty Guilty Guilty!! Numbers 1, 2, 15, &20. No. 1on a regular basis actually. To this list you can also add:

Your front porch collapses, and kills four dogs.

Your family tree is all trunk, no branches.

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The only thing I can do straight is shoot..

Offline MoltenStorm

  • Member
  • Posts: 477
  • Poz & Fabulous
Re: YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN ... v2.0
« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2006, 05:40:26 am »
Your dog's collar and your wife's wedding ring came from the same store

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"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN ... v2.0
« Reply #12 on: July 27, 2006, 01:07:52 pm »
Quote from: MoltenStorm on July 27, 2006, 05:40:26 am
Your dog's collar and your wife's wedding ring came from the same store



LOL!!  :D  :D :D  :D :D  :D :D  :D :D  :D :D  :D
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