My dear Jeffrey

[scudder47]

I recently learned that a very dear friend (an ex) passed away in March 2004.   His name was Jeffrey Willhoit.
Obviously I hadn't spoken to him in some time, but he was very dear to me.

He was the sweetest man I had the good fortune to love and be loved by. 

We started dating in New York back in 91 and were together for 6 months, but remained friends through the years, back and forth between NYC, Texas, L.A., and D.C.     

I lost contact with him sometime in 2001 and had been trying to locate him.    My inquiries led to a very kind woman calling and telling me he was gone.

Jeff was the one.    I suppose it's easy to say now and doesn't it always end up like this, too little too late.

I've been trying to remember everything about him, his sweet face, his soft voice and dreamy blue eyes.

He was the only boy i ever shared mixed tapes with, he loved Linda Ronstadt, and we would argue endlessly about her and Olivia Newton-John, who is my big favorite.

Every night before bed we would eat chocolate chip cookies and milk.

And we loved the Golden Girls.

And he was the one boy who stayed, through all my moodiness, my fear of commitment, all  the rubbish that had ruled my life for so long. 

It breaks my heart that i will never be able to hear his voice or see that sweet face again.    I have 6 pictures of him, one letter and 4 postcards, which i have carried with me everyday since.

I never fell in love again after him, but at least I know what it was.

Finally, my dear Jeffrey, sleeping with you and especially waking up with you were the sweetest, most tender moments I will treasure forever.  When your dear sweet face was resting on my chest in the morning, we were the only 2 people on earth and all was harmonious and perfect in the world.

Please love and respect each other and be forgiving.  Peace.

" Now days are long
Just patches of time
Thrown together like clouds
Of empty hours
Blinded by pictures of places we knew
And now
In space
I stare
Without your soul and voice to share..."