POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: tendai on August 04, 2006, 09:01:01 am
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i just got off the phone with my ex-ex. he's the one who i believed to have infected me. he says he was in hsopital for about 4 months with TB but he tested negative for HIV. he could be lying of course but he swears. i was so convinced that he was the one coz we were trying to get pregnant and he's the one i knew for sure i wasnt safe with. so now i have no idea when i got it. ok let mejust put this out of my mind and be glad for him that i didnt infect him. somehow i feel better not knowing who infected me. strange isnt it?
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Tendai,
I agree - it's often better not to know. I'm not sure why.
Knowing who isn't going to make HIV go away. I think it's about moving forward.
Regards,
MtD
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Tendai,
I know who infected me, but it makes no difference, because in reality, I infected myself with HIV. I am the one responsible for my body, my health and my sexual well being. Somehow knowing this, makes it easier. Because ultimately, we are all responsible for our own actions.
Lisa
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Well I know from personal experience that the person who infects you may not know or may possibly LIE about their status. I hear what you are saying, Lisa, about "I infected myself," but I can't quite take all the blame. Is this denial on my part? We are not alone in all of this and how will we make headway if we don't expect others to be tested regularly and to be honest?
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Ndrew,
"Knowing who" is really just shorthand for "wanting someone to blame". The problem with blame is that for almost all of us (I know of only one person in this place to whom this does not apply) ultimately it comes right back home to us.
Lisa is, as usual, spot on. We infect ourselves. We make the decisions that lead us to contract HIV and none of us can really move forward until we accept that. It's bitter, but it's true.
MtD
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Tendai,
The responses you have received so far are quite supportive in their core, and I would hope you understand that now is a really good time to, as you say, move on and get on with your life.
Because of my life in Kenya; I absolutely understand the consequences of being HIV+ and living where you do, so please be assured that there are those of us here who do understand, and that we will be sending you positive energy around the globe to help you achieve some calm and focus when looking into your future life there in South Africa. And....... please stay warm, I see you guys are having one hellofa winter there.
In Love and Support.
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thanks guys. its kind of brought a sense of closure . now i'm just concentrating on myself and maintaining my overall health with no resentment and blame bringing me down. i infected myself and now i have to deal with it.
Moffie: this winter doesnt want to end, man. i cant even imagine how i would be able to survive if i lived in a colder climate than this :-*