POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: mecch on July 16, 2010, 11:23:49 am
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Its summer and HOT, so I cruised the park a few times.
My rule for park is safesex and no need to disclose.
So now two guys I fooled around with have contacted me.
This is my plan:
If we have a social date the next time (which makes it the 2nd time to meet), then I don't have to disclose if I don't feel like it, and if we have sex, safe sex. Then on the third I could disclose.
If we make a date for sex, then I don't need to disclose, but I might as well cause if I'm rejected, its just a lost sex buddy.
Does that make sense to anyone? Do I need to rethink this?
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I don't date tricks I meet in bushes.
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I don't date tricks I meet in bushes.
Scathing!!
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I prefer to disclose before sex every time . That is one reason I avoid hookups because I really don't enjoy disclosing or sex with strangers . I used to have sex just because I was attracted to someone but I suppose that doesn't work anymore for me as I have gotten older .
I wish sometimes hookups still were part of my comfort zone but its just not right for me at this point in life . I could be missing out on something fun and its probably a heck of allot easier than the meet and greet I go through to meet a guy I'm probably not going to see again any way .
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Not only will I date them, I've had them a few times as long-term boyfriends!
What's it matter where the stars decide you will cross paths???
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Not only will I date them, I've had them a few times as long-term boyfriends!
What's it matter where the stars decide you will cross paths???
I suppose if you are having sex in bushes there would have to be stars and paths . ;D
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I never do it in pitch black sex clubs, dark rooms, or dank forests. I like to see, even if its dim outlines. The best of course is sex under a bright moon with a breeze off the lake or the ocean.
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It's all about the Carrie Bradshaw good-on-paper-bad-in-bed guy except in reverse.
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What's it matter where the stars decide you will cross paths???
Good point Mechh, perhaps I will go skulk around in the bushes tonight.
-W
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I never do it in pitch black sex clubs, dark rooms, or dank forests.
Dank forest? They have dank forests in Switzerland? Are you cruising for trolls and fairies?
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I prefer the comforts of the Tomcat Bookstore (http://www.myspace.com/happyrider1) -- the A/C is needed when the heat index is 100F like it is right now. Plus I have such fond memories of the anal warts I got there in 1998. Also, the in house meth dealer is a big plus and available 24/7.
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Tricking in the bushes is what got me in this mess to begin with!
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Don't tell my wife this, I prefer waiting outside the county health department for newly diagnosed women to exit. I liken it to 13th stepping a white chipper in NA/AA...
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Most "relationships" that start out in the weeds will most likely end in the weeds.
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Most "relationships" that start out in the weeds will most likely end in the weeds.
++this.
As for disclosure, I usually follow the rule posted in the OP. Anonymous tricks pulled in a park/train station lav/dumpster get safe sex and no disclosure.
Someone I expect to meet again in the daily rounds of life gets told about the butt-flu.
MtD
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I have an ad out on one of the many web sites where men meet other men. I dont post my status on the site, but if an interested person is actually looking to meet I will disclose before we do so. Further, if someone I were to meet in a social situation (i.e., BBQ, party, or yes... even the woods) and they were to inquire it would depend on the situation at hand. If we were about to run off and engage in sexual activities then yes I would disclose, if it were just for the satisfaction of their own curiosity, I probably would not. Case by case basis is the best way to handle this in my opinion.
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If you're fucking someone they have a right to know of your STD(s).
Unpopular I know, but it's the right thing to do. Granted when someone is cruising in the bushes for sex instead of say a respectable truckstop....
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If you're fucking someone they have a right to know of your STD(s).
Unpopular I know, but it's the right thing to do. Granted when someone is cruising in the bushes for sex instead of say a respectable truckstop....
I dunno. Maybe.
However in 25 years of tricks, the very few guys who have spontaneously announced they were HIV+ were ones who wanted to go bareback and offered that accessory information. I can probably count them on one hand.
Have had many more spontaneous declaration of HIV- status ;D
I do feel conflicted about this question - that is why I posted...
Oh by the way - WTF happened to safe sex rules? Is it just my perception has changed now that I am HIV+ and see things I used to block out? One of those cruisy nights I saw a orgy on a park bench, half dozen guys barebacking each other.... With another half dozen watching. And 200 yards away was a sweet young man in dreads sitting by a candle doing safe sex awareness, handing out condoms. The mind boggles.
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One of those cruisy nights I saw a orgy on a park bench, half dozen guys barebacking each other.... With another half dozen watching. And 200 yards away was a sweet young man in dreads sitting by a candle doing safe sex awareness, handing out condoms. The mind boggles.
I think you need a job with the Swiss National Tourist Office.
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I think you need a job with the Swiss National Tourist Office.
I thought he was the Swiss National Tourist Orifice Office! ;D
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If you're fucking someone they have a right to know of your STD(s).
Unpopular I know, but it's the right thing to do. Granted when someone is cruising in the bushes for sex instead of say a respectable truckstop....
lmao ;D
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but Granted when someone is cruising in the bushes for sex instead of say a respectable truckstop....
Some of the old truck stops still supply their coolers with Nehi Orange Soda in the bottle. Next time your loitering over by one could you check for me? I'll pay for shipping and everything else except your expenses... Oh, and before I forget, swipe some rolls of toiletpaper for packaging. Thanks in advance.
Sincerly,
Skeebo
PS I found this pic just in case you're color blind.
(http://www.crossroads-market.com/images/HFBE701.JPG)
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That is one gorgeous soda, but banned in some states due to the dye!
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Boylan > Nehi
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Some of the old truck stops still supply their coolers with Nehi Orange Soda in the bottle. Next time your loitering over by one could you check for me? I'll pay for shipping and everything else except your expenses... Oh, and before I forget, swipe some rolls of toiletpaper for packaging. Thanks in advance.
Sincerly,
Skeebo
PS I found this pic just in case you're color blind.
(http://www.crossroads-market.com/images/HFBE701.JPG)
Here you go (http://www.amazon.com/Nehi-Orange-Soda-bottle-24ct/dp/B0015R6SXK/ref=pd_sim_dbs__3), and you don't have to worry about truckstop cooties .
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Here you go (http://www.amazon.com/Nehi-Orange-Soda-bottle-24ct/dp/B0015R6SXK/ref=pd_sim_dbs__3), and you don't have to worry about truckstop cooties .
Look at the cost, it's $37 for a case. I am almost positive Trey could cut that in half, especially if he doesn't get caught. I'm still waiting for the confirmation PM along with a tracking number... I can taste it already.
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Look at the cost, it's $37 for a case. I am almost positive Trey could cut that in half, especially if he doesn't get caught. I'm still waiting for the confirmation PM along with a tracking number... I can taste it already.
This conversation is moving off topic, let's back onto the reason this thread exists. Random gay sex.
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This conversation is moving off topic, let's back onto the reason this thread exists. Random gay sex.
Random gay sex, random gay posting - where's the difference? ;)
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Random gay sex, random gay posting - where's the difference? ;)
I just want some soda pop... or is that soder pop? I think it's spelled soda pop, but pronounced soder pop, Trey knows though. I'm not going to mow my yard till my stuff gets here. I can already see the sweat dripping off the cold bottles wh... Hurry Trey!!
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If I was doing the random sex thing, I wouldn't disclose. But as someone else said above, that's not really me anymore, so disclosure is not an issue in that scenario. My plan now is to get to know people on a series of dates and then when I feel comfortable to then tell them that I'm positive.
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I just want some soda pop... or is that soder pop? I think it's spelled soda pop, but pronounced soder pop,
The correct pronunciation is sodie pop
-W
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The correct pronunciation is sodie pop
-W
Uncle Kenny, is that you?
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I don't date tricks I meet in bushes.
people still go into bushes trolling for sex, that's so 25 yrs ago ;D
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people still go into bushes trolling for sex, that's so 25 yrs ago ;D
I didn't say I was an habitué of the woodland fairy set. However, I do know of a secret garden in NYC where married Dominican men search for boy butt.
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I didn't say I was an habitué of the woodland fairy set. However, I do know of a secret garden in NYC where married Dominican men search for boy butt.
I'm sure you do ;D all I know is that kinda stuff will get you thrown in jail for a night, it all depends on
where you live. and most Cops just look the other way, until someone complains, then they are forced
to do there job.......
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I'm sure you do ;D all I know is that kinda stuff will get you thrown in jail for a night, it all depends on
where you live. and most Cops just look the other way, until someone complains, then they are forced
to do there job.......
Some gay men are addicted to the furtive environment and legal risk taking that, by nature, accompanies sex in the great outdoors, plus it fulfills their longing for closeted married men. Of course, a bath house is safer but one must pay for the privilege.
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Some gay men are addicted to the furtive environment and legal risk taking that, by nature, accompanies sex in the great outdoors, plus it fulfills their longing for closeted married men. Of course, a bath house is safer but one must pay for the privilege.
We had a Bath House/Gay Gym here where I live, but in 2006 it was shut down, due to selling Alcohol to minors and not being zoned for that sorta thing, it was illegal for them to sever alcohol in that place, and to charge a fee for the Booze, but, the minors are what actually KILLED that place, it did re-opened as a Gay/Gym like it's suppose to be, about 2 weeks later, but, I don't think they'll pull that shit again.....
the last time I checked it was still in business and operating as "The Pride Gym"
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If you're fucking someone they have a right to know of your STD(s).
Unpopular I know, but it's the right thing to do. Granted when someone is cruising in the bushes for sex instead of say a respectable truckstop....
LOL!! :P OMG too funny! Thanks for the giggle ;D
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Its summer and HOT, so I cruised the park a few times.
My rule for park is safesex and no need to disclose.
So now two guys I fooled around with have contacted me.
This is my plan:
If we have a social date the next time (which makes it the 2nd time to meet), then I don't have to disclose if I don't feel like it, and if we have sex, safe sex. Then on the third I could disclose.
If we make a date for sex, then I don't need to disclose, but I might as well cause if I'm rejected, its just a lost sex buddy.
Does that make sense to anyone? Do I need to rethink this?
I'm a tad late to the party... but here's my 2 cents.....
I think the only soda you should be drinking is "get real pop" while watching "COPS" or "Sex Offenders Gone Wild".
I'm as big of a liberated slut as the rest of the pigs in the mud. But I am careful where I play. Here are my thoughts on why what you are doing doesn't work for me.
1. Sex Offender: Plain and simple, get caught in the bushes, and you will be in the slammer. Sex Offender is like HIV, there ain't no getting rid of it.
2. HIV persecution. Yes, you read right.
-In many states they will pile on because you are poz. They will find out when you go to jail and ask for meds/segragation. In some states you will be charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon (the virus). Better to live a low stress life.
- If you break a condom, the disclosure isn't going to be as much fun and someone may still come after you.
3. You mention sex buddies. At some point the bushes will get cold and you will want to invite this one home. I don't like to tell too many lies.... I have enough to keep track of. It's difficult enough to keep track of who knows what. In most gay communities gossip is the fastest means of moving information. You run the risk of having someone who knows run into someone who doesn't and say something you'd rather not have said. Just trust me, Bitches Talk! Better to have everyone on the same script.
So, can you get away with it? Yea for a while.
Will it come home to roost? Eventually. And I bet you won't like it.
Is this the low stress, high sex lifestyle choice? Probably not. There are easier ways to get laid then at the park or in jail.
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Some gay men are addicted to the furtive environment and legal risk taking that, by nature, accompanies sex in the great outdoors, plus it fulfills their longing for closeted married men. Of course, a bath house is safer but one must pay for the privilege.
I find the bathhouse to be more to my liking. It has it's own minefield of ethics choices.... such as:
- Guy sits starts sucking you through a glory hole. (oink) and next thing you know stands up and sits on your cock.... um, so much for disclosure... then dumbass sees you in the pool and comes over to say "hi" and complain about all the poz faggots. I've personally had this happen to me more than once at more than one bath house. I decided that they had enough coming without me busting their chops.....
My personal philosophy is this:
- At the baths, it's buyer beware. There are condoms all over and lube for sale. If you wanted to play safe you can. Talking is not what usually goes on in the play spaces and I am primarily there for a blowjob. If more happens, see the first part of this. My own analysis suggests that 50% of the population here is poz and there are plenty of guys who prefer to play safe. If you are hot enough I might play safe too. And no, I don't like condoms.
- Online: I disclose in my profiles. Period. Many guys don't.
- Dating: I'm upfront about it. I wanna smack you with it right away.... if you have an issue you need to deal with it, because I don't have an issue with my status.
Now, before someone lectures me about condoms.... save it. If you wanna use them, go right ahead. I encourage you to use them. I've evaluated it and made my choices. From what I can tell I'm not the only one who dislikes condoms, so perhaps someone else could benefit from the lecture?
My goal here is to have an honest conversation and that requires a deviation from the party-line and admission that I don't always drink the kool-aid or play ball.
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I hate condoms too. But the reality is - if you're hiv negative and want to stay that way, use them. What's worse - using a condom for less than fifteen minutes or being hiv positive for the rest of your life? Tough shit. Don't want to hear you whine.
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Wait... what? Barebacking at the bath house is OK because 50% of the guys are poz anyway? I missed that memo.
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Thanks for the input. Some does not apply:
1. Sex Offender: Plain and simple, get caught in the bushes, and you will be in the slammer. Sex Offender is like HIV, there ain't no getting rid of it.
2. HIV persecution. Yes, you read right.
-In many states they will pile on because you are poz. They will find out when you go to jail and ask for meds/segragation. In some states you will be charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon (the virus). Better to live a low stress life.
- If you break a condom, the disclosure isn't going to be as much fun and someone may still come after you.
1) All too nightmarishly true in the USA but not in Switzerland. Cruising in the parks at night is completely tolerated and there are never arrests.
2) Transmission is a crime only with non-disclosure AND intent to transmit in Switzerland. Also the only way it would happened through safesex is some bizarre accident which could just as likely happen in love, in bed.
3. You mention sex buddies. At some point the bushes will get cold and you will want to invite this one home. I don't like to tell too many lies.... I have enough to keep track of. It's difficult enough to keep track of who knows what. In most gay communities gossip is the fastest means of moving information. You run the risk of having someone who knows run into someone who doesn't and say something you'd rather not have said. Just trust me, Bitches Talk! Better to have everyone on the same script.
Well already been home with one of them :). I dont get the logic of input number 3. Duh when its cold nobody cruises..... Disclosure to tricks of fuckbuddies or boyfriends LEADING to gossip is not my concern. Its the disclosure itself. I've already told all my friends and they are all gossips and I don't attempt to control that info at all.
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Mecch,
I think its great that the society that you live in there is not a prudish as the one we endure here in the states. Most of us know but some would never admit that there is a huge level of excitement about 'getting some strange'. I actually ended up in a three year relationship with a guy that I initially met in a bookstore in Pennsylvania. We are still great friends today as a matter of fact.
My question to you is this: Are most of the guys that cruise the parks there in Switzerland married men just looking for a little fun or are they actually club members (aka gay men) looking for a hot time?
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Well I don't take a census before or after sex but my impression is that the mix in the park is about the same as in the sauna - mostly gays with some bi and "straight" thrown in.
Anyway, as the years roll by, the volume of traffic has declined in the parks. I figure a lot of guys prefer the internet for pickups.
Saunas have their fans too, but here in Switzerland they close at reasonable hours, such as 11 pm! And they are expensive except for the young, who are admitted dirt cheap as eye candy for all the leches. 8) I haven't been in several years and never really liked saunas that much.
As for park cruising, I met two long term boyfriends cruising in the parks, in the DAYTIME, in New York, no less. Also one under the boardwalk! And summer affairs in Paris and Vienna. There used to be a dusty exciting cruise spot under the Gare Austerlitz. London, Hamburg and Berlin have cruisy parks too.
Switzerland has some very relaxed daytime spots along the lakes and rivers.
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Face it meech, you're just addicted to seedy outdoors sex. Hard to dress that one up with the usual pretense, eh? Doing it in a fancy European park in Vienna after the opera is no different than some dank, urine infused truck stop outside of Montgomery, Alabama.
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You all call me pretentious and I am anything but. Just cause you think its exotic to hear European names, doesn't mean I am not enjoying the seedy reality. I love seedy pickup spots and never claimed otherwise. The cruisy spot under the Paris trainstation was about the SEEDIEST and hottest imaginable! Paris sex clubs were the piggiest on earth until Berlin stole the heat a few years ago.
Now please quit with the calling of names!! Because I'm just living my life and make no pretenses to be poor or rich - just another middle class queen who doesn't lie about his experiences including the clean and dirty pleasures, high life and low life combined. OK. Stop it.
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In the past five years I've been to Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Estonia, Iceland and the St. Petersburg area of Russia. I first went to France when I was 15, and without my parents, and have been to that country a total of seven times. I also studied a year abroad while in college, at an art school an hour south of London. etc. etc.
I kind of doubt that I find "European names" exotic. But whatever.
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Trying to dress up taking one in the pooper is like putting lipstick on a pig.
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Just cause you think its exotic to hear European names, doesn't mean I am not enjoying the seedy reality.
Uh... let's see. I've been to practically every country in the old world, including places that many Americans would not care to visit like Estonia, Ukraine, and Macedonia. In addition to this my mother is from the south of Spain, therefore I go to that country at least once a year. Lastly, I lived in Vienna while doing research for my thesis back in 2005. Therefore, Europe is anything but "exotic" to me.
I think it has more to do with the constant reminders and comparisons to the US that annoys some heads around here. But that's just my opinion.
[Edit] I see that Philicia had replied to your preposterous argument [/Edit]
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I kind of doubt that I find "European names" exotic. But whatever.
Then what the fuck is the source of your cunty crack about the vienna opera and park pickups and me being pretentious, since I can't think of a damn pretentious thing I said in this thread or elsewhere.
And if I talk about comparisons between Switzerland and Europe, or Europe and America, in threads where it comes up, such as here, it is to share the experience in this forum which is meant to be GLOBAL. Don't forget I am American and still vote, even if I have other citizenships.
Hotpuppy got all concerned about the legal aspects of public cruising and I posted about the situation here.
Rev.Moon - you don't have anything nice to say to me - nasty and sometimes funny cracks and shade. You showed rude and mean ignorance about the possibility that I am authentic and genuine about personal challenges I might choose to share on these forums. I EVEN STATED SO. Which you meanly and purposefully ignored to throw stupid shade.
I am turning a fan on. Your shit storms will automatically be returned in your faces.
Post all the lists of life experiences you want, its not a fucking competition.
My life is my life and If I give details about my life its not with the intent to make anyone else feel bad or take offense.
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Everytime I see you guys post something about parks it reminds me of an experience I had as a kid. My sister, who is 13 years older than me, and I use to always take the 163rd st bus to Haulover Beach. We'd stay there all day. She would hang out with her stoner friends and I would swim in the water pretty much unsupervised with other stoners' siblings or kids.
Anyone who's been to Haulover knows they have these huge seagrape trees that look similar to huge topiaries with the center hallowed out. A lot of couples used the natural concealment to do their thang.
This one particular day a kid and I were playing on the beach and he told me his dad was getting busy in the bushes with some woman. He asked if I wanted to go watch and, of course, I did. We got over there hiding behind a little rise in the sand, watching his dad plow this chick in the buck position (my favorite ). After a minute or two, being the devil I am, I yelled, "Hey daddy can I get some?!". It is surprising how fast a guy can get up off a woman to give chase of two 7 year olds', it's shocking actually.
Yep.... and the woman was my damn sister, fucking stoned out of her mind on something - she preceded to kick my ass for the convenient interruption. She must have been right there, because I later learned as an adult never to cut a woman off as she's about to cum.... they'll slice your throat, or in my sister's case, the diamond from the ring they are wearing will get stuck in your arm.
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Trying to dress up taking one in the pooper is like putting lipstick on a pig.
lmao...thats quite a visual ;D
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I hate condoms too. But the reality is - if you're hiv negative and want to stay that way, use them. What's worse - using a condom for less than fifteen minutes or being hiv positive for the rest of your life? Tough shit. Don't want to hear you whine.
Absolutely correct, condoms prevent the spread of STD's including HIV. They are an excellent risk management tool.
I wasn't aware that someone in "living with HIV" was negative... did I miss a post again?
Thanks for the input. Some does not apply:
1) All too nightmarishly true in the USA but not in Switzerland. Cruising in the parks at night is completely tolerated and there are never arrests.
2) Transmission is a crime only with non-disclosure AND intent to transmit in Switzerland. Also the only way it would happened through safesex is some bizarre accident which could just as likely happen in love, in bed.
Didn't realize you were in Switzerland. I look at the tags under your handle on the left side of your posts. Some people put their location, but many don't. I rarely browse user profiles.
Sounds like the Swiss have some intelligent and reasonable laws. Maybe they could export a few next time with some chocolates, watches, knives, and bank accounts. :) Reasonable and intelligent laws are one of the things I regularly admire about Europe.
Wait... what? Barebacking at the bath house is OK because 50% of the guys are poz anyway? I missed that memo.
No, barebacking is okay anytime two adults decide to do so. Provided that appropriate disclosure is made, and no coercion exists. My personal preferance is that serosorting be practiced, but realistically it's up to the individuals involved. I'm not condoning intentional transmission in any way.
I think pretending that barebacking never occurs is naive and disingenuous. The fact that it is rather common and it is intellectual honesty to admit that we aren't all victims to HIV. Sure a few are.... but most of us engaged in risky behavior.
Thinking that now that we are poz we will mend our ways and not engage in risky behavior is equally foolish. The type of anonymous behavior that typically occurs in parks in the US is rampant with unsafe sex.
I dont get the logic of input number 3. Duh when its cold nobody cruises..... Disclosure to tricks of fuckbuddies or boyfriends LEADING to gossip is not my concern. Its the disclosure itself. I've already told all my friends and they are all gossips and I don't attempt to control that info at all.
Yes, you missed it entirely. Don't tell so many lies. It's hard to keep track of them and it can bite you in the ass. Hopefully that breaks it down a little more for you.
Yes, allowing an incorrect assumption is the same as telling a lie. It's a passive lie. The lie is that if the other guy thinks I'm neg he will have sex with me, but not if he knows I'm poz, regardless of us using condoms.
Face it meech, you're just addicted to seedy outdoors sex. Hard to dress that one up with the usual pretense, eh? Doing it in a fancy European park in Vienna after the opera is no different than some dank, urine infused truck stop outside of Montgomery, Alabama.
I beg to differ. In the sleazy place they will smile and say hi outside after you are done. In the snobby ones they will pretend they have never seen you in their life. I prefer the pigs in the mud to the angels in hiding.
You all call me pretentious and I am anything but.
Not at all darling... and pigs never smell either.
One point here... you asked for our opinions..... you got them, and now you want to argue with us about our opinions. Just because we have a different opinion then the one you wanted doesn't mean you or us are right.
Trying to dress up taking one in the pooper is like putting lipstick on a pig.
The reality is that we are all pigs in some way shape or form.
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One point here... you asked for our opinions..... you got them, and now you want to argue with us about our opinions. Just because we have a different opinion then the one you wanted doesn't mean you or us are right.
The reality is that we are all pigs in some way shape or form.
Hey Puppy I couldn't agree with you more! Read the thread, dear. I don't have an issue with people expressing their opinions about public cruising and disclosure.
I was referring to personal insults that were off topic.
And for what those insults are worth - they are illogical. In fact if I ever find myself with a man in black tie who's cruising the Rathausplatz after a night at the Vienna Opera, I'd think he was a hoot, and right up my alley, and not pretentious at all to have combined the two. In fact, the opposite!