Hello

[steven6908]

Hi everyone

Not sure if i put up a wrong title in the subject box, but i never seen to get much help out of this site, never seem to get much response to my subject titles,  and it seems to be the same with THT little or no help, maybe its me, maybe I come across and a sad bastard maybe I am???,but am trying to understand what I am going through and it seems that I am doin it on my own.

I've not got angry or cried over this yet but there comes a time when you blow, Ive contact THT countless times and even went to the offices where I stay, the person i chat to is constanly clock watch not cock watchin LOL,  and if i didnt put that comment in the i wopuld probably fire my laptop across the room.

i know people are different, but if there is anyone out there who do u copy how did you come to accept this, When is the right time to disclose, there is a women that likes me, we have been out a few times she wants more but i back off, she has started to ask why? i dont even kiss her for the fear that i have the virus in my siliva, I know if anyone out there reads this you may think am a twat.

I wish that I could get take myself to other level to except what i have but I stuggle with it, I dont know if I will ever meet anyone who would sleep with someone that is HIV.

In all honesty i have little or no help in  dealing with his, and yes you may say councelling will help but thats what i thought THT was there for?

And maybe you think am feeling sorry for myself and tell me to deal with it but all i can say is that am so low maybe there is only one way out for me

[steven6908]

NOT EVEN A RESPONSE, WILL JUST GET PISSED THEN

[Longislander]

Hi Steven,

I'm not sure what THT is, but if it's your Aids Service Org. or something like that, let them direct you to counseling.

I can tell you it took me at least 6 months of doing nothing but going to work and laying on the couch the rest of the time to start to liven up again.  I didn't find this website for 9 months. I wish I found it sooner. Once I did, I learned alot about how other people are living with HV through their posts.  Put a subject in 'search' , and find threads that have already addressed your fears.

Don't worry about kissing that women.  That isn't how you get HIV. Start out here by reading the lessons/prevention topic located on that bar above the forums. 

I fthis women sincerely likes you and you like her, and she is starting to ask you what is the problem, it may be tim eto tell her.  Read through other peoples posts about when they disclosed, and how. 

I don't think anyone is thinking any of those things about you. SOmetimes it takes awhile for someone with something relevant to say to log in and read you post.

Don't get pissed, try to relax, and maybe things will start to get easier. I wish you the best.

Paul

[WillyWump]

Hey Steve,

It sounds like THT is some sort of counseling??? If that's the case and you are not getting what you need from it then you need to change counselors. Do not wait around for things to get better, do it now. Beleive me counseling can be a godsend but sometimes it takes a couple tries to find the right counselor. Ive been there.
Sounds like you have alot going on, and I know its hard to relax, but please try to....dont freak about the girl...kissing will not endanger her. If she asks why you do not want to "go further" then just tell her you are not ready for it, this is a perfectly fine answer to give her.
Just please try to relax, your among friends

Also, if you are overly anxious, you might want to ask your doctor for something to help you. drugs really work wonders in situations like these.

Hugs,
Will

[Robert]

hI STEVEN.

Sorry you have not received any responses from your other postings.  I can't really say what it is that makes some posts go by like a ship in

I do know how you're feeling though.  I was diagnosed/dying 5 years ago, the fall and winter of 2003.  For 3 months I was bedridden and even as I started to get better, I couldn't leave the house as my immune system was so poor that the common cold could knock me over.

As I got better the following spring I  realized I needed counseling.  I went to my HMO (Kaiser, here in the states....kinda like your THT only it's private and not a government entity.  Anyway, they always boasted about their open hearts and caring hands and how proactive they were in attending to all of their patients.  One day I was on the edge of dispair....ready to do something really bad if I didn't talk to someone soon.  I went to see one of their counselors and the best she could do was to tell me the office was closed and to come back next week.  <sigh>

As spring turned to summer I still hadn't found anyone professioal help.  My last attempt was with the local ASO (Aids Meds Organization) to join one of their group sessions.  Everytime I showed up it was closed, ususally cancelled at the last minute.  <sigh>

What kept me going all those months was AIDSMEDS and the help I got from the good people here.  I've gotten better but still rely on this site for many, many things. 

I hope you find the professional help you need but keep posting here.  Someone here will be able to help you. 

robert

[sharkdiver]

Maybe I'm crossing the line in suggesting (and this is not to offend you);
But... after reading your previous posts...

I do get the since that you don't want to be alone. But Maybe just Maybe you need to think about coming to terms and being comfortable with your status a little longer before you start dating?

just a suggestion.

and yes, you have had responses to your threads but, you haven't gone back to them and continued them.

[joemutt]

Hi STEVEN and welcome again to AM.

You cannot say you NEVER seem to get much response after 20 postings, I also think you need a bit more time to come to terms with your hiv, and dating. I also sense a lot of anger ("pissed" being the recurring term) and that's ok but don't direct it at people who are willing to listen and help.
I did date from 2001-2008 but it wasn't nice : because of fear of disclosure, all these efforts came to naught, I just couldn't get to disclosing.
I find it ridiculous now but maybe it was the time I needed.
I found someone very sweet and understanding, it helps he's positive too 

As I experienced this site over the past few years is a very helpful and compassionate community,
even at times when I was crabby, miserable or just plain acting out, I felt welcomed here.

(THT = Terence Higgins Trust, an aids ngo)

[steven6908]

ok ive had responses but when i see people that have had replies into the hundreds, its when i only get a few hits back like 5 -7 replies to my post, yeah i find it hard evry day am not goin to lie but each day i try to find the strength not to stick a knife in me, an if thats me being selfeish am sorry

i find hard to deal with, i know i need to get over this i christ i do i want my life back, want to be the same person i was before i got HIV i know wont happen but i want some peace over this

[sharkdiver]

you don't have to get over anything right away. it takes awhile. I've had to deal with this going on 24 years now, emotional "stuff" resurfaces once in awhile and sometimes AIDS just beats the crap out of my body. But I'm able to better cope with it now. It took awhile to pull my resources together. It took many years for me to be comfortable to disclose.  It took a long time for me to get to that place of "peace"

don't give up

Sharkie