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Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: Matty the Damned on July 05, 2006, 12:04:46 am

Title: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: Matty the Damned on July 05, 2006, 12:04:46 am
. . . . and it seems the  god of the gay christians is not to be mocked. ;)

My Clinical Nurse Specialist, the Indefatigable Jo just rang with my blood test results from last week. All are in except for the VL which takes an extra week. The ICPMR are such a bunch of lazy bludgers.

Anyhow, first some perspective. In January (yes yes I know, 6 months is too long) my numbers were:

VL: 26,000 (Log 4.5)
CD4 Absolute: 505
CD4 %: 28


Pretty good for someone who hasn't taken any meds since 2004. As some of you may recall, I was pretty confident that these latest ones would be much the same. After all I'm 12 foot tall and bullet proof. ;D

So for June 2006:

VL: Yet to come back -- I'll report it the minute it's in.
CD4 Absolute: 304
CD4 %: 19


Which is not so good. My absolute count (like most peoples) bounces around like a fart in a pickle jar. My percentage however is usually between 25 and 30%. But now it's under the magic 21% limit and probably heading towards the dreaded 13% mark at a rate of knots.

On the upside I remain HCV antibody negative (yay!) but my ALT and AST results remain unacceptably high. Don't tell me it's the booze because my gamma GT is well with normal rage. ;)

So in light of this less than impressive effort (it could be worse) Jo has invoked the name that I didn't want to hear. She insists that I go and see my sexual health physician, the Fearsome Frau Eva. Oy, this is gonna be good.

Still, life goes on.

MtD
(Who is philosophical)
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: otherplaces on July 05, 2006, 12:59:07 am

Matty,

I'm kind of jealous of this nurse Jo you speak of. Where's my sage nurse Jo? Nonetheless, the nurse who took my blood last time did so w/o the expected bruise two days later. Other than that she asked me where I worked for the 2nd time...oh well, can't expect these things to be remembered.

I'm sorry your numbers have dropped. You know were all standing with you.

take care,
brian
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: jack on July 05, 2006, 06:52:54 am
Do another test in a month or two and see what you get.  One test is not a trend.  In 18 years I have never had any dr. ever tell me what my % is, guess I better ask.
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: aztecan on July 05, 2006, 09:25:09 am
EEP! A meeting with the dreaded Frau Eva! I want a blow-by-blow!

I see my doc this morning. He will probably give the the tsk tsk thing bout my blood lipids.

Ah life in the land of Oz. Now, where the hell are my ruby slippers.

HUGS,

Mark
 
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: ademas on July 05, 2006, 09:26:58 am
Quote
But now it's under the magic 21% limit and probably heading towards the dreaded 13% mark at a rate of knots.

What do you mean by "magic 21%" and "dreaded 13%"?  Are these specific percentage numbers some type of marker?  I've never heard this before.*

Sorry your labs are down a bit, MtD.  Still not too bad, but definitely something to follow up on (i.e. in less than six months!)

*never mind my question.  I found the answer in the "Lessons" section:

Quote
What is the T4 Percentage?

The T4 percentage is sometimes a more reliable measurement than the T4 count because it tends to vary less between measurements. For example, one person's T4 count may vary between 200 and 300 over a several month period while their T4 percentage remains constant at, say, 21%. Provided that the T4 percentage stays at 21% or higher, the immune system still appears to be functioning properly, regardless of what the T4 count is. At the same time, a T4 percentage at or below 13% – regardless of what the actual T4 count is – usually means that the immune system is damaged and that it is time to begin prophylactic treatment (drugs to prevent diseases) for opportunistic infections like PCP.
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: The Canuck on July 05, 2006, 11:31:02 am
Matty,

I can understand you found your last results a bit disappointing, yet I think you have held the fort pretty well for someone who hasn't take any meds since 2004.  8)

Next step would be to have blood test on a more regular basis, although I'm sure you already know this, don't you ?  ;)

All the best,

The Canuck
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: bobik on July 05, 2006, 01:34:25 pm
Hey Matty,

sorry about the new results, but don't worry too much, your next ones could spontaneously be better. Even on meds and with a heavy HAART therapy my percentages goes up and down like a yoyo........so it doesn;t have to mean it is very bad news.......

Hug

Coen
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: JohnOso on July 05, 2006, 04:02:47 pm
My liver transaminases were trending higher over a two year period (spiking at ~ 200 back in December when i developed PCP).

My doctor suspected it was the HIV infection doing a number on the hepatocytes, and bless his little heart he seems to be right.

Since I started on HAART (and VL undetectable) AST and ALT are back in the normal ranges.

Take care,
John
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: sweetasmeli on July 05, 2006, 05:23:04 pm
Bugger! Sorry it's not better news this time Mattymoo...so whens your frolic with the Fearsome Frau? :o

Melia :)
(who still thinks fondly of Matty frequently...and seems to be using a lot of  F words in this post! ;D)
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: RAB on July 05, 2006, 06:14:52 pm
Mattolustyush:

The HCV news is fantastic!  (RAB remembers the concern THAT was presenting.)

The labs are labs, but understands Matty's philosophical reaction.  Would still encourage one more set (and NO not in 6 damn months!  >:( )
to see though.

RAB

Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: newt on July 05, 2006, 06:29:12 pm
Elevated liver enzymes are independently predicitive of disease progression so serious discussion please, and er, talk about meds.

- matt

Now Playing - Hurry on Sundown, Hawkwind
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: Matty the Damned on July 06, 2006, 05:48:49 am
TO ALL THE WORRIED WELLS WHO MAY BE READING: I'm going to make reference to some symptoms I'm experiencing at the moment. These symptoms are specific to me and have nothing to do with whatever sick AIDS fantasies may have brought you here. If I find a single, JUST A SINGLE, reference to my symptoms in the Am I Infected forum, direct or otherwise, I will make you symptom shopping shitbags wish you were born dead. That's a 24 karat promise. I mean it. Don't fuck with my shit, people.  >:(

That said, thanks to all for your responses, especially Matt for that insight into why I may have funky liver enzymes at the moment. Suddenly it makes sense. :)

--pours drink--

Restarting HAART is something that the Indefatigable Jo, Frau Eva and I discuss often. Frankly, we speak of little else. Many's the time that the Good Frau has my scrotum cupped in her gloved hands whilst feeling my inguinal nodes that she mentions how much easier life would be if I'd "just take those fucking pills, dammit."

And of course she's right. All my nodes are swollen up like the mutant walnuts from hell at the moment and the nightsweats are prodigious to say the least. I despair for my poor mattress. I'm munching on fluconazole like Tic Tacs to bludgeon the candida into place and my seb dermatitis is foul. It's like EVERYWHERE. Even on my damn bum! How can a piggy bottom live like this? I have odious mouth ulcers and I can shit through the eye of a needle.

Never one to whinge, Matty the Damned has a plan, of sorts.

1. I'm going to see my GP, Lady Jane, next week and get my epilepsy medications reviewed AND have that small hypertension issue looked into. The last time I took HAART, I had really ugly LFT's which pretty much subsided when I stopped the HAART. Sodium valproate + lamotrigine + HIV party pills just don't mix. There has to be another way.

2. Once step one is complete (or well under way at any rate), I'll go back to Frau Eva and have repeat bloods drawn in the vain hope that my CD4 % will have miraculously returned to the above 25 region. Once we've confimed that it hasn't (and even if it has) we'll begin the HAART thing. Obviously that will be informed by my epilepsy stuff.

3. I'm going to investigate Zyban as a method to quit smoking. Clearly this step is optional.

4. When all this is done, my numbers will return to an acceptable level, world peace will be declared, Jerusalem will fall and widespread Happy Dancing will break out here in Living With HIV.

The general time frame for me putting steps 1 & 2 into action is 3 weeks. I don't think I'll drop dead before then. But you never know. ;)

So that's the plan. It looks good written down.

MtD
(Who is very grateful for the support he receives here)
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: jack on July 06, 2006, 07:28:12 am
Now, lets not get too crazy all at once. As a person who has had many addiction problems, I can tell you that to quit smoking, it is often best to quit when you are feeling like shit(as you are now) but also when you dont have a lot of other things on the shedule(left out the C on purpose) as the stress can often destroy the quitting effort. Good Luck.
Speaking of Israel, what do you think of my idea that the US make a deal, Israel gets the Big Island and we all live happily ever after? Who was the fucking genius who OKed this homeland deal anyways? Truman? I dont know.
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: Dachshund on July 06, 2006, 07:43:31 am


I am glad you have a plan Matty dear...I can't do this alone.

Hal :-*
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: Matty the Damned on July 06, 2006, 08:15:34 am
Speaking of Israel, what do you think of my idea that the US make a deal, Israel gets the Big Island and we all live happily ever after? Who was the fucking genius who OKed this homeland deal anyways? Truman? I dont know.

Jakey,

It was the fucking Brits. Typical Old World cockheads. Everything the bastards touch turns to crap. It's about time the Israelis and the Palestinians sniffed the international winds. The rest of us are long past giving a shit. If it was down to a ballot of the citizens of Earth, we'd vote to exterminate the lot of them.

Ooooh MtD, you racist arsehole. ;)

MtD
(Who must be getting AIDS dementia)
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: Mouse on July 06, 2006, 06:21:19 pm
And rumor has it there is a short, annoying teenager nagging at him constantly so he doesn't put anything off.

But he's a very shadowy, mysterious figure.
Who is he?

Nobody knows.
... -shifty eyes-.



Matty = needs to feel better 'cause he pwns most people.
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: TedEBearNC on July 06, 2006, 11:42:20 pm
I don't think I'll drop dead before then. But you never know. ;)

You'd better not! If you do I'll... I'll...you'd just better not!   >:(  ::shakes fist::

Hugs

Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: livingpositively on July 07, 2006, 03:23:08 am
MtD, If nothing else, nobody can accuse you of not being colorful and entertaining.   :D

Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate.

Have you tried Zyban before to stop smoking?  I have used it...it did seem to work to the extent that you take it.  However, that pesky risk of seizure when mixed with alcohol...well  ::lights smoke::  I guess you can figure that one out.  ::) I wanted a drink and a cigarette more than I wanted to take another pill.   ;)

Good luck with all that crappola you're dealing with.

Shane
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: Matty the Damned on July 07, 2006, 10:13:15 pm
MtD, If nothing else, nobody can accuse you of not being colorful and entertaining. 


Babe, I firmly believe that the greatest sin in life is to be beige. No matter what you do, never be beige. Beige people suck.

Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate.

Well, the hard work is really up to the doctors. They've gotta work this whole mess out. I just sit on the other side of the desk and look perplexed.

Have you tried Zyban before to stop smoking?  I have used it...it did seem to work to the extent that you take it.  However, that pesky risk of seizure when mixed with alcohol...well  ::lights smoke::  I guess you can figure that one out.  I wanted a drink and a cigarette more than I wanted to take another pill.

I've not tried Zyban, but I'm going to ask my GP Lady Jane about it. It'll be just my luck that it's contraindicated for people with high blood pressure or something.

Good luck with all that crappola you're dealing with.

Shane


Thanks babe! :-*

MtD
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: aztecan on July 07, 2006, 10:28:52 pm
Matty,
I hope you don't think I was making light of your recent revelation regarding your numbers.

It is just that I remember vividly your description of Frau Eva and knew this would be a scene to remember.

That said, your plan sounds like a good one. There must a combination of "all of the above" you can take without nasty results.

Oh, and by the way, my offer still stands. When we invade Australia, you, our dear Cubby Bear and, of course, the delightful Steve are all going to be whisked here to the Land of Enchantment where you will be safe and, if I know my fellow New Mexicans, in great demand.

Just thought I would remind you.

HUGS,

Mark
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: Matty the Damned on July 07, 2006, 10:44:57 pm
Matty,
I hope you don't think I was making light of your recent revelation regarding your numbers.

It is just that I remember vividly your description of Frau Eva and knew this would be a scene to remember.


Babe, not at all!!! I'm a great fan of gallows humour. If you don't laugh, you cry and all that. For me brevity and light heartedness make this so much easier to deal with. Truth told, I'm a bit freaked out by the whole thing at the moment so your comments were very welcome and much appreciated. :-*

That said, your plan sounds like a good one. There must a combination of "all of the above" you can take without nasty results.

Oh, and by the way, my offer still stands. When we invade Australia, you, our dear Cubby Bear and, of course, the delightful Steve are all going to be whisked here to the Land of Enchantment where you will be safe and, if I know my fellow New Mexicans, in great demand.

Just thought I would remind you.

HUGS,

Mark


Sweetie it sounds divine! When Papa Bear, Little Steve and I arrive in Land of Amber Waves of Grain we'll impose socialised medicine and compulsory voting to just to piss that cantankerous old reactionary Jakey off.

--squeeze--

MtD
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: Matty the Damned on July 12, 2006, 06:16:48 pm
. . . . . soooo yesterday I rang the clinic to get my VL results from the Indefatigable Jo but she was on holiday. Her locum, Harpoon Hannah (so named because she is less than capable with a needle) doesn't "give results, especially over the phone."

MtD: You're joking!

Receptionist: I'm not but I don't think your VL is in yet anyway . . . Oh wait, yes it is.

MtD: And Harpoon Hannah can't just take a little peek and give me the result?

Receptionist: She doesn't like to give results.

MtD: Well, what the fuck does she like doing? Taking long walks on autumn afternoon?

Receptionist: Um, hehe, um I'll just put you through to Frau Eva . . .

MtD: No! Fuck! Wait! Anything but that!!!

I was transferred. Turns out my VL was not as bad as it could have been.

January 2006: 26,000 copies (Log 4.5)

June 2006: 71,800 copies (Log I forgot to ask)

So no real change there as far as I can see. I explained the plan to Frau Eva. She wasn't fooled.

Frau Eva: A plan eh? Sounds like you just want to avoid taking HIV medications.

MtD: No, I just think . . .

Frau Eva: You seem to think a lot. Maybe you should stop the thinking. Let me do the thinking for both us, yes?

MtD: But my epilepsy medications and the blood pressure thingy . . .

Frau Eva: I am scheduling you to see Social Worker Ann. Let's see what she makes of all this thinking. When she has fixed you, come back to me and I'll write your prescriptions.

<click>

Bugger. So I've been referred to the AIDS social worker. Ugh.

MtD
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: bobik on July 12, 2006, 06:42:05 pm
somehow with us here you seem much more assertive than with your healthcare workers, matty!

 ;D

Coen
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: gerry on July 12, 2006, 11:50:56 pm
Quote
I've not tried Zyban, but I'm going to ask my GP Lady Jane about it. It'll be just my luck that it's contraindicated for people with high blood pressure or something.

Matty,

Hate to be the bearer of bad news but Zyban (bupropion, also available as Wellbutrin) is in fact contraindicated in someone with seizure disorder.

I hope you and your docs can come up with a plan that won't cause the same problems with your liver like before.  Good luck.

Gerry
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: jkinatl2 on July 13, 2006, 12:14:32 am
Ack, Matty. You have some tough choices to make. You might want to try what I tried for the last year: continued denial until a crisis develops. Just saying.

Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: richfinsm on July 13, 2006, 05:47:38 am
...
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: Christine on July 13, 2006, 10:21:19 am
Hi MtD,

Here's are my thoughts, which you probably don't want, but to bad..here they are anyway. I think you should be pro-active and start meds before any crises happen. In 2001, I almost died- in the hospital for a month, unconscious and on life support for 11 days, when I woke up could not breath for myself, had tubes coming out of every orifice in my body, could not sit up in bed, walk, feed myself...nothing. And my body changed, I feel like I went from 35 to 55. I healed, but I have never been the same.

Start meds to hopefully avoid or hugely prolong a major illness. It will be easier to deal with any possible side effects now, than to deal with side effects and the after effects of a major illness.

Listen to Frau Eva, I am sure she would like keep cupping your balls as long as possible....

Christine
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: Trish on July 13, 2006, 10:32:31 am
Hi Matty,

Perhaps Christine is right and you should consider allowing Frau Eva to cup your balls for awhile longer. ;) :D  But, whatever you decide to do, and the choice is yours, I respect your decision either way.

I'm sorry you have to got through all this bullshit, but somehow I've got a feeling you'll overcome and prevail.  You usually do.

I will be thinking of you...

Wishing you all the best.

Hugs,

Trish :)
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: Matty the Damned on August 25, 2006, 11:35:29 am
-edited incomplete post-

MtD
(Who will get back to this later)
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: RobT on August 26, 2006, 03:31:44 am
Matty-
Ur such a loving and colourful character. I am glad that u have a plan, however detailed it mb. I am never too much into details.

RobT

9/27/2005-1st test results
Viral Load >1,000,000
CD4 204
CD4%age 18
CD4/CD8 ratio .23
11/24/2005- Sustiva/Truvada
04/18/2006
Viral Load 140
CD4 402
CD4%age .21
CD4/CD8 ratio .39
06/27/2006
Viral Load 42
CD4 409
CD4%age .21
08/01/2006
Viral load- undetectable
CD4 493
CD4%age .33

Next lab: 09/01/2006
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in
Post by: Sky on August 26, 2006, 03:45:50 am
TO ALL THE WORRIED WELLS WHO MAY BE READING: I'm going to make reference to some symptoms I'm experiencing at the moment. These symptoms are specific to me and have nothing to do with whatever sick AIDS fantasies may have brought you here. If I find a single, JUST A SINGLE, reference to my symptoms in the Am I Infected forum, direct or otherwise, I will make you symptom shopping shitbags wish you were born dead. That's a 24 karat promise. I mean it. Don't fuck with my shit, people.  >:(

That said, thanks to all for your responses, especially Matt for that insight into why I may have funky liver enzymes at the moment. Suddenly it makes sense. :)

--pours drink--

Restarting HAART is something that the Indefatigable Jo, Frau Eva and I discuss often. Frankly, we speak of little else. Many's the time that the Good Frau has my scrotum cupped in her gloved hands whilst feeling my inguinal nodes that she mentions how much easier life would be if I'd "just take those fucking pills, dammit."

And of course she's right. All my nodes are swollen up like the mutant walnuts from hell at the moment and the nightsweats are prodigious to say the least. I despair for my poor mattress. I'm munching on fluconazole like Tic Tacs to bludgeon the candida into place and my seb dermatitis is foul. It's like EVERYWHERE. Even on my damn bum! How can a piggy bottom live like this? I have odious mouth ulcers and I can shit through the eye of a needle.

Never one to whinge, Matty the Damned has a plan, of sorts.

1. I'm going to see my GP, Lady Jane, next week and get my epilepsy medications reviewed AND have that small hypertension issue looked into. The last time I took HAART, I had really ugly LFT's which pretty much subsided when I stopped the HAART. Sodium valproate + lamotrigine + HIV party pills just don't mix. There has to be another way.

2. Once step one is complete (or well under way at any rate), I'll go back to Frau Eva and have repeat bloods drawn in the vain hope that my CD4 % will have miraculously returned to the above 25 region. Once we've confimed that it hasn't (and even if it has) we'll begin the HAART thing. Obviously that will be informed by my epilepsy stuff.

3. I'm going to investigate Zyban as a method to quit smoking. Clearly this step is optional.

4. When all this is done, my numbers will return to an acceptable level, world peace will be declared, Jerusalem will fall and widespread Happy Dancing will break out here in Living With HIV.

The general time frame for me putting steps 1 & 2 into action is 3 weeks. I don't think I'll drop dead before then. But you never know. ;)

So that's the plan. It looks good written down.

MtD
(Who is very grateful for the support he receives here)
Who forgot to clean the cage this time?  LOL I love you Matty, you are truely one of a kind.
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: Matty the Damned on August 26, 2006, 04:55:27 am
Well, I did have a plan, but I decided it sucked. It required taking pills and being responsible and all that shit.

I posted a thread about it . . . .

MtD
(Who is a bit overwhelmed)
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: maddeuwch on August 26, 2006, 05:13:25 am
I wish I was closer Matty....I'd love to fuck that virus out of you,then cuddle you up while you snoozed!
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: Matty the Damned on August 26, 2006, 05:26:44 am
I wish I was closer Matty....I'd love to fuck that virus out of you,then cuddle you up while you snoozed!

I'm gonna be sick . . .

MtD
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: maddeuwch on August 26, 2006, 05:29:35 am
awwwwww....how cute!!! :D
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: Matty the Damned on August 26, 2006, 07:23:52 am
Don't push me leek eater or I will have you.

MtD
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: Dachshund on August 26, 2006, 08:27:38 am
I wish I was closer Matty....I'd love to fuck that virus out of you,then cuddle you up while you snoozed!



This is just creepy...what, did you just come from the pub? You know you should apologize to Matty, but I doubt he would accept it.
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: Matty the Damned on August 26, 2006, 08:38:39 am
This is interesting.

I say one thing and get threatened with a time out or a ban.

The Welsh pervert can say what he likes and get away with it.

Matty the Damned
(Who is HUGELY pissed off)

Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: maddeuwch on August 26, 2006, 10:07:49 am
Sorry Matty....that message seems to have pissed you and a few people off.

It was meant in good humour....but I sincerely apologise for causing offence to you.

Paul.
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: Matty the Damned on August 26, 2006, 10:14:04 am
I accept that you took the time to respond.

MtD
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: Moffie65 on August 26, 2006, 11:57:45 am
Hi Matty,

I don't know how I missed this saga, all together.  Oh yes, I do remember, I was very busy in July, and so didn't spend enough time here.

OOOOOO Doggie!  

Me thinks that Mister Matty is having some issues about the decision to take the poison.  I want you to know that this Daddy don't give a damn whether or not you decide to imbibe or not.  I just want all the readers of this thread to understand that Matty is humble at best and with his personal information, shy at worst.  I understand our precious brother/sister from down under a tad bit more than he might be comfortable with, and from my view looking West towards the horizon, where he resides almost half way around the globe; I see a man with too many decisions to make for mere mortals.

I hope you all understand that Epilepsy is one hell of a life changing event in itself, and for a driven, accomplished and intelligent person like our Matty, to have to deal with this evil burden for the rest of his life..........well.........  Let's just say, this observer has had far too many friends and co-workers that had to face this one square in the face.  It ain't pretty folks.  It just ain't!!

Now, add to that a past of succumbing to the mistress of mind altering pharmaceuticals, and having to feed this need, on top of the one above; well, I totally understand the need, and the pursuit of softening the corners just a bit.  He, not unlike many of us here, lives humbly on a meager check from the state, and struggles daily to make the choices that will sustain him for the rest of the month.  

Finally, plunge these issues deeply into the crisis of living with and managing HIV/AIDS; you now have the TRIFECTA from hell.  

I want to get a question off my chest that has been torturing me for the last two or three weeks, ever since I read Matty's thread about making the decision to not re-start/start taking the poison.

For one minute, please dig deep into your imagination,  no, deeper than that.......  OK, now place yourself in his shoes.  Think about what it would mean to have to be subservient to the state for the rest of your natural, or un-natural life.  You are in your early thirties, there is little hope, if any, that you will ever again in your life be able to sustain a job that will give you the income to enjoy some of the things you might have had as dreams only a few short years ago.  Think long and think hard about looking at the better part of the next thirty years, constantly struggling, constantly having to deal with Frau Evas along the way.  Ain't a very pretty photograph, is it?  My question is a very simple one....."Could You Do It?"

Like I have said here on these forums, many times over the last three years.  When one of our family has to make the decision to either submit to HAART, or not, it is our utmost responsibility to make every attempt in our beings to be empathic, supportive and non-judgemental.

I don't look forward to saying good bye to Matty, and indeed that event is more than likely, a long way away.  He may have several more years to come here and torment the uninitiated and casual onlookers, I certainly hope so.  However, we must all realize that we are all terminal, and only our spirit beings move on into the future of the things to come.  I know I will see Matty on the other side, even though I am also as sure as the nose on my face, that he also hates this view as one of total heresy.  No matter, he allows me to believe in my Spirit being, and lets me think that someday we will meet on the other side.  Either way, knowing this very incredible man has been a time of joy and a time of learning for this very tired old soul.  

Matty.....  I want you to know that this old man loves your arse.  I want for you to understand with every fibre of your being that I have so very much enjoyed our time together, and look forward with wet anticipation to the future of your life and participation here.  All I ask is that no matter what happens, please don't feel that you must ever stay away from here, and I will always be keeping up on your progress through this wonderful and awesome trip we are on.

In Love and Support.
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: Dachshund on August 26, 2006, 12:26:26 pm
Thanks Tim, I know Matty needed your words of love, more now than ever. I support my Poo in any decision he decides to make. Thanks Tim for paying attention, and like you, look forward to many years of the delightfully wicked Matty.The.Damned stirring the AIDSmed pot.   
Title: Re: Matty the Damned's Numbers are in --UPDATED--
Post by: LatinAlexander on August 26, 2006, 01:06:52 pm
Matty:

Perhaps I am not the most indicated person to say anything. I am myself in some sort of mental tornado... But Anyway, here I go.

HECK, I WISH I HAD YOUR STRENGTH!!!!!!!!!!

Alex