Scared to lose him!

[Rachael_1]

I married the love of my life in early September, a week after returning from out honeymoon an ex girlfriend called him and said she had been diagnosed with HIV.
He had been losing weight, having diarrhea for almost a year, he had been to the doctor and had ran some tests, which he showed me and was inconclusive. So as soon as the ex called I just knew.
We both went to get tested the next day and he tested positive, I tested negative.
I am heartbroken. I love him so much.
We just got his CD4 count last week, he has an extremely low count of 40. He was immediately medicated and is having no side effect so far from the meds, his appetite seems to have improved and he has not had diarrhea in 3 days.
I am terrified he may die at any minute, I lost my dad in January, he had chemo and was very thin and weak. My husband is also thin now, I keep looking at him and wondering if I may lose him too.
Does anyone have a positive story with a very low CD4 count?

[Jeff G]

Welcome to the forum Rachael . Many of us here that live with HIV have cam back from single digit cd4 counts, Im one of them . I have now lived over 30 years with the virus and I am not special so if I can do it he can too . Please check out or lesson on PrEP ... its something for you to consider down the line . I'm wishing you the very best .

http://www.poz.com/factsheets/fs_2014_09_prep.pdf

[Almost2late]

Hi Rachael, sorry to hear of your newly wed husbands diagnoses but I can sincerely tell you that life is not over.. I also had low cd4's, lower than your husbands.. I had lost allot of weight too but then got it all back and then some, matter of fact I wish I hadn't ate so much cause now I'm over weight, lol.. I've only been on HIV meds 1 year, I still have AIDS but I feel much, much better than I did in January.

Once your husband gets his HIV viral load under control, I'm almost positive he will regain his weight and be able to live a normal life but this is only if he adheres to his meds.. To me, after regaining my health physically, the most challenging was keeping my mind stable as the stigma associated with HIV can cause many issues and we mostly stigmatize our own selves.. Your support might really help him deal with HIV both mentally and physically.

Also as Jeff suggested, you might want to read up on Prep and how to keep yourself from catching HIV.. Condoms are the cheapest and most effective way, IMO.. Remember it's a disease that doesn't care who you are but is very manageable if medications are taken.. Hope so much that helped.

[Rachael_1]

Thank you so much for both your answers!
I went back to get a follow up HIV test yesterday and I am still negative, after 2 years of unprotected sex with my now husband.
We are using condoms, the country we live in doesn't offer prophylactic meds for serodiscordant couples, except for if I am exposed i.e. the condom breaks.
I have bought him multivitamins, Calcium + vit D, fish oil, and Selenium supplements.
He has an increased appetite so I maintain a full fridge and encourage him to eat small frequent meals.
Do you know if there is anywhere where diet/supplement guidelines exist?
I am so glad both of you are doing well
My husband is scared of the stigma and so he has told nobody except me and has forbidden me to tell. It feels very isolating, I have a sister I share everything with but I respect his wishes and I cant vent with him as he has taken the "I am fine" approach.
Maybe he is fine, I am not so sure, I am not.
He knows I am there for him no matter what, besides being in very precarious health, he is 100% the man I married, he is just unlucky to have caught this.
Anyone could, I could/can.
We had a brief visit with a psychologist at the hospital that is treating him and she said it's normal for men to be less expressive. I get upset and cry easily but try to protect him from that.
I hope he manages to one day tell his parents, they would need to be educated on HIV as there is a LOT of stigma in our country. But they truly love him and maybe it would help him not feel stigmatized or isolated?
Thank you for reaching out to me!
X X X

[harleymc]

Hi Rachael.
You sound like a champion.

If your husband takes his medications as directed and is proactive with his health professionals he will be absolutely fine. I find I need to write down little lists of talking points for the times I see my doctor this might be a good trick for your man to do too.

When he gets his viral load down to undetectable ( this can be a fast or a slow process) then you will be safer than just using condoms, at that point you might even considder having children, (but that is a discussion for another time).

You need a bit of support as well as your husband. You may be able to find a telephone counselling service or maybe a group for partners of PLWHIV, these are often run by hospital outreach departments or dedicated HIV organisations. Use a false name if you want to preserve privacy. Alternately vent here.

Big hugs
Harley

[ecludgh]

It is firs time for me to answer a treath then hi every body.
i hope my words give you more confidence in your husband health, as in january last year my CD4 were about 49, cause ,here in Spain, just finished in that time a hepatitis c treatment wich it cause me   a lot of anemia, and after 48 weeks of med for my liver , inmulogic sistem i was really bad. After 6 months , i won  8kilos and nearly i have to go for a diet. Now i  feel so good , every morning i run 1 mile on the beach and havent had a cold or a problem with my health.It s very nice to hear a negative speaking so lovely about a positive as my experience isnt like this, but you too give me ,faith .

[Rachael_1]

Hi everyone!
I have great news! I am over the moon!
My husband just called me on my mobile, he went to a follow-up checkup at the hospital, to see how his CD4 and viral load are.
His CD4 at the beginning of December (2014) was 48, his viral count 300.000.
He was diagnosed in September (2014), possibly infected 4 years ago (2012) in a previous relationship .
He called to say his CD4 (blood drawn mid-January, so 6 weeks after starting medications) is now 289!!!!! His viral load is down to 600.
He has a new doctor, a male (great so he feels more comfortable) and his doctor said it's very surprising and is very pleased with his progress.
He has gained and maintained about 8 pounds (in 8 weeks) we are careful for him to eat healthy but we increased his calories a bit to help him gain weight. His appetite is increased which helps.
The doctor seems to be well informed and said that when his viral load is undetectable he wouldn’t be against us trying to conceive naturally! He is prepared to help us with natural conception (meds for me and so on), my husband’s next appointment is in 2 months.
I was so worried today, I couldn’t go to the appointment because of work and I kept thinking, what if he isn’t recovering? How to help him deal with the disappointment, how to keep him safe.
I was preparing myself for a very slow progression. I though from what I had read and from different graphs I’d seen on the internet that it could take up to 2 years to get to around 200 CD4, he has done more than that in 6 weeks! Is this normal?
I have him on calcium and Vit D (he doesn’t like milk, he works shifts so doesn’t get much sunlight) a multivitamin, fish oil tablet, Selenium (studies seem to show increases CD4), probiotic drinks (for his intestines and immune system (he suffered from diarrhea for months). He has HIV-1 and resistant strain and so is on 3 different HIV meds for that particular strain. If anyone is interested in which meds let me know (I can’t remember the names right now). The more we share the better!
I just wished that everyone had such luck!
Thank you everyone that has "talked" to me here, I will keep you posted.
@ ecludgh, I hope you are continuing to improve, you sound very motivated and proactive, that for sure is going to help you recover!

X X X!!