Author Topic: Worried about my first experience (Read 3591 times)

Scaredandanxious · « **on:** January 12, 2016, 01:22:10 pm »

I would first like to start off by saying that I appreciate forums like this exist. I have been entirely obsessed these last 7 weeks and have spent countless hours reading stories and experiences. Now to my story.

I identify as bisexual. I have only ever been with women in my life and always practiced safe sex. Never once did I penetrate a women without a condom.

After my last relationship, I started to feel like something was missing so i decided I would explore my feelings with a man. At the end of August I went on a dating site and met this really nice guy who was a few years older than me. We talked for weeks on text message and in late September decided to meet up for dinner. After meeting for a few weeks we went back to his place and kissed and touched each other (at this point no risk).

By mid October, we finally gave each other oral sex (without a condom) and continued to do so for weeks. I understand now that oral is considered low risk, but not no risk. I was ignorant at the time and believed HIV was transmitted blood to blood.

On November 22nd, I decided that I was finally ready to try anal sex. We messed around and he fingered me and then he asked me if I was ready. At this point I said yes and he got a condom, applied more lubricant and penetrated me. After about a minute or so I asked him to stop, which he did. If was a little painful and uncomfortable. He then applied more lube (bottle said personal lubricant). We continued again after a few minutes. This is when the exposure I'm afraid of happened. After several minutes, he stops and pulled out. He said, sorry the condom just broke, something was feeing weird. I say the condom and the part that protects the head was revealed and it rolled down about a quarter way. I didn't think much of it and said, how long was it broken for. He replied, maybe 5 or 6 seconds tops. At this point, we stopped as he had no more condoms. For the 2 weeks that followed, I didn't think much about it because in my head I kept saying, I used a condom and the exposure was seconds.

Fast forward to the first week of December. I was at work and had really bad diaherria. I ended up leaving early and went home to rest. For the next few days, I had a headache and constant diaherria and my vision was blurry. I went to the doctor and they said that I was probably coming down with something and told me to drink lots of fluids and rest.

I met with him again the 12th of December and we only did oral again.

On December 14th my face flushed and I went warm on my neck and chest but never had a temperate. This Lasted until Christmas Day. By the 16th I developed a small rash on my chest and stomach that would be Iratated by heat and would almost disappear when my shirt was off, but was still noticeable. Within the next few days the rash had pimples and white bumps. Sometimes it would itch but lmost of the time it wouldn't. I started having on and off night sweats and couldn't sleep for weeks.

On December 23rd I stared having a white tongue. I was so stressed I smoked more than a pack a day. By the 31st the doctor looked at it and said it was thrush and gave me a rinse.

My symptoms have lasted as follows:

1. Diaherria from December 2nd until today. Some days its bad other days it's ok.
2. Rash on chest and legs and knuckles since December 16th
3. Headache for a few days
4. Thrush since December 23rd. By January 4th my tongue is still dry and white but the Dcotor said its no longer thrush and doesn't know what it is.
5. Lost about 10lbs since December 4th

I know you can't go by symptoms and I decided to take an HIV test on January 4th. This was 43 days from the broken condom. The results were negative, which was a relief, but I know that means nothing. The doctor didn't seem concerned and said that after all the symptoms I was experiencing, I should have tested positive by now, but again i dont really believe this. My questions are as follows.

1. I worry about the blow job I gave the second week of December. I feel this puts me 3 weeks earlier. Should I just be focusing on the broken condom situation or should I be counting from the blow job?

2. Is my 43 day test a good start? This was a lab test that took 4 days to send back results. I also tested for all other stds and they all came out negative as well. I of course plan on test again the first week of February which will bring me to about 10 weeks.

3. I know you can't go by other people's test, but he graciously tested a day or 2 before me (I believe it was rapid as the results were instant) and they were negative. My concern is we weren't dating so I don't know if he had any other engagements during the time we were seeing each other. He claims he hasn't but like I've read a few times, only your test matters.

Thank you for your time and I appreciate you reading this and giving me an honest answer. I'll save my replies for the hopeful wohooooo test in the next coming weeks.

Wade · « **Reply #1 on:** January 12, 2016, 02:24:56 pm »

Hi , From what I've read your only risk to test for was the broken condom.
You tested negative at 43 days , negative results will rarely change after 6 weeks.
It is always recommended to test at 13 weeks to confirm your negative result .
We do not discuss symptoms as you know , so continue to work with your doctor
Wade

Scaredandanxious · « **Reply #2 on:** January 12, 2016, 03:28:45 pm »

Thank you for replying wade. This has made me feel a little more optimistic about the whole situation. I know you can't judge anything by symptoms, but that's also the scariest part, when you are experiencing them all. I've learned so much in the last 7 weeks and am going to be more optimistic to carry me through the next 5. I'll save my last message for my final results. Take care and thanks again.

Wade · « **Reply #3 on:** January 12, 2016, 04:03:32 pm »

You're Welcome , You Take care Too !

Scaredandanxious · « **Reply #4 on:** February 07, 2016, 12:46:35 pm »

Well I come with good news and a new fear... I feel extremely stupid once again.

I tested negative 11 weeks past the incident and I was so relieved. I also had a complete STD test done and everything came back negative which also made me very happy.

the guy I was seeing has since left me, (the day after I wrote my concern) because he said I stressed out to much with these fears of HIV and he wasn't interested in being with someone who didn't trust him enough and expected a retest to ensure both statuses. In my opinion that was a red flag and happy he's out of my life.

A couple days later, I met a new guy at the bar and we also hit it off. I explained my situation in full and he was completely understanding. We spent the month of January together and decided to make it official last weekend. We haven't engaged in any anal sex (even with a condom) as we are waiting since it's too soon to jump into this kind of stuff. Me and my partner are planning to have a complete STD test done after we've been together for 3 months, just to make sure we are free of any stds. We also agreed to only engage in anal with a condom until we are both ready, been tested and can agree on a monogamous relationship. He is now away for 1 month visiting his family back home in the Uk

My only concern now is that I tested negative for both the clap and gonnerrea but that was through a urine test. The nurse had said a urine test will catch any form of the bacteria as it always passes through the urine no matter where it is. Talking to a friend, she said you have to swab a throat for these infections too otherwise they can go unnoticed, which is extremely dangerous. The urine test only catches genitial. I then checked online and she was right

I had advised my doctor my throat has felt funny and after swabbing for the standard cultures so said my extreme depression and stress is the cause of that tight feeling and said it would clear once the scare was done. This was before I learned about the STD not being detected through urine if it's in the throat.

Obviously I am now completely terrified that I have had a throat std all this time and didn't know. I understand, that this now puts me at the highest risk, as unprotected anal sex. I gave my previous partner oral on Dec 15th (roughly) and my new partner oral 2 times and he also didn't ejaculatie in my mouth, but there most likely has been Precum. I am going to have my throat swabbed tomorrow, but I can't believe i put myself back at the highest level of risk after suffering for 12 weeks. I've read online this is the same risk level as unprotected anal without a condom (receiving)

I've advised my new partner and he's not concerned and said I had "done" all the right things in testing and of course this was an oversight. I'm concerned if he is HIV + (as he hasn't tested since his last physical 4 months ago) that I am now positive. I was lucky that the condom break didn't infect me but here I am again... I know oral is low risk (especially with no ejaculation) but now with a potential unnoticed throat STD I am doomed. What are your thoughts on this situation? I am just upset at myself as I thought I did all the right things. My conclusive test will now be in May.

Jeff G · « **Reply #5 on:** February 07, 2016, 12:56:29 pm »

We do risk assessments for HIV so please work with your doctor if you have questions about any other test he may have done.

The best we can advise is to give you transmission modes for HIV along with testing and window period information.

The window period for HIV testing is 6 weeks past any possible exposure and again at 13 weeks to confirm the results, A negative test at 6 weeks past any possible exposure rarely changes. You can read about testing here...
http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/HIVtests_5029.shtml

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI.Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Please Note.
As a member of the AM I Infected Forum you are required to only post in this one thread no matter how long between visits or the subject matter. You can find this thread by going to your profile and selecting show own post and it will take you here . It helps us to help you when you keep all your thoughts or questions in one thread and it helps other readers to follow the discussion. Any additional threads will be deleted.

Scaredandanxious · « **Reply #6 on:** February 07, 2016, 01:20:11 pm »

Thanks for the follow up Jeff. I guess my question is, would this be considered a high risk situation as I've read online, considering I could have an oral std that I don't know about? Would my saliva still act as a barrier or does this get negated?

Sorry, I don't mean to ask so many questions so I just want to understand the situation a little beter. I checked the forum and this question was only asked once or twice before and the answers were fairly similar to low risk, but of course this was years ago and wonder if the situation has changed in theory.

Jeff G · « **Reply #7 on:** February 07, 2016, 01:29:22 pm »

You seem overly occupied with STDS that you do not have. The best we can do for has already been done . The only way to know if you have a STD is to test so please discuss your fears with your doctor. You are worrying over an imagined std and asking questions about it and that is troubling … if you are having irrational fears tell your doctor, we cant help you with that.

Scaredandanxious · « **Reply #8 on:** February 07, 2016, 01:42:13 pm »

Jeff, I am really sorry! Truly I am. Your response has made me realize I am overreacting from this situation. You are right, I have an irrational fear of HIV and maybe I am not ready to engage in relations yet. I am going to work with my therapist to overcome this especially since I am terrified over a theoretical risk that I have read over and over. I guess everyone also thinks what if, but I should believe you guys when you say the only confirmed transmission is in Unprotected sex. If I was coming here with a high risk situation I know you guys would be all over me.

Again, I am sorry for doing what you guys hate most and flooding your forum with irrational fear. I will move on from this situation and ensure to practice safe penetrative sex (as I already know) and just test for HIV every 6 months like a responsible adult.

Last question, I would like to make a donation to your forums for all the hard work you and the team do. Can you advise how I can do so?

Thanks again and all the best.

Jeff G · « **Reply #9 on:** February 07, 2016, 01:57:15 pm »

No need to apologize. Its part of our job to assess who had a risk or needs to be advised to see a doctor for things we cant handle. Your concerns are better off addressed by a doctor so that is the advice I am giving.

When you bought a subscription you donated already so thanks for that.

Scaredandanxious · « **Reply #10 on:** February 12, 2016, 11:24:55 am »

Hello Jeff and team,

I would like to begin by saying I have extended my membership another 7 days, not because I will be writing more posts here, but as a donation and thank you to all the hard work that you and the team do for everyone who has a scare.

All my std tests came back negative yesterday, so as I mentioned in my previous post, I am now working with my therapist. I also promised myself I would write a final post once this happened to show everyone that when you guys truly say symptoms mean nothing, well you are right. I had every symptom in the book from non-itchy body rashes, severe weight loss, loose stools, headaches, fatigue, and even oral thrush (confirmed by a doctor) all this happened weeks past my potential exposure. It seemed to perfect.

Without making this to long, I just want to show everyone here that testing is important and that if you have any doubt you should test as soon as its time to. Don't let every change in your body freak you out. Your mind is a powerful place and I not only convinced myself I was positive, I even prepared myself by researching ID doctors in my area and treatment. I wasted 3 months of my life sitting at home researching this day in and day out. I lost contact with my dearest friends and most importantly I lost myself.

Thank you again to all the forum members that volunteer their time to help on these forums. I wish you all the best

in a nice way, I hope to never have to speak with you guys again haha.

Jeff G · « **Reply #11 on:** February 12, 2016, 11:39:34 am »

Thank you for your donation and thank you for the heartfelt post. I’m wishing you the very best.

Scaredandanxious · « **Reply #12 on:** May 02, 2016, 11:10:11 am »

Hello, I was hoping I wouldn't have to write here again, but I have two questions that I am hoping to ask for peace of mind. Also, I wasn't sure if I am supposed to reply to this post to start a new topic. Sorry if this is incorrect.

The first one was 2 weeks ago. I was with a guy and he was masterbating. He came first. After he came, he took that same hand and fingers my rectum. Is this a concern?

The second one is I was the bottom with the same guy on Friday and we used protection. My concern is that I noticed that the condom was slidding down and he kept adjusting it while we were having sex. He then cam in me (with the condom) and stayed there for about 10 seconds. When he pulled out he was beginning to become flaccid but the condom was still on him (although loose) and all the seaman was in the tip. I checked the condom after sex and there were no holes and remained intact. My concern is if he was becoming flaccid, could there have been spill while he was pulling out or when he was in there for those seconds? If the condom was slipping down the shaft but the head remained covered, I imagine the condom would have come off completely if his head were to have ever been exposed?

Thank you

Wade · « **Reply #13 on:** May 02, 2016, 11:26:01 am »

Hi
The virus is very fragile and is damaged once exposed to air
and is left unable to infect. So the fingering was not a risk.
The same applies for your other concern, body fluids are not infectious one exposed to air. Loose or not you were protected by an intact condom.

Best Wade

Scaredandanxious · « **Reply #14 on:** May 02, 2016, 11:30:14 am »

THANK YOU!! You have eased my mind about the situation.

Have a great day.

Wade · « **Reply #15 on:** May 02, 2016, 11:34:08 am »

You're Welcome !

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Author Topic: Worried about my first experience (Read 3591 times)