got the news 48 hours ago

[jgking30]

On a routine visit to the doctor Monday he casually opened my blood test results from a prior appt. only to hit me over the head with the news...  I'm a 38 year old male with a shady past, but ten years now of a monogamous relationship with a GREAT guy.  Neither myself or my doctor thought I was at risk, so we never gave those results much though after the test-and I assumed no news was good news and had forgotten about it.  After a long night of crying with my partner, I woke up yesterday and called my very supportive boss (also gay and a real friend) who gave me a pep talk and told me to take the time I need.  Today is my second day off work-was supposed to see a specialist today but they have yet to call me back, so looks like I will need to make a decision on doctors soon.  I don't think it's a good sign to already be put off like this, and i want to stay upbeat and keep moving so i feel like i'm doing something and not just ignoring it.
    I have so many questions and don't know where to start.  All of this is new to me in terms of meds, risks, blood counts...  I'm trying to dive in but it is a lot to comprehend when I'm already preoccupied with fear.  My (supportive) partner tested neg earlier this year, and is going for another test tomorrow.  That is my immediate concern.  Don't know how we can avoid both being pos, but after ten years maybe he dodged a bullet.
     Still have a western blot on the way back to confirm, but I just know this isn't a wrong diagnosis.  Right now i am concerned about getting in to a specialist.  If I don't hear back today from this one should i call my regular doctor for another referral?  I know this specialist is going to be out of town for about 3 weeks, and don't want to make one visit and then hear nothing for a month.  I live in Queens NY, so any great medical help out there I should know about?
     I should mention I'm about 500 times more panicked than this post sounds-I think I've officially gone numb.
     

[Esquare]

JGKing,

I welcome you to the forums as I am sure that others will.

My advice would be to be careful of diving in to much too soon. Read some of the lessons here on the site but please pace yourself. I'd also advise a slow down on disclosure until you get a better grip on things.

A lot of this hinges on that western blot test and I imagine that more will respond to your thread once you know the results of that.

You are going to be ok. Just try to keep yourself calm.

[jgking30]

Thanks for the kind words, they do help a lot. I talked to my partner at length tonight and we are feeling calmer; and he wants to get his test over with so we know where we stand.  Also, at this point I've only told my boss.  He is telling me the same, keep it 'in the family' for now.  We had a long discussion about making sure this is confidential at work, and have planned out a good cover for the missed time on the job.  I am very very lucky to have both of these guys in my life right now.  Staying...uh...upbeat!

[brooklynpoz]

Hi JGKING30,

Welcome to the forums.

I go to one of the BEST clinics here. They are very very professional, compassionate, and on top of their game.
It's been 3 years for me, wasn't easy the 1 st year, but, I got through it. I am also 38 yrs old, Brooklyn NY.
 I am in a 3 yr monogomous relationship. He is negative. Alot of talking & even going to a place called "PLUSES" helped.
Sadly, they are no longer around due to lack of federal funding.
Here is all my Doctor & Clinic info.

Clinic :
APICHA
400 BROADWAY, NY NY 10013
212-334-6029
WWW.APICHA.ORG
1-866-APICHA-9

Doctor :
DR. VICTOR INADA MEDICAL DIRECTOR
646-744-2596

By all means, you can email me for anything.
Good luck to you,
Frankie

[jgking30]

Thank you so much for the info!  I just went online and checked out their site-  I'm giving myself tomorrow to get my regular doctor on the phone and tell him i'm having trouble getting an appointment through his referral.  I would like to use someone he works with normally, just for convenience of medical records.  However, he is located in Park Slope and I moved to Queens several years ago.  I certainly would not like to repeat that sobbing ride on the G train again if I can help it!  At this point I'm going to be open to whatever and I can keep my options open.  I just want to get my first numbers so I know where I stand.  Complicating this, I'm going out of the country in early October-should I need to be on meds, I want the details so I'm not worried while I'm gone.
Partner went for his second test this year today and we are on pins and needles.  Certainly hoping he is neg, but either way we are gonna' fight.  We've made up our minds about that! 
     

[naftalim]

Look at the posts of people that are Living with HIV, you can see that we are for the most part living our lives, so everyone of us has in some way been where you are today. Dont worry about the emotions, they are real and part of the process. Once you get into a structure of doctors and test and possibly meds, it will change from some horrible unknown deadly disease to something that is manageble and part of your life as opposed to your life. I was diagnosed over 2 years ago, and the intial reaction was that my life was over. Well, there is only the one life you have, and there is no repeat, so its important to cherish it.

[brooklynpoz]

Hello again,
The clinic I mentioned to you , " APICHA", is not only for ASIAN patients.
I am an Italian guy. I just wanted to let you know, ALL ARE ACCEPTED.
The ' N '  train goes there, ( CANAL STREET STATION), thats what I take from Brooklyn.

[PositivelyYours]

Hello jgking30,

First, I would like to welcome you to the forum.  It is unfortunate that you had to find us but I am so glad you did.  Secondly, I would like to encourage you to take it one step at a time.   Give the Specialist time to make that call to schedule an appointment.  Just remember that people are finding out everyday that they are HIV positive, so we are not the only ones dealing with this.   I would also advise you to try and calm down.  One thing we positive people cannot afford is to be stressed out. It is wasted energy that you will need to keep from getting sick.  Next, I would like to tell you that this is not the end of the world.  Once you see the Specialist he/she will answer all of your questions and explain everything you need to know about HIV/Aids.  I found out about my status over a year ago, and while it was devastating - I am still here a year later.  All of am saying is continue to pray, take care of yourself, listen to your doctor and remember to only disclose to those people you feel absolutely comfortable in knowing your status.  If you have any questions please feel free to email me at uncutblkbear@aol.com

On a routine visit to the doctor Monday he casually opened my blood test results from a prior appt. only to hit me over the head with the news...  I'm a 38 year old male with a shady past, but ten years now of a monogamous relationship with a GREAT guy.  Neither myself or my doctor thought I was at risk, so we never gave those results much though after the test-and I assumed no news was good news and had forgotten about it.  After a long night of crying with my partner, I woke up yesterday and called my very supportive boss (also gay and a real friend) who gave me a pep talk and told me to take the time I need.  Today is my second day off work-was supposed to see a specialist today but they have yet to call me back, so looks like I will need to make a decision on doctors soon.  I don't think it's a good sign to already be put off like this, and i want to stay upbeat and keep moving so i feel like i'm doing something and not just ignoring it.
    I have so many questions and don't know where to start.  All of this is new to me in terms of meds, risks, blood counts...  I'm trying to dive in but it is a lot to comprehend when I'm already preoccupied with fear.  My (supportive) partner tested neg earlier this year, and is going for another test tomorrow.  That is my immediate concern.  Don't know how we can avoid both being pos, but after ten years maybe he dodged a bullet.
     Still have a western blot on the way back to confirm, but I just know this isn't a wrong diagnosis.  Right now i am concerned about getting in to a specialist.  If I don't hear back today from this one should i call my regular doctor for another referral?  I know this specialist is going to be out of town for about 3 weeks, and don't want to make one visit and then hear nothing for a month.  I live in Queens NY, so any great medical help out there I should know about?
     I should mention I'm about 500 times more panicked than this post sounds-I think I've officially gone numb.
     

[dtwpuck]

My friend, I am so sorry to hear about your positive test.   You will hear a whole lot about the right and wrong way to handle things, lots of advice and a lot of opinions. 

Here is what you can rely on:  your life has changed.  It won't be easy to come to terms with it, but there it is.  It's hard not to panic, not to let your mind race.  I'm not even sure it's good to try to stop it.  But you should know that many of us here know exactly what you are going through.  And if knowing that there are people out there who understand and care helps, then accept what little this posting offers as a helping hand.

You have a partner who loves you.  You love him.  No matter what happens, hold on to that.  He needs your support right now as much as you need his.  Take time right now to appreciate the things that make you happy.  This might feel like a death sentence right now, but it is not.   Love for one another is the glue that holds a life together.  You have a gift that many people yearn to have.  It is during these times that you can rely on each other to get you through this.

The only thing we can do as humans is empathize.  Big hug to you.  Please keep us informed of how things are going.

.... and welcome.

Scott

[CallmeBjorn]

I'm sorry to hear your news. I found out a month ago, so am learning to deal with it myself. Besides what the other folks have already said, these are the things that have helped me:

1. The book "HIV-The first Year" by Brett Grodeck. Has a good mix of medical info (just enough, but not too overwhelming) and social/psychological issues (support, insurance, legal etc). Breaks the whole huge thing into digestible sizes (Day 1, Day 2, Week 1 etc).

2. The GMHC in NYC has a hotline (I think it's 9 am - 9pm) that's a wealth of info, including a list of medical doctors that treat HIV patients. They also have trained counselors who are very helpful in the initial shock. (212) 807-6655.

Be well.