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Off Topic Forums => Off Topic Forum => Topic started by: AlanBama on June 30, 2006, 06:43:13 pm

Title: Losing a friend
Post by: AlanBama on June 30, 2006, 06:43:13 pm
I was shocked to learn that my good friend and co-worker from my days as an Auditor, Mary, died this morning.   She had cancer of the stomach, and did not live one year from her diagnosis.

I'm now 15 years out from my 'death sentence', which was originally handed down in 1991 (hear that Dr. D?   I told you I didn't have to die just because you said so!).  It feels so strange, I don't know how to describe the emotions I go through at losing someone that I was not 'supposed' to lose, when I should have been the one to go first.   I really had made my peace and was fully prepared to die, but I always kept fighting and praying and hoping for a miracle.  I got my miracle, but so many others did not.   I guess what I'm trying to say is that when I learn of a death like this, it stirs up that old 'survivors guilt' in me.

I'm taking comfort in the great memories I have of Mary, and our years of working together.   She was my favorite co-worker, and she and I worked together better than anyone I ever worked with in my life.  We went on lots of trips together.....eating out at some hick town Georgia restaurant, me white and her black, and getting all kinds of evil looks.....She was a deeply religious person, but never ever tried to impose her beliefs on anyone else.   She knew I had AIDS, and she still loved me anyway.

"Mary, you're free now....you'll never have to do another audit again.   Rest in peace, dear friend"

Alan  :'(
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: Joe K on June 30, 2006, 06:50:35 pm
Dear Alan,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.  No matter what our fate, the loss of those around us remains a very final reminder of our limited time on this globe.  I also understand the guilt aspect, but I doubt that is what Mary would want you to feel, upon her passing.

You have described her as a person that was generous in her spirit and caring and people like that never resent the good fortune of their friends.  It's a fitting tribute and I do understand your being torn.

Life would be so much easier if we didn't have to become so emotionall vested.

And we would be bored to tears.

Mary, may angels sing you to your rest.
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: allopathicholistic on June 30, 2006, 06:57:20 pm
remembering the good times, that's beautiful. ... y'know death is truly the great equalizer, as someone once said, or wrote.[?] in 200 years everyone who'se alive now won't be. and maybe the other side is so grand (beyond words) that we'll wonder and laugh about the fuss we made about "staying here" in the first place.. stay strong. you're alive - be happy - be loving. life is a mystery. rest easy. {hug}
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: cubbybear on June 30, 2006, 07:01:50 pm
You really describe her as a wonder and lovely person Alan, I'm sorry to hear that she had passed.
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: Basquo on June 30, 2006, 07:07:30 pm
I'm so sorry you have lost your friend.  Perhaps you could write a letter to her family, telling them how much she meant to you?  I'm sure it would me so much to them.  Peace be with you.

Creighton
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: Teresa on June 30, 2006, 07:12:57 pm
Alan,

Im so sorry for the loss of your friend. She sounded like a truly wonderful person.

Hugs
Teresa
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: Life on June 30, 2006, 07:53:33 pm
Oh Alan, are we just sensitized to the living and dying equation of our lives?  Are we taking into account what emotional termoil we have all been through?  Are we now (if not then) closing any open & unread chapters we left during our rebellious periods?   I don't know.  Not this early in the game for me.   As we get older, we are going to see more and more people move on and out of our line of view.  Be sure you say what you need to up front  I make that a point but I always have and even more so today.   Being gay,  sometimes our best friends are our best family.  Me and William in the past year have lost some "best" family and are in the process of loosing more.   Does that mean we are "cheating death?" because of our status.  No.. No not at all.  We are all going to get to that point someday..  Celebrate knowing Mary as i celebrate knowing Janie.  Celebrate the fact she was placed in your life and you are forever changed by Mary...   That's the good stuff... That's what means something...  Your such a warm and caring person - -  I would expect no less from you sweetie...   God Bless and continue to "feel".   

Love
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: RapidRod on June 30, 2006, 08:19:47 pm
Alan, I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your friend. Please except my condolences.

Rod
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: ademas on June 30, 2006, 08:29:34 pm
oh, man, I'm so sorry, Alan.
Mary sounds like she was a very special person, indeed, and I'm so sorry for your loss.
xox
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: J.R.E. on June 30, 2006, 08:37:20 pm
Hello Alan,

My deepest sympathies go out to you, on the passing of your friend.



 (((HUGS)))    Ray
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: Andy Velez on June 30, 2006, 09:02:59 pm
It's sad to read about your friend Mary passing away, Alan. My condolences. It sounds like you had one of those very special friendships that is a blessing when it comes along. I'm sure she felt the same about you and is looking down keeping watch on you. Though tears may come sometimes, you will also have some wonderful memories that will always stay with you.

Big cheers,
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: Biggums on June 30, 2006, 09:30:47 pm
Alan,

Sorry to hear about Mary.  She sounds like a real quality lady.  Our condolences buddy.
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: TedEBearNC on June 30, 2006, 09:55:40 pm
Alan, I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your dear friend.  Sounds like she was one in a million.

Hugs,

Phil
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: Ric Wilke on June 30, 2006, 10:34:54 pm
Alan,

May Mary rest in peace.  Please remember her when she was well.  She will live in your heart forever.

Hugs man, Ric
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: AlanBama on June 30, 2006, 11:06:45 pm
Thanks to all of you, for the sympathy, love and support.   It means a lot to me, and your words have given me much comfort this evening.  I've shed quite a few tears today.

Mary leaves behind two small children, and that also makes me incredibly sad, since I lost my own Mother when I was 8 years old.    Creighton, I intend to take your advice and write a lengthy letter to her family, explaining just how much she meant to me and what an impact she made on my life.

With love,

Alan
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: Nadine on July 01, 2006, 05:49:23 am
Alan,

I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your friend Mary. You are in my thoughts.

((hugs))
Nadine
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: Cliff on July 01, 2006, 07:59:25 am
Alan,

I'm sorry for your loss.  Cherish the memories.  And I know her family, children especially, will appreciate the letter.

Cliff
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: Jody on July 01, 2006, 10:02:25 am
Alan...I'm saddened by the loss of your good friend Mary, she was special to you, a good person and non-judgemental...May you cherish your memories together, you are such a fine person, I'm sure she appreciated her time with you.

Jody
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: Sae on July 01, 2006, 11:42:02 am
Alan, I am so sorry....

The hug will have to wait until Montreal.

Sue
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: purpledragonfly on July 01, 2006, 12:00:36 pm
Alan,

I am sorry to hear about your good friend Mary. I know how hard it is to loose someone you are very close to. Know that she is not in pain anymore and is happy. I think it is a good idea to write a letter to her family and let them know how much she ment to you.
I will pray for you, and her children, you all are in my thoughts today.

Love Wendy
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: JohnOso on July 01, 2006, 12:10:16 pm
Alan,

Funny how we meet up with people in our lives that have such a profound effect on us, isn't it?  Thinking of you today and of all the "Mary's" that have been in my life.

(ok, as a gay man, that last line was kinda humorous...)

Thanks for sharing your memories of your friend with us.

Take care,
John
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: bear60 on July 01, 2006, 04:51:10 pm
I too am sorry for your loss.  I am in a position to relate to "loss" since so many of my friends have passed away.  It never gets easier...but I have learned that remembering them in "good times" is very very much better than remembering them when they were sick and dying.
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: zephyr on July 02, 2006, 06:01:32 pm
Alan, sweetheart,

Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your good friend, Mary.

As I know the depth of your kind heart, and the sweetness of your soul, this is a terrible loss for you, and is affecting you deeply.

My arms are around you, as are my wishes for healing as time goes by...

With love,

Zephyr
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: jkinatl2 on July 02, 2006, 07:44:57 pm
Alan, I am sorry to hear of your friend's passing.

By posting this thread, you have introduced her to people who did not know her before. And in that gesture, you have kept her spirit alive. Thats a great friend.

Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: livingpositively on July 02, 2006, 10:37:15 pm
Alan,

You are such an amazing guy.  Not only in this thread, but in so many others...your emotion just pours through the computer screen as if you're sitting right here telling your story.

I'm sorry you're hurting.  I hope the good memories make your healing easier.

Hugs,

Shane
Title: Re: Losing a friend
Post by: AlanBama on July 02, 2006, 11:29:29 pm
Thank you all, dear family, for the love and support.

This is something I would like to be read at my own memorial service someday; I'll post it now for my friend:

"Crossing the Bar", by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Sunset and evening star,
         And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
         When I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
         Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
         Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,
         And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
         When I embark;

For through from out our bourne of Time and Place
         The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
         When I have crossed the bar.