Tested positive, staying focused.

[newhorizon80]

Hello everyone,

I'm in my mid-to-late 20's and tested positive for HIV on 10/3/2008 and had WB confirmation on 10/17/2008.  My previous HIV test was in 01/2007, so I was overdue for my annual test (previous tests were yearly from 2004).   I'm not sure when I may have been infected (had two anal sex partners and two oral sex, since my last test).

The past few weeks, I've been doing "OK", with trying to stay busy with work and talking out my feelings and concerns with a friend. 

Luckily, a case worker contacted me yesterday and we met today to talk about how things are going, etc. (and also told me about this site) She made me feel much better since she said that I'm on the right track in terms of having insurance, having a doctor with many years of history together, always eating very healthy, take daily supplements, and workout regularly (3x/week); but after reading the booklets she gave me, I'm again anxious about how my bloodwork will come out and starting meds, if needed.  She also told me that now is time to move on from continuing to think about who may have infected me (=wasted mind and body energy).

I'm going to my doctor tomorrow, who also happens to be a HIV-specialist, but I'm nervous because I feel as though I've let him down (since we've talked about HIV, STDs, etc.).

I've spent countless hours reading various websites and trying to learn as much as I can to help fight HIV.  I look forward to reading and contributing, getting opinions, and staying healthy with you all!

Thanks for reading,
NH

[HereIAm]

Dear NH,

I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis.  Welcome to this forum.  Thank you for introducing yourself on here.

I don't know what to say about your blood work and numbers.  They will be what they will be.  There is not much that worrying about it can do.  You may want to take a look at some of the newer thinking in the news about the CDC likely changing its recommendation as to when to start medication.  Maybe that will help.

I have found that information and calming from my ID doctor has really helped me through this.  I also have supportive friends and family.

Again, welcome.  You can message me on here anytime you would like to do so.

Regards,

[WillyWump]

NH,

*Hug* welcome.

You are already that much ahead of the game by your healthy lifestyle, keep it up, it REALLY matters. I am coming up on my first year being Poz, and I am still struggling to eat right, exercise, etc... Congrats on that! keep it up.

Your case worker is absolutely correct, move on from the thoughts of "where did I get this" nothing you can do can change it now. However if you think its possible you may have exposed someone else, deal with that issue now by disclosing to them, or going through your state health depts anonymous notification services.

One thing I know for certain is you sound very healthy and chances are that you will live a long and happy fulfilling life. Again, Ive been poz for a year, not on meds (but may be close), and really feel just fine! Continue to research and educate yourself as much as possible. This is a fantastic place to vent, get info, and get great support from people just like you

Hugs,
Will

[BT65]

Hey NH,

Welcome to the forums.  You're already ahead of a lot of newly positive people, which is great.  You seem to be very resourceful. 

You're doing all the right things.......eating right, exercising, having an HIV specialist etc.  I wouldn't be too concerned about your first bloodwork.  If you've only recently become infected, your viral load may be pretty high; don't get worried.  Over time, that will settle down.  The good news is that when meds are needed, there are many you and your doctor can choose from and the newer ones seem to have very few, if any, side effects.  Keep on doing what you're doing and you'll have a long life (I tested positive in 1989, by the way). 

I hope to hear more from you and welcome again.
   Luv,
Betty

[auspoz]

Hi NH,

I'm really sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I found out about 2 months before you did, so I kinda get where you're at.

It's really great you have people to talk to and you're taking care of yourself. And about "letting down" your doctor- let that go. I'm sure they won't see it that way. And what a bonus that they know about HIV. That's a great start. So far, I have found the doctors and nurses to be totally wonderful about the emotional side of the virus.

I really do wish you all the best. Thanks to modern medicine, I believe we're in this for the long haul. May as well make the absolute most of it I say.

Auspoz

[newhorizon80]

Thank you for your replies.

I saw my doctor on Thursday and did a full physical (in good shape!) and blood draw.  I go back in two weeks for my results.  After reading some posts about initial results, I'm probably going to expect some high numbers.

I just feel so alone (outside of this site)!  My two friends are good to vent with, but also, my two other best friends are continuously hounding me on why I've been acting "different", I don't know when I will be ready to tell them.

My doctor stressed that I have to forgive myself so I can move on and enjoy my life just like I was the day before finding out, but, it's work in progress.

[Andy Velez]

Newh, it's good to read that your doctor has been so supportive, especially since you were concerned about "having let him down." Your partnership with him is one the best tools you will have in staying healthy.

As for disclosing to your other two best friends or other people in general, I urge you to take your time. Maybe you have a good reason for holding off, so listen to that instinct. If you haven't already read our lesson about disclosure issues, please check it out.

This is all still very, very new for you. Give yourself time to get adjusted, as much time as youi need. Gradually you will learn whatever you need to know to maintain your health. And gradually you will also see that although it's important, being HIV+ is by a long stretch not all that your life is going to be about.

As for "forgiving yourself," you're just human like all of us. We make mistakes sometimes and sometimes we do fine. Instead of listening to that head voice that criticizes you, just be as good to yourself as you would be to a friend you cared about who was having trouble. You deserve it.

Cheers.

[BT65]

Hey NH,

I'm glad you saw your doctor and the visit went so well.  That's great.  Don't get concerned about the blood draw.  Like I said before, if you're recently infected, your numbers might be out of whack for a little while.  You need to look for a trend over about 3 draws to get a good idea.

About disclosing, I agree with Andy.  You don't have to rush to disclose to anyone.  If you're having a lot of trouble with this, I would urge you to contact your local ASO (Aids Service Organization) to talk to a trained individual there about it and any other feelings you're having being recently positive.  They have people there that deal exclusively with "us," and they're always good listening posts.  I have a care coordinator at the ASO in my area and I talk to her all the time about things. 

We're always here.  I encourage you to keep talking.
   Luv,
Betty

[newhorizon80]

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to provide an update on my first results I got from my Doctor today.

CD4: 489/30%/VL: 13,000

All my other results (liver, cholesterol, triglycerides, etc.) are all within the normal range.  I'm very relieved to know more now in terms of numbers.  I've been doing very well mentally over the past few weeks, which has allowed me to defuse the pressure from some of my friends.  They are no longer hounding me.

I continue to read up on the forum, I just don't have much to contribute yet.

Thanks again everyone for your support!
NH

[Andy Velez]

Good to see you got some decent numbers and that is being watched for you.

Just want to reiterate that you're welcome to drop in here as often as you like and that you don't have to be saying or reporting anything "momentous." Just you sharing yourself is quite enough here.

Cheers.