Criminalization

[Casinokiwi]

Okay, so don't know where to begin....  First, I apologize for bringing my drama to these boards as this stuff is truly embarrassing to me but there is such good information here. 

Brief background:
I am married with kids and was diagnosed during a bad sero in early October.  I had been unfaithful To my wife.  My wife was in the room when I was diagnosed and we have not engaged in sex since. Luckily, to date my soon to be ex wife's tests are all negative.  We are in a heated custody and financial battle in terms of the divorce.

In preparation for a mediation session my wife loosely threatened me with "negligent attempted homicide" if she didn't get the spousal support and custody agreement that she is asking for.  Since hearing that I have read anything I can find on it and it seems like an impossibility a charge like that could stick.  However, the charge alone would cause me to lose my job and lots of embarrassment.  I live in a rural state with not much HIV awareness. I am afraid some judge would be happy to try the case. 

Can anyone out there please help me put my mind at ease?  Do I just need to cave on the custody and alimony? 

Thanks in advance!  Also, I don't need replies that say I messed up.  I am already keenly aware of that fact. 

[bmancanfly]

Sorry,  that does sound like a bit of a mess.

First off,  let me state the obvious,  your need to ask a lawyer about this.  But I've never heard of some one being prosecuted when they didn't know they had HIV.  That is your situation,  right?  You didn't know you had HIV while you were having sex with your wife?

I could be wrong about that,  and I'm sure others will chime in,  but I think that would be a first.

It would also be helpful to know what state you are in if you feel comfortable disclosing that.  HIV criminalization laws are governed by the states.

[Joe K]

Hey Casino,

I'm sorry to hear that things are going so poorly with your wife.  My ex tried to do the same to me, however, I directed most of her hate to my divorce attorney and let him handle it.  Maybe a meeting with her and your attorneys might be in order.  She obviously feels she has the upper hand, but doesn't seem to be thinking clearly, in that trashing your reputation will have a negative impact on your ability to provide support for your children.

Depending upon the state in which you live, there may not even be any laws governing the transmission of HIV, but you won't know until you ask someone.

The best advice I ever got from my attorney, was to stop talking directly with my soon to be ex.  The emotions are so raw right now and it's normal for you to be confused and afraid of the future.  But you have to remember that you have not infected her and other than cheating on her, you have not done anything wrong and certainly nothing that justifies you just laying there and letting her steam roll right over you.

Joe

[SANJUANDUDE]

it is very very difficult to be charged with this offense, especially from your own wife.

[deibster]

Hi Casino,
If after finding out about your state's laws, there is still a problem, try talking to, emailing the ACLU, American Civil Liberties Union. I don't know how old your child is, but have your attorney remind your wife's attorney, that ruining your reputation is bad for your child.

Your child will face Bullying and never forget it. This should stop the nastiness. If you have to, Bring this point to the judge, that your child will be harmed for life. Best wishes. Let us know how it goes so that we can offer support. I have 2 sons and yes, coming out to them, about sex and hiv, was difficult, but I have a great relationship with them now.
Hugs, Deibster

[mecch]

Get a lawyer very familiar or willing to get very familiar with criminal transmission laws IN YOUR STATE.  These vary so widely, state to state.  You probably can't get good advice what to do, in this forum.  You need very specific guidance as to whether she has a case, or not. 

I agree with the other advice, however.  Appeal to her obligations to the family and to common sense, because destroying your life through a vengeful lawsuit or criminal case, will just blow shit back onto her. 

Blackmail is the worst   And its stupid and irrational of her cause if you don't give into her blackmail, AND she pursues you legally, AND god forbid she wins, well, she won't be bleeding you dry if you are unemployed or in prison...