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Author Topic: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE  (Read 18900 times)

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Offline Miss Philicia

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Dear Bob:  (landlord)

Regarding Mr. Ryan in Apartment 3F I'd just like to state my utter dissatisfaction with his calling me an AIDS infested "fag" that never leaves my apartment.  Yes, that's the words he used to me just now in the hallway this evening.  I'm sorry, but I hardly find language like that acceptable between neighbors as I'm sure you'd agree.

We've had several encounters (always quite combative on his end), one of which I emailed you about stereo use (on the 2nd lowest decibel level as you recall), as well as one time using a vacuum cleaner at 10:20 p.m. (for five minutes at most) because I'd spilt wine on the carpet (he came up and pounded on my door, yelling that it was near midnight and not giving me the courtesy to state that I needed to clean a stain before it set in, on flooring which is not mine but the landlords, but I digress).  I've yet to ever turn my stereo on since that time, which frankly is odd to say the least.

Unfortunately this latest encounter occurred because of a conversation I was having in the lobby with the 2nd floor tenants (2 girls, forget their names) about the mailbox numberings.  They politely asked me if I ever heard their music in their apartment, and at that point I related to them that I felt I can't even use my own stereo because of Mr. Ryan, which they thought was unjustifiable.  As I went up the stairs to my apartment Mr. Ryan was standing in his open doorway eavesdropping on the entire conversation.  I suggested we air our differences in a civil manner to which he replied that I'm nothing but a "fag" and he had nothing to say to me about anything.  He also started yelling in my face telling me to back up the stairs in a very threatening manner.  He also suggested I go run and write a email to Rob Yizzi and tell him what an emotionally unstable person he is, so I guess that's a good idea.  Hence this email.

I'm sorry to have to complain to you about a tenant, but this is hardly the first time with Mr. Ryan.  I seriously thought that guy was going to come to blows with me.  Anymore instances like this and I may have to file a report with the police, which I'd hate to do.

I would try to have a civil discussion with the man, but clearly this is not possible.  He's overly emotional and verges on violence, while repeatedly using epithets of an unacceptable nature.  I really do not know what to suggest be done in this situation, but I think it's rather unfair for me to be in this situation.

This is all quite regrettable.  I've always had very civil and courteous relationships with other tenants in this building, as they surely will attest to.  Same thing living in apartment buildings for 15 years in New York City.  I find this entire situation bizarre to say the least.

Sincerely,

(my name)
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline milker

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2007, 10:30:33 pm »
Ok i was going to reply about the laws but i'll do it tomorrow. I had drinks  >:(

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
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Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline Basquo

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2007, 10:35:32 pm »
Well-written.  I say send it and see what happens this time, but if it even gets close to this again (meaning he raises his voice) I think a visit from the boys in blue is in order for Mr. Ryan.  If you call them and tell them he is yelling and you feel threatened, would they show up? Be sure to mention that there is not a super onsite.

Oh, and get a gun.

Best from Texas

Offline milker

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2007, 10:41:08 pm »
ok this is my last post for the day, but I can't resist.

There are laws, anti-discriminatory laws, and i'm sure NYC has many laws about anti-gay discrimination, remarks, etc. his yelling of anti-fag comments could also be used against him if there are children around, and maybe he went over the decibel limit when he yelled. Since you wrote this letter, it seems that your landlord has no issues with gay people, so go for it, and don't hesitate to cite the anti discrimination laws to the "friendly neighbor", maybe a copy of them in his mailbox will help.

Milker (who is logging off)
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2007, 11:06:07 pm »
My landlord knows that I am on disability as I had my parents cosign the lease (and he said he had never seen a better credit rating as a landlord).  I never said what the disability is for, but I'm sure a 40 year old man with sunken lipo cheeks equals AIDS.  My landlord is a very, VERY nice man, and always talks to me when we run into each other.  He's also on occasion called me on the phone to leave a post it on a fellow tenants door.  In short, I am a good tenant.

I sent this email, and he will reply.  Last time he suggested that I reach a compromise with the stereo issue with this Ryan guy.  The compromise basically was that I just don't use the stereo -- as it was on the 2nd lowest volume level if I turned it down even more I'd not be able to hear it.   So I just use my iMac and iTunes... I can't imagine anyone complaining about built-in computer speakers.  Still... should I have to do that?  The girls in the 2nd floor BLAST their music, but I guess Mr. Ryan doesn't hear that -- and that's one reason I had the conversation with those two other tenants to see if he had ever complained.  I mean, the only live one floor below him, but their apartment sits in the back half of the building.  I'm sure that he can still hear them.

Frankly and with hindsight with the "fag" comment I think he just wants to give me grief.

I have no idea of any legal implications with what just transpired, but I may make an appointment with my ASO social worker just to pick her brain.  I'd really hate to have to look for a new apartment.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline ConnorMacleod

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2007, 11:59:32 pm »
Crying about name calling is hardly mature behavior.

As far as calling the police over nonsense, eventually they\'ll just either ignore you or charge you with filing a false report.

If I was your landlord I would probably ignore the problem unless it escalated, in which case I would start the eviction process and/or refuse to renew your lease.

Offline allanq

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2007, 12:07:44 am »
Philly,
A person living in an apartment building cannot expect to have perfect quiet. You are entitled to enjoy your own apartment, and that includes watching TV and listening to the stereo. You are not doing it at unreasonable hours or at an unreasonable volume.

I suspect that your neighbor's actions toward you have much more to do with homophobia than with any real complaint about noise. You have the right to live in your apartment without fear or harassment.

I hope you'll visit the social worker and find out what legal remedies you have in case this ever happens again.

I also hope your landlord has a few words to say to that jerk.

Allan
« Last Edit: May 02, 2007, 12:29:35 am by allanq »

Offline risred1

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #7 on: May 02, 2007, 12:29:19 am »
Connor, I have just reported you to the moderator.

Your feedback is inappropriate.

Knock it off - Go play somewhere else.
« Last Edit: May 02, 2007, 12:34:08 am by risred1 »
risred1 - hiv +
02/07 CD4 404 - 27% - VL 15k
10/07 CD4 484 - 31% - VL 45k
05/08 CD4 414 - 26% - VL 70k
01/09 CD4 365 - 23% - VL 65k
05/09 CD4 291 - 23% - VL 115k - Started Meds - Reyataz/Truvada
06/09 CD4 394 - ?% - VL 1200 - Boosted Reyataz with Norvir and Truvada
07/09 CD4 441 - ?% - VL 118 - Boosted Reyataz with Norvir and Truvada
09/09 CD4 375 - ?% - VL Undetectable - Boosted Reyataz with Norvir and Truvada
12/09 CD4 595 - ?% - VL Undetectable - VIT D 34 - Reyataz/Truvada/Norvir

Offline ConnorMacleod

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #8 on: May 02, 2007, 12:52:13 am »
Connor, I have just reported you to the moderator.

Your feedback is inappropriate.

Knock it off - Go play somewhere else.

Well, first of all, if the guy wants to call him a fag, that\'s his right.

Second, you have a right to not be disturbed by loud noises, especially at unreasonable hours.

Third, you have the right to tell someone to get the hell away from you.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #9 on: May 02, 2007, 12:53:04 am »
Crying about name calling is hardly mature behavior.

As far as calling the police over nonsense, eventually they\'ll just either ignore you or charge you with filing a false report.

If I was your landlord I would probably ignore the problem unless it escalated, in which case I would start the eviction process and/or refuse to renew your lease.

1st posting huh?  Can you say "troll"?
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #10 on: May 02, 2007, 12:58:33 am »
Well, first of all, if the guy wants to call him a fag, that\'s his right.

Sure, if you're an asshole

Quote from: ConnorMacleod
Second, you have a right to not be disturbed by loud noises, especially at unreasonable hours.

The noises were not loud as described, nor late.

Quote from: ConnorMacleod

Third, you have the right to tell someone to get the hell away from you.

I was attempting to have a civil discussion in a calm tone of voice.  Why are you trolling as a new member?  THAT is the question.  This is nothing more than a personal attack on me and I can guess it's by one of the recently banned Unholy Trilogy.  You should seek the help  of a therapist on why you need to repeatedly return to these forums and cause problems and continually get banned, which I'm sure is what will happen with this new screen name of yours.

Pathetic... but I won't let it make me feel any worse than I feel tonight.  Real caring... really supportive.  I'd call you a name but I'm a bit above the tactics you use.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #11 on: May 02, 2007, 01:01:27 am »
Oh... forgive my Unholy Trilogy reference.  This is obviously izprince... now whether or not Mr. Linux manipulated his IP number or not will be an issue for the moderators to determine.  The racist rants in this thread were more telling:

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=11912.msg148569#msg148569

I'd predict a perma-ban by tomorrow.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline ConnorMacleod

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #12 on: May 02, 2007, 01:21:42 am »
Oh... forgive my Unholy Trilogy reference.  This is obviously izprince... now whether or not Mr. Linux manipulated his IP number or not will be an issue for the moderators to determine.  The racist rants in this thread were more telling:

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=11912.msg148569#msg148569

I\'d predict a perma-ban by tomorrow.

I was unaware that \"muslim\" was a race.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #13 on: May 02, 2007, 01:27:45 am »
I was unaware that banned people are allowed to re-register.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline ConnorMacleod

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #14 on: May 02, 2007, 01:42:30 am »
In any event, it should be easy to deal with the problem yourself.

Are the stairs real high? Push him down then tell the police you heard him fall and rushed out of your apartment but it was too late.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #15 on: May 02, 2007, 01:43:55 am »
I was thinking of sabotaging his motorcycle but that might be too obvious.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline ConnorMacleod

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #16 on: May 02, 2007, 01:47:15 am »
http://www.webbikeworld.com/Motorcycle-technical-articles/bleeding-motorcycle-brakes/bleeding-motorcycle-brakes.htm

So just bleed the brakes, easy.

I\'d recommend that you leave a bit of fluid in them so they\'re good for slow stops, but then when he has to decelerate quickly, they\'re useless.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #17 on: May 02, 2007, 01:49:37 am »
uh... it's parked on a main boulevard.  Too much foot traffic.  Please remember not everyone lives in Huntington, IN
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline ConnorMacleod

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #18 on: May 02, 2007, 01:53:24 am »
uh... it\'s parked on a main boulevard.  Too much foot traffic.  Please remember not everyone lives in Huntington, IN

If you just want to pay him back for being an asshole, you could just drain the oil, the bike would make it a ways before he realized that the engine was now ruined.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #19 on: May 02, 2007, 01:59:25 am »
Why should I be an asshole just because he is one.  That may be your M.O. in life but it's not generally mine.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline ConnorMacleod

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #20 on: May 02, 2007, 02:06:13 am »
Why should I be an asshole just because he is one.  That may be your M.O. in life but it\'s not generally mine.

Thats an easy one, sometimes it\'s better to fight fire with fire, that and if you don\'t stand up for yourself, people tend to walk all over you.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #21 on: May 02, 2007, 02:13:09 am »
The tenant in apartment 2F really is not important in the scheme of my life... I have better things to do like inject myself with fuzeon and swallow 20 pills a day.  Something you know nothing about since you don't even go to a doctor because you don't want HIV showing up on your medical charts.  Nor do I need lessons in life from a 22 year old that works at Walmart.

I'll let the landlord deal with his tenant in the proper manner.
« Last Edit: May 02, 2007, 02:15:05 am by philly267 »
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline ConnorMacleod

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #22 on: May 02, 2007, 02:21:48 am »
The tenant in apartment 2F really is not important in the scheme of my life... I have better things to do like inject myself with fuzeon and swallow 20 pills a day.  Something you know nothing about since you don\\\\\\\'t even go to a doctor because you don\\\\\\\'t want HIV showing up on your medical charts.  Nor do I need lessons in life from a 22 year old that works at Walmart.

I\\\\\\\'ll let the landlord deal with his tenant in the proper manner.

You\\\\\\\'re forgetting that I\\\\\\\'ve been accepted into the LPN program in the Fall, and I\\\\\\\'m two weeks out right now from having my CNA license.

I\\\'ve started my own treatment, I suppose I\\\'ll see in a few months when I go back if it\\\'s had any effect, I do feel better, but thats subjective.

I\\\'m pretty suspicious of the big pharmaceutical companies, they won\\\'t bother researching anything that can\\\'t be patent protected, so I\\\'m sure thats led to drugs that are less effective and much more toxic.

The side effects of a lot of antiretrovirals increase your cholesterol and do other things, so even if you\\\'ve spared yourself from AIDS, you\\\'re probably 20 times more likely to have a stroke or a heart attack.

So you take more drugs to get your cholesterol under control, and they cause liver damage, so you need even more labs to track how your internal organs are functioning, it\\\'s all a sham to make you sicker in the long run, yet your condition is managed, that way they can milk the welfare system to keep profit flowing in.

And back on topic, if the guy in apartment 2F means nothing to you, why did you write a full page about how much he\'s bothering you, send it to your landlord, then copy/paste it here. Looks like you\'re genuinely afraid of the guy, but thats just my observation, if you\'re worried that much, buy a gun.
« Last Edit: May 02, 2007, 02:28:15 am by ConnorMacleod »

Offline fearless

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #23 on: May 02, 2007, 03:05:42 am »
Hey Philly,

You've probably done the best you at this point in time. He obviously has issues and best to simply avoid him if you can. You're a better man than he will ever be, and I bet your landlord knows this. When push comes to shove, he'll be first one out the door.

edited to add: that you kept your cool was testament to you. I know what I would have liked to have done - thought probably crossed your mind too.
« Last Edit: May 02, 2007, 03:08:50 am by fearless »
Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline mjmel

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #24 on: May 02, 2007, 05:04:42 am »
Having documented this incident is a smart move. I guess the two tenants you were talking to didn't overhear the commotion? That would be very nice, indeed, to validate your account. While not resorting to overly LOUD music, I'd go back to playing my music at the level I like and simply forget about this neighbors past or future concerns/complaints.  In my mind, he just screwed himself from any future kindnesses or neighborly respects.
(Nicest words to say what I'm thinking.)
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Mike


Offline Ann

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #25 on: May 02, 2007, 06:06:24 am »
ConnorMacleod has been banned. Thank you to everyone for the heads-up via moderator reports.

Ann
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Offline milker

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #26 on: May 02, 2007, 09:35:12 am »
For some reason I always think that you are in NYC, Philly..  :o

You would think izprince would be smarter to fix his proxy so that his posts were not full of \\\\.

Anyway, like mjmel said, maybe you should start looking for support from other neighbors just in case the asshole gets this escalated?

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline jack

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #27 on: May 02, 2007, 12:45:36 pm »
why the f+ck do you live up there? The city of brotherly love. what a freaking joke.
First,get the new Taser, its about $350, and taser the bastard next time he does this. If you are not armed just ignore him. He is looking for a reason to fuck with you. Anyone who calls someone a fag in that manner has a problem with "fags".  Or do what the locals do, visit your local Italian mafioso type enforcer and offer to trade something(money or something of value)for his protection. That would be really cool.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #28 on: May 02, 2007, 12:46:59 pm »
I lived in NYC for 15 years.  I just moved to Philadelphia 2 years ago.  I still consider myself a New Yorker... plus it's only 1.5 hours away and my name is still on my old apartment.  I can stay there when ever I want.

I don't know what to do with this guy... I passed him on the stairs this morning getting a UPS delivery.  He walked by and just stared straight ahead.  I should have said a cheery "Good Morning" to him or something... be overly polite.  But no... I said nothing and I will not.

Anyway, I feel like shit -- mostly because of the AIDS-infested fag comment which I know all stems not from any effiminate actions on my part, but because I actually LOOK like an AIDS-infested person with sunken cheeks, which  by the way I'm convinced are getting even worse.  GOTTA go get those Sculptra injections, but the waiting list I've heard is horribly long for the free program.

For some reason since I have AIDS I feel like I might as well do it up in fashion and just show my face to the world -- like hey, this is what it is like.  I mean what does it say about this guy that he would actually make this comment to my face.  It's one thing for him to think about it in his mind, but to actually use it as an insult is about the lowest thing I can think of.  I asked him REPEATEDLY to say it again... "WHAT did you just say to me???" I said over and over to him.  He just looked at me and said "You heard what I said, now get out of my face"

Fucking asswipe... I can't even dredge up the words to describe such a cretin.  And now I'm left feeling like a low life piece of shit.  I wish I had some klonopin... I'd pop like 10 of them.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Moffie65

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #29 on: May 02, 2007, 01:26:26 pm »
'Comon Philly,

Taking anything to numb the emotions is not the answer.   I don't particularly have an answer, because I stay clear of cities for mostly this reason.  Where I live, if anyone is this much of an asswipe, most often, someone will shoot his balls off, thereby fixing the problem.  Most of the people around here carry some sort of weapon, but mine is still the sharp use of the tongue.

I would wish him everything he deserves and move on.  Unfortunately, in this instance, you are reliant on the good will of the management, which you have already dealt with in writing.  I would very much suggest that in any followup communications, I would cc to an attourney.  If you don't have one, send one off to the Legal Aid Department of the local university, and make sure to anotate HIV issues. 

Hate is hate, and if left unattended, turns into much more.

Love,
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #30 on: May 02, 2007, 01:29:31 pm »
Be sure, I will talk to my case manager at my ASO about this.  Will call today to make an appointment, and am documenting everything.  I've not received a reply from my landlord yet.

My klonopin reference was a joke dear friend.  I have a huge bottle of Makers Mark in my kitchen that I only use to make bread pudding!
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Bucko

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #31 on: May 02, 2007, 02:09:33 pm »

Anyway, I feel like shit -- mostly because of the AIDS-infested fag comment which I know all stems not from any effiminate actions on my part, but because I actually LOOK like an AIDS-infested person with sunken cheeks, which  by the way I'm convinced are getting even worse.  GOTTA go get those Sculptra injections, but the waiting list I've heard is horribly long for the free program.

For some reason since I have AIDS I feel like I might as well do it up in fashion and just show my face to the world -- like hey, this is what it is like.  I mean what does it say about this guy that he would actually make this comment to my face.  It's one thing for him to think about it in his mind, but to actually use it as an insult is about the lowest thing I can think of.  I asked him REPEATEDLY to say it again... "WHAT did you just say to me???" I said over and over to him.  He just looked at me and said "You heard what I said, now get out of my face"

Fucking asswipe... I can't even dredge up the words to describe such a cretin.  And now I'm left feeling like a low life piece of shit.  I wish I had some klonopin... I'd pop like 10 of them.

I wish I had some magic bullet-type advice for dealing with assholes. I don't. But I've never bought into the idea of self-defense that escalates the stress and potential for violence. My ex Kenny did, and it got him arrested twice in fewer than 18 months when we first moved to Connecticut.

But, since you brought it up, I'll speak for a second about the effects of lipo on the face and that gnawing at the self-esteem that comes with it.

I was on various combos of AZT, DDI and Zerit for about seven years. These medications (and strict adherence to a no-fat diet brought about by Kaletra) have definitely left their traces. My entire appearance has been transformed since 2001 and I am acutely aware of each difference. I was happy with my face and body (quite vain, actually) before and associated all changes with HIV, adherence to meds, etc, which made them detestable to me. I felt as if I had been marked.

But when I bring this up to people who never knew me before, straight or gay, poz or not, the reaction is quite different and much more positive than I could have otherwise imagined. Joseph even said, in all honesty, that he finds me more attractive thinner than fuller (at least from the old photos he's seen). The "dried apple on a stick" that I heard bandied about in a bar one night is unnecessarily cruel.

The spectre of AIDS you (and I still) see in the mirror is an artifact from the horrors of the 80s and 90s. We remember the wasting and all the terror felt when seeing beauty wither before our eyes. But lipoatrophy is a different beast. It's your badge of survival and a testament to the relative stability of health we enjoy thanks to the meds.

I still long at times to get my face filled and the mirror is still not my friend most of the time. But I have grown beyond excessive emotion regarding my face. It is a document of the life I've lived. I've earned it.

And I'll just mention in passing that with serosorting such a priority, sunken cheeks are inherently more desirable in certain quarters.

Brent
(Who thought about this a lot before posting)

Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #32 on: May 02, 2007, 02:24:14 pm »
Thanks Brent... that was most helpful.  I hope once Joseph wears out his welcome I can come down for a visit and we can bob for dried apples!  Or well... I guess even if that boy is still there! :)  hee hee

It's still a mixed bag for me.  After six years of it I've grown more accustomed to the stares, etc.... but you know if you're having a bad day from something else it's more difficult to maintain the Fuck The World attitude, and this is an attitude I nourished long before having lipo or even HIV.  Generally I'm a pretty strong person emotionally with these things... came from having a mother that was wildly out of control, though bless her heart I love her dearly and we've finally grown quite close,  mostly because we're exactly alike.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline thunter34

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #33 on: May 02, 2007, 02:29:19 pm »
Yes, that was quite a powerful post there, Bucko.

Philly, I 've been following this thread since its inception.  Sorry you have had to deal with such a monstrous individual.

Speaking of monstrous individuals...I had heard that one of our all-time favorite individuals had reemerged here in the forums.

I now see he graced this very thread.

I still expect we'll see more of him in days to come. 

*sigh*


AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline jimw

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #34 on: May 02, 2007, 02:51:18 pm »
While not resorting to overly LOUD music, I'd go back to playing my music at the level I like and simply forget about this neighbors past or future concerns/complaints.  In my mind, he just screwed himself from any future kindnesses or neighborly respects.

I completely agree with Mike.  I would go back to listening to my stereo at a reasonable level.  I assume you have other neighbors beside, below and/or above you and that they have never complained!  Let him complain and the landlord will see him for what he really is, an ass hole. 

I am sorry you are having to go through this.

Jim
« Last Edit: May 02, 2007, 02:53:31 pm by jimw »

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #35 on: May 02, 2007, 03:38:36 pm »
Nobody has ever complained.  Nor have I ever complained about other people.  When you live in an apartment building in a major city (mind you... our windows open onto Broad St which is one of four main boulevards in downtown Philadelphia you expect noise -- everywhere!.  There is LOTS of noise on the street, and a subway line runs right under the sidewalk so you hear that too.  If you don't want city noise then MOVE TO THE FUCKING SUBURBS.  (and during my conversation with the female tenants on the 2nd floor that's exactly what they said they'd tell this guy if he ever complained to them -- though I will add that when I've heard their stereo it is a bit on the loud side.)

And as I've stated previously, my stereo consists of a small TEAC amplifier which I had on the second to lowest volume level (fact:  there are 17 levels above this to the highest amount) and I only have two small Bose bookshelf speakers (8 OHM).  We're not talking about some monstrously large stereo system here.  THAT is what is so annoying.  Yes, the building is over 100 years old and I'm sure sounds travel, but to be honest the tenant that lived in the unit before Mr. Ryan used to play an electric guitar loud and I rarely heard it loud enough to annoy me... not that I ever complained.   The only time it was truly loud was if I opened the main door to my apartment to go out in the stairway.

Like I said, I'm starting to come to the conclusion that this has something to do with more than noise.  I guess he thinks my AIDS blood is dripping through the walls and floor boards or something.  I just don't get it.  I'm starting to think he's bi-polar schizo or something... the mood swings seem severe. (no offense to those on the board suffering from these problems of course).
« Last Edit: May 02, 2007, 03:42:03 pm by philly267 »
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline mjmel

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #36 on: May 02, 2007, 04:04:47 pm »
............................First,get the new Taser, its about $350, and taser the bastard next time he does this. .........................Or do what the locals do, visit your local Italian mafioso type enforcer and offer to trade something(money or something of value)for his protection. That would be really cool.

  :D :D :D Isn't Jack just too cute sometimes!

Offline allanq

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #37 on: May 02, 2007, 04:12:32 pm »
Like I said, I'm starting to come to the conclusion that this has something to do with more than noise.  I guess he thinks my AIDS blood is dripping through the walls and floor boards or something.

I think you're right about this. Actually, I'm almost sure you're right about this. His behavior has nothing at all to do with noise from your apartment. It has everything to do with his nastiness and homophobia.  So go back to enjoying your stereo.

Allan

Offline jack

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #38 on: May 02, 2007, 04:18:51 pm »
Not really cute anymore. I am being serious, its one thing for a person to think to himself bad thoughts about someone or some group, but when someone vocalizes that hatred in such a way as philly described I think a person should be very wary. If someone has that much vile that he can say that to you, i dont think its that far a reach for that same person to physically attack you some night or day when he is drunk or with Friends. This is the kind of low life Neanderthal who finds strength from alcohol and friends to become a real asshole.
I have been attacked in Pennsylvania for wearing a suit. I have been spit on for not being Italian. Its a tough neighborhood.

Offline Carolann

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #39 on: May 02, 2007, 04:26:58 pm »
That is horrible.  I am so sorry someone was that vile.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #40 on: May 02, 2007, 07:48:20 pm »
Well, on the plus side all the other people in the four other apartment units in the building are very nice.

I've lived in apartments ever since departing suburbia of my youth 25 years ago.  I've simply never encountered anyone like this.  I know I need to let this go, but seeing as how he lives directly below me it's not going to very easy.  I hope he moves when his lease is up in October.  Either that or I should look for a new apartment, but alas my rent is super reasonable (though I detest living on the top 4th floor).  I live a block from the subway, and it's 2 stations to my HIV doctor's office, etc.  The location was the most convenient of all the apartments I looked at when I moved in here, plus the landlord was cool when I told him I was on disability and my parents would need to co-sign the lease. 

*sigh*... so I went a treated myself to a lot of fresh cut flowers (orange lillies.. OK, I'm gay... and pink tulips *giggle*) for my apartment this afternoon and some gourmet food-to-go from DiBruno's (my fave):  thin sliced roast pork, roasted potatoes with rosemary and rice pudding for dessert.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Strayboy74

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #41 on: May 03, 2007, 04:12:03 pm »
I hope once Joseph wears out his welcome I can come down for a visit and we can bob for dried apples!  Or well... I guess even if that boy is still there! :)  hee hee

wear out my welcome?

LOL

I always leave before I get to that point.

-joseph

Offline Strayboy74

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #42 on: May 03, 2007, 04:14:03 pm »
  :D :D :D Isn't Jack just too cute sometimes!

I've contended that for some time now.

LOL

-joseph

Offline fondeveau

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #43 on: May 03, 2007, 04:29:26 pm »
Unfortunately this latest encounter occurred because of a conversation I was having in the lobby with the 2nd floor tenants (2 girls, forget their names) about the mailbox numberings.  They politely asked me if I ever heard their music in their apartment, and at that point I related to them that I felt I can't even use my own stereo because of Mr. Ryan, which they thought was unjustifiable.  As I went up the stairs to my apartment Mr. Ryan was standing in his open doorway eavesdropping on the entire conversation.  I suggested we air our differences in a civil manner to which he replied that I'm nothing but a "fag" and he had nothing to say to me about anything.  He also started yelling in my face telling me to back up the stairs in a very threatening manner.  He also suggested I go run and write a email to Rob Yizzi and tell him what an emotionally unstable person he is, so I guess that's a good idea.  Hence this email.

Certainly, his actions are inappropriate and uncivil even for a big city.  But, have you considered that he may be feeling somewhat, and perhaps, even justifiably, paranoid after discovering that you talk about him to others and not in a flattering way.  From his perspective, your offer to then air your differences in a civil manner would seem to be little more than an attempt by you to persuade him that his own feelings and perspectives about the situation are incorrect or invalid.  Conflict resolution definitely isn't an art practiced much in America.  But, its attempt is what makes shows such as Montel, etc. so very entertaining.

This is the point where everyone involved really should take deep breaths, count to ten, and assess whether a real and present danger of harm exists.  Think Virginia Tech.  It may be unjust, unfair, etc., but, no matter what the landlord does, you may need to move for your own safety and peace of mind.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #44 on: May 03, 2007, 04:41:08 pm »
But, have you considered that he may be feeling somewhat, and perhaps, even justifiably, paranoid after discovering that you talk about him to others and not in a flattering way. 

If you re-read my opening statement I did not say anything unflattering about this guy, I merely asked if he'd complained about those two girls music, as theirs is much louder than what I played when he has complained.  I was not down in the lobby calling him an asswipe breeder or anything, as you seem to be implying.

I'm sorry, but there is NO excuse for him to call me an AIDS infected fag.  Frankly the more I think about him and his interactions with me I'm convinced he's bipolar or something.  Seriously.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline fondeveau

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #45 on: May 03, 2007, 04:45:22 pm »
Oh, I agree - no excuse.  I just don't agree with taking the risk that harms you physically, in addition to the psychological stress he is causing.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #46 on: May 03, 2007, 04:48:06 pm »
Well, it's a bit soon to already think about moving elsewhere.  I'm on disability so it's easier to think about than actual do.  Anyway, I'm kind of glad he said what he did because now it's quite clear who's the wacko between the two of us, in the eyes of the landlord.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline fondeveau

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #47 on: May 03, 2007, 05:03:08 pm »
Its quite a bit different than Mr. Imus calling an athletic team a bunch of "nappy-headed ho's" or how about Alec Baldwin calling his daughter a selfish little piggy. 

Offline Teresa

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #48 on: May 03, 2007, 06:44:10 pm »
Good thing I don't live close you(for his sake). Bet hes never run into a mad menopausal woman before. Hope the landlord can do something to get him out of there. You shouldn't have to put up with crap like that. And if I was you I would play my stereo where I could at least hear it and to hell with him. As long as its not blaring.

Hugs
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: Fellow tenant just called me an AIDS infested fag... ADVICE PLEASE
« Reply #49 on: May 03, 2007, 08:24:02 pm »
I filed a police report recently because the Manager of a Medical Marijuana facility in San Francisco called me long distance (from the MMJ facility).  He discussed the excitement of taking human lives while in the USMC and how much he wanted to come up to Sonoma County to cut me up in small pieces so My " AIDS infested Faggot life will be over".  Within 1 1/2 hours the SFPD was at their place of business.  I was on Mission Street the other day, he saw my car and crossed the street to avoid me.  It appears he was fired from his position at the club. 

I guess with you in Philly and Me in San Fran, it doesn't matter which coast we live on, we are still subject to hate crimes because we have HIV.  In your case, I would do the same thing I did, go directly to the police and file a report.  Pick up a copy of that report and only answer the door if you know who is ringing your bell.  If you do not know the person at the door call 911.  Have the best day
Michael

 


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