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Author Topic: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.  (Read 26308 times)

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Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,132
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« on: July 26, 2006, 12:19:15 pm »
I was going to see my best friend Magda this afternoon.
Some gentleman answered the phone asking who I was.

He said he was a police officer.

My only words were : is she still alive, because I knew....
He said : no

Magda had finally gotten a hold of her depression 10 years ago.
She helped me through the worst of mine this year.

Sorry, for the lack of words.
But I loved this person. We shared all our secrets for 20 years.

And see what I do in shock? I turn to my family here.
You all see what you mean to me. I have locked myself in my office and I am writing this post.
Please don't worry. I will be fine

I am just  so immensely sad and helpless.

Herman
Infected 1983. Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Dovato once daily. Hydrea

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,132
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #1 on: July 26, 2006, 12:23:04 pm »
My beautiful friend and soulmate Magda

Just let me share this with you and keep her in  your prayers.
She has left this earth not more then  2 hours ago.

Herman

[attachment deleted by admin]
« Last Edit: July 26, 2006, 12:25:19 pm by heartforyou »
Infected 1983. Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Dovato once daily. Hydrea

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline The Canuck

  • Member
  • Posts: 628
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #2 on: July 26, 2006, 12:29:15 pm »
Herman,

Your friend certainly found peace but it hurts nevertheless. You have my deepest sympathy Herman.

Regards,

The Canuck

Offline Life

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  • Posts: 2,389
  • Member 2005
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #3 on: July 26, 2006, 12:40:06 pm »
Herman...  I am so sorry to here about Magda...  Friendships are so hard to come by that travel a lifetime.   Be there for the family and share your experiences with them....

Love

Offline ACinKC

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  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #4 on: July 26, 2006, 12:42:37 pm »
I dont know what to say.... I am so sorry for your loss.  My thoughts are with you at this most difficult time.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline Alain

  • Member
  • Posts: 679
  • I am.
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #5 on: July 26, 2006, 12:46:17 pm »
.
« Last Edit: November 03, 2006, 08:21:10 pm by cowandalehouse »

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #6 on: July 26, 2006, 12:48:47 pm »
Very sorry for you loss.

Offline ademas

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,152
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #7 on: July 26, 2006, 12:57:07 pm »
Oh, Herman, I am so sorry.
I do understand that pain, and it truly hurts my heart to read this.
RIP, Magda.
My love and best thoughts to you, Herman, and all those left behind.
xox

Offline Oscar

  • Member
  • Posts: 244
  • 20 Years POZ
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #8 on: July 26, 2006, 01:00:49 pm »
Herman,

I am so sorry to hear about the lost of your close friend, Magda. I  know what it is like to loose someone to suicide.  I hope Magda has found the peace that she was looking for. I know those words don't make the loss anymore bearable. I feel so helpless that I can't be there for you now. I am thinking of Magda & you.  She is a lucky person to have such a loving and caring person as you in her life.

I Love You,

Dan

Offline David_CA

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,246
  • Joined: March 2006
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #9 on: July 26, 2006, 01:01:54 pm »
Herman,
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend and I understand how it feels.  I'm (we're) thinking of you.

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #10 on: July 26, 2006, 01:02:59 pm »
My Dear Herman,

Please know that you are loved, and deeply.

In Love.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Teresa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #11 on: July 26, 2006, 01:06:24 pm »
Herman,

No words can express how sorry I am for your loss.

Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)

Offline J.R.E.

  • Member
  • Posts: 8,207
  • Positive since 1985, joined forums 12/03
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #12 on: July 26, 2006, 01:31:12 pm »
Hello Herman,

My deepest condolences go out to you, on the loss of your friend. I am sorry for your loss, be strong..


Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune / Epzicom Eliquis, Diltiazem. Pravastatin 80mg, Ezetimibe. UPDATED 2/18/24
 Tested positive in 1985,.. In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started on  HAART on October 24th, 2003.

 As of Oct 2nd, 2023, Viral load Undetectable.
CD 4 @676 /  CD4 % @ 18 %
Lymphocytes,absolute-3815 (within range)


72 YEARS YOUNG

Offline manchesteruk

  • Member
  • Posts: 631
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #13 on: July 26, 2006, 01:41:49 pm »
Herman,

I'm so sorry to hear about this you must be heartbroken.  I hope that Magda is at peace now and just know there is always people here who care if you want to vent about it.

Chris
Diagnosed 11/05

"Life is too important to be taken seriously" Oscar Wilde

Offline Lisa

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  • Formerly known as sweetieweasel/Joined Nov. 2004
    • http://www.myspace.com/lisanowak58
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #14 on: July 26, 2006, 01:50:29 pm »
I am sorry to hear of your friend's passing. Celebrate her life, and the joy you two had.
You will be in my thoughts today.
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline Nadine

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,253
  • Member since: August 2005
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #15 on: July 26, 2006, 01:50:52 pm »
Herman,

I'm very sorry for your loss.  You are in my thoughts

((HUGS))

Offline frenchpat

  • Member
  • Posts: 519
  • Love your friends, don't eat them.
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #16 on: July 26, 2006, 01:57:52 pm »
Herman,

I am very sorry for the loss of your friend and want you to know you and her are in my thoughts.

Pat
People have the power - Patti Smith

Offline tnboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 108
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #17 on: July 26, 2006, 02:00:25 pm »
  Dearest Herman,

      I am so Sorry to hear of this unfortunate tragedy. I wish you Peace and Comfort during this most difficult time. If there is anything I can do, I am here.

Lots of Love,
Mike

Offline krakerjm

  • Member
  • Posts: 107
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #18 on: July 26, 2006, 02:18:03 pm »
Man, unreal; as I get older have lost friends and family, no one is ever prepared when it happens,  especially if suddenly.  There are no words...sorry.
GWM, 63, PN w/footdrop
"I swear there ain't no heaven, pray ther ain't no hell"

Offline Morgan

  • Member
  • Posts: 382
  • You did WHAT??
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #19 on: July 26, 2006, 02:27:25 pm »
Herman,

Heartfelt condolences.

Morgan
Morgan Landers

Offline ryeguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 175
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #20 on: July 26, 2006, 02:42:41 pm »
Herman,

So very sorry for your loss. At a time like this I am sure no words can truly lender your agony or sooth your dispare. I don't pray very often but this evening before I go to bed I will say a little prayer for the both of you.

« Last Edit: December 29, 2016, 01:50:56 pm by JimDublin »

Offline AlanBama

  • Member
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  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #21 on: July 26, 2006, 02:43:34 pm »
Dear Herman,

My deepest sympathy to you.   I am so sorry about your friend.   I hope she is at peace.

Love,

Alan
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Optimistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 326
  • An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctors Away!
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #22 on: July 26, 2006, 03:33:16 pm »
Dearest Herman,

My condolences to your and your best friend Magda.  I hope that she is at a better place with no more worries and agony. If you want to vent, I am always here.  Take care my friend.   

Justin
12/06 (Atripla): cd4 - 260; cd% - 33%; vl - 169
1/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 267; cd% - 38.1%; vl - 132
4/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 373; cd% - 33.9%; vl - <50
7/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 287; cd% - 35.8%; vl - <50
9/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 356; cd% - 39.5%; vl - <50
12/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 517

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,122
  • HIV+ since 1993. Relentlessly gay.
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #23 on: July 26, 2006, 03:33:38 pm »
So sorry to hear about your friend.

poznoregon

  • Guest
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #24 on: July 26, 2006, 03:36:44 pm »
Herman,

Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend Magda, I'm sure you have great memories of your friendsship that will always be with you.  With my deepest sympathy.

Doug

Offline Trish

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #25 on: July 26, 2006, 03:38:40 pm »
Dearest Herman,

I am so sorry for your loss.

My heart is with you in your time of need...

and I'm sending warm HUGS your way to comfort you and carry you through.

All my love,

Trish
"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is buit."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline angels4kelly

  • Member
  • Posts: 305
  • IT JUST IS!!.....OKAY!
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #26 on: July 26, 2006, 03:44:05 pm »
Herman,
I am so sorry for your loss.
Be strong my friend.
You both are in my prayers.

Love
and
my prayers,
Kelly
POSITIVE SINCE-10/1990
CD4-610
CD4%-29.3
VL-UNDETECTABLE
VIREAD,VIRACEPT, EPZICOM

MOST RECENT...
10/9/2006
CD4's-714
CD4%-30%
VL-Undetectable
DIAGNOSES POSITIVE 10/90
SAME MEDS, VIREAD, VIRAMUNE, EPZICOM.

SHOOT FOR THE MOON! YOU MAY MISS,
BUT YOU'LL LAND IN THE STARS :)

Knowing others is intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power.
 
Failure is not in falling down,
but the staying down

Offline Christine

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,069
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #27 on: July 26, 2006, 04:11:14 pm »
Herman,
I am so sorry. I will keep both of you in my thoughts and prayers, and surround you with loving arms and peace.
Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,132
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #28 on: July 26, 2006, 05:07:48 pm »
Thank you all for your kind words, thought and prayers.

Yes, it makes a big diifference.

I took my dog Lola and went for a walk along the most deserted part of the beach. Must have been  there 3 hours. I felt so lost. Tears kept flowing.

I thought of the why's and if's and when's... I heard her on the phone just a day ago and I told her I would be there for her.
Maybe I wasn't there at the right moment.

Magda, I miss you already and it has only been a couple of hours.

Herman


Infected 1983. Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Dovato once daily. Hydrea

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline Robert

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,658
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #29 on: July 26, 2006, 05:30:49 pm »
I am so sorry Herman.  Your friends are our friends.  We all hurt a little today.

robert
..........

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #30 on: July 26, 2006, 05:32:48 pm »
Herman,

My sincere condolences on the tragic departure of your dear friend.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline jordan

  • Member
  • Posts: 239
  • What I want is a celebration
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #31 on: July 26, 2006, 05:33:22 pm »
My deepest sympathies.
If you think your lonely now, wait until tonight.

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 34,126
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #32 on: July 26, 2006, 05:35:27 pm »
This is just terrible. I'm at a loss for words except to extend my condolences. I hope you get through this as best you can, Hermie.

Andy Velez

Offline jupiter

  • Member
  • Posts: 90
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #33 on: July 26, 2006, 05:38:24 pm »
Dear Herman,
Im trully sorry to hear of your loss. I know what its like to loose a friend this way and it is just devistating to say the least. Take One day at a time and one step at a time.

Your in my prayers brother..
Hugs
Björn

Offline penguin

  • Member
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  • The Penguin Whisperer
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #34 on: July 26, 2006, 06:23:17 pm »
for you, herman, and anyone else left empty, lost, by the leaving of someone special

..I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep,
I want your ears still to hear the wind,
I want you to sniff the sea's aroma that we loved together,
to continue to walk on the sand we walked on.
I want what I love to continue to live,
And you whom I love and sang above everything else
To continue to flourish, full flowered:
So that you can reach everything my love directs you to,
So that my shadow can travel along in your hair,
So that everything can learn the reason for my song

pablo neruda, sonnet 89

Kate x

Offline Ric Wilke

  • Member
  • Posts: 573
  • I joined AIDSmed.com 10/2002.
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #35 on: July 26, 2006, 07:01:49 pm »
Dearest Hermie,

Words can not express how we feel about your loss of such a dear friend.  We both know the sort of friend you were to Magda.  You give of yourself so much.

Please remember the happy times you shared as they will last you a lifetime.

She will be with you forever.

Until we can hug in person, please accept our love.  Ric and Thom

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,185
  • AM member since 2003
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #36 on: July 26, 2006, 07:48:22 pm »
Dearest Hermie

No amount of words can describe how sad I feel for you right now..but please know you are both in my prayers today.

Love and hugs
Jan :'(
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Quarter Horse

  • Member
  • Posts: 77
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #37 on: July 26, 2006, 08:08:14 pm »
My Precious Herman,

I just read your post......I am so sorry for the loss you have experienced. Please know that you and your friend Magda are in my thoughts.

Love you,
Brian
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: IT GOES ON.

Robert Frost

Offline Cliff

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,645
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #38 on: July 26, 2006, 08:18:09 pm »
There seems to be so much pain and suffering around and in us right now (you, Matty and Matt).  I'm sorry Herman.  I hope you find peace, comfort and acceptance in the very difficult decision your friend has taken.

My condolences.

Offline purpledragonfly

  • Member
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Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #39 on: July 26, 2006, 08:55:50 pm »
Herman,

I am so sorry of the lose of your soul pal. I can not begin to imagine the pain you are going thru. Know that she is at peace now and that you have all your memories to cherish for the rest of your life. Your family here will be here for you. I will say a very special prayer for you and her tonight.

Love,  Wendy

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,530
  • 36 years positive, 64 years a pain in the butt
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #40 on: July 26, 2006, 09:09:12 pm »
My Dear Herman,

I am sorry for this loss in your life. Please remember you are very much loved and needed.

I will keep you and Magda in my thoughts.

With love,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Jeffreyj

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,403
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #41 on: July 26, 2006, 09:54:43 pm »
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I will pray for your both. I wish you strength during this most difficult time. You are a sweet man.
Positive since 1985

Offline kiki06

  • Member
  • Posts: 17
  • Member since June 2006
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #42 on: July 26, 2006, 10:08:29 pm »
I am very sorry for your loss.
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
           Mother Teresa

Offline cjc

  • Member
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  • Sweet Girl
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #43 on: July 26, 2006, 10:59:59 pm »
So sorry for your loss. Hope you will be okay.    Cristy

Offline otherplaces

  • Member
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  • Mutant Super Hero
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #44 on: July 26, 2006, 11:23:08 pm »

Herman,

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

much love,
brian


Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #45 on: July 26, 2006, 11:50:03 pm »
Hello Herman it is Eldon. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I send my deepest sympathy to you.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #46 on: July 27, 2006, 12:33:57 am »
Hermala,

My condolences to you on the loss of your friend.

Vale Magda.

Love,

MtD
(Who would have posted earlier but has been distracted)

Offline bluelove

  • Member
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Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #47 on: July 27, 2006, 01:59:36 am »
Herman

I am so sad to hear about your friend. Remember the sweet times with her and may she be at peace.

Your in my prayers.

Blue

tendai

  • Guest
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #48 on: July 27, 2006, 05:02:02 am »
i'm so sorry Herman.

Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,132
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: My best friend killed herself 1 hour ago. I am in shock.
« Reply #49 on: July 27, 2006, 09:55:43 am »
I received some grewsome details today.

Magda appearantly left a suicide not for me. The thought of going to read her final emotions makes me shiver.
It is still in the hands of the investigators, as untill proved different her death is considered a  crime.

She has used an overdose of anti-depressants, a plastic bag, that was tied over her head and then she hung herself . She has showed me she REALLY wanted to die.

A far relative has told me there was a note saying she wanted me  to have her diary . You can imagine how my stomach shrinks at the idea she will lead me trough her ordeals as it happened.

I will read it.

And I have read her all your wishes and prayers. I did so this morning.
I know she thought she had no choice.
The minute of her passing was probably the happiest moment she had experienced in a long time. To her it must have been the moment she could leave all the physical and mental pain behind her.

This was not an act of despair. This was a very well thought over decision and I will have to live with it.

Thank you all for letting me share this with you.

Herman
Infected 1983. Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Dovato once daily. Hydrea

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

 


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