Anal frottage/pressing

[tj1014209]

Hi, I'm writing to ask about a potential risk that I had about ten days ago. I met up with someone that I met previously and casually at the gym and we fooled around.

At one point, I was bent over my desk and he was rubbing/pressing/pushing his spit covered dick on my spread anus. This lasted for like 15/30 seconds at which point he pressed pretty hard like he was trying to enter me. I felt the pressure on my sphincter and that pain that comes when someone tries/attempts to pop it in. 

I said I didn't want to fuck raw and I pulled his dick downwards between my legs and we engaged in frottage.

I'm concerned about the precum on his dick and the attempt at entry. He said he was never "inside me" but it certainly felt like he was making an effort to be. I'm sure it started to go in (the edge of my anus/hole) and the tightness of my sphincter stopped it.

He told me he engages in dipping sometimes with dudes at the gym as an insertive top and that he hasn't been tested in a while which has me worried. He also said just yesterday that he's experiencing a UTI, but he hasn't been to the doctor. He seemed very nonchalant about the risks associated with dipping/stds.

Should I be concerned about HIV or is this only a risk for other STDs?

Like other people asking questions, I'm partnered and feeling a fair amount of guilt.

Close to 5 days after the exposure I came down with a stomach flu or food poisoning and my symptoms were constant vomiting, nausea, diarrhea and fever/chills. This lasted for 2 days. I became concerned that it could be ARS. My partner and I have had sex a few times because before my illness I wasn't terribly worried about the frottage/anal pressing/pushing.

Your help is appreciated.

[RapidRod]

You are worrying needlessly, you never had an exposure.

[tj1014209]

Thank you, Rod, for your reply.

To be clear, I shouldn't worry about the point where it hurt and pressed against my inner ring?

I'm assuming most of my worry is about my guilt, but it felt close to popping inside.

[Ann]

tj,

You were there, we were not. Surely as someone in a LTR you would know if you were penetrated or not. I take it you're not a virgin.

When frottage involves penetration it is no longer frottage - it's dipping.

Dipping has been implicated in some receptive partners becoming infected with hiv. I have no figures to hand but I know they're not high.

You have to decide whether this was frottage or dipping. You were there, we weren't.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

[tj1014209]

Thank you, Ann. And no, I'm certainly not a virgin though I haven't done something like this since I've been partnered (years). 

I didn't believe it was penetration when it happened which means it likely wasn't. It felt much more like the tease of penetration or vigorous rimming. He pushed, I felt that push/pressure on my sphincter, I stopped him and I wasn't terribly worried at the time.

It was only when I had the very intense symptoms that I got anxious but I've read that ARS couldn't show up in 4/5 days, correct? My lymph nodes are still a bit tender. Is it possible my symptoms were caused by shingella from rimming?

I'm inclined to believe that as he says and I thought at the time--that he teased my hole but didn't get it in. He said yesterday when I asked "it didn't go in but I wish you would've let me".

Thanks for bearing with me.

[Ann]

tj,

You can pick up all sorts of gastrointestinal bugs and other STIs (not hiv) from rimming.

You can also pick up other STIs from frottage. Syphilis and herpes are the most obvious.

If you're worried about your symptoms, see a doctor. They are highly unlikely to have anything to do with hiv, given the situation you describe.

Ann

[Andy Velez]

Man,you are overworking this recent event of yours. Shigella is not easily acquired. I don't know why you are self-diagnosing yourself with it. If you have troublesome symptoms you should discuss them with your doctor to determine the cause.

I don't see yours as having been a genuinely risky situation for HIV. But if you are going to continue to worry there's a simple solution. Get tested at 6 weeks and 3months and collect the inevitable negative results.

But doing that would from my viewpoint be strictly for your peace of mind and not because you had a for real risk.

[tj1014209]

Hi Andy, Ann and Rod,

I tried to let this situation go but have been feeling anxiety that's manifesting as phantom pains.

I went to the health dept for a test at 3 weeks. They test with antibody rapid test and a blood test that the counselor said is accurate at 14 days. I received my results for all other STDs today as negative and my rapid test was negative. I'm waiting on the results of the blood draw.

I'm going to describe the situation more graphicly if that's ok.

He rubbed his spit covered dick on my hole, I was bent over my desk, I felt him pushing, my hole was relaxed slightly spread and I wasn't entirely clenched. It felt like when your relax to get rimmed. He pushed a few more times and then it was a lot of pressure like he was trying to put it in.

I stopped him. I've spoken to him and he insists he wasn't in me as he would have felt his dick go in.

I don't necessarily believe that I was Penetrated (with a capital P) like where the dick head disappears up into the hole as that's usually associated with a feeling of either pleasure/fullness or intense pain and I'd imagine with only spit it would be the latter.

BUT, I'm worried about being relaxed for those pushes and those few tiny centimeters of pink and reddish anus skin that is present before the pain point of your sphincter. Like when you flex your hole and push it outwards/relax it almost and that reddish/pinkish is slightly visible--if a dick presses against that, is that being penetrated/a risk?

Apologies for needing additional feedback. I'm just trying to discern what the line is between being penetrated/being teased/being rubbed and risk factors.

Thank you all for your help.

[Jeff G]

Get tested at 6 weeks and 3months and collect the inevitable negative results.

But doing that would from my viewpoint be strictly for your peace of mind and not because you had a for real risk.

What Andy and the rest said is still valid today . If you read your thread again you will see all your concerns have been addressed .

Its safe to put this behind you and get on with your life ... if you choose to test do it in the appropriate window period as advised or you will just be back here wondering if you had an accurate test ... that you didn't need to begin with . Best of luck and try to find other things to do and think about other than this , really .     

[tj1014209]

Thank you, Jeff.

It's so funny, I don't want to be one of those dudes on here who says "I fingered a stripper and now I'm freaking out". I recognize how much of their anxiety is fueled by guilt. You're right about letting it go. I really am making a good faith effort.

I'm just worried about that pink/red skin on my inner edges of my puckered hole--it's the puckered red/pink/rim/edge that's got me all bothered. And, usually thinking of puckered holes fills me with joy!

So clearly, what you're saying, is a dick has to go up into you, push past both sphincters and into your rectum for you to contract HIV and I'm listening to the weird CDC things I've read about mucous membranes and my internal monologue of guilt and being insane.

Right?

If so, I'm off here and letting this go.

[tj1014209]

I feel really intense, but I'd love your feedback on my last post and then I'll log out.

[Jeff G]

I feel really intense, but I'd love your feedback on my last post and then I'll log out.

HIV is acquired sexually by engaging in unprotected insertive vaginal or anal intercourse . I cant comment on the matter any more than stating the facts as they are . You didn't have a risk from having a penis touching your bum , no matter what color , hue or elasticity of the region in question .   

[tj1014209]

Thanks, Jeff, for all your help.

Have a good weekend.