As I find myself taking steps toward a great life..

[2blessed]

I just started taking my meds and everything is going great for me this far except updating my shots because I just hate needles but anyway...I feel like I'm watching a friend of mine die. He knows about my diagnosis and he recently found out about his. He has lost about 60 pounds within the past 5 months. I'm terrified for him because right now he's running a fever if 102 and he's been saying he's cold and we live in the south so it's actually pretty hot right now. He looks almost skeleton like and he refuses to go to the hospital like idk what to do at this point I'm afraid that he's letting his pride literally kill him. The gay community in our town is small and very messy so i think he doesn't want to come to terms with his diagnosis because he doesn't want anyone talking about him or to have what people have been saying about him be the truth. How do I deal with this??

[jkinatl2]

I just started taking my meds and everything is going great for me this far except updating my shots because I just hate needles but anyway...I feel like I'm watching a friend of mine die. He knows about my diagnosis and he recently found out about his. He has lost about 60 pounds within the past 5 months. I'm terrified for him because right now he's running a fever if 102 and he's been saying he's cold and we live in the south so it's actually pretty hot right now. He looks almost skeleton like and he refuses to go to the hospital like idk what to do at this point I'm afraid that he's letting his pride literally kill him. The gay community in our town is small and very messy so i think he doesn't want to come to terms with his diagnosis because he doesn't want anyone talking about him or to have what people have been saying about him be the truth. How do I deal with this??

Does your friend have family? Is there any mutual friend you can talk to? As much as he might hate you for intervening, you wil hate yourself worse if you do nothing and watch him die.

So many questions here. Granted, there's only so much you can do but even police will do what's known as a "welfare check" on a person.

I imagine that if he's lost 60 pounds in five months that people are already talking about him.

[2blessed]

Does your friend have family? Is there any mutual friend you can talk to? As much as he might hate you for intervening, you wil hate yourself worse if you do nothing and watch him die.

So many questions here. Granted, there's only so much you can do but even police will do what's known as a "welfare check" on a person.

I imagine that if he's lost 60 pounds in five months that people are already talking about him.

Yes he has family but I don't really know where they stand in his life honestly and yes people have already been talking about him which is where his pride is coming in I feel like thats why he won't go to the hospital because he's afraid someone will see him and it would be a huge blow to his ego. It's just me and my bestfriend that really know about this situation. I am sooo terrified that tomorrow he's not going to be here.

[mecch]

Did you discuss directly what is happening? That he is dying? Did he say he wants to die?

I think you should put the possibility of death to him kindly, gently and directly.  It sounds like he isn't thinking clearly.

If the issue is discretion and keeping his pride, OK, just work with that... There is probably a solution. How about taking him to a hospital in another town?  Or even further away that.  Nobody will know him there.  Would seem logical.  If he denies that, he's really not thinking clearly. Maybe he wants to die.

But if he says he is not suicidal, he is obviously paralyzed and needs some intervention - by you, your friend, his family, his doctor(s)? Has he ever seen a doctor recently, these years?  Social worker? Any health professional?  If so, get them involved again, please.

[buginme2]

 Go over there tell him your taking his ass to the hospital put him in your car and drive him.

If he refuses call 911

At this point he needs to get over his pride or whatever. 

[tednlou2]

How far are you from another town/city with a hospital or medical facilities?  I grew up in a smallish town, right in between Indianapolis and Louisville.  I may have been concerned about going to my small town hospital, because everyone knows everyone.  Although, going on your own beats being taken by ambulance, where everyone would sure know all the details. 

Could you get him to go to another city, if he won't go in his own?  Do either of you have transportation to go to another town/city? 

Mecch just posted what I was suggesting, when I hit post. 

[2blessed]

Honestly the way he's talking just sounds like he doesn't want to accept that it's getting serious...I'm angry because his mom and siblings are sitting in the same house and yet they aren't trying to get him any help or figure anything out like I know I can't force him to get medical help but I feel like if I don't then I haven't done my job it just sucks seeing him react to his diagnosis the opposite if the way I'm reacting to mine...I pray things change sooner rather than later

[LiveWithIt]

Tell him to take some Tylenol to break his fever, and take him to an infectious disease doctor who can put him on meds right away if he won't go to the hospital. 

[LiveWithIt]

Honestly the way he's talking just sounds like he doesn't want to accept that it's getting serious...I'm angry because his mom and siblings are sitting in the same house and yet they aren't trying to get him any help or figure anything out like I know I can't force him to get medical help but I feel like if I don't then I haven't done my job it just sucks seeing him react to his diagnosis the opposite if the way I'm reacting to mine...I pray things change sooner rather than later

Something doesn't jive in your story,  before you said he had family but you don't know where they stand and now you say he lives with his family.   They obviously know something is wrong by now. I'm calling shenanigans once I reread this thread after my previous post.

[Zohar]

All you can do is talk to him and give him the facts then it's up to him to make his own mind up. Perhaps you could try presenting ARVs to him as 'try them and see how you go' option, rather than 'this is what you must do everyday for ever and ever', which many find daunting. Ultimately, you have to allow people to make their own decisions. Even if you were able to, forcing medication on someone is, in my view, unethical.

[2blessed]

Something doesn't jive in your story,  before you said he had family but you don't know where they stand and now you say he lives with his family.   They obviously know something is wrong by now. I'm calling shenanigans once I reread this thread after my previous post.

He stays with his mom and siblings with not knowing where they stand I'm saying I don't know how their relationship is like I know his dad died a long time ago and I think his real mom did as well but he's never divulged that info to me it's just stuff that his past friends have said that make me feel that wat so idk if the mom and siblings that I see are biological or if their foster but idk what the relationship is and idk how they will react if I say they have to get him help like yesterday when my bestfriend and I went to take him some pedialyte his mom was watching tv and his brother was surfing the web like nothing was going on it was just weird to see I'm sorry if you think someone would play like this but I'm not one of those people I actually am looking for real advice and idk about giving him any kind of medicine because he looks so fragile and he said he hasn't eaten because he can't hold anything down and I know with most medicine you have to have something on your stomach

[2blessed]

All you can do is talk to him and give him the facts then it's up to him to make his own mind up. Perhaps you could try presenting ARVs to him as 'try them and see how you go' option, rather than 'this is what you must do everyday for ever and ever', which many find daunting. Ultimately, you have to allow people to make their own decisions. Even if you were able to, forcing medication on someone is, in my view, unethical.

Exactly which is how my bestfriend views kidnapping him and taking him to a hospital ourselves he feels like we have to let him make the decisions he feels are best for himself whether they kill him or not but I think we should force him to go to the hospital

[Jeff G]

Hi Blessed , it sounds like things are pretty dire for your friend . If I were faced with the situation you are in and felt like my friends life is in danger I would pull out all the normal stops and boundaries that exist between friends .

I would start by feeling out the family , what they know about the situation . You can start a conversation with them simply stating you are worried about your friend , bottom line , your best bet is to get your friends family on board in helping him and if having to tell them your friend will die without medical attention is your choice then I would do that , tell them and see what happens . 

[mecch]

he feels like we have to let him make the decisions he feels are best for himself whether they kill him or not but I think we should force him to go to the hospital

He said that literally - let me do what I want "whether it kills me or not." ? He knows he's dying??

Very sick people can be out of their minds....  HIV also can destroy the mind...  Its not worth the risk to you and his family to assume he's making a rational decision to die this way.  He can get treated and get educated and then make the decision, if he chooses to do so, from a better place.  HE could VERY WELL be a candidate for the "lazarus effect" - meaning, its not unknown for HIV+ people to be very very very sick and then rally back to health, once they finally get medical treatment.

[2blessed]

He said that literally - let me do what I want "whether it kills me or not." ? He knows he's dying??

Very sick people can be out of their minds....  HIV also can destroy the mind...  Its not worth the risk to you and his family to assume he's making a rational decision to die this way.  He can get treated and get educated and then make the decision, if he chooses to do so, from a better place.  HE could VERY WELL be a candidate for the "lazarus effect" - meaning, its not unknown for HIV+ people to be very very very sick and then rally back to health, once they finally get medical treatment.

No no my bestfriend isn't the sick person we were trying to figure out how to handle this situation

[weasel]

    Hi Blessed ,
                       IF I WERE ANYWHERE NEAR THIS PERSON HE WOULD BE
  IN MY CAR AND GOING TO A HOSPITAL  ASAP !!!!!


           Please do not delay any longer !  Once a person  croaks they don't come
   back !!!!

     I would not care if I had to drive 150 miles to a hospital !!!!!

     JUST DO IT !     Discussing with other best friends , that appear to have no
   common sense about life is useless  beyond words   

                               I pray you do the right thing for your friend , like you
   said he is opposite of you .  That says a lot .
    I can relate to this BIG TIME !   I would be dead if not for my Partners intervention  !

                                                                Weasel

[2blessed]

We took him this morning to the hospital he was pissed but he'll thank us in the long run. His fever was still 101 when we got there they put him on iv's and stuff I left cuz I had to work but I'm going back in a little.. But my bestfriend is with him and said he's a helluva lot better than what he was when I left but he's not completely there yet of course but thank you guys

[gadawg1979]

Blessed where in the south are you? Ga here. what he needs is support. 

[Theyer]

Good for you.
A good friend indeed.
Just like to add , because I do it too , its almost imposable trying to second guess others peoples reactions to our deeds, and in the end we can only do what we think is right , wish you most certainly did .

Hope you are enjoying that your Friend is where he should be , and that your working on your 'thank you" prezzie wants that you can drop into conversation during hospital visits.

All the best , keep us up to date.and a belated welcome
mhtv

[2blessed]

Yes we're in GA

He cried yesterday once I got to the hospital and we had a life or death talk with him and I told him that I had to ask the advice of strangers but he promised us that he won't put us through this again because I and my bestfriend pretty much let him know that we can't do this again we can't spend time worrying about whether he's doing what he needs to do to get his life together..btw my bestfriend told me to thank you guys for advice on dealing with this situation because he was more preparing to see this guy just die.

[Jeff G]

Thanks for the update ... did his family ever get involved ? .

[britchick]

2blessed

Im so glad that your friend is in hospital and will get the treatment that they need.Sounds like he was scared and now that he has taken that step and has you and your other friends support.... things are looking up.

We care here.Please let him know that we are thinking about him and  also thankyou for caring about him


Britchickx

[mecch]

I and my bestfriend pretty much let him know that we can't do this again we can't spend time worrying about whether he's doing what he needs to do to get his life together..btw my bestfriend told me to thank you guys for advice on dealing with this situation because he was more preparing to see this guy just die.

You did what you thought was best and everyone here at least thanks you for that. Also your friend will probably thank you eventually.

Also I wanted to say that IMO - friends must worry about their friends, and must invest time when a dear friend is falling apart.  You say you can't do this again, and I do understand the exasperation, and the respect you tried to give him for his individuality, and the time spent, the worry. But, after all, that's what friends are for.  Please continue to be generous to your friend.  Eventually with enough people breathing care and life blood into him, he'll have the energy to heal.  This includes you, his friends, hopefully his family, and very important too the health care, the drugs, everything.  Its all an infusion of energy and attention and he is so low, that's what he needs to come back to life. His fever will break, he'll get the drugs to kill all the bacterias and viruses run amok in his system, he can rest and get strong again...   Thank you again for doing this.... 

[2blessed]

Thanks u guys as far as his family they still are not too involved in this he doesn't want us tell his mom too much so I'm going I give him a chance to talk to her first about everything but he looks and sounds better than two days ago...thanks for all the well wishes