POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Positive Women => Topic started by: Winiroo on December 19, 2007, 12:48:42 pm
-
Hopefully I set this sucker up the right way. I guess I'll find out soon enough.
More baking today... Happy holidays ladies.
Drag – thanks for the link. I’ve never seen or heard of Nigella Lawson. I do know who Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsey are. I don’t have an opinion on Jamie Oliver. I haven’t really watched him closely. Most of his dishes are gross to me.
Gordon Ramsey is an ass but I can’t help but watch him. It’s like watching a train wreck.
Wishful – The only doctor I see is my HIV doctor. The dentist I go to is at clinic for positive people so all their patients are positive. And I don’t have an eye doctor.
Queen – Thanks for the lyrical reference. I had no clue. I thought she ment her cakes where lopsided.
For new readers, here's our "Dating Threads" history....
Part I: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=12526.0
Part II: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=13850.0
Part III: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=14375.0
Part IV: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=14848.0
Part V: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=15148.0
Part VI: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=15558.0
Part VII: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=15951.0
Part VIII: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=16271.0
Part IX: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=16637.0
Part X: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=16913.0
Part XI: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=17115.0
Part XII: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=17324.0
Part XIII: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=17723.0
-
Way to go Winiroo!!!! I love how you just jumped in there and like the title too.. ;) And yes, Wishful did mean her cakes came out lopsided but her reference to the song just made it hilarious to me. Also, I know not everyone is into rap. Wishful and myself are a bunch of Thug Misses.... ;D *throws up the hand sign for Eastside*.... ;D Ok, you doing all this baking Wini, I'll have to put in my request for some nutbread or some banana bread.... ;) I shall return...... :-*
-
Damn it to hell....This is why my team is 12-2.......Go Cowboys....Romo leave your woman at home....Both our losses have been to Philly....Read what T.O. had to say.....Cindy and Confused, I figured you'd get a kick out of this....Like Jessica knows about football..... ::)
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071219/ap_en_ot/fbn_t_o____jessica_simpson
-
LOL I live about 15 miles from the stadium. I'm not a big fan but I've had my fair share of getting caught in the traffic.
I think its kinda sweet she's trying to be supportive. You know anytime a player comes up sucking at a game fans will make up reasons. Could be her, could be he just screwed up. ;D
-
Wishful~ I eventually told all of my docs my status, having been poz almost 14 years now. Back in the day I didn't tell my dentist or eye doctor until I needed to. LOL at "lean wit it rock wit it" or whatever it was you said about baking, lmao!
Crazy me, I didn't see there was a page 2 on the last thread until now. Yes, Whitebread over here got the rap reference, even in all of my Metal-Headed Glory! lmao!
I'll be honest, I am getting quite bummed, crying every night about my dog, Casie. I walked Cheech earlier and just leaned my head back and looked up at the night sky, and started crying thinking of her being gone. Damn, I wish she was here! Iceman was out of town on business these past couple of days, so not as much talking. Then my phone he gave me was acting up, so the text messages weren't getting through.
I just feel alone tonight. I really miss my girl, she reminded me of Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer when she was little. Sigh. :-\
I'm going to go hug Cheech and make some tacos.
Also, BT, I lost my turkey meat for the sandwich in a kitchen drawer, not in the fridge. Can you see my blonde highlights from where you are? LOL
More when I feel better, I can't smell, taste or hear, and my ears are ringing. Shit.
[attachment deleted by admin]
-
Hey Girls-
I'm sorry Cin for your loss. It is funny how casie reminded you of rudolf. My dog reminds me of one of the deer in 'THE Year without a santa clause...when they have to put the socks over their antlers. LOL
So no real updates. I stayed the entire weekend with spencer and just had THE very best time. He had his kids the last few days but he is free tomorrow night. He is making dinner which I'm really looking forward to. He asked me what kind of wine do I like and we both emailed each a dry merlot, but if chardonnay Kendall Jackson. That kind of stuff happens all time.
We laugh and laugh when we're together its just soooo great. We email each other everyday at work and text each other at night.
There was one little incident on sunday. He is in the divorce process from his wife, the same time as my husband and I. He was just telling me that in the year in a half she's never just gone over there. She did sneak in once but he changed the locks. She didn't know it cause when we were watching tv we heard the knob rattling than the door bell ringing. OMG.....I thinking I should hide, cause she's crazy and is desperately trying to find evidence for more money. So I run into the closet in his bedroom hiding...unreal right? She comes flying in with all the kids...and all them have to use the bathroom, and pick up items they don't need. It was like they were on a mission. This women starts screaming at the top of her lungs just rehashing old stuff. She sound like Jeff's wife on Curb your Enthusiasm. The kids were sent to the car. He asked her to leave and she said she wasn't leaving.
Now five minutes before this all happens I'm thinking, wow, this is soooo great. No drama, alcoholics, screw ups just normalcy. The irony that would follow cracks me up. But even with its drama it makes me look back to the past relationships and makes me think, "I wasn't thinking, was I in some stupor, was someone hypnotizing me, slipping me mickey's." Why did I put up with so much bull shit. But you know what, that's the past. And the only place to go is forward.
Love to you all,
and yes, I am really really happy,
hugs,
Cams
PS- Winiroo, love the new thread!
-
Cam~ I'm glad to read that you and Spencer are doing so well together and that you're happy. It must have been crazy with the ex and kids barging in like they did. I have gone to the grocery and to restaurants with Iceman near his place, and I can't help but wonder if we'll turn the corner and see his ex and the kids. I wouldn't want to meet the kids like that, to just be right there with their father, all of a sudden. They are young and the divorce may take some time with them. Iceman already said that I'd be staying at his house sometime when the kids were there, down the road, so he seems pretty "OK" with it. I am too, but I don't want to upset the kids, it makes me nervous to think they might not like me or something. Well, that's for in the future, there's time before I get to that chapter. They are adorable, though, he has two girls!
I spoke to Iceman a little while ago on the phone and confessed that I was down in the dumps over Casie. I have been so weepy tonight, so tired. I just hugged Cheech and fed him cookies while we watched the lights twinkle on the Christmas tree. That always calms me. Iceman made me laugh on the phone, he always does, he's always smiling, I can hear it in his voice and it lifts me up.
Thank goodness for him, thank goodness. :)
Also, Jessica Simpson is a ditz, but I better hush up, she could be a distant cousin of mine, lol! The Redskins definitely want her at the next game, lol!
-
Thanks Queen and Cams
I baked the rest of the chocolate chip with walnut cookies today. 3 dozen Then made oatmeal raisins cookies and as an experiment I took a granny smith apple and diced it real small, put a tablespoon or so of lemon juice and a 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon mixed it up zapped it in the microwave for 40 seconds and added it to the batter. So now they are oatmeal raisin apple cookies. They came out tasty. Made the house smell wonderful.
I wound up baking 84 cookies. I counted them because I needed to figure out how many I could put in each bag.
I don't know if I'll bake anything else. I think I'm out of ideas plus my legs and shoulders are aching.
I might, I donno...
I'd be freaked out hiding in the closet from a woman that sounds like she's psycho. Women are scary unpredictable things. LOL
Glad you made it out of there intact.
Sorry about your puppy Cindy. I've never dated a man with children before Billy. He has a 20 year old son. When we met his son was 16 and lived about 300 miles away. Now he is just up the road about 15 minutes. Met the ex wife. Shes ok, she is nice to me, friendly and chatty. I dont think I'd choose her for a friend knowing as much as I do about her but she doesnt have to be my friend for me to be nice to her.
chat at ya'll later
-
Hi Girls
Just checking in, thanks for the new thread. I am sitting here watching some talk show and they are talking about Britt Spears little sister who is 16 being pregnant. Gee some have all of the luck. I am 34, successful, own my own home and cannot find a decent guy that is not married to procreate with. Oh such is life. Well I must say I got a laugh out of Cam's story. Sorry don't mean to make light of the situation but it sounds like something out of Desperate Housewives.
Talk to you girls soon.
-
yeah I read that on the news, Sun, shows how much birth control, let alone condoms, are on the agenda doesn't it?
good morning everyone!
I dont even know what i'll do today, i'm in a whirlwind of things i need to do. someone at work is having an important thing today and i would have liked to go but i will just be sneaking in & out... or not! I left my desk full on this, but there are things i need to buy, clothes i ned to try, a suitcase to pack, and my hair to do... oh welll ican always work a little from home if the guilt really stings.
Cindy, I still miss my C. so much. 18 years!!! everytime someone here loses a dog i want to write something. it seems silly to miss them for ages and ages, but it sure happens! i have her as my desktop so i see her everyday,
I will not have access to the forums but I will be checking mail, I wanted to ask you to email me if something happens that is really important. Esp with Mike (tnboy). I will post a list this evening (my time) with all the ppl that came forward to donate meds. Can you do me a really huge favor and update this list if more people come up or if there rae any changes and then PM him? i figure it has been 3 days now so these will be most of the responses, but just in case... is it OK if I write it on that thread? that's all you need to do, possibly update the list and email him. I just dont want people to PM me and I wont be able to see it and he might miss out on some options, and i know he is too sick to read the thing and make the list himself.
I will be back on 7.1. will be stopping in amsterdam with some friends, cos actually i fly back on the 4th.
Like you I am also greatful... I talked to the BF yesterday, he was booking us a 4 star hotel on the coast in portugal, 30 km from lisbon, romantic... i have been there before with my own private doofus 7 years ago (not in the hotel, in those parts of portugal), this will be a neat closing circle! i am really excited, its so beautiful out there, hopefully not too much rain, but its rainy even in the summer so...
Betty, yeah we travel easily here, but Europe is small, I think its the size of just 2-3 states in the US. flights are cheaper too. actually the US is really expensive, hotels and such are more expensive there. For me the tedious thing about traveling is making it to the airport on time. I don't trust the Dutch trains (no one does) so we always have to leave far in advance and take late flights.
I am still nervous, but listening to MP3s of councelling sessions just last year that I had exactly on these issues - going to Spain in the holidays, and then giving a big presentation at work in late Jan. History is simply repeating itself. its amazing to see what i was like last year. i was so afraid that my Bf is going to find a job elasewhere and leave, and that he doesnt want to live with me. now i worry that he doesnt want to have a baby with me, or get married. God so much activity in the mind of a woman.
Cam, you did tell the story with a comic twist. the good thing is you dont need to make a good impression on this crazy woman. who knows maybe if she knew someone was there she'd be more restrained. how awkward for her. but did he stay in the family home? isnt that usually the opposite? how old are his kids? how uncanny that you're both going thru the same stuff... i am so glad you enjoy each other so much.
Queen, how's the hearning aid issue? Like Cin said I'd bug them nonstop. so frustrating. what are they there for if they dont understand that people rely on these things?! that makes me mad.
I got to start my day, take meds and eat with them. I'll stop by later for a proper farwell.
Hugs to all,
-
This is the situation. I still live with soon to be ex. Thankfully we have 3 floors I have my bedroom on the 3rd floor and office.
He has his bedroom and office on the 2nd floor, and the tv/library is a shared room. But we have a very amicable relationship so it works, we're trying to sell the house.
Spencer's ex has the house and kids. He is living in a garden apartment. My main concern was the kids. The wife had other men at the house which is completely effed up, but that's her and I do know she is off a bit. I want the kids to know that they will meet me as opposed to me shocking them.
I have never dated a man with children before and I know it will be a challenge. The first thought is, "I hope they like me".....but that's not always the case.
Hey I got this far and got through some much bigger challenges so its just another challenge.
Hope you all have a lovely day.
hugs,
Cams
-
Good morning ladies:
Cin, I am so sorry about your little Casie. I know how much animals can be missed. I had a beloved cat named Casper before that almost killed me when he had to be put to sleep. And another cat named Misty that used to get on my back when I was on the floor on my hands and knees and roll around on it (my back) who, I believe, got outside and someone took her, b/c she never was an outdoor cat. That almost killed me too. My cat I have now (Poppy) and I are so close. Every time I talk to her, she looks right in my eyes. And she bats her eyes at me and lets me rub her belly. Pets are such wonderful companions, a real part of our family. Just know that your little Casie is looking down on you, watching you and Cheech and wishing she could have some cookies also! ;)
Cam, my God, woman! Is his ex- a mental case or something (now remember, psych is my major, I'm not putting down mentally challenged people)? She sounds like a real doozy. I'm glad she didn't attack you. And I'm glad you're happy. I wonder myself, also, when I think back on past relationships, what may have been wrong with me. Of course, I tend to blame it on the drugs I was on clouding my judgement. :D
Wendy, thanks for starting the new thread! It's a good title also. Girl, you're just baking your ass off, aren't you? Those apple/raisin cookies sound really good. See, I wish I could experiment more, but I don't know that I trust myself. You sound like you really can come up with good ideas.
Queen, I agree with Drag about the hearing aid issue. I would bug them nonstop until something got done. You depend on your hearing. They should know that. You haven't mentioned Rico your last couple threads. What's going on with him?
Drag, I wish you a marvelous holiday! We'll miss you here. So you're going to Amsterdam, eh? When I was in my drug days, I always wanted to go there because of everything being legal there. :D Will be you partaking in anything? Anyway, I hope you have a lovely time and I can't wait to hear all about it. Sounds like you'll be staying somewhere really nice.
I guess I will be making some more molasses cookies, probably Sunday. Today my therapist comes over and I have to go to the store to get a few things. I saved up a big $21 on my food stamp card and I want to spend it. :D Tonight at my church they're having a thing called "Blue Christmas" which is for people who have lost someone close in the last year that I'm going to. I like the lady who's having it. She's a good speaker.
Oh, btw Cin, I bleach my hair, so I can relate to the blonde thing. ;) Have a good one ladies-
-
Hey girls..How's everyone?
Cin:..So sorry about the lil one.. :'( i hope you feel better soon
Nothing new goin on here..oh except im thinking bout moving back to florida...i think i need to be alone n single for a while to get my head together esp about the disclosing issue..i feel really guilty sometimes and i think thats y im pushing youngin away.. i feel like he could do better than me..he is young and prolly wants more kids of his own..i cant give him that..on top of that im poz..He is a really good guy..i just dont think he is for me..
-
Hey Ladies-----
I am a bit tired today so I will try to address everyone. If I miss anyone please do not take it personally. I talked to Ed(ENT guy) on Tuesday. The Magic Box didn't do anything for my hearing aid, it is shot. Because the ENT does not accept my insurance there is nothing else they can do. Though Ed did take my insurance number and physician's inquiry number to see if there was someplace else I could go, that was on Tuesday. My concern is the cost of the hearing aids. My insurance will only cover $1500 and I know now I will need to get the other one too. I will look over my insurance papers and give them a call tomorrow.
I haven't been mentioning Rico because honestly I thought everyone prolly got tired of hearing about him. I was trying to give you a break but since you asked Betty... ;) Rico came over last night and we all got drunk off of tequila margaritas. And some tequila shots, I had 3... ;D Poor Rico was throwing up later because he had started drinking at his house with his room mate and failed to eat. Amatuer.... ;D But I took care of him during the night. He woke up with a hangover and I woke up just fine... :D
Cam, I was in that situation once, hiding in the closet but circumstances were a bit different.. ;) I hope you and the ex don't have a confrontation because to me that is what it looks like she was trying to do. Poor kids, they didn't need to be involved in what took place even. I smell drama in your future but if you are serious about Spencer then stand your ground. So did Spencer accept the disclosure? I missed that somewhere.
Wishful, I know what you mean about the guilt coming into play with not disclosing. Every time I get close to disclosing to Rico, he says some real ignorant shit. It really shows his ignorance about hiv. But why do you want to move back to Florida? Happier there or running from the young buck? Weigh your options and do what you think is best.
Cindy, Sorry about the loss of your pet. I know nothing can replace Cassie but maybe you should get another one. Someone you and Cheech both can love.
Dragonette, Enjoy your trip. I wish I could travel to such places.
I need to go. I haven't eaten yet. I need to check in on Rico and then spend some time on WoW. I'll check back in later.
-
well Ladies, this is really my last post before I go, I have time tomorrow but I will spend it running around. i do feel very lucky... I never thought I would be doing these things either.
Betty no, I don't indulge anymore... I did once spend a very hazy week in AMS as a tourist. But I basically smoked all the weed I have been allowed in this lifetime during 10 years, and I haven't in the last 10. BTW on weed, hash & mashrooms are legal here, although in AMS you can get chased by a pack of dealers trying to seel you any other drug, but that's illegal. But weed and shrooms have become legal in many other European countries in the meantime as well. If I wanted to smoke I could get medical marijuana, there is a shop right next door the the hospital. BTW the legal stuff is legal all over Holland not just in AMS. Even in Israel if you are poz you can now get a license to grow and carry your own. But even though I am sometimes tempted, it just made me too paranoid... it was not really a choice anymore.
Queen, I hope everything works out for you. What can i say, it makes me angry this hearing aid thing. Hope it resolves asap.
Wishful, don't run away to Florida. If youngin didnt want to be with you, he wouldnt. Dont tell yourself negative things. You dont know what his reaction would be.
Cindy I will check my email. Give a New Year's kiss to Ice for me too (on the cheek right?), he totally deserves it.
Have a wonderful Christmas & New Year, cozy and happy, all of you, I mean all the women here on the forums, we are not so big so I feel like I know everyone - a very big hug. here's to a peaceful, happy, drama free holiday season. Much love to you all.
-
My life has taken a tragic turn. I am so crushed by what has happened to me tonight.
I am so sad that words cannot explaine my feelings
Spencer and I exchanged gifts and had a great time. Then around the 11 o ' clock hour he wanted to tell me that I was smart and and beautiful and yet this monster would intrude on his not so perfect life.
honestly i have been shattered. We had such a great night and then all the sudden he tells me that this is our issue. He asked me to stay over and then 2 hours later it's different. My head is effed up. And I am really distressed. Life is good but I'm having a hard time seeing it.
-
What? Oh no!!!! What monster? Are you referring to the ex? I am a bit confused.. ???
-
Hey Cammie
Im so sorry... I know nothing would change this blow right now. He is the monster... the monster is in his head.
Love ya
-
Good morning ladies:
Cam, damn it! Fucking damn it! When he talks about "the monster" he is referring to the HIV, correct? I agree with Drag, he is the monster. Why would he lead you on like that, just to do something like this? Oh gf, I am so, so sorry. You certainly don't deserve this! Here's a great big {{{CYBER HUG}}} for you! Please take it easy on yourself. We love you and we don't see any monster!
Queen, wow, what a hassle with trying to get hearing aids. I really hope the whole thing can get resolved soon. I can't imagine what that's like, trying to make out what people are saying and not being able to. I'm really sorry it's turned into such an ordeal. You and Rico sound like you're keeping each other company. Hey, are you doing any baking or cooking for Christmas?
Wishful, what do you mean move to Florida? Why do you want to do that? If it's bothering you to be in the relationship with the youngin', just take a break from it. You need to make sure that Florida is where you will be permanently happy before you pick up and do a major move like that. Just sayin'
Hey, I wonder how NY is doing with the new little one. Maybe she'll check in soon. If you're watching NY, I'm sending you and your new boy a huge {{{HUG}}}! And Cin, I hope you're doing better, with the whole grief thing. Last night at my church they had a service called "Blue Christmas." It was for people who have lost someone (and that included pets) significant in the last year. It was wonderful. At one point we had to go up and choose an animal or two that represented who is was we had lost and put it in a manger scene. There were little doggies up there (and kitties). I chose a bird for my mom because her favorite song (one of her favorites) was "His Eye is on the Sparrow." Anyway, Cin, I thought about you and your little Casie-girl. Just keep goin' girl, that's all we can do.
Drag, I don't know if you're checking in before you take off, but I hope you have a wonderful time! It sounds like it will be fantastic. I'm looking forward to a full report when you get back! And pictures if you take some! I want to go to Greece, and Spain. I would love to visit the ancient ruins in Greece. I would also love to go to Rome.
Today is laundry day. Other than that, I really don't have a lot going on. I watched the first 1/2 of Angels in America last night. (It's 6 hours long). Today I'm going to watch the second 1/2. Has anyone else seen it? It's an excellent movie. I wish I would've seen the play when it was first made. I hope all you ladies have a good day-
-
Hello ladies. Cam, where the hell did that come from. I am so sorry to hear that Spencer is having problems. And to call it a monster. Sheesh. I am okay, just working a lot. Have too much to do today and not enough time to do it. I did go to Robert's Christmas party yesterday and it was fun. Later, Ladies. Have a merry Christmas. Wendy, love the new title. Cristy
-
There is a whole in my world today
The monster being the virus. Let me clarify things, I called it the monster in the moments of my hysterics. I'm at work and I can't stop crying. My exhusband (he lives on the 2nd floor) heard me crying last night and came up and laid next to me just to comfort me. I guess life can't be that bad. Matty the damned is so sweet too. He had the nicest things to add in a PM.
-
Hey Cammie,
I'm SO sorry about Spencer. It made me cry just to read about it. It shows you something about who Spencer REALLY is if he cannot accept you as you are .... you deserve somebody that will love you unconditionally.
sara
-
Damn, Cammie, Sorry to hear things didn't go well with Spencer. I was hoping that the monster was the ex. Funny how 3 little letters can change everything. I know you are hurting but like folks say it is better to find out ahead of time. But the rejection hurts like hell. Disclosure is and always will be a bitch, I don't care what anyone says.
Betty, I think you asked about NY. I pmed her last week, she is doing fine. She had said she had 2 papers to write for school and that after getting that out the way, she would check back in. I meant to mention that before but I think I was holding off to see if she would check in.
Wishful, Where you at? I hope you are doing well and haven't went back to Florida. Not w/o thinking it over. Get in here and let us know how you are doing. You know we are worried about you. I know how hard disclosing can be and the pressure it can cause. Remember, you got to do what is right for you.
As for me, the latest on the hearing aid is that now my insurance company will cover the cost for the repair. Ed called them. I don't know what he said but I am grateful for him helping me out. I have to go in on the 28th to get another hearing test. Not sure if my hearing aid will be ready but I am praying that I haven't lost anymore of my hearing.
-
Cam, I am so sorry. All I can say is I'm thinking of you...
-
Good morning ladies:
Queen, I'm glad that your insurance will pay for your hearing aids to be repaired. That should be a big relief.
Cristy, you sound like you're working too much. When do you get to take a break?
Today I'm taking a friend to the train station. She's going home to Detroit for Christmas. My parents were from Detroit. Then this afternoon I'm going out to eat with a friend and going to a meeting (NA). Tomorrow my church is having a potluck after church because of Christmas. I can't believe it's only a few days away. I don't know why I'm up so early. I think I might go back to sleep for about an hour or so. I'm dragging ass. My left sinus is really bothering me. When I got pushed down the flight of stairs by the guy I used to live with, my left sinus was crushed. The doctor couldn't clean it out because of all the bone fragments in it. So now, it always bothers me. All I can do to relieve it is press on it. Ugh!
What are you ladies' plans for Christmas? I know there's talk about it in other threads on these forums, but I was wondering what you guys are going to be doing. Have a good one ladies-
-
Hello Ladies. Cammie, I am very sorry about your situation. I do think it's better to know now than later. Betty,I probably am working too much but it will slow down after this week. Only problem I'm really having is I am not very hungry. I have to force myself to eat cause nothing is appealing. You can't tell from looking at me but I think I'm losing weight .I will tell my doctor about it in January. Queen, check the Dragon thread. I bred both my girls but got no eggs. I will try again with my pink when she grows up. Sorry about your hearing aid, that must be very frustrating. I hear ya, He's a amateur. LOL I think that's funny.. ML, sorry about Casie. I have had a lot of pets but had 1 cat in particular that really stole my heart and when I had the vet put him down, I cried and cried. I still miss him so miss her but don't get too down. Everyone else, Take care, hope you have a great Christmas. I am off to bag up the goddies so I can give them out to my coworkers tonight. Later, Cristy
-
Hey girls, there's a new update. I went home from work yesterday sad and sad and did I mention sad.
I'm not a chatty type on the phone but I went to the hotline to talk to a girlfriend and fill her in. As I was talking to her I got a text message from spencer. He wrote as thought nothing happened "hey bird (my nickname) got out of work early today...oh and you left your sweat shirt here. Maybe you can come by and pick it up abd we can talk.
I texted back, "I am in a lot of pain right now and I don't think I'm ready to talk" (i'm thinking, mail me the friggin sweatshirt)
His text: Well, I'm willing to talk whenever you're ready"
my text: I meantioned that there seriously is a whole in my world ......
His text: ME too, I actually miss you terribly.
my text: (soften things up) we ok, and I really do love you
his text: I love you too and I will text you later this weekend
I need your help girls. I need to get all the best possible resources to assure him that I will not put him in jeopardy. I will bring it on!
Hope you all are having a nice weekend
-
Sounds like good news Camille but let's wait to hear everything he has to say. It does sound like he is willing to accept you which is very good. I am not trying to rain on your parade, I hope he does realize how special you are and is willing to move on with you. I can't help being a little reserved. I am like a mother hen with those I care about and I don't want to see the wind knocked out of you again. Let's just see what after the weekend brings, shall we. I will keep my fingers crossed for you, bird..... :-*
This post will be brief because I am a bit tired. I was up til 7 am playing WoW. Rico is suppose to come over but how I am feeling, I wish he wouldn't cause I look like stir fried shit about now... :D I need to see about fixing something to eat.....Cya
-
Hi GFs~
Sorry I have been away for a little bit. I was reading here last night, but I was so tired -- I got to work at 630am on Friday and left early to be with Iceman yesterday afternoon.
Thanks for all of the well-wishes about my Casie Girl. I am a little calmer now, but I was really bumming a few days ago. I just try to smile as I listen to Cheech snore in the hallway here. I wish he had his big sis here this Christmas.
Cam, I am so sorry about all of the confusion with Spencer. My personal opinion is this...Even if things are awkward right now because of the disclosure, he needs to be a man and NOT text you his feelings. He needs to see you face to face, you need to cry together, you need to print the transmission thread, you need to tell him that the virus is very fragile outside of the body. We don't want him turning into a Doofus and thinking the virus is going to run a 50 yard dash into his pecker, trying to infect him at record speed. You get my drift.....it sounds like you are willing to fight for this man. Normally, I would say "no" to the fight, because most guys don't change their initial reaction to the news when we disclose and it goes bad. They tend to stew over it and think up the worst possible scenarios in their minds, getting all bent out of shape. My advice is this....You two have known each other and have a good foundation AND you are willing to fight for him. Yes, it will be work, you will have to tell him all of the things about HIV that are simple thoughts to us, but are a great unknown to others who don't know any better. Make Spencer know better! The best thing you can do is educate him about transmission, let him know how many meds are out there which have turned this virus into a chronic condition for many. Buy a book at the store and go through it with him, just check the copyright date and make sure it isn't too out of date, as some are.
Talk, talk, talk to him and keep the lines of communication open. Let Spencer know he can ask you anything, but also, you should offer up things as well on the topic, so that he becomes more comfortable discussing it. I hope that things turn out in your favor, but remember to be strong, this may not be easy, as he already has demons floating around in his head. Get rid of the demons, and let him know that you are Cam, with a tiny virus, you are not just a virus in itself, it doesn't define who you are.
Drag, Portugal also sounds so romantic! I hope you are well on your merry way to having a fantastic vacation with your BF! I will check tnboy's thread, but last I read, MtD said he can take Invirase and Kaletra? I have to recheck it tonight. I hope you are feeling well during your travels and warming up some, too!
Wendy, so much talk about baking! :D Now I want to make brownies and throw in some applesauce to experiment, lol! I don't have any apples around and don't dare try to go to the store tonight. I have 3 batches of brownies to make, plus a white cake with vanilla frosting for Iceman. We are taking brownies to my aunt's on Christmas Day, and the rest of the junk is just because! Funny, I noticed my face was filling out some and was looking better, my GF said it today as well. I have gained 10 lbs since meeting Iceman, but its mostly in my lipo gut, dammit! Still, I'm gonna have my cake (and brownies) and eat it, too, until after the New Year. I might try to start exercising then, Iceman said he would help. I know what exercises would be my favorite with him! ;)
Wishful, I hope you're doing OK with the man situation, what's going on now?
Cristy, have fun giving out your goodies. The more I read this thread, the more I feel I should get my ass into the kitchen to bake! Thanks for sharing your thoughts regarding Casie. It means a lot.
Queen, you got me laughing at you looking like "stir fried shit." Now come on, GF, you can't be looking that bad off. Go have a Calgon moment and refuel yourself for Rico. I need to catch up on your blog, too!
BT, thanks for thinking about me and my losing my little Casie when you were at your church service. Its sweet to hear that you chose a bird for your Mom. My grandmother passed in Feb 2005 and every time I see birds, I think of her because she loved them so much. Your Mom is prob chatting with my Grandma right now, they are looking down on us tonight, saying, "What strong girls we have down there!" :-*
Sun, how are you doing with your LL? Give a check-in when you can. You have some time off work now right, after all of the marathon hours you were putting in?
Tendai, I hope you are well all the way down over there tonight. Whats new with you?
Em, how is everything going with bringing your daughter home? Seems you and your daughter are BOTH getting the best Christmas gifts of all this year, out of any of us. What a great thing it is that you are doing. Best of luck to you both with the transition as you start your lives together.
Confused, srmn and Dawn, how are you ladies doing this holiday weekend? Are you baking? Wrapping gifts? Still shopping? :o LOL
NY, NY, I hope that you are doing well with the new little one. He IS a handsome little fella! Thanks so much for the link to his pic! Check in soon, when you get a chance! I hope that your house is a little more settled and that you and the kids are excited for the holiday!
OK, so I mentioned earlier in the week that I had two anniversaries. I may start another thread, just cause I feel I need some love and need to hear that I am doing OK. It was this very night in 1993 that I got my test results back. Yep, 14 years. I didn't think I would be alive today, even though when diagnosed I said, "This couldn't have happened to a better person, this virus isn't going to get me." They seemed to just be words at the time, something to convince my numb self that I could still live, even though I knew for sure I would die in a few years. I am so glad that I was wrong. I was 24 when I was diagnosed. I remember that night like it was last week, whew, heavy.
Iceman met some of "my people" for the first time today. He drove 30 minutes from his house to get a truck from work, and then was in a crawling backup on the highway for an hour, driving to my place. We then drove to my GFs house, I call her "Little Sis" cause she is the little sister of my (ex) best friend who wrote me off in 2002 when I disclosed. Anyway, Little Sis gave me a loveseat that she had, so I FINALLY have a couch in my living room, that Iceman helped me to move. It has slipcovers on it so Cheech can get on there to his heart's content and everything can be washed! :D I fell asleep on it earlier, lol. Little Sis and her husband are both Scorpios and they met Iceman, and everyone got along great! She and I are becoming really close, its a nice thing, and she is so giving! We couldn't let the afternoon go by without discussing her horrid sister who wrote me off. Little Sis had a Christmas photo of the Ex best friend and her husband and two kids that she had sent. The sister doesn't keep in touch with Little Sis much, either, its like Little Sis and I are too strong and ex best friend/sister is too damn insecure to handle us. We started making fun about how she needed to work on her look, the Christmas photo wasn't looking so hot, lol. Oh well, not our problem. :P Little Sis said Iceman looks like Cal Ripken Jr, formerly of the Baltimore Orioles. He's has his hair cut really close and has really light ice blue eyes. Little Sis was sweet as she hugged Iceman goodbye, she said "Take care of her, she's a good girl." :)
Ah, to have good friends again is nice. I isolated myself so much when I worked on that damn house with Doofus, shit. Its time to start anew.
Iceman has his girls tonight, but will come over Christmas Eve, and wake up with me on Christmas Day! :D At 3pm we'll go to my aunt's where he'll meet Mom and Dad and family, about a dozen of us, so a smaller group. Usually we have 25 or 30 people at my aunt's, with all of my dad's cousins there. Not so this year, just a smaller group.
Also, tomorrow, Sunday at noon, my support group is having a little get-together. We usually meet on Friday nights, but we skipped last night, instead we are having a "Christmas Brunch" with lots of food and gifts for everyone. Our group leader, Deb, always cooks things for group on Fridays, and tomorrow's brunch is sure to be extra special! There will probably be about 8 of us. We were told we could bring family and friends, but no one is doing that, everyone else is so busy. I would've invited Iceman, but he has his girls.
Damn, I wrote a lot, sorry, lol! OK, I need to go eat dinner and make some brownies! Yummy! Merry Christmas to all!
~ Cindy
-
Good morning ladies:
Wow, Cin. You must've had a lot on your mind. I'm so thankful you have Ice. And I know what it's like to have real friends. I have a best friend that I met in 1989 at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. We didn't like each other at first when we met, I think because we're both so alike. But as time went on, we became inseperable. I legally made her my power-of-attorney. Then during the years of my relapse on all that prescription medication, she became my payee on my social security check because I was so far gone I couldn't manage my money. Well, she never, never mismanaged my money and always made sure I had my bills paid. She stuck by me as a friend. When I got clean this last time, a little over two years ago, she was still there. We still get together quite frequently. I've been my own payee again for quite awhile, but I am so thankful to her for everything she's done for me. She's still my power-of-attorney and I wouldn't have it any other way. She's been there for me on several occasions. When my mum passed, she was at the funeral. We just went out to lunch yesterday and to an NA meeting. She just celebrated either 18 or 19 years on Dec. 2. What she's done for me is indescribeable and I'm so thankful for her as a my best friend. And I have other friends, who I know are real friends. That means a lot. I'm so thankful. We were talking about gratitude last night at the meeting. There is a place in my town called Hope Rescue Mission that feeds anyone who needs a meal 3 x a day, every day. Well, I guess one day last week they ran out of food and had to turn some people away. I can't even imagine. That alone makes me grateful. I get so sick of listening to people who really don't know what it's like to have it hard bitch about every little expense that comes their way. I think "WAKE UP!" But, I guess it takes all kinds. Anyway, now I'm prattling on. Hey, did you get everything baked? Today I'm making more fudge and molasses cookies. I do hope you have a wonderful Christmas. You deserve it, my metal friend.
Queen, stir fried shit, eh? :D Did Rico make it over? How is everything?
Cam, all I can tell you is be careful. If you want to fight for him, then do it. You have a good head on your shoulders. Cin gave you some awesome advice. Educate him. Do you have an ASO that's close that maybe someone there could talk to him about things? Would he go? I think the transmission thread is an excellent idea for him to read. But please take care of yourself. I don't want to see you get hurt more than you already have been.
Cristy, I'm gald you'll be getting a break after the holidays. Are you working New Year's Eve? Or are you closed then? If you are, watch out for the drunks! There's sure to be a lot of them that night.
Well, today after church, there's a potluck which I'll probably stay for. I don't really have anything to take. Maybe I'll take some fudge, since I'm making more today. Yesterday here it was 50 degrees! How peculiar! Today it's supposed to be in the 20's and snow. Ugh! I think Mother Nature is having fun with us because of the holidays. I remember last year it didn't even really snow until February and this year we've already had a bad snow. I hope that it won't be bad today. I'm not ready for all this cold! Oh, I'm still smoke-free, though, so I haven't been as sick. I just wish my doctor would get back the phenotype so he knows which medicine to prescribe next. It should be back by the end of this week.
I think I mentioned ealier (quite awhile back) that my doc prescribed Valtrex for a cold sore I had. It did nothing. Actually it's more like a bad crack in the corner of my mouth and I always seem to get this when the weather turns colder. So he prescribed liquid Nystatin. I'm thinking "now, how is this mouth rinse going to help a crack that's on the outside of my mouth?" So when I use it, I just pour some over the crack. It does seem to be helping some. I've now noticed though, that on the left side of my neck, near the sternum, I've developed a very dry, coarse even, patch of skin. Now I wash my neck twice a day when I wash my face and put Oil of Olay on it. I can't imagine why it's so dry. I have some Aveeno lotion, which seems to be the only thing that helps my skin, so maybe I'll try that on it. If it doesn't help, well, I guess I'll get my doc's opinion. Have any of you ever experienced this?
Other than that, have a great day ladies! Countdown to Christmas-*humming "Here Comes Santa Claus"*
-
Hi BT~ Its nice to hear that your friend is so loyal to you. That's what Little Sis, her husband, Iceman and I were discussing yesterday -- loyalty. Evidently her big sis didn't have it where either of us were concerned, since she wrote us off. That's OK, Little Sis and I say, karma is a bitch, and Little Sis and I won't be the ones in a padded room! LOL
You are STILL baking? OMG I got on the scale this morning and I have gained 12 lbs since meeting Iceman, omg. My face looks awesome, and my legs look a little better, cause they were chicken little legs, but I tell you. This lipo gut is taking on a mind of its own! Its going to be lots of water, protein shakes for breakfast and omg I might have to start running after the New Year. That should be a hoot! LOL
As far as the rough patch of skin, it may be eczema. My skin started changing over the summer, esp around my nose where it got really dry and then it was still oily underneath. To quote Philly (lol), "You can't moisturize flakes. You need to exfoliate, THEN moisturize!" LOL, I will never forget reading that! So, BT, slough away the dry skin in the shower, even if its with a washcloth, don't dry completely and then put the Aveeno on to calm your skin and lock in the moisture. Keep an eye on it, it may just be a reaction to all of this dry air. Watch your bod, though. Sometimes that patchy stuff starts showing up all over the place in the winter, like on the sides of your ribcage, your back, etc.
Iceman sent me a text this morning to see if I was awake at 730am. :o I was in a deep sleep but we texted a little bit, he has the girls over, so we keep things private as they don't know about me yet. It was a nice, cozy way to start the day here, sending a few messages to him.
Its supposed to be in the upper 50s here with rain and 35mph winds today, BT. Its going to be a bitch for those last-minute shoppers. I am considering getting one more gift for Iceman, but I am doing research online first to see whats out there. I saw the gift before and passed it by, but it keeps bugging me, like I should have bought it. They say that's when you should go back and get it, right? LOL We'll see, but I'm not gonna spill here, until after Christmas, in case he reads these posts! :P
I need to get ready to go to group in a bit. I made brownies with Nestle mini kisses in the mix, it comes in a silver box. There are four bags of mix in there! These mini kisses are bigger than M&Ms! I still have two more bags to bake to take to my aunts on Christmas day. Yummy! I am going to take the movie "A Christmas Story" in for us to watch at group today. Someone else wants to watch "Wonderful Life" which I have never seen, but I need a good laugh today, so I am voting for Ralphie! LOL
I guess it may be quiet around here this weekend with people being busy with family and last-minute things. Work is closed Monday, so I have a 3-day paycheck coming up after this coming week. :( Oh well, I have credit ;D and equity! ;D It'll all work itself out over the next year or two!
Merry Christmas!
~ Cindy
-
I wouldn't put applesauce in brownie batter, its too liquidy. I am pretty sure your brownies would not come out right.
FYI applesauce can be used as a substitute for oil to reduce calories in baking. So you could use it instead of oil but not as an addition to the already made batter.
I wonder if you would even be able to taste diced apple in a brownie. My guess is no. I'm thinking it would only add texture.
Now I'm over analysing...
I made sugar cookies yesterday half frosted half with sugar sprinkles. I am done baking. We are going to my brothers house today to celebrate Christmas with the entire family. Billy and I will have the kids over on Christmas day too.
Hope ya'll have a marvy day!
-
Hi Girls
Well, I made it to my sisters house and now just kicking back and relaxing. Last night I had a date with a + person. I started talking to him a few years ago but kind of blew him off not due to him but just to being in a bad place at the time. So he met me at my house and he was nice looking. Two years ago he had bought me a Yankee jersey and that kind of freaked me out since some guy that I did not even know was buying me stuff. But nonetheless he brought me the jersey and I loved it and brought me another shirt from his work. I had bought him a hat when I was Disneyland and then put together a little Christmas bag of goodies together for him. But to back up we went to dinner, Italian and he paid. I offered but it was nice that he would not let me. Then we decided to go to blockbuster and rent a movie which he would not let me pay for either. He said that I was the girl and not supposed to do that. We took the movie back to my house at which time we exchanged the shirts and gifts. I was lighting candles when he opened his gifts and he came over and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. We watched the movie on the couch together, I would not say that we were snuggling together but we were laying close and head to head. We then began holding hands and he kept caressing my hand. That was all nice but the minute the movie was over and I mean the minute the movie was over the credits had not even started rolling he jumped up and said first date rule I must leave now. He gave me a hug good by and we kissed just a little bit while standing at the door and he said that he would call or talk to me tomorrow. I then got a text page that said sleep well I had fun. So I guess what I am struggling with is the fact that I cannot tell if he is interested or not. He did not even tell me that I looked pretty or nice. I guess I am just re-living the first time that the Latin Lover walked through the door he told me I was hot and how beautiful I was. One of my friends said it sounds like this guy just maybe a gentleman or just really nervous. I guess maybe both, he did tell me earlier via a text message that he was nervous. I guess this is just a turning point for me, since I am so use to rushing into relationships and having guys fall all over me that I do not know what to do when I guy takes his time. I could not sleep all night wondering if I would hear from him again So I decided to text him today to see how his shopping was going, he said it was nuts. I then thanked him again for dinner, movie and my shirts and hope to see him again. He texted back I am looking forward to it if the mad Santa's don't kill him first. So does this guy like me or not??????????????? I HAVE NO FREAKIN CLUE. What do you guys think?
Well, I am looking forward to being on vacation even though it started to be a hectic one. Mom had emergency surgery on Thursday night and we were not sure if she was going to make to my sister's but she did, but she is just very sore.
Well, I want to wish all of you in the dating thread a happy holiday, and look forward to posting on a daily basis and will actually get to feel like a part of the group and adddress each one of you, like I use too.
Love to all.
-
Good evening ladies:
Cin, I have gained 20 lbs since I quit smoking-yes 20 lbs! My face did fill out, so I guess that looks better but I, like you am having severe lipo-belly issues! I mean, good Lord! I can't run because of my knees, but I can sure start doing some gentle aerobics after the 1st! I told my doctor I wasn't going to do anything until after the holidays.(my diabetes needs to get under control). I believe in Karma also. I'm done baking. I made the last of the fudge today and the last of the molasses cookies. Only these I didn't roll out and cut with cookie cutters like I did with the last batch. These I just rolled into balls and rolled in sugar. I'm getting anxious for Christmas. I can't believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve already!
Wini, I hope you had a good time with your family! Do you all get along well? I remember ranting in an e-mail to a friend of mine about how important it is for family to get along rather than getting the "best" present for Christmas.
Sun, I don't get it. You're not understanding this guy because he wasn't falling all over you? Maybe he's just trying to treat you how a lady should be treated. That crap some guys spew about how "beautiful you are" only used to impress me when I was in my teens. It sounds like you try a little too hard to make something work out i.e. offering to pay for dinner. Let a guy treat you good for heaven's sake!
I got a letter from the university I go to yesterday in the mail congratulating me for making the President's List. I took 12 credit hours and got a 4.0 GPA for last semester. So that made me happy. I hope I'm not repeating myself. A friend of mine at church told me he would frame it. We had a potluck after church today, which was nice. Tomorrow I'm going to a Christmas Eve service at 5:00. They're having one at 11:00 also, but I doubt I'll even be up for that.
I hope all you ladies have a good evening!
-
Hey Ladies-----
I did recover in time for Rico to come over last night. I had my Calgon moment. I gave Rico his Christmas present early. I really didn't do any shopping for anyone but he really did need an electric shaver. I could tell it did touch him that I thought about him. I didn't have any plans to get him anything but saw it and knew he needed it. I gave it to him early because we may not see each other on Christmas. I think he is trying to spend time with his son and I may be.........
Now get this, Christmas must bring out something in people. I heard from all my sibs except my baby sister who's bday was last night. She more than likely went out partying...She just turned 27. My mother's bday was on the 21st, I thought about her as well, she would've been 69. Back to the sibs, first I hear from my one sister, the one who makes it her life's mission to disclose for me. She invites me over for Christmas after she gets out of work. I then hear from my oldest sister a bit later. She wasn't going to go over my sister's house but changed her mind when she found out I was going. Then the next day I hear from my brother in GA. I must admit I was surprised. And before you girls try to say they may be having a change of heart-----NOT FUCKING LIKELY!!!! The one sister only extended the invitation because she either wants to be nosey or brag about her crackhead man. I did accept the invitation. It will definitely give me something to blog about.... ;D My brother called to confirm if I was actually going to my sister's house. I thought that was weird cause I can count on one hand how many times I have heard from him this year. Oh and he had to tell me how he broke his thumb doing something. Uh, ok, the conversation lasted about 3.5 minutes and ended with "I love you sis". It'll prolly be about this time next year when I hear from him..
Not really much else to report. Been in bed most of the day. Haven't been feeling good since yesterday. My sugar crashed for some reason. I was shaking, took my pills, managed to eat but still ended up with a headache that seems to be trying to make it's way back. I got up this morning and cooked Rico some breakfast. Since then I have been feeling really sick to my stomach but not the urge to hurl. Why do I end up feeling sick close to holidays....If it doesn't get better by Christmas, I will have to back out of the invitation. I am just hoping I can sleep it off.
I am sure it will be pretty dead in here tomorrow and on Christmas. I hope you all enjoy your holidays... :-*
-
BT~ Congrats on the 4.0! I sure don't miss my college days with all of that studying, lol! Never going back unless i really want to, and right now, hell, i don't want to! ;D Yes, I have gained some weight, but my jeans are still all baggy around my legs. I look athletic, but when you buy jeans to fit around your gut, they end up flapping in the breeze around your legs! Somehow, I don't see me wearing "slim fit" as I have always been a big girl, but who knows? This bod is out of control! LOL I have just been eating whatever I want lately, and they say when you're happy and in love, you tend to gain weight. That's the case with me! ;)
Sun~ Your date sounds a little off to me, no offense. It sounds like he IS very nervous. I wouldn't go texting him, play hard to get and lay low. You have family and the holiday to distract you right now. If this guy likes you he will call. If this guy likes you and he is a chicken, he won't call cause he's too nervous. Those types aren't so great in my opinion, too wishy-washy and unsure of themselves. Also, about him not falling over you and complimenting you--it again sounds like he is nervous. Don't take it personally, cause its him, not you. Have a good time at your sisters!
Win~ OMG, you're tearing up my baking idea, lol! I never said I was Betty Crocker, I bake from a box these days and that's it, lol! The gay guys at group today loved the brownies and I sent them home with a plate of leftover ones!
My support group was nice, we had so much fun I almost wet my pants and couldn't stop giggling. I KNOW I turned bright red cause I was laughing so hard. Deb (our group leader) had the 12 of us sit in a circle and then gave small gift bags to 4 of us. She read a Christmas story, and everytime you heard the word "right" or "left" in the story, if you had a gift you passed it over to the person next to you in that direction. It was hysterical, probably a good drinking game, lmao! "Mrs. Wright said that she had left her right snowshoe inside the door, right next to her sled. Some had left for the walk already, but she said she would get the right snowshoe and hurry right back." See what I mean? OMG! :o :o Twelve adults passing gifts back and forth and around that fast was absolutely hysterical!
We played trivia games and got to pick from piles of gift bags, so I got about 5 gifts. I also won one of the doorprizes, a Smithfield ham! I am going to make ham sandwiches for Iceman tomorrow when he comes over! I can't wait to see him again!
Most of the people left group, but five of us stayed and watched "A Christmas Story," laughing our butts off! Then there was just Deb, two gay guys that are a couple, myself and another hetero woman. We stayed and talked about some deep stuff for awhile, about meds and relationships and things. I started talking about being vulnerable and always trying to be in control because of my health. It got intense, in a good way, and I teared up some. They have never seen me get really serious about things, and I was comfortable showing a softer side of Cindy, rather than just the funny, strong side. (I am always cracking jokes with the gay guys there!) I was talking about Iceman and how happy I have been, hoping that I can live to be 75 and enjoy a long happy life. Hopefully with Iceman, if that's where this journey takes us. I'm not really scared or nervous, I am pretty confident about us having a strong, mature relationship where we communicate well. Its just that Doofus up and left me out of the blue and I didn't expect it. I thought HE was going to be my happy ending, but thank goodness God intervened and had Doofus leave me, otherwise I never would've met Iceman.
I'm a very happy camper. ;D Merry Christmas!
Oh Queen, you posted while I did. Here I go thinking you gave Rico the obvious "gift" for Christmas, the gift that keeps on giving, lol! ;D That's nice that you got him a shaver, seems like you're reeling him in, so don't be surprised if he falls even harder for you. What's up with your tummy? You need to get some Pepto or something, I hope you feel better. I love it when my sugar crashes, its been happening a lot since I have gone back to work and I am adjusting. It means I get to eat junk, lol. I know, I know, I'll do better after the New Year, God willing. You bundle up tight, looks like your neck of the woods may be very cold and windy tonight.
Ooh, Iceman just called, he usually doesn't when he has his girls. Woo-hoo! He's yelling at his Ravens, lol, what a hoot!
~ Cindy
-
Good morning ladies:
Cin, you know, I really enjoy getting educated now. I didn't used to like school. Now, well, other than the algebra, I like it. I'm seriously thinking about continuing my education when I'm done with what I'm doing now. Either getting a master's or another bachelor's. There's this college here that has a bachelor's in political science. I was reading online about the degree and people in that program do their residencies in like senators' offices, places like that. I would so love to get into politics! Indiana is such a f** up state, with our governor making everything "privatized." He's selling off the whole state. His latest bright idea is to put a $2/pack tax on cigarettes to pay for the state's new insurance program for children. Now, you know I'm no longer a smoker, but come on. He already put a .75/pack tax on at the beginning of this year. Smoking is the gov.'s pet peeve. And you know, since the 80's, alcohol has only gone up like 8%. It hasn't followed the cost of inflation. I say tax the booze! Anyway, now I guess I'm ranting. But I would really like to check out that degree. Your support group sounds really great. I had to miss the one they have here last Thursday, but I will be going this Thursday. Then I'm going to have to miss it again when school starts, because one of my classes is on Thursday nights.
Queen, that was really nice of you to get Rico something for Christmas. Did he get you anything? Good luck at your sister's. I know she's really messed with you in the past. I hope this Christmas she will be amicable. I know you'll watch yourself. I hope you're feeling better.
Today I'm going to bleach my hair, as I usually do once a month, and redo my nails because my polish is chipping. Usually I only wear clear polish, but since it's Christmas, I'm going with red. Tonight I'm going to a service at my church. I'm also going to make some frosting to frost the molasses cookies I made yesterday and decorate them with red and green sugar. I might even make another batch of them, who knows. I got my cat a stocking that I've put goodies into and a new cat bed for Christmas. I might give them to her tonight. I wish I could dress her up in a Christmas outfit, but I know she wouldn't like that at all.
Tomorrow I'm going to pick up my dad about 2:30 and we're going to my oldest sister's. Her daughter and granddaughter will be there, which will be the first time in five years for them to celebrate holidays with the family. They've been kind of estranged. Some riff started five years ago and my niece let that keep her away. But she and her husband have separated (he was a huge part of it) so she's coming back around. I look forward to that. I will be taking rolls and a couple plates of goodies. My grandkids will be there. My brother and his girlfriend will be there. My nephew and brother-in-law will be there. Oh, and my grandkid's "mother" will be there. So it should be a nice day. *Keeping fingers crossed that no fights will start*
I was thinking about trying to stay up and go to the 11:00 service at my church. I hear it's really nice, better than the 5:00 service. But I don't know if I can last that long. :D Now that I've gotten older, I can't seem to stay up much past 10:30. And hopefully this week my doctor will get the phenotype back so he knows what to prescribe and I can get on some meds that will work quickly and effectively.
I hope all you ladies have a blessed Christmas Eve and a wonderful Christmas tomorrow. I'm sure I'll check back in at some point.
-
Happy Christmas Eve ladies!
Well Sun, I have to say the o'l saying....actions speak louder than words. This guy could have told you he loved you a thousand that night, but I'm thinking he's nervous.
Thanks guys for all the advice. I was getting text messages because he was with his kids and 4 states over.
There has been a update.
He is taking me to a really beautiful (my favorite) restaurant tonight. I was very confused when he asked me of course. And clearly had to make sure it was not because he was feeling guilty or pity....pity dinner's don't go well with me. Then he said, that I has his heart (and I will adheed to my advice to sun about words) ........and doesn't want to lose me. The connection we have is obvious and will not let this go, as he puts it.
Trust me I have my walls up, running shoes on and mentally prepared. It takes a lot of courage to disclose and I've done it many times. Spencer was the most difficult. After Thursday night I had a flood of emotions running rampant.....the resentment and anger I had towards Jack even started to manifest itself. (For some newbies, Jack was an ex who I contracted the virus from). I sat in my chairing thinking about the rest of my life. Thinking about how I've lost a very special guy from all of this and is this what I have to look forward to. The grace of God got me through Friday because to me a lot of things seemed pointless.
The ill feelings towards Jack have even passed and I just want to look ahead. I have Christmas with my family tomorrow and I'm uber happy about seeing them all. I hope each and everyone of you girls has a great holiday with your loved ones.
Vaya con dios
HUG, super hugs,
Love Camms
-
Hey Ladies----
I know many of you are anxiously awaiting Christmas. I hope you enjoy your time with your families and opening up your presents. Basically, I was trying to do Christmas this year but couldn't. Bills, Bills, Bill, and all that. Oddly enough I don't feel bummed that I couldn't give presents. I did give one to Rico which he needed but even when I did that, I was not expecting anything in return. It just felt good to be able to help. I did get help from my ASO to get something for my son. He thinks I didn't get him anything so when I tell him I did, that will be a gift in itself, hoping he likes the gifts that is. I did get some presents but was not expecting them so it was nice. I opened mine already, I couldn't help it.... ;D My birthday is next month, I'll be 39, so I have to plan on what I am going to treat myself to. My best friend usually gets me something but since she gave me a Christmas present I am not expecting anything from her.
Camille, I hope dinner with Spencer goes well. It sounds like he has come to his senses and knows what he could've lost if he decided to turn tail and run. I hope it all works out for you.
I had a killer headache last night but am feeling much better today. Happy Holidays...
-
Hi GFs~
I'm giggling after reading BTs post. I used to paint my nails red all year long, got really nice hands from my mom with long natural nails. This past year I haven't painted my nails except for maybe two times. This afternoon, I painted them red! LOL Yes, BT, it must have been an ESP moment! Iceman said last week that I have really long fingers and that was with short nails and no polish, so I'd figured I'd "get my sexy out" for him! LOL
BT, its funny, if I went back to school, I would most definitely study math or accounting. I would love to be a math teacher one day or maybe tutor, and algebra was always my favorite! OK, so NO ESP moment on that note, lol! ::) Also, I heard from a co-worker that the price of cigs are going up $2/pack here, too. I wonder if its a nationwide thing?
OK, my neighbor is mowing his lawn and the two lawns down from him. I hope he goes "right" and mows mine, too, since I have the end unit. LOL I hear the weed-wacker going now. If he has mowed my lawn I will take him and his roomie a half-dozen brownies! Have to go look in a few.... ;)
Cam~ I'm glad you have your walls up right now. Its early in this "discovery stage" between you and Spencer, and as you spend more time together, you will know his true intentions. Hopefully your walls will come down, but only for good reason. I am so nervous for you, praying to God that Spencer isn't wining and dining you because it is so early in the relationship and because its Christmas. Forgive me for saying that, I just know how much you adore him, and seeing your post the other night when you were upset really upset a lot of us here. We only want the best for you. The true test will be after Valentines Day, no more holidays, just regular ole life, going to work, getting together, growing together. I really hope he is the one for you, be strong and keep a good head on your shoulders. Are the socks still in the fridge? :D
Queen~ That's nice that you'll be able to surprise your son with a gift. It also sounds like you'll be with the sisters for Christmas. Goodness, I hope they don't start a Jerry Springer moment over there. You'll have to blog or give us the scoop here when the day is over tomorrow. Glad to read that you are feeling better. :)
I have spet the day cleaning the house and playing with Cheech. He was sick a lot last night, something didn't sit right in his doggie tummy, not sure what. Good thing he "missed" the tree skirt and the presents, but it was close! Damn. He is better now. Its a beautiful sunny, clear day here, and tonight is the full moon. Its about 50 degrees out this afternoon, very mild. I need to get myself ready and get that ham in the oven by 4pm. It will take a little over 3-1/2 hours to cook! It sure will smell good in here! Iceman will be here after 8pm or so and we'll just have a quiet evening together. Hopefully we can just relax on my couch :D (yay I have a couch!) and watch the lights on the Christmas tree while Cheech snores at our feet. I am looking forward to that.
To all of you and your loved ones......
Have a Very Merry Christmas!
Peace On Earth,
~ Cindy
-
Hi Ladies
Happy Christmas Eve
I can hardly wait for the morning to see my niece and nephew open their presents. The house is crazy. I made dinner for my sister and brother in law and my parents. For some reason I have the cooking skills and my sister did not get any. I have been asked by several family members to make Christmas dinner but I will let my sister since its her house. Last night I made Chicken Parmesan, it turned out pretty good. Today I have spent most of the day talking with the Latin lover. It seems like old times and our conversations have been really deep today. He felt the need to tell me and be honest that he was spending the night with his kids at his wife's house but made it very clear that she has offered to sleep with their daughter and he could have the bedroom. I really think that he is feeling guilty about being there and felt he needed to tell me but wants to be with his kids on Christmas mornings. I am OK with it since we are not together, and I really don't feel like anything is going to happen between them since nothing has in 16 months and if it does I don't want to know about it. But you know how you have that feeling, and my feeling is that nothing is going to happen, based on our conversation today. Its to long to go in to but I think he may be regretting his decision not to be with me. But I am really not going to worry about it if it happens it will happen. We are both kind of down this Christmas and this is what sparked this particular conversation. But enough of that.
Moon- Hope Cheech is feeling better soon and you enjoy your night with Iceman. Your first Christmas together enjoy every minute of it you will never have a first Christmas together again.
Queen- I am glad you don't feel about not getting anybody gifts I cut way back this year but I am glad Rico enjoyed his shaver. Have a wonderful Christmas.
Cam- Enjoy your dinner with Spencer. Just keep your walls up, I have been through the same situation as you before. I even have my walls up with the Latin Lover and you are right actions speak louder than words. Enjoy your holiday and cant wait to hear how dinner went.
Betty- Enjoy your time with your dad and if you make to your church service enjoy. Happy Holidays
Winiroo- Happy Holidays to you and I think I will need to steal your sugar cookie recipe.
Well, I am off to get ready to go to my Aunt and Uncles house.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
-
Hi Sun~ Wow, you're absolutely right, this will be our only FIRST Christmas. Iceman is on his way here now. He called coughing saying he didn't feel well, and you know what? My dumb ass fell for it, lol! He had me going, all concerned about him, lmao!
The ham comes out of the oven in five minutes!
Merry Christmas from Cindy and Cheech! Took this a few minutes ago!
[attachment deleted by admin]
-
Good Christmas Eve ladies:
Cam, what can I say. I hope your dinner went well with Spencer. I don't blame you for keeping your walls up. I would also. But hopefully he's sincere in what he says. I wish you a wonderful holiday and peace in your soul.
Queen- I'm so glad to hear your ASO helped you buy a present for your son. That will make Christmas special. Have a good one at your sisters tomorrow and like Cin said, please fill us in when you get back!
Sun-wow. LL now? Girl, you get around! :D I don't know if I'd believe him when he says he's spending the night at his ex's, but they're not going to sleep together. Hmmm...... something just doesn't sound right. Maybe I'm just kind of callous after all these years and observing men. Anyway, have a really good time at your family's! Just take it easy. Something will work out for you.
Cin, I absolutely luv that picture of you and Cheech! I'm glad he's feeling better. I gave my cat her presents already, which were a stocking with play mice and kitty treats in it and a new kitty bed. Now she has 3 beds! :D She likes everything. She's my baby since I don't have a kid or anyone else living here. Gotta spoil somebody! ;) I hope you and Iceman have a really good evening. It's tomorrow you're going to your family's I think. Have a really great time, Cin. You deserve it after all the fight you've put up to improve your life. Oh, I usually don't polish my nails red, only clear. So tonight was a special occasion. That's funny that you did yours also! Well girl, you just jam on the algebra. Not me. If I continue my education it will either be in counseling or political science. I still don't know how I managed to get that A in the algebra. Have a great Christmas.
Anyway, I went to the Christmas Eve service at my church. It was very nice and I teared up a couple times thinking of my mum and how much I miss her and wish she were here. I cried on the way home. It seems like the grief has really been hitting me lately. I guess for the next year it will just come and go. The service was very nice, though. My church does a lot of social justice and when the pastor talks, she always mentions something to do with social justice. Tonight she was talking about celebrating the birth of Jesus and how we need to help single mothers who have babies and have no other support and nothing for their children to look forward to. In the hallway in our church are several bins which we collect food and different supplies in to give to charities throughout the city. Even one for the Pet Refuge.
Other than that, I think I'm going to watch The Birdcage or if I can find It's a Wonderful Life on t.v., I might watch that. Tomorrow is Christmas at my sister's at 3:00. Until then, I'm just going to relax and maybe do some reading. I hope all you ladies have a blessed Christmas! I wish peace for us all!
-
Its officially Christmas on the East Coast! Woo-hoooooo! Going to bed so Santa will get here! LOL ;D
-
Good morning ladies:
Well, Christmas is here. Of course, my cat already got her presents, so this morning there's no gifts. That will have to wait until I go to my sister's. I wonder what Drag's doing right now. Traveling around the world, that would be fun. I've never been out of this country. I would love to go to Greece and see all the ruins, and go to Rome and Italy. And Spain. Hell, I'd just like to go to Canada!
I wonder if all you ladies are sleeping in. I got up around 7:00. As soon as my cat sees me stirring, she jumps up on the bed and starts "meowing" until I get up. Every morning I give her about a tsp full of tuna. And she wants that tuna!
I think I'll make a gratitude list this morning. That always helps me. There's so much I have to truly be grateful for and satisfied. Sometimes I forget and just get used to my meager existence and bitch without asking myself "what can I do to change it?" If there's nothing that I can do, I have to let it go. But if there is something, I don't want to miss an opportunity to improve my little corner of the world. I wish all you ladies a great Christmas!
-
Merry Christmas Ladies----- :-*
I didn't get out the bed til after 2pm but didn't go to sleep til about 3 am. Rico came over after some Christmas party. We curled up and went to sleep. When we got up it was after 2 so he had to make a mad dash home since he's suppose to spend time with his son. I canceled on my sister's invitation. When I woke up my hearing aid was acting funky or my ear, not sure which. Everything sounded muffled, I changed batteries which I seem to be doing daily when they should last at least 2 weeks.
I called my oldest sister and explained the situation to her. I asked her to call our sister and tell her that I couldn't make it. She also was backing out since she had spoken with my sister earlier and found out that my sister's bf is drunk already. But when she tried to call, no one answered so she called me back and asked me to call. When I called, my niece answered the phone and I cancelled. I then called my oldest sister and told her I got through. It sent her into a rampage because she felt her call had been ignored. I agreed it did appear that way then I had to cheer her up because she started feeling depressed. I couldn't help about her being pissed off.... ;D
I must admit that my Christmas turned out better than I had expected. I am just going to lay back and enjoy the rest of my day.
-
Hello Ladies. I have had a really great day. Betty, I have to do that sometimes. I get in a funk and have to remember when things were so much worse to appreciate what I have. A gratitude list helps. Hope you ended up having a great day. We got up at 7 and gave Robert his presents. Nothing real big but lots of little stuff. I got a new pair of jeans that actually fit right. We went and picked my oldest son up and he came and ate lunch with us then I took him back. The day just went really well. Plus I am catching up on my rest and actually are well today and yesterday. Hope everyone had a great Christmas. Later, Cristy
-
I guess we'll hear about the other ladies presents later on today... ;)
-
Good morning ladies:
I really don't know why I'm up so early. I just couldn't sleep anymore. Went to my sister's yesterday and had a nice time. I got the new Bruce Springsteen CD, some shower gel, a candle, a watch, a couple pictures, a nice new coffee mug, $10 (which always helps) and a lot of "goodies" (junk food). One of the pictures is one that my brother and his girlfriend did. It's my favorite picture of my mum, and below it is two poems my brother wrote. It's just beautiful and I had a really hard time to not cry when I was looking at it. That gift I will cherish forever. I miss her so much!
Everyone had a nice time. No feathers flew. It was the first time in five years that my niece and great-niece spent Christmas with our family.(There was a big riff going on with my niece and my sister and brother-in-law). You know, family problems. My grandkids had a great time. They got tons of presents. You know, one thing I noticed that I thought a little strange. One of my brother's-in-law sisters got my granddaughter a Bratz makeup doll. Well, do you ladies remember the old Barbie make-up doll? That was like from Barbie's shoulders up? Well, the Bratz one is from the doll's belly up, shows her belly button, she's got really big boobs and a skimpy top on. It's awful. My granddaughter is only seven years old! Now I know, because of all the hormones in foods etc. that girls are having their periods earlier, developing earlier, but come on! This is rushing things a bit, I think. And yet everyone wrings their hands not understanding why there is so much teen pregnancy, why kids are having sex etc. No,I'm not blaming all the ill fates of the world on the Bratz makeup doll, but it does start somewhere, doesn't it? Anyway, I'm starting to get on a rant again.
Queen, I really do hope you can get your hearing aid thing taken care of pretty soon. I can't even imagine how frustrating that must be for you.
Cristy, it sounds like you had a good Christmas! It's always special when you get clothes that fit, isn't it. Usually if I want something that fits, I have to get it, so I can try it on etc. Glad you saw your older son also. How is he doing?
I hope everyone else had a good Christmas! I hope Drag's having a good time in, is she in Spain now? I wonder what Cin got from Iceman! Ladies, do you realize there's only a little less than a week left in this year?! Wow, this year really flew by. I mean really flew by. There has been so much going on. What is everyone's plans for New Year's Eve? I'm going to an NA dance; at least that's the plan right now.
I hope all you ladies have a good day- More later-
-
sunseeker - I cheated with the sugar cookies. I bought prepared sheets made by Pilsbury from Sam's wherehouse. They where easy and tasty LOL
Oh here is a wonderful example of a typical family photo of me and my son.
[attachment deleted by admin]
-
Winiroo, Thanks for the Christmas picture. My 18 YO poses like that. Thanks, Cristy. I will post a Christmas picture next month , when I get the film developed. Cristy
-
Must be an 18 year old thing. Aaron is 18 also. LOL or a guy thing...
-
I have been quiet due to there is nothing really to report.....I have been thinking about Wishful, I hope her holidays were good and she is doing ok. Wondering how NY is doing too. Speaking of poses, my son is 17 and when he does pics for MySpace or whatever, he seems to pose like a wanna be rapper... ::) OMG, you should've seen him when he was going through his grill phase.... ;D
The New Year is almost upon us, anyone got any New Year's resolutions? I usually don't make any because I can never follow through on them...My roomie's bday is New Year's Eve so I will probably be a bit lit up but at least I will be in the comfort of my home... ;) Then I shall recover and do it all again for my bday on the 12th. I'll be a sexy 39....*growls*.... ;)
-
Hi GFs~
Its been a busy day and I just got home, so I will do my Christmas post tomorrow.
Christmas was absolutely wonderful and my family loved Iceman! I was at work at 730am today, and you can see what time it is now, I just need to chill out some, and then hit the hay.
More tomorrow, glad to read of everyone's Merry Christmases!
~ Cindy
-
Hi Ladies
Well, I came home early since everyone at my sister's house is sick. I was going to stay a while and make it home before the new year but decided that it was not worth getting sick since I plan to party on New Years Eve. I have the rest of the weekend planned. Tomorrow the Latin Lover is coming over. I know what you are thinking, what is this girl doing, but right now I need him in my life even if its just a friend. We do have so much fun together so I am taking advantage of my vacation and having fun. Friday night is Martini night, Saturday night is dancing at our favorite club if I don't have a second date with + man from the other night, and Sunday is comedy club night and then New Years Eve and not sure what that will bring just yet. So my vacation is shaping up nicely. I am dying to hear from Cam and see how her night with Spencer went.
Moon- I am excited to hear what Iceman got you. I am glad that your family liked him
Queen- It sounds like you had a nice relaxing Christmas day. Mine was far from it, my nephew waking up early and wanting to open presents then the rest of the day was spent getting dinner ready, which was drama in its self.
Betty- It sounds like your Christmas was great and your gift that your brother gave you sounds very touching and brought a tear to my eye.
Winiroo- Thanks for the sugar cookie tip, next year I will cheat. Your son is very handsome.
CJC- I hope you enjoyed your holiday and look foraward to seeing your pictures.
-
Hello ladies. I am still alive. I've just been surrounded by drama. I pulled my kiddos Christmas off by the skin of my teeth and the tiny shred of credit I have left. Everything is maxed out and the checking account is empty. I may have to shut off my internet for a while so I can keep my cell on and my car legal. The tag is due by the end of the month and the insurance is late. No idea where that is coming from. There is a chance that my husband may violate his terms of release but I won't mention the details of that unless it happens. I'll just hope for better. Keep me in your thoughts ladies. It's gonna be a rough couple of months.
-
Good morning ladies:
Queen, you're asking about New Year's resolutions. Hmmmmm......... Usually I don't make any either because of the reason you stated-I don't always keep them. It's too hard for me anyway to plan a year at a time. I do better just planning a few days ahead. BTW, you were talking about your son being in the "grill" phase. What is that? Is that when they wear all that bling on their teeth? I think that's what it is but not sure.
Cin, looking forward to hearing all about your Christmas!
Wini, when my daughter was younger (your son's age) she used to pose in ridiculous ways. So it's not just a guy thing, but probably like you said, a teen-ager thing.
Sun, you gotta do what you want I guess. I just really caution you regarding your feelings. Don't get swept away by LL.
Confused, you just hang in there girl. You'll get through the next couple months. Check out some local food pantries if you get in trouble food wise. I've used them myself before when I've needed the help. It's so sweet that you made it possible for your kiddos to have Christmas. I don't recall what is going on with your husband (sorry). Maybe sometime you could catch me up.
Anyway, yesterday I did some yoga (as much as my knees will allow), took a shower and went to the library. I got some movies, CDs and about three books. So I should have enough to entertain myself for a little while. Today, there's nothing exciting going on. I have to check the oil in my car, get some gas, do a little grocery shopping (which I dread because of the post-Xmas crowds), and tonight I have to get Liz from the train at 9:30. I'm really not looking forward to doing that, because it's in another city; which, although close by, I really don't like to be out driving that late. I'm not a night-on-the-town type person. I don't know how long I'll last New Year's Eve at the NA dance. Last time I went to a function on New Year's Eve (2 years ago) I only stayed until like 10:30! Maybe I can last. I won't be dancing at the NA dance. I haven't danced (well, publicly anyway) in years. I used to really dress up for these things and dance my ass off. I'm just too old now. ;)
Other than that, not much else to report. I hope all you ladies have a good day-
-
Hello ladies. I had a fantastic Christmas. And the last couple of days have been interesting. I have been talking to this guy in Texas. He seems nice. I actually work tonight and then am off for the rest of the week until Monday. We are usually closed on Monday but since it's new year's eve , we will be open but with a set menu. At $39 per person plus tax, tip and wine or beer, it should make for a good night My oldest son seems to be doing well. He says he is working 3 jobs and will be getting a house soon with some of his friends. So at least he is not running the streets. I worry cause he is genetically inclined for addiction through me and his father. But he seems to be doing well. Things are going well. Later, Cristy
-
Morning girls-
Sorry I didn't back in here posting quickly. Believe it or not I got either bronchitis or pneumonia. I went to the doctors and ordered a chest xray. So I have to drive to the hospital for an xray. It was quite fun actually. The guy who registered me (looked like John Goodman with goatee) was loads of fun. The doctor seemed to have forgotten to put the possible diagnosis.
So he says "what a a-hole" and I start laughing and he shakes his head and says now I have to call these people. After he got off the phone with the codes he says " they're such f++king f++k ups over there...oh I didn't just say that out loud did I" and I almost fell off the chair replying "say what". It was the end of the day.
When I first got to his house I was real nervous and hesitant. Spencer took me to this beautiful restaurant and we had such a great time. We laughed so much. Ok, so this was probably one of the best christmas eves ever. I stayed over and we talked a lot about educating him to the fullest extent. I'm very happy with the way things are progressing.....thanks for all the feedback.
Confused- sounds like you need a serious vacation, one that is cost free and all about you.
Sun- sometimes you have to do what you feel is right...full calender of events and colds.
Queen- This year will be great for the 1969 babies ;)
Bett- good plans for new years and I think you should try to boogie down and dress up ...what the heck.
What's everyone else's plans to bring in 2008?
-
Quick check-in:
Cristy, I don't know how you can do such a physically taxing job. I was a bartender once and that drove me crazy! Of course, it was in a biker bar and sometimes the dudes would actually ride their Harleys into the bar. :D As for your son, I know the worrying. My daughter is predisposed to addiction because of her father and I. She drinks and smokes pot sometimes. But there's nothing I can do, so I just have to detach. She's been around NA and AA before, so she knows there's help if she ever wants it. I myself don't do any drugs other than what's prescribed by my doc-nothing, nada. I have to go to meetings or I lose the quality of my recovery. And that helps me to detach from things I have no control over also. Don't worry yourself to death girl! And have a good night at work. I hope you make tons of tips!
Cam, me boogie? HA HA! Yes, I was a stripper, but that was when I was 17 and now I'm 42. Both my kneecaps are broken. My right knee has no more cartilage in it and the cartilage in my left knee is collapsing. Yes, I'm still mobile. I even exercise, as much as I'm able. But you know, I'm not really into getting all decked out anymore. I used to be when I was younger. But now I just like to visit with people and try to let other people's good rub off on me. What will you be doing to ring in 2008? And hey, way to go with Spencer! I am so happy for you, girl! You go! I think it's great that you two are embarking on the journey of education about the virus. Good for you and I wish you continued happiness!
Well, that's all for now. I'm usually not on at this time of day, but today's a slow day.
Namaste-
-
Hey Ladies=====
Not much jumping off over here today either. Yes, Betty, a grill is the bling for the teeth. My son drove me crazy when he was into that. I had bought him 2, one got stolen and I was like Ewww. I'm not sure what ever happened to the other one.
I am stressed about a few things at the moment and trying to deal with them. I am a bit pissed with Rico at the moment and am really considering ending it with him. I just think I am too much woman for him. When he is used to dealing with little girls. There is a certain way I expect to feel when I am with someone and am not really feeling it with Rico. I don't think if I gave him all the time in the world that he would figure it out.
Camille, I am glad things have worked themselves out with Spencer and he is willing to educate himself. I'm glad you had a nice holiday. I hope you are on your way to recovering from bronchitis. I can only hope 2008 will be better for us 69 babies. I will have my fingers crossed.
That's about it for me. Have a good day.
-
This is very funny....definitely worth watching!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vD4OnHCRd_4
-
It seems no matter how many walls and how many parts of you can gather a productive strength just has in one swoop and can once again have your dreams crushed and torn apart.
I received a phone call from spencer tonight. we had great plans for tomorrow. But the conversation started turning serious and he said, "you know, today, I really started to doing some research on my own and I just cannot get over the fear of this again". I thought i would give it another try but......I'm so confused...you're the only person I ever felt destined to be with, I love you, your spirit blah blah blah. And I don't want to hurt you. "i said, how could you do this to me a second time, rip my heart and to say you don't want to hurt me is like saying I'm going to hit you with my car but i hope it doesn't hurt too much.
Then he said, you can still come over tomorrow, I just don't know how far I can take the date. I replied, " I don't think that's a good idea and I guess I may see you around one day".
I texted him that I'm really disappointed that I thought you were a lot smarter, and I 'm not trying to be mean. I wil always love you and miss you...good bye.
and he text back love you too. I feel like "so what" I can't believe someone didn't think this decision through a little more carefully before taking my feelings into consideration.
so my friends, I am back to where I was and yet it feels a little more worse if that is possible.
Love you all and have been good connections and friends.
Hugs,
Camms
-
Camille, I feel your pain....More than you know..... :-\
-
Hi girls
Well, dealing with my own issues. Cam I wish that you lived closer, but come to think of it I am not sure where you live so we could bitch about these men that make us so angry. I have been on vacation and am trying to keep my self busy with friends and not dwelling over being single. The holidays always do this to me. Cam I am sorry to hear about Spencer, but I think that you did the right thing by not seeing him to night. We, can all sit here and say what a jerk he is, but when it comes down to it that is not going to make you fell better. The reason I wish I was there is so that I could give you a big hug. I am dealing with issues today with the Latin Lover. Today he was suppose to come over for dinner, I got the house all cleaned instead of running errands that I wanted to run and went to the store and spent money on dinner. Money that I would have rather saved for the weekend because I could have eaten TV dinners for a couple days to clean out my freezer. So at 4:30 he calls me and tells me that he cannot come over and his wife wants him to keep the kids over night since she is keeping them on his scheduled night, New Years, which also happens to be his birthday and he is going out with me on New Years. Which I am not so sure that I am looking forward to that. So when he called, he could tell that I was mad and just said OK. He asked if I wanted to come over and I said no and would call him later. When I did call him later he was in a very bad mood and I asked what was he matter and he is said that he was looking forward to coming over since he has been with the kids the whole week and was looking forward to some adult time. The he went on to say how depressed he is since he going to be 39, separated from his wife, wishes he was back home (I was crushed after that comment) and life just sucks since he is living with his dad and has no retirement, bills and does not own a house and is still making car payents. Basically he said that he was just having a pitty party. I asked him if he was going to flake on New Years Eve since he will be out of town and not returning till that day. He said that he would not be flaking and after a few drinks he would be fine. I guess why I am so mad was that I was always holding out hope that he would come around and come back to me. After he made that comment that crushed me, it really hit home that I should not hold out any hope for him. I just don't understand how he can open his heart to someone who has crushed it, but wont allow me in when I love and care about him and accept him for who he is and who he is not. But, I guess its time to move on. I started working out again today and hope that I can get my body in shape so that I can start thinking about a baby.
Well I am off to watch some TV. Cam hang in there. I understand what you are going through.
-
Wow, this is so uncanny that it is not funny. I can relate very well to you Sun in regards to Rico. Since you seem to have spilled, I might as well too before I go to bed. Maybe I will sleep later but I doubt it. Rico has been on this I love you kick for a few weeks now. I would like to believe him but I don't. His actions don't show it and I have told him this on numerous occassions. I have even told him that good sex doesn't mean he loves me either. When I say his actions don't show it, they don't. I would think if you loved someone, you would grace them with a call sometime during the day, not wait on me to send a text then call. I then went on to tell him he has a funny way of showing someone he loves them. He says whatever. That reply pissed me off and I told him he could forget my name as well as lose my number. And that he was an asshole. He comes back with saying he was playing...WTF? Then on Christmas Eve before he came to my house , he was at this Christmas party that my friend's friend had invited him to. Ok, well, I knew about that but then when he comes over, he says that he found out that he has family here. I talk to my friend about it, the one who hooked us up and had her friend invite him to this party and she says he doesn't have any family here. Once again....WTF? Am I being overly suspicious here? It sounds like to me that he is trying to play me. Then last night, we were kind of arguing while texting and he said he would call me tomorrow which is today. No call but when I call him his phone is off? I am wondering is it really off or did he change the number. I asked my friend about it and she says it's off but I'm starting to wonder if I can even trust her.
All I keep asking myself is why me? Why do I end up in these fucked up situations and left feeling like dirt or less than? So Cam and Sun, I am definitely feeling you ladies...... :-\
-
Good morning ladies:
Cam, I am so sorry. What a jack-ass! I wish I could give you a hug in person, but for now, here's a big cyber{{{{HUG}}}}! I don't believe he's treating you like he is. This is just so disappointing. Girl, just hang in there. We're here for you.
Sun, I'm sorry things are working out the way they are with LL. Now, who was the other guy? Is there any chance left with him? I don't know what to tell you to do about New Year's Eve. I sure wouldn't be too worried about his feelings though, since he doesn't seem to be too worried about yours.
Queen, girl, I am soooooo sorry things are turning out the way they are with Rico. I wouldn't trust anything he says. Like you said, actions speak louder than words. It doesn't really seem like he's too serious the way he's acting. It's like a high-schooler or something. If it were me, I would put an ultimatum down, like shape up or ship out! Good luck girl.
OK, where's Cin? Come on woman, we want to hear all about your Christmas! You must be very busy working. Hopefully we'll get caught up over the weekend. Viv, miss hearing from you also! And you too Tendai! And anyone else I missed. I know Drag is on vacation. And I wonder where Em has been.
Today I'm probably going to watch the two movies I have left to go that I got from the library. One of them is a Mozart opera; the other one is about gangs in Haiti (I think it's Haiti). I'm reading Slash's autobiography right now. Got that from the library also. I bought Eric Clapton's autobiography when it first came out. It was excellent. Slash's (that I've read so far) is very interesting. He sure was a hellion. I really don't have much else going on.
Last night I went to the HIV support group. It is kind of disappointing. Well, one of the facilitators said that the ASO only has enough funding to last through the end of 2008. So there was drama about that for awhile. And you know, people at the group just cannot relate when I talk about the early days of AIDS. The death sentence it was, an actual AIDS diagnosis, going to funerals every other week, the horrors of AZT, ddI and ddC, the scams of "healers" telling us how to heal our bodies with just positive thoughts, colon cleansing etc. I know it's not their fault, but I sure miss being able to talk to someone around here who remembers and lived through all of that. Anyway, I guess I'm starting to rant. OK, I hope all you ladies have a nice day- especially Cams, Queen and Sun! Hang in there girls!
-
Good morning all! I have really been enjoying my time of just relaxing and not thinking of lesson plans or grading anything. I have been trying to finish my traffic school on the internet...BORING! Other than that not much happening.
It is comforting to know that many women have similar boy problems. Sometimes it feels like we are the only one going through the drama. I keep going back and forth w/my ex for almost 13 years and I am sure he is the king of all losers. I could tell some stories.
Cam: I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I will say one thing though and I hope you don't take it the wrong way. I think it must be a kind of shocker to hear about you being positive. I mean I know how I felt when I found out about myself. It took a while to come to terms with it. It is kind of a shock when you find out so I imagine he is feeling that. Maybe if he has some time to process he might come around. i know that when I found out my mom went to a support group for parents with children with HIV and that helped her tremendously. I guess what I am saying is that some of us have had time to deal with it and maybe we should give that time to others as well. You know what I am saying? Of course it still sucks and hurts and I wish you did not have to go through with this.
Ok, on a different subject...The last few days I have really been feeling ready to get back out there and find my Mr.Right. Half the battle right? My problem is that I don't know where to begin....LOL! I am such a novice at dating. I guess I keep hoping "he" will just show up at my door and then we will live happily ever after. What a dream huh? My resolution is to make 2008 my year. :) :)
Talk to you all soon!
-
Hi GFs~
I'd better post or I'll never get around to it! Weds night I was beat from work. Late Thursday afternoon a friend from my old neighborhood called and said one of the guys was up here from Florida. I hadn't seen Sean since 1985 or so, and we were all close in elem school and Jr High before I moved in '84. So I dragged my ass out to dinner from 6 - 10pm to meet with one guy and his GF and two other guys. Like I said, Sean and I hadn't seen each other in over 20 years. He is married and has two kids. It was fun sharing stories from back in the day, when life was easy! :D
Last night Little Sis and I spoke. Remember, she's not really my sister, but rather she is the younger sister of my EX best friend who wrote me off in 2002 (after I disclosed to her). Little Sis "LS" was written off by her family as well, they seem to have trouble dealing with strong people who are confident in themselves.
Anyway, LS calls to say her mother went into the hospital Thursday night and has a mass on her lung. The relationship with her mother is estranged, her mother hasn't even seen her 2-1/2 year old daughter. Turns out Mom has lung cancer and a mass that is wrapping around an artery. Her time here is short. Weeks to months and that's it. Its all very strange for the two of us, LS and I, because we haven't seen her family or siblings for years. We are the Scorpio girls and we are very strong. It intimidates people, esp my ex best friend/LS's sister. LS went to the hospital yesterday and saw everyone for the first time in years. I am very proud of her. She wants me to visit her mother once she returns home, at a time when the entire family isn't around. The entire family is going to take a huge collective shit when they see me and LS together. Talk about girl power. This is all very sad and awkward, as I will be seeing my ex best friend again. I only saw her once by accident this past July, when she spoke more to my parents than to me at a restaurant. Bitch. Fat bitch. Fat selfish insecure bitch.
OK, I feel a little better now, but there are a lot of emotions stirred up. I am going to be there for LS, that is my priority. We'll see how everything goes, but I just want LS's mother to die with some dignity, even though she's been very mean to LS for years.
Iceman and I had a great Christmas! He got me a 4G iPod, my first ever! He also got me a Harley long-sleveed t-shirt, way too small, so he likes it on me very much, lol! I got some other iPod accessories, and already have 900 songs on that thing. Its perfect for work and I love it. I also got a gift card to Victoria's Secret. I need to go shopping! ;D
I got money from the family and a Mickey Mouse quilt with Cinderella's castle on it. I have it at work for when I get chilly. It was a nice Christmas! Iceman is so frikkin hyper today (and evryday), lol. He had a Monster drink earlier (caffeine) and he just ate two brownies I made for him. He's a "Happy Happy Joy Joy" kinda guy, lmao! Sometimes I just tell him to be quiet so I can think, lol lol lol! ::)
More a little later on. I need to make lunch for us, and Ice is busy putting chairs together for his new DR set. Crazy cracker, lol. He's downstairs singing, lol, what a riot!
~Cindy :P
-
Good morning ladies:
WHERE IS EVERYBODY? Cin was the last one who posted and that was at like 2 something yesterday! Well, I suppose people do have lives. :D
Viv, what are you talking about when you refer to taking driving school on the internet? I'm not sure what it is you mean. Did you get a ticket or something and now you have to do that? Oh, and hey, I wouldn't know where to find the perfect mate either. I've been out of the game for so long. And when I was in the game, I had one of the worst pickers. I remember years ago, I had a very nice guy in my life. But at the time, I was strung out and he was too "normal" for me. After that, everything just kind of went downhill. But, that's alright. I think if I'm supposed to meet someone I will. I'm a little pickier than I used to be though. But maybe that's a good thing.
Cin, I'm really sorry about LS's mum. Lung cancer is what my mum died from. And she never smoked a day in her life. It's good that you're there for her. She needs someone. Please let us know how it goes when you do go see her mum. I'm here if you ever need to talk, just pm me. So you got an iPod, eh? Wow! I don't even know how to use one of those things. I think that's really neat. And a Harley shirt? Can't ever go wrong with Harley clothes. I still have some that I've had for a long time. Hey, how did you get 900 songs on that thing already? Do they like download real fast or something? I just learned how to download music from Napster to my pc. That's how far behind the times I am. :D Did Iceman get you the Victoria's Secret gift card also? I'm sure he'll enjoy whatever you get with that. ;) I love the idea of that quilt you got from your family with the Cinderella castle on it! I love Disney stuff, especially the Princess stuff! It sounds like you had a really great Christmas. I'm so glad.
Well, I'm not going to go to church today. My pastor is on vacation and one of my friends told me that someone is going to read the Christmas story. I really don't feel like getting ready to go just to hear that. I really don't know why I'm up this early. I didn't go to bed until after midnight last night. I went with my bff to an NA speaker jam last night. That's where people with different amounts of clean time speak. They had someone who had 30 days clean, and 60 days. They were going to have others, but they got to the main speaker, who has 12 years. It was really good. Then they had a dance afterwards. I saw someone there who I was in treatment with 2 1/2 years ago. He is a very young guy, who constantly recycles through places around here like the Center for the Homeless and the Hope Rescue Mission. He's only like 19. His mom used a lot of drugs and when he was in grade school, she let him use the drugs she was using. That started his long path of boy's school, detention centers, then his mom was not allowed to have her kids anymore because of being unfit and he ended up on the street as a young teen-ager and has been there ever since. It's really sad. My bff that I went to the speaker jam with is a counselor who does work at the Hope Rescue Mission, where this kid is at now. She has counseled him and said he's very unstable. Duh! You know, in my town, and especially at the NA functions I go to, there are tons of people who have the same or similar stories. And I wonder what to do about all that to give these people a good quality life and get them out of the homeless recycle bin. Just when I start feeling sorry for myself, I hear stories like that and it makes me very sad, yet very grateful at the same time.
Other than pondering the mysteries of life I really don't have a lot planned today. Do any of you ladies have New Year's resolutions? Mine is to go on a diet, somehow. It's going to be hard, because I'm a sweetaholic. But with the diabetes and gaining weight, it's just not good. I need to go down a few pant's sizes also. I don't know how I'm going to accomplish this yet. I saw a girl on the Today show last week who weighed over 300 lbs and lost over 100 lbs by just exercising and eating in moderation. Hmmmmmmm, I just don't know if I can do that. I think if I had a meal plan to follow, it would be better. Maybe I could see a dietician or a nutritionist. I'll figure out something. But there's only a couple days left of 2007.
So what's everyone's plans for New Year's Eve? I'll check in later- Peace
-
Betty,
Yes, I had a speeding ticket and I had until 12/31 to finish traffic school so of course I waited till the last minute. That is my MO...why do today what you can put off till tomorrow and the next day, and the next day...LOL
-
Hey girls-
I did everything as far as educating Spencer, even sending him to Shawn's site mypetvirus.com. He just got more upset....the issue is that he has kids and he's terrified. Last week he asked if we could still be friends and I was thinking "I don't think so". But I've had a change of heart. He is really a great person and I would much rather have him in my life than not. I'm sure it will have it's challenges. But I told him today that I would take him up on a game of scrabble.
He invited me over for tomorrow so we'll do dinner and scrabble and ring in the new year. I know some thoughts are "am i crazy...he's a jerk...I can't be just friends". I've met a lot of people in my lifetime and have really chosen carefully in the past few months who I wanted in my life and who I wanted out (basically cause they were just toxic). Spencer is one who I chosen to be in my life, he's not perfect but him and I are connected on different levels.
Sun and Queen- I'm sorry that things are topsy turvy in your worlds of romance. I can feel your pain indeed.
Betty- Rant, girl rant. It must be terribly frustrating when you've come so far and you get the newcomers thinking that this is a no biggie. Are you looking forward to the big dance tomorrow night? Sounds like you've rather be anywhere but there.
Viv- Thanks for the advice...its some sound advice.
Cin- Sorry to hear about the cancer situation. That's really rough...especially the not smoking part. There is a huge stigma that goes with that disease.
Everyone I wish you well in 2008! If I can't post tomorrow for some reason, than God Bless and Happy New Year.
Hugs to each and everyone of you.
Love camms
-
Queen – Grill phase LOL steal someone else’s grill. Yuck! Guess you could pawn it…
I haven’t thought too much about new years resolutions. Billy wants to quit smoking and of course he wants me to quit too.
Sunseeker – Thank you. He is the male version of me LOL
Bettytacy – when I was a teen I didn’t pose silly I usually tried to look sophisticated or sexy LOL That sucks that you don’t have any other long term survivors in your group. I have several in mine and I cherish them. Talking about how you heard HIV was in the past and living how it was are different.
Cristy – good luck with the Texas guy. Maybe I know him?
Camille – hope your feeling better. Enjoy what you can with Spencer. Maybe someday he and you will be more maybe not. Why burn bridges if you enjoy his company?
I got a surprise email from my ex today. I haven’t heard from him in 4 years. I think it made Billy a little nervous at first but after I made it perfectly clear I had no interest in my ex in any romantic or sexual way he relaxed. An ex is an ex for a reason in my book. I wish the ex well and hope he is healthy and finds happiness with someone or something. I’m glad Billy isn’t so insecure that he wouldn’t want me to send a response email to someone from my past. <rolls my eyes> That jealous baloney is for the birds.
-
Hi Girls
The New Year is fast approaching and not sure if I am excited or not. The Latin lover is being less than pleasant to talk to or be around. He is still in his bad mood and I am trying to distance my self from him. But then I fall into his lair of when he calls I find myself wanting to pick up the phone the minute he calls. But I held out today when he text paged me telling me he was at the movies with his son. So Cam I can totally understand you wanting to hang out with Spencer for the New Year, because I want to hang out with the Latin lover all of the time because he is a good guy. I try to remember that we get in bad moods, but maybe I am a hypocrite because some times when people tell me their problems its hard for me to sympathize when they complain that they do not own a home or this or that. I would give anything to have their problems and not deal on a daily basis being +. Its even more sad for me to hear the Latin lover bitch about things when I don't feel comfortable talking to him about what I go through on a daily basis being +. Part of this is due to the fact that he accepted that I was + and am afraid if I make it sound like a big deal he will not accepted me in the future if there is the chance that we can get back together. Well I am off to hang some pictures so Ladies if I don't check in tomorrow Happy New Year.
-
I am still around. I have just been reading posts lately. I have been in a bit of a funk lately and am feeling very conflicted. I am snapping out of it for New Years though.... ;D So, I am funking it for all it is worth now, oh shit, it's after midnight....New Year's Eve, fuck that funk.... ;) Not really going out but going over a friends house to get our drink on...Me and the roomie, it is her bday today. I always drink in moderation but will be puffing excessively.... ;) Rico has to work so I doubt I will hear from him or if I do it will be an early night.
Camille, Well better friends than nothing at all. And I say never say never, things can change especially when the ones involved are so connected... ;)
Sun--- LL makes me wanna kick him in his ass. Do hispanic men have some type of defect? Sometimes it makes me wonder.... :-\
I heard from a friend today on here via PM. That was a nice surprise. I have noticed folks have been keeping up with Her Majesty on the down low lately. What's up with that? I had someone else on Yahoo tell me they have been keeping up with me too via my blog. I am not complaining, now if I could find a poz man because he read my blog or even a neg one who would accept me. I still need a King and I keep getting leg humpers..... :-\
-
Hello Ladies. I am still here as well. Just been mostly playing with the Dragons but now I can't access the site at all. I WANT MY DRAGONS!!!!!!!!! Cam, glad you are trying to have a good view of how Spencer is acting. Sounds to me like he just wants to keep you on a line. You are a better person than I cause I would not be able to deal with it. SS Hope LL gets over his bad mood and Ya'll can have some fun. Win, I haven't talked to the guy from Texas in 3 days. I have talked to one from SC and Tenn. They are all really nice guys, seems like when it rains, it pours. I disabled my poz account cause all the sudden guys were burning it up. Nothing for months and in the space of days, I get 10 guys wanting to talk to me. I will talk to these 2 or 3 if Tex calls and see if one of them will click with me. ML, Glad you had a good Christmas with Iceman. Sorry your LS mom is sick. I hope they can catch it all in time. Betty. wow we have a lot in common. Not the Long term survivor stuff but a lot of other stuff. I need to find a support group to go to but they are all in Greensboro and One of my coworkers churches goes there and volunteers so I can't go without outing myself. It's too juicy a bit for him to keep it private. I did just flatout ask him if he has HIV but he says no. He said he has a lot of friends that have died and he just wants to give back to the HIV community. If he was poz, I was gonna tell him , I am too. But not now. I went yesterday and picked my 18 YO up and brought him down here. He got kicked out of the shelter for fighting and was going to sleep in a abandoned house. I finally talked my parents into letting him come here so at least he's not on the street. We are going to try to get him in a group home or get him some services cause even if he stays here , there are very few jobs in this area and very few services he could use so we will try Greensboro. My brother called at 5:45 this morning and woke me and Robert up. He is going to have surgery soon on his foot and this is a lead-up to asking for money. Not happening. We barely have enough for ourselves so he better work something else out. He gets more on his check than I make ALL month but still asks for money quite often. I really don't have any resolutions but I will come up with something and not keep it. I work tonight and should do well since it is a set menu and wine, gratuity and tax are extra. I close down the shift so will be home around 2 am. HAPPY NEW YEAR LADIES. Cristy
-
Good morning ladies:
Viv, doing things tomorrow that could have been done today-I know that one very well. I hope all goes well for you in traffic school.
Cam, I don't think you're crazy for wanting to remain friends with Spencer. It's too bad his mind closes off to the HIV thing, but if you guys can remain friends, why not? We don't need more enemies, that's for sure! I just hope he doesn't want to take advantage of you and say he will remain friends but then try something. If he does that, I might have to kick some ass! :D I know you will be careful.
Wini, I know what you mean about the jealousy thing. My first husband couldn't stand it if some other guy even looked at me. He would right away accuse me of sleeping with the guy, knowing him somehow etc. That's strange though, that your ex would contact you after four years. But at least you guys can be civil to each other.
Sun, I hope something works out for you for tonight. LL just sounds like he's really not worth the time. It seems like you're always fretting about something concerning him. If he doesn't come around, I'd probably tell him to get lost.
Queen, yes, you do need a King to reside over the throne with you. You know, my first husband was Mexican. So I know what you mean about Hispanic men. :D His brothers were like him also. They were always trying to hit on me when his back was turned. So I was always thinking "geesh, if you can do this to your own family member...." Of course, all they ever wanted was sex. I hope you have a good time tonight. Go ahead and party, girlfriend!
So, do any of you ladies have New Year's resolutions? Wini, I read where your husband wants to quit smoking. Well, it's two months since I quit and the only time I ever want one is when I see someone in the movies having one. In real life, if someone around me is having one, I can smell it and that is a turn-off right away. I'm still on the Chantix. It works wonders. Me, I've got to lose at least 30 lbs. So that's my resolution-to lose 30 lbs. I really can't think of anything else right now that I want to resolve to do. I know, it's hard to make them for a whole year at a time.
Yesterday I watched a really good movie I rented from the library. It's called "Lady Sings the Blues." Diana Ross is in it and it's about Billie Holiday (the jazz singer). It was a wonderful movie. I love our library here. They have a huge selection of movies and they're only .25/cents a day to rent. What a deal. I have "Chicago" to watch today or tomorrow. Tonight is the NA dance. I'm going for the meal and then to listen to the speaker and I probably won't stay a whole lot longer. We're supposed to get 5-9 inches of snow tonight. Ugh! I don't want to be caught out in that plus having drunks on the road. So I'm not sure how long I'll be out tonight. I hope all you ladies have a wonderful night! Check in later-
Edited to add: Cristy, you and I posted at the same time. Girl, I hope you have a good evening and make tons of tip money! I don't blame you for not wanting to give your brother any money. Let him figure it out. Have a good one girlie!
-
Bett- You're cracking me up. He laid down the rules and fears and I will comply. To me its black or white I'm his buddy from this point on, his confadant. He no touchie touchie ...that priveledge is gone. And the best thing is I can really hold my liquor so tonight I'll definitely be able to stand my ground. I just keep getting the feeling that he will get the confused glaze in his eyes and talk about how our lives are a tragic love story. I'll post tomorrow. I can be completely wrong here but that's my gut feeling.
Who knows the night might end with a good hearty arm wrestle ;)
Thanks everyone for your support. You're really been a great comfort during this time of confusion and pain.
Hugs to you all,
Camms
-
Ok, I would like to start off by saying Merry Christmas and happy new year to everyone!
I wish that I could be like the rest of you, so open and willing to come on here on a regular basis and just vent, however I am so timid, and lately I've become anti social. As you all know that I am 25yrs young diagnosed a year ago cd count is good viral load is undetectable. So I should be happy right? However I am not. I have been dwelling over my ex for the longest now. We separated right after I was raped, he told me that he needed space to find himself etc..I thought to myself who am I to stand in the way of that, So I backed off..In the time being I just began to focus on me and my disease..thinking that we were going to work on our relationship from a distance. Boy way I wrong. 4 years of my life dedicated to this man. and with a blink of a eye he has already found someone else.
I can't help but question myself, like what is wrong with me, what was I doing wrong that he doesn't want to be with me? I have done everything possible to hold on, and I keep getting defeated. I am trying to figure out how I can break this emotional tie that I have with him. I do everything that he asks me. I loan him money, he is on my health Insurance, I cook for him everynight. I am trying to get him to see that I am what he needs, but he insists on being with her, it makes me wonder how much did he really love me if he can just walk away so fast.
when I was first diagnosed I admitted myself to the psych ward, and when I came home, and I was looking through his phone..because at this time we were still living together, and he was texting all these different females, not to mention that the female that he is with is the same female that we use to have altercations over because he use to talk to her all the time, and when I questioned him, he would say that she was just his friend.
I moved out and just so happend that his sister moved ac cross the hall from me, I asked him to respect my space and not bring her around here, because I don't know how I would respond. So I guess he thought that I was at work, and I was pulling out my complex and who do I see but him with her in his freaking car. I just couldn't take it anymore and I textd him and he was like OH it was an emergency.etc
I know that you all are probably reading this and saying where is his girlfriend, well she is in a federal jail..and he goes to visit her every weekend. it's a 2 hour and 10min ride from where we live. I feel so stupid, and I know that I don't have anyone to blame but myself, but I don't know how to walk away. I love him so much, but I have to move on. This is not healthy. I know that most of you are older then me so anyone with some advice please feel free to enlighten me, because I need it.
I know that I am kinda every where with this but it's so much, and I just wanted to put the basics so you all can have a understanding..
My poem..this is how I vent through my pen
When a poet hurts....
Her pain is like venom
Thick and poisonous
Her pen is the baretta cocked and ready
To shoot out the words that will help her get over her pain
Words rain on me like spring showers
I watch the minutes turn to hours
Realizing that
"we"
the very existence of
"us"
has gone down the drain
and poured down the gutter like rain
My pain
is bottled up and branded like coca cola and pepsi
My spirit
is laying by the waste side like a homeless man begging for change
my soul
is begging for love, truth and understanding
so I was forced to retreat to my poets abode
And there I
verbally stroked the cheek of the object of my creativity
he being
The reason my pen scribbled quite more frequently
I held on to our process of long thinking
Held on to the hope of my heart being complete
he was my reason to be
gave birth to a new me
just as easy as it was to grasp that bit of happiness....
I lost it
like the back of an earring
Lost it
like memories to an alteimeizers patient
Lost it
Now this poet is in mourning
My hurt surpasses my exterior
Overides my interior
My soul is on the chopping block
bits of me have been shredded like paper
I take a deep breath and control my lips quiver
Dry my last tear, I will not cry "she" a river
But instead I will immerse myself in lyrical dance
Take a philanthropists stance
So another will never have to go through the same because....
When a poet hurts
Her heart cries a sad song
Everything that "can" will go wrong
And the best bodies of work are born
Her pieces are bandaids
And each stanza spit is the first aid
kit to her soul
No longer love sick
her poetry is therapeutic
She conveys how she feels...
by writing
the only way a poet knows how to heal...
-
Good evening ladies:
Hmmmmmm, haven't heard from Cin in a few; Queen just sporadically; oh, Drag is on vacation. OK I know, it's New Year's Eve. I decided not to go to the NA thing. We're supposed to get 5-9 inches of snow tonight and are under a winter storm warning. Being that the NA thing is in the next city to the east, I don't feel like traveling home in a winter storm. So, I'm home for the evening. OK, NOW:
Camms, you just have a good time tonight girl! As long as you can hold your liquor, then do what you gotta do. I hope you guys get along. Don't let him turn it into a drama.
Afraid: Let me first say welcome (back). I really do hope you continue to check in here regularly. Now, let me say that I went through a terrible rape when I was 15 and after that, due to lack of honest counseling, I thought I needed to be with men who could only use & abuse me. Until I got help, nothing ever changed. In your situation, I surely would not cook for that bastard, loan him money nor carry him on my health insurance. Quit those things and you'll see how much he "cares." He won't be around anymore. He's going to see that girl while she's in federal prison? And you still do all these things? You know, in a way, I understand. I was your age once and thought as little of myself as you think of yourself. You really need to get some good counseling. Try to work on self-esteem issues. Know that you are a very precious person who does not deserve to be abused, whether it's mental or physical. He is a selfish clod prick who needs to go out and get a life somewhere else. Hey, ask him if he can room with his girlfriend up there in the federal pen. Let the prison feed him and get him medical attention if he needs it. He can work in the commisary for a little money. In other words, girl, get help quickly! Please! And please continue to check back in with us and let us know how you're doing.
To everyone else (and anyone I missed up there) HAPPY NEW YEAR! May 2008 be the best year ever! For all of us!
-
Good evening ladies:
Hmmmmmm, haven't heard from Cin in a few; Queen just sporadically; oh, Drag is on vacation. OK I know, it's New Year's Eve. I decided not to go to the NA thing. We're supposed to get 5-9 inches of snow tonight and are under a winter storm warning. Being that the NA thing is in the next city to the east, I don't feel like traveling home in a winter storm. So, I'm home for the evening. OK, NOW:
Camms, you just have a good time tonight girl! As long as you can hold your liquor, then do what you gotta do. I hope you guys get along. Don't let him turn it into a drama.
Afraid: Let me first say welcome (back). I really do hope you continue to check in here regularly. Now, let me say that I went through a terrible rape when I was 15 and after that, due to lack of honest counseling, I thought I needed to be with men who could only use & abuse me. Until I got help, nothing ever changed. In your situation, I surely would not cook for that bastard, loan him money nor carry him on my health insurance. Quit those things and you'll see how much he "cares." He won't be around anymore. He's going to see that girl while she's in federal prison? And you still do all these things? You know, in a way, I understand. I was your age once and thought as little of myself as you think of yourself. You really need to get some good counseling. Try to work on self-esteem issues. Know that you are a very precious person who does not deserve to be abused, whether it's mental or physical. He is a selfish clod prick who needs to go out and get a life somewhere else. Hey, ask him if he can room with his girlfriend up there in the federal pen. Let the prison feed him and get him medical attention if he needs it. He can work in the commisary for a little money. In other words, girl, get help quickly! Please! And please continue to check back in with us and let us know how you're doing.
To everyone else (and anyone I missed up there) HAPPY NEW YEAR! May 2008 be the best year ever! For all of us!
I know that I should move on, and I am in counsling, but honestly I don't think that it's working. I do have low self esteem. He has his own place etc..but I often find my self coming out my pocket for him. I am just at the point to where I want to get over with him and be done with it. The only problem is how do I move on?
-
Afraid-----
What a poem!!! I am sorry you are feeling the way you are and on a day like today, those feelings are probably even more intense. Here's a big hug for you, girl...((((Afraid)))))....People come in our lives for a reason even this man you speak of. It's obvious how much you love him and how much you gave. It sounds like to me like he was using you. He has a woman in jail and was dealing with other women? I have to wonder if he infected you. You don't have to answer that as I have come to my own conclusions.
Now he is with one of the women he was texting? OMG, that screams player to me in everyway and he has the nerve to bring the woman around even though it is to his sister's house? Where is the love or the respect for you? It's obvious to me that you see the writing on the wall just from your own post but if you need to hear it from someone else------YOU NEED TO MOVE ON!!!!! I know it hurts you to see him bring the other woman around but there is really nothing you can do about that, he is visiting his sister. As much as it may make you want to snap and go off, you got to be the bigger woman here. Just try to ignore it, go in your house and let it all out in the privacy of your own home. I'm not saying it is going to be easy but you have to try to not let it get to you or it will affect your health. You don't want that and I don't want that to happen to you.
I don't know what your life consists of but you got to put your focus on YOU and just YOU. As cliche as it may sound, time eases all pains or something like that. But when you need to vent, you just come on in here and let it out.....
-
Queen..
Let me start off by sayin that he wasn't the one who infected me, I was infected when I was raped. It wasn't unti after the rape that he and I became intimate. I was saving myself for marriage.
I am trying to move on but how can I when he is always up under me, I kno wthat he is just using me until she comes hom from jail. I feel so stupid, even his own family asks me why do I continue to deal with him. I swnt him a card in the mail stating that I wish not to be his friend in the year of 2008.
it's clear to me that he has moved on, and now it's my turn. I keep doing for him on hopes that he will realize that it's me that he wants in his life. However no matter what I do isn't good enough for him.
My self esteem is low enogh and now this is just adding to it..I know that I am a beautiful person and that any man should love to have me in his corner..but since my diagnoses I have lost focus on who I am..I can honestly say that I don't know my worth.
-
Afraid----
I hope my post did not make you feel any worse. That was not my intention. Sorry, I did not know it was a rape that had got you infected. I am not making light of that, I was raped too awhile back. I know how difficult it is to get past that. I know it is not easy when he brings the other person around what you consider to be your space. But doing things for him, is not making it any easier for you either. Maybe the other ladies can chime in here. I will be keeping you in my thoughts....
-
Good morning ladies:
Afraid, I can only echo what her Majesty is saying to you. As long as you continue to do for him, he'll be around. But remember this-his heart is not with you. Why should it be when you don't have any hard, fast rules about the relationship between you guys? What he is doing is having his cake and eating it also. You need to break it off with him quickly. Do it over the phone if need be. But do it soon. You say you're getting counseling, but are you being 100% honest with your therapist? I've found myself that honesty is the only way to go if I want any help. And if this therapist isn't helping you, get another one. I know, therapists can't make us do anything. But it might help you sorting through your feelings left over from the rape. It takes quite awhile to get over something like that. We who have been through it, know that. And in the meantime your brain can play all kinds of tricks on you. Just please hang in there, keep trying to be true to yourself, and believe it will happen. And continue to check in with us!
Well, it's the start of another year. I don't know that I feel any different than I did last night when I went to bed at like 10:30. :D Honestly, it's hard for me to stay up late anymore. Holidays don't mean what they used to mean. I don't know if that's me getting older or just getting more jaded.
We got hit last night with tons of snow. And today we're supposed to get 5 more inches, tonight 5 more inches, then tomorrow 3 more inches. Yuck! Guess I will be shoveling alot. They're telling people today that if you don't have to be out, don't go out. I really don't have anything to do today anyway. NA is having a free thing today that I was going to check out, but I don't know if I will or not. If the roads are that bad, I don't want to go out on them.
What are everyone's plans?
-
Hello Ladies. Afraid, you are being used. And not even getting anything out of it. Honey, you deserve better than to be used like that. Stop coming out of pocket,cooking and having him on your insurance and see how quick he disappears.. I think he is taking advantage of your low self esteem and that's not right. You realize this and even stated it but until you act to change things, that is how they will stay. Please cut this user loose and concentrate on you. Everyone else, I had a great night at work, broke a bill and immediately stashed it when I got home. Today we are going shopping at the Walmart and maybe I will get something nice for me. I feel like everyone should treat themselves every once in a while. Anyway, hope everyone has a HAPPY NEW YEAR. Cristy
-
Happy New Year everyone!
[/size][/size][/size]
-
Well I tried to get fancy and it didn't turn out exactly right...LOL! You get the point.
-
Afraid- I think time and lots of counselling is what you need to move on. You've been a heck of a season in your life. My goodness. But you know what, I think you have a lot more courage than you think....just by posting and taking this day by day is tremendous. Rape alone is terribly traumatic...and then the dx and THEN the boyfriend issue. Well, love is extremely painful and if you've read some of our posts you'll see that you're not alone. But girlie girl, you deserve so much better. And trust me if this guy was stepping out on you I get the feeling that his "friend" will experience the same.
Love is also beautiful and there are so many good guys out there and I know that the last thing you want to here. But really keeping yourself busy helps, trust me.
ok- so in my last post I had some predictions all of which came true. I had great time but the line between dating and friends became kind of ambiguous through the symantecs. He would say things like "i've never met a couple like us with so many connections". oh yeah, "I love you" the holding of my hand...ya know the subtle things. ;) Then he wants me to start going to his gym because he has an extra pass (guy has a serious bod-ee, six pack abs and arms that are crazy big. Not my typical guy. I tend to go for the skinny pasty white artsy type, maybe that's my problem. And no this is not a hint. He knows I work out seriously and knows I'm in phyically fit, but he thinks it would be fun.
So let the games begin.....scrabble was very long and only 3 words were put down. He kept getting out of his seat to kiss me, which is what I used to do with him. The "oh wait, I just have to kiss you cause you're so beautiful" cheesy I know, but I did that weeks ago to him. He also bought all my favorite foods and by 11:00 we were swing dancing in his livingroom and shortly after kissing very passionately. BUT, I didn't let it get past that. We slept together and it was completely respectful. Meaning same bed no sex...and respectful I mean within the context of OUR relationship
This morning he offered me breakfast but I had to leave for my dane. I was afraid I would be confused and sad but just the opposite I feel great.
I hope everyone had a great new years eve and are having a great news years. Its a bit rainy today but i feel that world is a little more beautiful this morning.
New Year Hugs to all
Camms
-
OH MY GOD!!! ALL THIS D*** SNOW!
Good afternoon ladies. I just got in a little while ago from shoveling. I shoveled a foot of snow off the top of my car. They are telling us that we are supposed to get 10 more inches today and tonight (combined) and 3 more tomorrow. Ugh! I did shovel a path from my door to the front apartment, and to my car. That was about all I could handle. The neighbors came home while I was shoveling. They said they went to Chicago yesterday for a concert and ended up staying the night there because of the weather and came home today (Chicago is about an hour and a half from me). They said Chicago is nothing compared to this. Yikes! Needless to say, I'm staying home today!
Viv, thanks for the greeting and Happy New Year to you also!
Cristy, I'm not sure what you mean about "breaking a bill." I'm taking it to mean that you got over $100 or something like that. Girl, treat yourself! Yes, everyone does need to do that from time to time. Glad you had a good night.
Camms, I trust you know what you're doing. Just try to keep your heart seperate. That way you won't get hurt when he's sober and tells you the same thing he told you before about "being terrified." Just tryin' to watch out for ya.
Well, I hope all you other ladies are having a good day. I'm going to watch a little tube and read a little.
-
Happy New Year....
I have been reading everyone's reply and I must admit that all of you are right..I know what I have to do..it's just me taking the steps to actually do it. I live in a state where I don't have any family friends, well I have friends but I rarely see them..
I am honest with my counselor however I feel at times she doesn't understand me, and she has a tendency to talk to me in a condescending manner..I have been looking for someone else, but it's really hard to get in when your a new patient. She in the past has told me that HIV is a black woman's disease..that's when I stop seeing her. She didn't say it like that..but I knew what she was getting at. So I decided to no longer see her..I have a apt to see my new counselor on the 23rd of this month.
I am just going to take my situation with my ex one day at a time..it's not easy..Since dx I fell into a deep depression and I must admit that I am coming out of that, but this doesn't help. Like I said in a previous post. It just makes me feel like she is the better woman, and I know deep down inside that she is not..He and I went out for drinks one night..and out the blue he tells me that he's in love with someone else and I'm like ok..what do you want me to say..so I guess I didn't give him the response he was looking for..then he starting to tell me that, she was so much prettier then me and that I didn't have anything on her..which it hurt my feelings to hear him say that, but I know that she doesn't hold a torch to me..Her life is over she is 22 with a record she will not be able to get a decent job..but that's the type of woman he wants..someone that he can control..because when I moved out here, and my parents cut me off financially I depended on him for everything..and our relationship was perfect..but I got tired of being in the house and doing nothing with my day so I went and I got a job, and I started to make new friends, and that's when our relationship went down hill..because he lost control of me.....Thanks you all for listening to me...
UNTIL YOU WALKED IN MY SHOES...
Are u sure yo want to do this,is the last question I asked her as I removed my shoes
She picked them up and said yes I want to know why you do what you do
She said I want to know why I hear ur silent cries at night
I wanna know why as you lay in slumber ur body fights
She asked me could she walk just one mile in my place
Not to be nosey but to see if she could somehow erase
If not all at least some of the memories that has me bound
So I passed her my shoes and waited silently as I was found
Once she placed her foot in one I noticed there was a slight tremble
It wasn't even fully on when the pain started to assemble
She looked at me and her eyes spoke what her mouth could not
I said yes that's the beginning that was when I was just a tot
I said hold my hand as you will need help some of the way
She looked up and said thank you taking my hand without delay
Now her foot is all the way in and her heart begins to break
As she watches a 10 year old little girl cry as the social workers take her away
She sees the struggle and anguish that is inside a child's thoughts
Screaming please let me stay here.. she feels the emotions but still she fought
She is losing courage and the second shoe has yet to even hit the floor
And she asks me with her eyes the question "is there more"
I look at her and say that was only the beginning
you have to put on the other then have a look at all the sinning
As the other shoe drops finally she looks scared to death
I offer her my hand she excepts and takes a deep breath
Then slides her foot inside slowly and warily like it was haunted
It could have been with all these feeling and emotions that were unwanted
I reach out to her quickly catching her as she loses her balance and falls
She looks at me again and I say yeah I was a runaway but damn I was only 12 yrs old
I didn't deserve for my innocence to be stole
I reach down for my shoes I see she won't manage much more
But she says she has to finish the walk this cannot be ignored
I relent and help her stand so that she can have a fighting chance
Because what comes next there are no words to prepare her in advance
At that moment our eyes connect and I see what she's going thru
I reach my hand out again and ask now you see why I do what I do
My darkest secrets have been exposed my book is closed no more
She weeps and I say no tears please I never shed any... what for.
She is now ready to give me back my shoes and I say that's not it
You asked to take this journey now you got to finish the shyt
She says I cant its too much to bear how did u ever make it..
I look at her as I accept my shoes and said should I have quit?
Had I did I wouldn't be who I am nor would there be reason to write
I would never have learned to stand on my own but I made it right?
These shoes are not for everyone these were designed just for me
To map out my destiny... to walk in my shoes isn't easy at all
But without these trials and tribulations I would surely fall
Untilyou've walked inside my shoes you could have never understood
Why is it I can blow the hell up then turn and say its all good
To know me is impossible you will never ever have a clue
As to why I am the way I am until u have walked in my shoes
-
The New Year came in but it was kind of bittersweet. Me and my roomie went to our friend's get together which was nice. Rico was there but so was the ex and her new man. Not a problem for me but Rico immediately started trying to do little things like kiss me in front of them. Basically trying to make her jealous, I caught it and nipped it in the bud immediately. I told him I wasn't going to play those games but I did return his kiss... ;) After a bit, the tension settled and we were all having fun, then the call came from Puerto Rico. Rico's mother had passed away but she was asking for him before she passed on. My friend gathered us in the room and we decided not to tell Rico til today but I guess you know his ex had to tell him. I was pissed!!!! A few others at the party felt the same way. Of course, Rico broke down but I was there for him. He called off work, cried like a baby for a few and I just held him. By the time the New Year came in he was a little better, had started drinking and tried to be as cheery as he possibly could. I brought him home with me. No sex, I just held him. He just left a little bit ago. He is trying to get back to Puerto Rico for his mother's funeral. A few of us is going to try to pull together to see if we can get him there. My friend is going to speak to his landlord but he may not have a job by the time he gets back if he goes.....
Due to sleeping rather lightly, I am mad tired but no hangover. When the New Years came in I sent everyone on my phone list a text message wishing them a Happy New Year. That included Cindy who responded today, I guess she was a little busy after midnight... ;) I guess we will find out when she has time to check in. I just wanted to check in for a minute today before I take a nap. I told Rico to come back when he was done putting in his calls to Puerto Rico. I want to be rested by the time he gets back. Other than Rico's situation, the party was really fun and I had a nice time. I hope you all have a Happy New Years.....
-
Hi GFs~
I just spent 20 minutes skimming here and catching up. Give me a couple of days to do a real post, I really want to help Afraid out as best as I can. I certainly agree with BT and Queen as far as what they said about Afraid's man issue. Afraid, I want to grab your hand, kick him in the balls and pull you away from him forever. I know you're scared. Like I said, I'll post more later, but one thing that echoes in my mind....I think Em posted it to me last summer, "You teach people how to treat you." You need to start cutting him off, and the first thing I would do is get his ass OFF of that insurance plan!!! >:( I tend to go for the jugular with people who don't respect me, but more later when I do a longer post.
As far as my New Year's, Iceman and I are well and happy. We are just crazy about each other! Like a couple of kids in a candy store sharing a piece of chocolate HAPPY. Tomorrow will be 2 months since our first date on November 2nd! :D I have never really had a GOOD long kiss (like the guy meant it, and was actually trying to find my tonsils, too) at midnight on New Years. Iceman and I were so happy at the club we went to, dancing up front where my favorite band was! All of these balloons dropped at midnight (or so they say) and I didn't see ONE balloon in the air floating down because we just kept kissing each other! We were locked at the lips giggling for almost a minute, lol. I know, I know, I'll stop now, but we are doing great. I have to go into work tomorrow, so its nighty night.
Happy New Year to ALL of you, and BT and Queen, its looks like you're getting some snow! BT I heard you were supposed to get nearly another foot tonight! :o
More soon!
~ Cindy
-
Me and Billy stayed home for New Years. We watched the ball come down and gave each other a little peck because we are both a little sick with sore throats and snotty noses. Then an hour later he came out to the back yard where I was reading my book counting down 10-9-8-7... and gave me another little kiss.
Just a simple night at home puttering around the house. The only difference is we stayed up later than usual.
Which was fine with me. I didn't have to wear makeup, do my hair or get on the road with any crazies. I didn't feel up to it anyway. Plus since I work everyday I had to wake up at 7 am. Who ever gave Billy this cold needs a good kick in the balls. I hate feeling run down like this.
Happy New Years ladies.
May you all have a wonderful year full of health, security and happiness.
Wendy
-
Good morning ladies:
Queen, I am so sorry about Rico's mother. Sometimes sons take losing their mother a little harder than daughters do. Depending, of course, on how close they were. I don't blame you for trying to comfort him. It's so extremely hard when mums die. Anyway, I don't know how you kept from bashing his ex in the face. That takes a lot of patience.
Cin, well, the prodigal daughter returns! :D It sounds like you had a really nice New Year's. Yes, we have a ton of snow. It snowed like 10 more inches between yesterday and last night. I hate all this snow! And, get this, Saturday-next Monday (that's as far ahead as they've forcasted) the temps are supposed to go from 38 to 50 and it's supposed to rain. Great! Then we won't be able to go anywhere because of all the flooding. Strange weather. My dad went on a rant yesterday about how much snow we used to get every winter "back about 15 years ago." Funny, I don't remember us getting this kind of snow all the time back then. But yes, we did get majorly, majorly dumped on. It's almost at an end, though. We're supposed to get another 3-5 inches today and then it's supposed to be over. In a couple hours, I'm gearing up and going out shoveling. I have some movies that are due back at the library today, but whether or not I get them there is up in the air right now. Anyway, I'll be glad when you have the time to catch us up on everything that's going on with you.
Wendy, I hate being sick also. I didn't go anywhere for New Year's Eve either. Of course, I wasn't sitting out in my yard like you were, as the floodgates opened with all this damn snow here. I hope you get to feeling better.
I don't know who is at fault for all this snow we got, but I'm sick of it already! I looked out my door this morning, and it doesn't even look like I did any shoveling yesterday. We got another 10 inches between yesterday and last night (we already had 9 inches) and we're supposed to get another 3-5 today. So, in a couple hours, I'll put on the snow gear, and go out and shovel and clean off my car. And then starting Saturday it's supposed to warm up and rain for three days. Great! Everything will be flooded then. Well, what can one do about the weather? Nada. Nil. Just live with it. Monday I have a doctor's appointment. Hopefully my phenotype results will be back by then. They're taking a really long time and I don't know why. But I'm ready to go on something. I've been so tired and run down lately. But what do I expect? My viral load was 300,000+. Just trying to have patience. I know it's not the doc's fault. I can't imagine what's taking the lab so long. OK, I'm done bitching about that (for now).
Classes start again next week also. For this eight weeks, I'm taking Social Psychology and Ethics. We have an assignment due the first night of class in Social Psychology. And the teacher is not even going to be there. But the secretary of the school will be, so I guess she'll be gathering the homework. Anyway, I already have the syllabus for the class and we are going to have so much frickin' homework! But I know the teacher, and that's the way she is. There's one assignment where we have to review five journal articles (yes, 5). If any of you are familiar with psychology journals, one article is about 30 pages long! Well, one thing at a time. I hope all you ladies are having a good day! Later-
-
Bett-
I definitely hear ya, and my heart is well guarded. There are only so many times that you can have your heart ripped out. It's a very resilient muscle.
Afraid- Don't go near this guy. He is very cruel and I question his intentions as to why he would would tell you such things. Obviously to hurt you but why does he want to create so much pain for someone. There are a lot of bad ex boyfriends but he is not typical. I'm not about to send him to Dr. Phil, cause this is about you You YOU. And it's you that matters! Just hold on and take your advice about taking this day by day. We're always here to talk.
Ps- pm coming your way
Hold the new year is treating everyone well so far
Hugs,
Camms
-
Betty, I know what you mean about the snow. We got hit yesterday and I saw the city trucks putting salt out and plowing early this morning. Even with the hit we took yesterday, winter has still been kind of mild for us. Where are you again? The snow is not what is killing me, it's my gas bill. For December it was $227, got the bill last week and it jumped up to $669. I was like what the fuck!!! And I have been paying the bill. I called the gas company who swears it is accurate and got on their budget plan which is still out of my budget. I will be glad when winter is freaking over. I need to call my landlord because I think this apartment needs some serious weatherization.
As for Rico, he was very close to his mother and he is the youngest of all the children. He is taking it very hard but I know how he feels. I took it hard when my father passed. I was close to him and the youngest of his children. From what I have heard, he has been talking to his brother in Puerto Rico and is trying to get a way back there for the funeral. It will really hurt him if he misses it. It took everything in me not to say something to his ex. But from what I was told, other people was getting on her about it.
I really felt bad for his son because he was there when Rico broke down but he is too young to understand what was going on. Instead of his ex seeing to their son, she was too busy being wrapped up in her man. What was surprising though was that her man was actually trying to help console Rico. The ex showed me what kind of woman she is.
I am still in need of some sleep so I am going to catch a nap.....
-
Good afternoon ladies:
Well, I'm stuck inside until tomorrow (or the next day). I did shovel earlier today. Then someone else did. I was going to take the movies back to the library, but when I went out to clean off and start my car I was like "Brrrrrrrrrrrr!" It's only like 10 degrees outside and the wind is sharp. Oh, and Queen, I'm in northcentral Indiana. It's so frickin' cold! So, the library will have to wait. It's just way too cold and snowy to go anywhere. Who is responsible for all this mess?! Well, whoever ordered it, I wish upon them treacherous travelings. ;)
Camms, I know you'll be careful. I just hate to see women getting hurt over and over again. Have you heard from him? What is he saying? (Yes, I'm nosey). No, just concerned.
Queen, I hope Rico can make it to Puerto Rico for the funeral. I can relate to him. I'm the youngest sibling in my family and when my mum died, it was awful. It still is. His ex must be some kind of skank ho. I don't know why some women have to be like that. You'd think she would have some grace and decency. I'm glad people were getting on her about telling him. How are you doing?
Well, ladies, I'm going to go curl up on my bed, get underneath a blanket and watch my soap opera (I can't believe I started watching it again). But you know how it goes, once you start, it's so hard to stop. I'M STILL COLD!
-
Hey all! It sounds like everyone is trying to stay warm. I don't know how you do it! I can't stand being cold. If it goes below 72 I am freezing... :) The forcast says it is going to rain the rest of the week and I am bumming. I don't know what I would do if I had to live with snow. I have been spoiled w/the southern ca weather.
Afraid: I feel your pain. Just know that you are worth so much more...really, you are.
I go back to work next week so I am trying to enjoy what little tiem I have left.
-
Ok..
I finally got up enough nerve to tell him today that I didn't want to be his friend anymore, and that I could no longer be there for him financially either. He didn't even care that I was breaking my frienship off with him.. I can't even think straight I am so hurt, and I can't stop crying..when will the pain of all this be over, I can't take much more. I just feel like dying right now. I am so hurt, and now I am strating to question myself and wonder if I made the right decision even though I know I did. ??? :'(
HE’S WHY IT RAINS
IT IS THE SUMMER BUT YET I'M SO COLD
BECAUSE THIS MAN, RAN AWAY WITH MY SOUL
I WONDER IF HE KNOWS, THAT ALTHOUGH
SEPARATE PLACES WE WILL GO
I WILL BE FILLED WITH SORROW
YET HE WILL ALWAYS BE ON MY MIND
BECAUSE HE WAS MY DEFINITION OF "FINE"
AND AT TIMES I WOULD FIND MYSELF SAYING
IT WOULD BE NICE TO CALL HIM MINE
YOU SEE HIS BEAUTY CANNOT BE DEFINED
AND THE WAY HE SMILED AND LAUGHED
MADE MY HEART SHINE..
OOH I WISH I COULD TURN BACK THE HANDS OF TIME
SO WE COULD GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING
BUT THIS TIME IT WOULDN’T HAVE AN ENDING
JUST 2 PEOPLE LAUGHING AND GRINNING
I CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVED THAT FEELING.
MANY TIMES I FOUND MYSELF CONTEMPLATING
AND MEDITATING ON HOW THE BREAK UP WAS SO DEVASTATING.
AND IT WAS AGGRAVATING THE HELL OUT OF ME
BECAUSE I SAW WHAT I THEN C COULDN'T SEE
THAT HE SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE ROYALTY.
SO I MADE IT MY SOLE RESPONSIBILITY
TO KEEP HIM AS HAPPY AS COULD BE
THINKING THAT EVENTUALLY THERE MAY BE A POSSIBILITY
THAT HE WOULD LEAVE HER FOR ME...
BUT HE EXPLAINED VERY CLEARLY THAT EVEN THOUGH
THERE IS CHEMISTRY ,HE CANNOT LEAVE HER FOR ME
AND WHEN HIS VOICE WHICH SOUNDED LIKE A HARMONIC SYMPHONY
UTTERED THOSE WORDS THAT HE SPOKE TO ME
IT ALMOST KILLED ME.. AND I COULD FEEL MYSELF BEING SHOT
AND I COULD FEEL THAT TIME HAD STOPPED
AND I COULD FEEL THAT MY HEART HAD DROPPED
AND IN THAT INSTANT... I KNEW THAT I COULD ONLY LOVE HIM FROM A DISTANCE
SOON TO BE ERASED FROM HIS REMEMBRANCE
AND I KNEW THAT MY INSPIRATION AND MY TEMPTATION WHICH GAVE ME ME
THAT INCREDIBLE SENSATION .. WOULD BE NO MORE..
AND I WOULD HAVE TO WALK OUT OF HIS HEARTS DOOR
NEVER TO RETURN.. AND YES, MY HEART DOES BURN
YET THIS IS A MORAL OF ANOTHER LESSON LEARNED
YOU CAN'T ALWAYS HAVE WHAT YOU WANT
BECAUSE SOME THINGS IN LIFE ARE HERE JUST TO TAUNT..
NOW BEFORE I SHED THIS LAST TEAR, IT IS MY DEEPEST FEAR
THAT HE WILL FORGET THIS PAST YEAR
AND FROM HIS MEMORIES I WILL DISAPPEAR.. BUT HIS VOICE
IS THE LAST THING I WANT TO HEAR .BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT WILL BRING ME CHEER
AND AS I RACE TO LEAVE THIS PLACE BECAUSE I CANNOT FACE SEEING HIS BEAUTY
I MADE IT MY DUTY, TO LEAVE HIM BE..BECAUSE HE DOES NOT BELONG TO ME
AND WHEN WE SAY ALL THERE IS TO SAY, AND WHEN EVERYTHING IS FINALLY SAID
THE WIND WILL BLOW OUT THE CANDLE
AND THE FIRE WILL BE DEAD..
NOW I'M LEFT IN THE DARK CRYING THESE TEARS OF PAIN
AND NOW YOU KNOW..... JUST WHY IT RAINS
-
Afraid ~ I sent you a PM, hang in there.
Queen ~ So sorry to hear about Rico's mother passing. Goodness, I feel so bad for him, and for you, too, dealing with the soap opera. You're good to be there for him.
BT~ Its windy and clear here, but it was 16 degrees out this morning. The wind won't stop until tomorrow. It will be 60 degrees by Monday! Huh?
I have to rush out to go get my therapuetic massage for my neck and back. I still feel like a bobble-head doll, with vertigo and loss of balance sometimes. I have just started to wonder if its the beginning stages of PN. I'll ask my doc in 2 weeks, and Drag too, when she returns.
Sorry I have to run! Cam, hang in there with Spencer and be careful!
~ Cindy
-
We've hit the 100 mark on this thread. Would anyone like to step up and start the next one? The offer remains open til tomorrow. If I don't see a new one then I will start one....
Rico stopped by for a split second today. He is trying to come up with the money for the plane ticket which he says is 389 if he leaves tomorrow. All he has is a 100 so it is very unlikely that he will be gone tomorrow. There is an American Hispanic Council that I am hoping might help him. I told him to call them but he is so out of it, I texted my friend and told her my suggestion. She said she would have her mother do it for him but I am thinking I may be the one who will have to do it. And for the ticket to be 389, I am thinking it is one way, not sure if he even asked what round trip was. My heart goes out to him and I really feel bad that I can't help. And with his cell now off, it is hard to even catch up with him.
Afraid---My heart really goes out to you but the best thing you could've done was to end it. He was not being a friend to you and using you no matter how you try to justify it. You deserve better.
I hope all the other ladies are doing fine. I am still concerned about Wishful. I haven't heard from her in awhile. The same with NY. I wonder how things are progressing with Dragonette. Have a good evening...