Author Topic: Please help this stressed man!!! (Read 9370 times)

moralityno · « **on:** August 20, 2011, 02:53:56 pm »

It's been a hellish experience for last 5 weeks and perhaps more to come...

I have been coming to your website for last month and you are simply great.
I visit your website and I think I am negative and then later I think I am positive.
I had two encounters with the same asian girl of unknown HIV status. She applied some gel and then put on the condoms. So protected sex. We had showers before. No deep kissing.
Both times with condoms but do not whether they slipped or failed. But perhaps not broken or failed.
This is my 34th day. I had a strong fever on day 5 and then gone. No diarrhea, no swollen glands (are they visible with regular inspection?), no fever later, no loss of appetite (actually eating more than normal sometimes), loss of 4 pounds, Don't know about rash (but I have eczema type thing for years and got some real itching and red spots with crusts on one hand during this time and on lower stomach both sides but no crust, but it is confounded may be with the ars rash, does ars rash itch a lot?), the rash is not raised, white bumps on back of the tongue (getting better with listerine), mild sore throat and congestion. A lot of neck pain for about 2.5 weeks and continuing but I have cervical neck problem from before. The itching is continuing.
A lot of stress!!! The worst 5 weeks of my life so far.

What is my chance of having HIV?
Should I get tested at all?
Should I get tested for other STDs?

Please help. Appreciate your answer.

jkinatl2 · « **Reply #1 on:** August 20, 2011, 02:55:15 pm »

If you used a condom for intercourse then you were protected against HIV.

Other STDs are always a possibility, since they can circumvent the use of a condom.

But this is in no way an HIV issue.

moralityno · « **Reply #2 on:** August 20, 2011, 03:09:47 pm »

Thanks jkinatl2.
Do you really think that I am at no risk?
Sorry to again raise this issue and doubt your previous answer.
I hope you understand the stress I am undergoing.
It feels like nothing has any value to me anymore.

jkinatl2 · « **Reply #3 on:** August 20, 2011, 03:43:50 pm »

I am sorry you are distressed, but a condom offers effective protection against HIV.

moralityno · « **Reply #4 on:** August 20, 2011, 03:58:29 pm »

So does this mean that I have no reason to test for HIV?
Please answer people.
Should I test for STDS then?
How many tests to reach a conclusion?
Thanks people for your support.

jkinatl2 · « **Reply #5 on:** August 20, 2011, 04:27:42 pm »

I always say that every sexually active adult should be tested for STD including HIV at least once a year.

You do not have to test over this incident, but if you use your guilt and worry to do something productive (i.e. monitor your sexual health) then some good will come out of this stressful time.

If you DO have unprotected anal and/or vaginal sex with a partner of unknown status, a test taken three months after the incident is considered definitive.

However, you had protected sex. There was no exposure, and no reason to test for HIV.

moralityno · « **Reply #6 on:** August 20, 2011, 05:33:15 pm »

Hi jkinatl2,

Thanks for your continued effort for all of us.
I will take your advice by heart.
However, to buy that peace of mind I plan to get tested for all STDs and for HIV after three months from the exposure.
Could you please let me know what should be the right time frame after which I should get tested for all STDs? I do know the time frame for HIV (3 months) but not for other STDs.
Thanks again.

PS. I am taking your words almost like holy words. I hope I am not infected.

jkinatl2 · « **Reply #7 on:** August 20, 2011, 05:46:30 pm »

Most STDs will show up a week or so after infection. Syphilis and HIV, however, share the three month window period.

However, I cannot stress enough that you were NOT at any risk for HIV in the incident you describe.

Hope this has helped calm your anxiety somewhat.

moralityno · « **Reply #8 on:** August 26, 2011, 10:36:08 am »

Hi all,

Thanks for your effort and help.
I am on my 41st day.
I intend to go for a 6 week test since my last risky exposure (please see above).
As the test date nears, I am feeling less and less strong to test negative despite all your assurances and confidence.
The factors that are now torturing me and almost convincing me that I will test positive are somewhat apparently trivial details of the sexual encounter. Still they seem to be very important now.
These details are:

1. After I ejaculated inside the girl, I stayed there for some time but no more that a minute. DOes it increase my risk?
2. I did not check the condoms after the sex both the times, which is killing me. My best memory is that I took off the condoms in each case with tissue paper and do not remember that they slipped off or broke. Many people say on various websites (including yours) that condom break is obvious. SO this is really freaking me out
3. I am not sure what kind of condom and gel she applied. I have zero idea. I only know that she seemed to be expert at that. And she applied that gel to her part first and then to me. Does that increase my risk?
4. I have all the symptoms that I have listed above. Suddenly I have this uncanny sensitivity to cold. do I have AIDS directly? I don't know.

My questions are:

1. Do you think I will test negative at 6 weeks?
2. What test(s) should I go for? I am reading that some people are doing 3rd generation, 4th generation tests, etc. Which one should I do? and do these generations matter?
3. Have you (the constant members of this great forum) ever come across a case where a male contracted HIV after an incident like mine (protected sex)?
4. Will I be the first reported case of having protected sex and contracting HIV?

Jonathan's answers have soothed me a lot indeed. This time I would really appreciate if Andy or/and Ann could answer my worries? Jonathan I am sorry. I am not at all discounting your knowledge in all these matters. In fact after your replies my quality of life has improved a lot. Please forgive me. It's just sheer anxiety.

Thanks everybody and have peace of mind.

Ann · « **Reply #9 on:** August 26, 2011, 11:25:13 am »

Mora,

Last risky exposure? WHAT last risky exposure? You did not have an exposure, nevermind a risky one. Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection.

1. Absolutely, unless you've been having unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse you have not told us about.

2. It doesn't matter.

3. No.

4. No.

You are worrying needlessly over these two incidents of protected intercourse. Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

Ann

moralityno · « **Reply #10 on:** August 26, 2011, 11:51:05 am »

Hi Ann,

Thanks for your words of confidence and encouragement.
I have never engaged in unprotected sexual activities so far.
This is just the first time and protected.
It feels strange when your same mind (otherwise rational) plays these tricks to you and trumps you into believing something which is irrational. I guess that a very small probability of something disastrous happening to you is overwhelming for an average person like me, that no words can be assuring.
A lifetime experience to count.
If I garner enough dots of courage, I will go in for the test and will inform you about the result.
Thanks again to all of you for helping us during these most stressful moments.

Andy Velez · « **Reply #11 on:** August 26, 2011, 12:43:15 pm »

Fortunately doubts and fears are not the same thing as facts. And the facts as you have reported them indicate there is no reason to doubt that you will test negative for HIV.

moralityno · « **Reply #12 on:** August 26, 2011, 02:49:53 pm »

Thanks Andy.
Incidents and symptoms that I have reported are facts and I sincerely hope I test negative.
Peace for everyone!

Andy Velez · « **Reply #13 on:** August 26, 2011, 03:03:41 pm »

moralityno · « **Reply #14 on:** August 29, 2011, 12:20:44 pm »

Hi,

Today is the 43rd day and I had an appointment for all STD tests, including HIV.
But I couldn't go out of fear and stress.

There are three reasons:
1. I was reading some academic research done on serodiscordant couples (assuming that the girl I had sex with was positive; Hoever, I must admit that I projecting my fears onto her and presuming so) in 1997, 2004, and 2007 and some of these found that very few but positive number of negative partners in those serodiscordant couples became negative. Although female-to-male transmission was lower than the other one. The panic just started in my head and I had to sleep with the help of two sleeping pills.

2. The girl I had sex with in Asia can be found online. I keep on checking if she is still advertising on some webpage for clients and she has been doing that since the day we met to this day. That scares me hugely. If she has had at least two clients every day then the number of sexual partners would be a huge number and as a result the risk is magnified for me (and also for other clients). Though she charges a bit more than the other girls in that country, still it's a huge risk. So I am terrified.

3. I found out this morning that there are some very tiny red dots on my right lower arm which did not itch. Although I have itchy skin on some other parts of the body (hands, chest and thighs). I am worried again.

All these factors contributed to my worry and brought me down to the valley of fear.
Please believe me that I was doing really well after your kind words. But now I am so worried.
Please do not ban me and what do you think.
I haven't called the doctor for a re-appointment.
Thanks for your help.

RapidRod · « **Reply #15 on:** August 29, 2011, 12:25:51 pm »

■Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Andy Velez · « **Reply #16 on:** August 29, 2011, 12:31:00 pm »

This is all drama without any basis in HIV science. You did not have a risk for HIV.

And you're not going to test because you're too afraid? More drama. Testing is only for your peace of mind since you didn't have a risk. A negative result is a certainty based on what you have reported.

Your symptoms are not in anyway HIV specific. I am going to warn you that if you continue to return with more drama about this non-risk you are going to be get a Time Out from the site for 28 days. HIV is not your problem. Discuss your symptoms with your doctor if they persist.

moralityno · « **Reply #17 on:** August 29, 2011, 12:40:53 pm »

Thanks RapidRod and Andy for your warnings which I take seriously.
It's sheer anxiety which manifests in these dramas, apparently.
I will try to stay away from these unnecessary questions.

Andy Velez · « **Reply #18 on:** August 29, 2011, 01:28:56 pm »

OK.

And be smart and get your test result which is going to be negative.

moralityno · « **Reply #19 on:** September 03, 2011, 06:42:28 pm »

Please do not ban me.

With Andy, Ann, Jonathon, and RapidRod's encouraging words and strength I was doing very fine. Psychologically I left behind the worries and fears. But since yesterday I again gave in to my fears (hopefully). This lingering effect of fears loom large. One incident (which are grounded in reality as in evidence) seems to contradict one assertion which has been indicated repeatedly on this forum and gave many of us a lot of strength. That is protected sex, if done correctly and consistently cannot give you the virus. There is this person who had protected sex (done correctly seems) and who did not even ejaculate has been preliminarily tested positive for HIV. I provide the link below: http://www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS/SafeSex/Q217170.html

This is not to doubt the experts' opinions given to me. I would like their views on this. Have they seen this before?I and this person's symptoms are very similar. My heart sank since yesterday I read this. I was flying high for a few days ad now this brings me down. I know this may be misinterpreted as personal drama. But this forum gives me outlets to so many of us. Please do not ban me and let me know what you think is happening here. I live alone and if banned, I do not have anybody to share my fears and thoughts with anybody. I would go mad.

RapidRod · « **Reply #20 on:** September 03, 2011, 07:11:34 pm »

Don't care what is stated on other websites, you had no risk.

moralityno · « **Reply #21 on:** September 03, 2011, 07:25:07 pm »

Hi Rapidrod,

I do not want to upset anybody.
Actually I would be most happy if all of your prediction turns out correct in my case.
But I was just documenting one self-reported incident in which the person himself reported the event and the preliminary result.
I have complete faith in this forum's experts and do not want to pit one forum against another. I sincerely hope you understand that. Fears and doubts during the waiting period are killing me.

Please understand.

moralityno · « **Reply #22 on:** September 03, 2011, 09:55:40 pm »

After reading about this person's case (the link that I have provided) I wonder whether there could be any case at lease in the US where someone (a guy) got the virus after having protected penile-vaginal insertive sex. What I mean by this is whether an incident like this might have happened but has gone undocumented and as a result we may never know. Any answers from the experts would be appreciated.

Andy Velez · « **Reply #23 on:** September 03, 2011, 10:05:27 pm »

Advice? How about stopping your searching of the net to look for material with which to feed your worst fears and all to no good purpose.

We've told you what our evaluation is of your situation: NO RISK. Get it? Apparently not.

So testing for you is strictly for your peace of mind. And in the meantime we are not going to indulge you in speculation about what ifs. If you continue to return with more of the same about your non-risk incident, you are quickly going to find yourself getting a Time Out from this site. Consider yourself warned.

Whether you believe it or not your only problem about HIV are your thoughts, not a genuine risk.

moralityno · « **Reply #24 on:** September 03, 2011, 10:09:49 pm »

Hi Andy and all,

Sorry. I simply CANNOT afford losing access to this forum.
I do not know how to stop this mind from thinking about stuff.
Thanks for not banning me.

Andy Velez · « **Reply #25 on:** September 03, 2011, 10:23:00 pm »

Fortunately doubts and fears are not the same thing as facts. And in terms of facts you have no cause for concern.

Get on with your life and if you can't do that then perhaps you ought to consult a counselor or other professional to help you with the problem. We can't address that in this setting and there's really nothing more for us to say at this point.

Ann · « **Reply #26 on:** September 04, 2011, 07:35:29 am »

Mora,

Regarding the question you linked to at the Body - the ONLY home hiv test kit that is approved for use is the Home Access test. The other types are not approved because they have an extremely high rate of FALSE POSITIVE results. It is more likely than not what has happened in this person's case. He has NOT had a confirmed positive result and he is unlikely to get one.

You're lucky Andy got to you first. I would have timed you out.

You have not had a risk for hiv infection. If you continue to come back with more whatiffs, you WILL be given a time out. So don't bother.

Ann

moralityno · « **Reply #27 on:** September 04, 2011, 11:20:19 am »

Hi Ann,

I am glad that you answered me later

I got freaked out because he had protected sex and had this preliminary result.
I understand an would try my best not to get timed out.
I also hope that individual (whose story was posted by me) gets a negative result at the end.
Thanks.

Andy Velez · « **Reply #28 on:** September 04, 2011, 12:25:49 pm »

OK. Get on with your life. HIV is not your problem.

moralityno · « **Reply #29 on:** September 28, 2011, 03:32:01 pm »

Hi all,

I hope everyone is well.
I do not want to get banned. Just writing to inform you of my recent test results.
I went to my doctor. He said I do not need any gonorrhea test as I do not have any discharge.
I tested for syphilis, chlamydia, and a cbc, and urine analysis, Hepatitis Ab, B, and C.
Tested negative for chlamydia, Hepatitis B and C; CBC is normal, urine analysis is normal.But tested positive for Hepatitis A. Waiting for Syphilis result. The doctor said that there is nothing to worry and it is very prevalent and I may have had this or I may have picked it up from my recent encounter. The tests were done on 67 days. He also said that my test results mean I am perfectly healthy.
Does having Hepatitis A increase your chance of having HIV?
In the passing I think he said that I am HIV -, even though he did not recommend a test as he thinks I had no chance to catch it. Thanks for your comments and support all this while. I am just a bit sad for Hepatitis A.
What do you think will I test positive for syphilis? No symptoms so far as far as I can remember.

jkinatl2 · « **Reply #30 on:** September 28, 2011, 04:14:37 pm »

I cannot stress enough that you have had no risk for HIV. It concerns me that you seem to be obsessing about this singular virus as though it were a punishment for sin, rather than a pathogen.

It is a virus, and a fragile one at that.

I urge you to attempt to listen to the science, and not the hysterical (or worse, fabricated) declarations made by anonymous people on a notoriously under-moderated message board like theBody.

You came here, to AIDSMEDS.COM, to ask for first tiered peer-reviewed scientific assessment of your situation. You have been given that, yet oddly still continue to test and worry over a situation that science clearly states cannot exist.

By all means, test for STDs. It's what a responsible sexually active adult does anyway. But please do so out of that aforementioned adult responsibility, not superstitious fear.

Science and rational thought cannot overcome irrational thinking. I urge you to reconsider your emotional state and find a way to get closure on this incident. I suspect you will need to do that away from this and other HIV sites.

moralityno · « **Reply #31 on:** September 28, 2011, 04:22:12 pm »

Hi jkinatl2,

Thanks again for your answer.
In fact, the reason I opted to not test for HIV is that I took these words by heart.
Yes, initially I had the usual scare, but eventually I got out of it.
I went to the doctor for a full std screening and a cbc.
I got the results today. As I said I was not tested for gonorrhea, but for all others.
In future, I am not going to test for HIV. I haven't as of now.

Regarding the "sin" aspect that you mention, I am least worried about any connection between sin and HIV. That would be completely ludicrous. BTW, my nickname here has a different significance for my private life and has no whatsoever implications for others.

I just thought that I would update all of you and thank you all that you were right in predicting that I do not have any HIV concern. Actually after reading my previous post today, I concur with you that I completely forgot to acknowledge your help.

I am feeling quite confident in a negative syphilis test and thereby put a final end to this episode of my life.

Thanks, again.

moralityno · « **Reply #32 on:** October 21, 2011, 10:33:05 pm »

Just a bit update:

I haven't received any call from doctor's office as of today about my syphilis test and thereby inferring that I tested negative for syphilis. Especially so when they called me for my positive hepatitis A. (May be they will call me today to give me the bad news!!!). Just thought of sharing. I plan to get tested for HIV in coming weeks. Taking small steps towards the ultimate test. Freaking out just thinking about the HIV tests but trying to imbibe confidence from all your words and all other posts like Artemis's yesterday.

Peace for all of us!

moralityno · « **Reply #33 on:** October 26, 2011, 01:15:26 am »

Hello Ann, Andy, Jonathon, Rapidrod and others,

I still haven't received a call about syphilis. May be that call will never come.

I am freaking out again and this is the only place where I could express my fear/concern etc.
After going through about hundreds of cases on various forums, I found out that guys with protected sex do not catch the virus, and even if the preliminary test was positive, ultimately the WB test gives out a negative verdict. Yet, my fears won't leave me alone. Doubts about did those rubbers break or slip visit me from time to time. For quite a few weeks I was doing great and then I have this stomach problem and I am back to square one. Writing to you, sitting in a ghostly room cordoned off by doubts and fears and possibly guilt.

Everytime I have guilt lurking in my mind about my behavior, I tell myself that morality are expressions of human society's fears, concerns, and an innate tendency to structure life. Any deviant behavior from those rules need not define a human's entire life. Those guilt filled moments are magnified by accompanying doubts and fears. What do I do?

I am trying to muster up enough courage to face the test. But I reason with myself, empowered with all your words, that I do not even need a test. The most damaging consequence is that the quality of life has plummeted in last few months.

Should I go for a test or just sign off on a fine morning from all forums (though I will lose all you virtual friends here), turn my back to the deadly virus, and smile back at life? Or are those just going to be the last few dreams that I couldn't make come true?

Time to sleep...

Ann · « **Reply #34 on:** October 26, 2011, 07:58:21 am »

Mora,

Only you can decide whether or not you test. You haven't had a risk, so it's totally your call and your call alone.

I'm giving you that long-overdue time out you've been repeatedly warned about. Do not attempt to create a new account to get around your time out because if you do, you will be permanently banned.

Ann

moralityno · « **Reply #35 on:** November 24, 2011, 11:12:50 pm »

Hello all,

Thanks for the ban. It really helped.
Today after many days I visited this site and found that the ban is over. Great.

After around 3.5 months, I went for a rapid test using blood sample.
It came back NEGATIVE. What a relief. I also haven't heard back from my doctor about the syphilis result.

I have put behind everything that I was fearful of.
Just the last few question and you will never see my footsteps here.

Do I need any further testing after six months, assuming it could be a false negative?

For everybody else, please go for a test as all the people here suggest you to gain that psychological peace.
Once you get that good news, do not try to even surf the internet and suspect that good result.
I have not done that. I do not suspect my negative result. I want to be sure that I do not need any more testing.

Ann, Andy, Jonathon, Rapid and others, goodbye and stay healthy.

Ann · « **Reply #36 on:** November 25, 2011, 05:09:02 am »

Mora,

You do not need any further testing at this time. The window period is three months, not six, which you should know if you'd been paying the slightest bit of attention here.

You are conclusively hiv negative and you do NOT need further testing. You never had a risk in the first place.

If you continue to come back here to question your NO RISK, CONCLUSIVE NEGATIVE situation, you will be quickly given a second time out, one that will last for 56 days.

Please consider yourself warned!!!

Ann

Forums Index

Welcome

Welcome to Do I Have HIV?

Author Topic: Please help this stressed man!!! (Read 9370 times)