POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => I Just Tested Poz => Topic started by: Newpoz78 on October 23, 2009, 10:26:31 am
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Hey Guys I would like to share my story,
I’m 30yo Brazilian living in the States. I tested poz 6 months ago. Here's how all started. Last year, I was living in San Francisco and I had a very hard time to cope with my personal life, relationships, finances, self image and my troubled childhood. I went to a deep depression because I couldn’t find answers for all the pain I was felling and I didn’t know how to let go and forgive myself and people that done wrong to me. I started abusing alcohol, prescription drugs and eventually I start using meth. It got so bad that I went suicidal I didn’t want to wake up and I hate the fact I was alive. I couldn’t kill myself because of my believes than I didn’t care what happened to me. I quit my job and I start sleeping around in exchange for drugs. It got so bad that I started having psychosis episodes because of Meth amphetamine abuse and I finally call my parents for help. I went out of the country for treatment that's when I found out in February 2009 that I was hiv positive. I was devastated; I didn’t left the house for 2 months. I was totally lost thinking how horrible i will die and how people will hate and discriminate me afraid of me for carry this terrible virus. I came back to the states and for my suprise my family were very supportive of me. I seek help for my depression and I finally I agree to see a HIV doctor which I refused to see when I found out. It was not good, my viral loads were 750,000.00 and my CD4 was 270. I was very close to AIDS. My doctor has me on Atripla right the way. I started taking it in June 2009. Thank God for my parents and the support of the wonderful medical staff that embraced me with great support. Yesterday I went to my HIV doctor and I got the great news that after only 4 months of being on Meds I am UNDETECTABLE! I’m so thankful! I haven’t been thankful for anything in my life for so long and I had so much! The thought of having few years left made me try to make things right before I leave this world. Today I’m happier, I forgive people I refused to let it go, I eat right , I’m no longer depressed, I don’t do drugs I don’t drink anymore. For a very long time I’ve walk in the darkness and now even though I am hiv positive for the first time in many years I see a light of hope. And for that I thankful. Dont give up you guys!! May God bless us all.
B,
Charlotte,N.C
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Excellent.
Sometimes it takes the worst events in our lives to inspire the best. Suffering is temporary :)
Keep focused and good luck.
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Welcome to the Forums, and best of luck B!
I also went through a period of depression and mostly self-esteem issues that I went on for a period of barebacking, which was insane for my type of background and life experiences. This is a good place for mutual supports and it's great that your family is backing you.. unconditional love is something so rare that needs some serious cherishing.
But for someone who's caught this virus with a lot of baggage and issues, don't be afraid of if those old dark moments are to come back for a visit (from my experiences, they did and still do..). Remember this very moment of joy, keep this in your heart and mind.. or even copy this little paragraph you just wrote and share with us in a computer, or print it out on small font and put the paper in your wallet. So if you ever encounter any difficulties, setbacks, etc, pull this out and remind yourself that you're strong enough.. and happiness is within your reach if you set your mind on it.
Best wishes to you, Shaun
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Thank you Shaun. Print it and keep it with me its a good idea. I need to hold on to this good felling I have today! Thank you too Matt. Im glad I finally got to write something about me here. Have a great day guys!
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Welcome to the forum.
Whenever you want support you can visit us here.
Um grande beijo em você :-*