Disclosure

[peachy]

I ve been poz for 25 years... I just reconnected with an old childhood friend who has made it very clear that he wants to see where this friendship can go... I have to tell him that I am positive but am scared to death he will run.  Any advise on how I can break it to him

[lupetto]

Hey peachy and welcome to the forums!

You've been poz for long time already, do you have any experience of disclosure? What worked well for you or what perhaps was not the best thing to do?

I'm definitely no expert on this at all and am sure others will soon give you good advise. But I think it's important that you are OK & confident with what you are telling. I once told someone and did it in a way where I was very ashamed of it and apologetic, I now regret it and in the future will have a different approach for sure. Do you know at all how educated he is of HIV? I suppose it would be good to have some information at hand to give out to him, tell him how you are (I assume) healthy and UD now and what your infection means to him would you two start a relationship (that the risk of transmission is minimal and so on). Let him know it's OK to ask questions and talk about it. And remind him it doesn't change you as a person at all, you're still the same lovely woman he wants to be with.

Disclosure is tough and it's so nerve-wracking to think how will the other person react. But if he is someone you care about and want to see what might be between the two of you, you just have to take the risk. But if you don't feel the same way he does, you might want to reconsider if there's any reason he should know. I hope it goes well for you!

[Richie_R2]

My advice is to take him out to dinner, and tell him that you'd like to go get tested at the clinic together. Tell the clinic in advance not to greet you or otherwise let you be openly recognized on arrival. Wait till your results come back, and tell him then. While you're there, the doc/nurse can tell him the truth about chances of exposure, etc etc. Be sure to tell him that you already knew but wanted him to understand the world you were in and gauge his attitude toward it all. I hope you find him supportive and loving.

Free advice. Worth every penny! 

[tednlou2]

My advice is to take him out to dinner, and tell him that you'd like to go get tested at the clinic together. Tell the clinic in advance not to greet you or otherwise let you be openly recognized on arrival. Wait till your results come back, and tell him then. While you're there, the doc/nurse can tell him the truth about chances of exposure, etc etc. Be sure to tell him that you already knew but wanted him to understand the world you were in and gauge his attitude toward it all. I hope you find him supportive and loving.

Free advice. Worth every penny! 

I don't know.  That is being dishonest, besides a lot of coordination.  The OP would have to pretend he is also nervous about the possible results.  And, if this guy's results come back positive, he's a mess and feels like it was all some game.  Not a great way to start a relationship, IMHO.

Modified:

I just realized I mistakenly posted in the women's.  So sorry.  Moderators please remove, if you feel that's necessary.

[initforlife]

Good advice but y'all are now women?  You are  in our thread lol  a no no!

[Richie_R2]

Oops! I didn't know it was exclusive. Sorry!!! Please remove. And please set me so I can't see a banned board, if that's possible. If the ladies want privacy they should have it.

[pozitiveandblessed978]

It’s true that the issue of having a sexual relationship with a partner can cause anxiety when you are living with HIV. But you have to remember—“living with HIV” means just that: Living! Having HIV does not prevent you from dating or marrying—it just may require a little more responsibility and trust from you and your partner. Fear of Rejection? We all have the fear of being rejected. I also have that fear and having this fear has put me inside not Days or Weeks but Years. It's hard because a lot of people still have not been educated and are scared they will catch the virus by casual contact.
What has helped me is coming out open, I don't hide no more. I have got more involved with Others Living with HIV. It is so hard one alone can be so lonely but Us together can make a big difference.
Before we can truly love someone we have to learn to love our self and accept our diagnoses.
There is LOVE after HIV. Don't let HIV define who you are. When trying to find love get to know the person as a friend first. A lot of people tell people right away but myself I wait I let them get to know me first. I myself wait because I am not looking for SEX. That comes with a real true relationship for me. Once they get to know me Then I discuss HIV and get their opinions on the Virus and ask would you Date someone or have a relationship with someone living with HIV.
It depends their reactions. If they cant even talk about the subject,or have issues being around someone with only casual contact then I just put the friendship off. I only disclose my status if it comes down to sex. Then the discussion is made between the both of us, going slow getting to know one another and Using protection is what I stress. I have been so much relieve of the stress coming out about my status.
when getting to know someone take your time,Don't rush. Enjoy your new friendship everyone deserves someone and everyone deserves a chance with TRUE Love.God Bless and I wish you the Best!

[Jazabella]

Hello Peachy
I must say I am very surprised of your long time survivor not knowing what to say. I guess everyone is diffetent with different circumstances.  The point is your asking for help. From my experience I have became friends with a guy.  One day he approach me and ask if we could take the relationship to another level. I said I dont think it will work. He ask why. At that point I said I wanna share something with you, and once I do, I will let you make the decision if you want to remain friends or take it to the next level.  I said I am HIV positive.  He look at me and said, your not just beautiful on the outside but on the inside as well, and that my statics did not move him.  Boy was I shock.
But I must say, not all people would react the same. But I do want you to know that you have hope,.Because we are afraid and stuck we are unable to move forward.  I wish you the best on your journey.

[chwhyoche]

I tell when I see that a man might want to go to the next level.   Its a good determinator to see if they would stick it out with me in the long run, say if I got cancer or something.   I also wouldn't blame a man for just wanting to be friends.

I don't date much.   I never did. Relationships seem to end painfully since my husband died.   I think I have other emotional stuff going on besides HIV.   Plus the dating pool of men typically have caught this bugger by either IV injection, high risk sexual behavior or sexual addiction.  so although they might be good souls , they generally have addictions and emotional issues I no longer want to deal with.  One of the men already overdosed on me after a relapse of several years. I'm still in grief and I'm tired of goodbyes, so I prefer being alone now.

One feel good story I read this week was of Andrew Pulsipher.  But he's the man who is poz.