Old and positive

[thomas1947]

i am 65 years old and just found out that I am positive. Last tested about 3 years ago. Had a virus or flu with a temperature for about 10 days, doctor gave me antibiotic and it disappeared, but then he called me with the news- Western Blot test used.
I of course am angry with myself, anticipatory about my appointment at HIV center, and afraid. Have no idea what viral load etc is but am wondering if this little virus I had was HIV related.
I have already informed one partner of the news.
I watched all my friends die in 1984 and here is happening again. I am freaked.

[mecch]

I am sorry you had to get this diagnosis.
But, on the other hand, you did stay negative 30 years through the epidemic, so don't be so hard on yourself, and don't stay angry for too long.  (Though its a pretty standard reaction!)

So you just had this virus/flu, recently?  Well, that might have been seroconversion.  Was there a risk a bit before that?

"I watched all my friends die in 1984 and here is happening again. I am freaked."

Its a particular experience to be negative so long, and remember the 80's and all the sadness and loss.  I felt the same, when I seroconverted a couple of years ago. Though I knew all the information about living with HIV, now, in the 2000's, my gut and bones and synapsis "felt" the same freakout and panic, like it was still 1985. 

But its not.  It is not "happening again" to you. You are not going to dye of HIV and if you are finding out you have it, so soon after infection, you are going to be just fine..  You have a good chance to never even be sick for anything related to HIV. Its not the same ball game.  Try to keep that in mind - think about today. Remember all the facts about living with HIV now, in 2013.  Don't let yourself have rolling thoughts about things that are no longer pertinent.

[mitch777]

i am 65 years old and just found out that I am positive. Last tested about 3 years ago. Had a virus or flu with a temperature for about 10 days, doctor gave me antibiotic and it disappeared, but then he called me with the news- Western Blot test used.
I of course am angry with myself, anticipatory about my appointment at HIV center, and afraid. Have no idea what viral load etc is but am wondering if this little virus I had was HIV related.
I have already informed one partner of the news.
I watched all my friends die in 1984 and here is happening again. I am freaked.

Hi Thomas!

welcome to the forums!
sorry to hear of your new diagnosis.

try not to freak out.
treatment today is a far cry from what was available in the 80's!
there are great lessons on this site to help you understand the virus at the top of the forums page.
it is easy to feel a bit overwhelmed early on but time and knowledge will help.

there are many wise people on this site to answer any questions along the way.

glad you found us!

m.

[Jeff G]

Hi Thomas and welcome to the forum . Not much I can add to what the others have offered you but I can promise that the shock will pass and it does get better in time .

[WillyWump]

Hi Thomas! Welcome.

It's natural to be a bit afraid, I know I was. But really it all gets better after the shock of diagnosis wears off. I'm living an absolutely normal life thanks to the amazing meds available now. You will to 

-Will

[Joe K]

Hey Thomas,

I'm sorry that you became poz, but glad you found your way to us.  Rather than regale you with comments on how you will be fine, etc., let me share my reality with you.  I've been poz for almost 30 years, I have reasonable health and I treat my HIV infection with three pills each day.  I have virtually no side effects from the meds and I've been on the same regime for over 9 years with no problem.

I was infected in 1985 or earlier, and I've lost more folks to this disease then I care to count.  That was then, this is now.  The choices today for treatment are incredible and as long as you commit to monitoring your health, there is a great chance that you won't die from HIV any time soon.

Just realize that you will face some challenges and we'll be here waiting for you.

Welcome to the forums.

Joe

[tednlou2]

Thomas,

Just wanted to welcome you to the forums.  I look forward to hearing more from you.

Ted.

[thomas1947]

Thanks for all the support. I cannot beat myself up, just have to take it one day at a time. Not even scheduled for my first appointment to get initial blood work other than the positive status from my Primary Care.
I know that this diagnosis has already given me lots to think about in terms of positive changes in my life.

[thomas1947]

Just feeling a bit nervous today. I see in statistics that HIV men over 65 and over are only 2 % of the HIV population. I must say, I was spared hiv in the 80's when I lost 25 friends or more to the disease. Don't know if being older is riskier, but I am real healthy
I am grateful that today, the improvments in management are fantastic, and also grateful that there continues to be a network of support. I go for my initial blood work ( already had pos Western Blot) to see about viral load etc. It must be a relatively new disease as I was tested a few years ago, negative.
Think I know how I got it. I notified the guy by email, and told him if he wanted to talk about this, to call. Never heard back.......

[Jeff G]

Just feeling a bit nervous today. I see in statistics that HIV men over 65 and over are only 2 % of the HIV population. I must say, I was spared hiv in the 80's when I lost 25 friends or more to the disease. Don't know if being older is riskier, but I am real healthy
I am grateful that today, the improvments in management are fantastic, and also grateful that there continues to be a network of support. I go for my initial blood work ( already had pos Western Blot) to see about viral load etc. It must be a relatively new disease as I was tested a few years ago, negative.
Think I know how I got it. I notified the guy by email, and told him if he wanted to talk about this, to call. Never heard back.......

If you stop and think about it the world of geriatric care for HIV is a relatively new area so there will be skimpy data on the subject . Its a 30 year epidemic where most of the first wave of people affected passed on ... then comes 1995 - 96 and HART ... so you see where I'm going with this . It takes time to make an antique and I'm in the same demographic as you because I will soon be 51 .

You will have those nervous days but it gets better , I promise you it does get better .   

[thomas1947]

Just got my cd4 at 278 and my viral load is 150k,Doc states that is not surprising for newly diagnosed, and he thinks because there is no resistance that this will be fairly easy to treat. Probably going to start with Stribild, as he thinks that this would be best, since I do have a bit of a mood disorder.
Thanks for your help and support,.

[Theyer]

Welcome Thomas , agree with all that's been said apart from Mr Wump leading a normal life , he ignores dying squirrels for one thing.

m

[Fisher]

Hey Thomas:

65? How old do you really, really feel?  Bet  you feel now as old as you've always ever felt!

Sometimes I think that I am so old that Paul Bunyan calls me Auntie!

I may not be quite as old as you, but after a certain point "oldness" is replaced . . Oldness in age is replaced by oldness in heart,  pain, sorrow, wisdom, and joy. . . and an understanding that we are all here, right now, growing old together.

We are all in the same boat, positive and negative, the currents increasing, but all of us sooner or later going over the waterfall.

The good part is . . . us HIV dudes have seen the waterfall earlier than many others. So we prepare better and decorate our party boats much better . . . with lots of lighting and personal flare!

My boat has a beer cooler, too!

Welcome!.

No real and true need for anxiety and fear. Ya right!

As we are alive and now, truly alive . . .my opinion is,  the best is yet to come!

[mitch777]

Hey Thomas:

65? How old do you really, really feel?  Bet  you feel now as old as you've always ever felt!

Sometimes I think that I am so old that Paul Bunyan calls me Auntie!

I may not be quite as old as you, but after a certain point "oldness" is replaced . . Oldness in age is replaced by oldness in heart,  pain, sorrow, wisdom, and joy. . . and an understanding that we are all here, right now, growing old together.

We are all in the same boat, positive and negative, the currents increasing, but all of us sooner or later going over the waterfall.

The good part is . . . us HIV dudes have seen the waterfall earlier than many others. So we prepare better and decorate our party boats much better . . . with lots of lighting and personal flare!

My boat has a beer cooler, too!

Welcome!.

No real and true need for anxiety and fear. Ya right!

As we are alive and now, truly alive . . .my opinion is,  the best is yet to come!

this ^ = 
thanks Fisher!