Just really tired of being tired

[superkim24]

Ladies this is going to be a bit of a rant but it's 1:45pm and I just got up and still feel like shit so just need to exhale a little.
For those who don't know I live on this little island called Trinidad in the Caribbean and that is wonderful if you want to hang out any day of the week but if you are hiv+ you have a lot to worry about and a lot of waiting to do. I found out I was + in December of 2006 and after that I kinda stalled to go to the doc because Trinidad being a very small country you have to think about discrimnation and who at the clinic is your family or knows your family very well.After some research I was able to find out that the best doc to see worked out of Tobago our twin island that is a 3 hour ferry ride away so I called made an appt then bought ticket for the boat and went arcoos the sea to see this doc Dr Raymond Noel.
Nice guy he asked all the right questions gave me the motivational talk about "it is not a death sentence you can live a full life blah blah blah " then when I ask about blood test it so happens that they are only done on a Mon and Wed because they have to be sent to a lab that is in Trinidad and guess what it was a THURSDAY. Why didn't the idoit who made my appt tell me that who knows. Anyway the nice doc then give me the name of a doc in Trinidad who will do the viral load and cd4 test so he calls for me and makes an appt.
So back in Trinidad on the day of this appt I call the doc to get full directions to his office which is a 2 hour drive from my house while I have him on the phone he asks if I understand that I would have to pay for the test how much? $3000.00 money that I don't have so why bother going to see him if I can go back to Tobago and get it done free. So I arrange my life to make another trip on the boat this time my mother who knows my status will go with me.
On this trip the seas were rough so the ferry takes 4 1/2 hours to get to Tobago and when I arrive at the Clinic Dr Noel is not there but another nice doc is who will see me if I wait an hour. Great so I wait and this doc asks the nurse for my file only to find out that after I sat with doc Noel for over an hour all he wrote in my chart was "had consoltation" so I had to go over my story all over again and get the motivational speech all over again balh blah blah. This time they do take my blood and tell me I will get results in 3 weeks. so back to the boat my mom and I take another rough journey to get home. whew.

For the results trip my Boyfriend says he will go with me and we will stay a night soo he can get some business done and he will put his car on the boat so we will not have to travel Great. So the day of the trip we are at the port at 5am only to find out the the police who work on the port are on strike so we wait and although our boat was to leave at 6:30am we head out to sea at mins to 10am
When I get to the clinic I am late and the doc has already left but a nurse can read my results for me and if I can come back tomorrow to talk to the doc I should.
Results CD4 402 VL 131,000

Next morning called the doc on his cell phone and he is in a meeting and does not know when it will finish but I have to be at the port at 11:30am to head back home but I tell him the results and he gets all concerned and says I should start meds asap and that I should come to see him after his meeting. 
When I do get the call that his meeting is over I am on the boat and it is after 1pm and with the strike still going on it was best that I was on the boat cause who knows if their would be another one. THE FUN CONTINUES

Now to the subject of my Rant. I think it is the combination of all the running around getting me depressed and the fact that my cd4 is dropping I am always tired and will sleep all day thank goodness I am doing some part time work for a friend from home.
I sleep until after 12noon no matter how early I go to bed and I stay up till very late at night not being able to sleep I think what had me crying before I started this post is the fact that now I am disappointing people and not keeping promises so that is just depressing.
With regards to my next visit to the doc it will be when I get paid so closer to the end of this month.
I just needed to RANT feel better already for writing (typing) it all down.
   

[BT65]

Superkim, my lord.  It made me tired just reading it.  I can't imagine what you go through. 

I do suppose, though, that the doctor is right about your needing to start meds.  And hopefully when you go back near the end of the month, you will be able to do this.  Will you be able to obtain them easily?  I sure hope so. 

I'm sure a lof of what is making you tired is the stress of trying to handle all this with some sort of sanity.  Stress always makes me extremely exhausted.  Can you see a therapist where you're at?  If you can, I would recommend one.  I see one myself, and it's helped a lot.  Do you exercise?  Do any deep breathing exercises while relaxing certain parts of the body?  I'm not a physical fitness guru, nor do I pretend to be.  But sometimes that helps, even a little (every little bit helps, right). 

Please check in with us and let us know how you're doing.  We do care. 
   Luv,
Betty