romance: bullshiter's bibles

[next2u]

so....i was told to read two books.

He's Just Not That Into You
and
It's called a Break up because It's Broken.

Any feedback? I found some excerpts on the first book. they were compelling. ill be at my local library tomorrow to check it out. just wanted to know if you've read them and what u thought about either.

[Miss Philicia]

I don't "do" self help books.  They're for the weak.

[leatherman]

I don't "do" self help books.  They're for the weak.

Flipping through them quickly, I've always found them helpful on occasions, just to prove that I'm not crazy, and that I'm already doing all I can to help my own damn self. Give them a quick look-see, next. you just might be surprised at how much you already know to get your life moving forward The trick is just getting off you butt, and implementing the changes in your life that you know you ought to be making.

[Oceanbeach]

Long forgotten by all who knew of him, no Romance Bible would be complete without the likeness of The International, "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Queen"  Fabio, who excaped suppression in his developing nation (either Brazil or Long Beach, CA) and fled to the runways of Milan.  

With his career on fast track, he then became a model for International Male, did a couple of walk-ons in Woody Allen movies (if you can call, standing in an elevator at The Beverly Center, a walk-on role)  and finally became famous for his portrayal in the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" Commercials.  Those who rise on the fast track, if they make it at all are often quickly forgotten.    Have the best day
Michael

[mecch]

   


It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken
by Greg Behrendt and Amira Ruotola-Behrendt



There's no doubt about it-breakups suck. But in the first few hours or days or weeks that follow, there's one important truth you need to recognize: Some things can't and shouldn't be fixed, especially that loser who dumped you or forced you to dump him. It's over for a reason, and deep down inside you probably know what that reason is.

At the end of the day, it's about weather YOU like yourself enough to face the reality that your romance wasn't working.. to recognize that it wasn't giving you what you needed and deserved

Life's biggest rewards come from the biggest challenges.

Anyone who assesses you or your realtionship as "disposable" is not worthy of your time or tears.

Just remember, though, that any reasons you come up with are ultimately irrelavant. The harsh reality is that even if you have EVERYTHING else in common, the one thing you don't have in common is the belief that this realtionship can work. & that alone trumps your shared love of puppies, The Dave Matthews Band, and Mexican food.
It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken
by Greg Behrendt and Amira Ruotola-Behrendt

A lot of the pain you are experiencing right now is auctually fear. Fear of things being different then how you liked them, fear of never finding love again, fear of being alone, fear of having to fill your time differently. We're afraid of the unknown.

The person you loved took a good long look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship together, and said, "No, thanks. I'll try my luck elsewhere." Or you said it to him. Either way, that alone should make you realize that it wasn't a match made in heaven

"I don't know" means "NO!"
"I don't know" means "I'm too cowardly to tell you the truth because I can't deal with confrontation."
"I don't know" means please do the dirty work for me becasue I don't want to hurt your feelings even more then I already have.

Seems like helpful insight - self help - why not. If it helps.

I think the two books are for girls and women, however.  Maybe that makes no difference.

Sorry you are dealing with a breakup, I assume.  Some are OK, some rot. If you are looking for advice, support, and self-help books, I guess this one isn't going so well!  ANYTHING you can do to feel better is pretty good idea. (As long as its not dangerous!) 

[skeebo1969]

   Not so sure a book will help you, of course that is coming from someone who does not do self-help books while probably needing to.   I would just distance myself from the person and cease all contact.  I know you may desire to keep things on a plutonic level, but that doesn't work at the beginning of a breakup.  I think if you do this as time goes on you will be able to see things more clearly.

   I've had two failed marriages.  The writing was on the wall early on with the first one, she cheated on me.  Still even with that I managed to put her on a pedestal and she dragged my heart through the mud.  It took me a good 9 months of bullshit to realize I didn't need this anymore.  My second marriage, 11 years, involved two people who were very comfortable together but lacked the love.  It's amazing how long being comfortable and afraid of change will drag a relationship on and it's almost as bad as being with someone who is doing you wrong.  Why?  Because it's a waste of time.

   I learned a lot about myself in those relationships, along with the maturity that comes with getting older of course and I realize how much I played a part in the downfall in both marriages.   You have a lot of life ahead of you and dude you are a good looking guy who has a good head on his shoulders... you don't need this shit.  Stuff like this makes you stagnant and your too young for that.  Perhaps a good self inventory of yourself is in order so you can find out how a great guy like yourself got with a person who can't give you the same love you are willing to give.

   It's one of those life lesson things and there is only one way to learn and that's by living it.  Kind of sucks I know, but my guess is you'll get through it.

[Miss Philicia]

You'd be much better off by reading No Exit by Sartre than any of this self-help Oprah bullshit.

[Oceanbeach]

Having never been the domestic goddess type and keeping a man around for a very long time,  There was some fun in breaking up.  During the time I was Promotions Manager at some Hawaii radio stations, I wrote and produced several non-profit spots and some for-profit spots featuring, "Mr. David of Beverly Hills".   Mr. David was in a 60 second spot for the Hawaii Department of Health which focused on safer sex and condoms.  The intro was "Million Dollar Baby" as the "MC" announces, "Coming down the runway, we Have Mr. David, Fashion Trendsetter of Beverly Hills... He is sporting the latest in men's sleepwear, it is sleek, form fitting and it can save your life".  Since it was a non-profit, I gave the Dept of Health 1/2 price and a free upgrade to AAA Time.  Within a short time, Mr. David was being aired on every station in the State of Hawaii.  The moral of the story... Don't mess with the BF who has 60,000 watts of FM power at his fingertips.     Have the best day
Michael

[Rev. Moon]

so....i was told to read two books.

He's Just Not That Into You
and
It's called a Break up because It's Broken.

Any feedback? I found some excerpts on the first book. they were compelling. ill be at my local library tomorrow to check it out. just wanted to know if you've read them and what u thought about either.

D, I don't dismiss self-help books altogether (well, I kinda like the ones from Eckhart Tolle, all else is new-age and/or romanticised caca).   He's Just Not That Into You is actually a pretty BSy type of book.  The movie that was made out of it was just as rubbishy.  It tells you many things that you already know: some men suck, some men are unpredictable, you are beautiful and deserve better, you will find the right one when you least expect it, yada, yada, yada.  You'll get more out of watching the Sex and the City episode that inspired them.

If you want to read something that empowers you [from a spiritual standpoint] go for something with true literary value like 'Song of Myself' by Whitman.   Short, easy read, timeless.

[Hellraiser]

I think that "He's just not that into you" gives people who are a little clueless some pretty definite answers.

If you're calling him, and he's not calling you.  Hang it up.
If you're always making the first move.  Let it go.
If your first impression is that someone is not interested.  You're probably right.

Some people always question that behavior and the reason is because men have a hard time just saying:  "I'm not interested in having a relationship with you".  Thus begins the game of interpretation.

[Rev. Moon]

You'd be much better off by reading No Exit by Sartre than any of this self-help Oprah bullshit.

You might've as well referred him to The 120 Days of Sodom by the Marquis de Sade  

[next2u]

i really dont know where to go with this one guys. i guess ill start by saying thanks and maybe ill pick up better material to read...like honcho.

[Rev. Moon]

i guess ill start by saying thanks and maybe ill pick up better material to read...like honcho.

That one works.  Guaranteed to put you in better spirits

[Miss Philicia]

Another thing I don't get is that I thought you've previously stated that you regularly see a therapist, and if I am correct what do you expect to get out of these tired money-seeking screeds that you are not getting out of your therapist?

I've said it before but I'll say it again.  You can not have a successful, emotionally fulfilling relationship with another person unless you're comfortable being single.  This is why I suggested forcing yourself to be single for a year.  Seems like you're continually running into someone else's arms because you're mortified about sitting home alone watching Twilight repeatedly.  If you're not well adjusted with being single, you'll always end up "settling for" and really that's not an appealing trait for anyone, and only attracts the bottom feeding manipulative types in the end, as you've now seen repeatedly.

[elf]

I don't "do" self help books.  They're for the weak.

I don't like them because they are boring.  

[Angel-Ronnie]

Thirty rules for a good life…

1.   No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.
2.   Most people will be about as happy as they decide to be.
3.   Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.
4.   Whatever you are willing to put up with is exactly what you will have.
5.   Success stops when you do.
6.   When your ship comes in, make sure you are willing to unload it.
7.   You will never “have it all together.”
8.   Life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the trip.
9.   The biggest lie on the planet: “when I get what I want I will be happy.”
10.   The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.
11.   I’ve learned that ultimately “takers” lose and “givers” win.
12.   Life’s precious moments don’t have value, unless they are shared.
13.   If you don’t start, it is certain you won’t arrive.
14.   We often fear the thing we want most.
15.   Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you have to say. Best friends listen to what you don’t say!
16.   Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.
17.   Look for opportunities, not guarantees.
18.   Life is what’s coming, not what was.
19.   Success is getting up one more time.
20.   Now is the most interesting time of all.
21.   When things go wrong, don’t go with them.
22.   Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
23.   God can mend all broken hearts. You just have to give Him all the pieces.
24.   A person who asks a question might be a fool for five minutes, but a person who doesn’t ask, is a fool forever.
25.   A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, and lucky to have.
26.   A friend is someone who reaches for your hand but touches your heart.
27.   A coincidence is when God performs a miracle, and decides to remain anonymous.
28.   I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
29.   Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace and your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.
30.   Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than to look back.


"D" it is for you to decide what to read as it is my right to read or practice some of the guidelines in most books. Each one of us has a different take on reading, on self-help, on spiritualism, but it must not stop others from doing what they feel is right. It is not because someone is weak at all, it is what works for some and what doesn't work for others. Guidance can come from anywhere, anywhere you feel you have a connection with, if you feel that these are books you would like to read then go for it.

i've red many such books and it doesn't make me weak at all, i recognised that i needed something to make me understand certain aspect of my life and I am glad that i took my own advice to myself. So it is for you to decide no-one can do it for you.

[komnaes]

You'd be much better off by reading No Exit by Sartre than any of this self-help Oprah bullshit.

Huis Clos! You'll be perfect as the valet Philicia..

[quarterhorsetn]

I think FallenAngel has it right!! Best of luck to you!!