kntrymama's Thread

[kntrymama]

My boyfriend is pos and when we first talked about it he joked that he shoulda bought a lottery ticket the week he found out because he fits into virtually none of the "typicals"  He's young, white, straight, non iv drug user, no transfusion..nothing. but it happened and to this day hasn't been able to figure out who he got it from, since he gets tested on a regular basis for his work, it wouldn't have been that hard to pinpoint the time frame he got it, but no one else came back pos.

Really, from him and I talking, there's no point in harping on the "how did this happen" or how totally unlikely the odds were...it happened and now it's time for everyone to cope and go back to living life.  Ya can't change it and it's 2013, it's not the death sentence it used to be.

[ohwell]

"He's young, white, straight, non iv drug user, no transfusion..nothing. but it happened and to this day hasn't been able to figure out who he got it from" that's what he says.

[mecch]

he fits into virtually none of the "typicals"  He's young, white, straight, non iv drug user, no transfusion..nothing.

young people is typical
white people is typical
non iv drug user is typical -- most get it from SEX. a few from drug use.  (i haven't heard of a transmission form transfusion in years.)
I guess gay people get more HIV than straight.  but plenty of straights do, too.

So what was your point, repeating the same ignorant epidemiology of the OP, momof2. 

Oh right. Yeah I agree, deal with the now.  But please everyone HIV-, let some facts in about who is at risk.  You all are!!!!

[kntrymama]

young people is typical
white people is typical
non iv drug user is typical -- most get it from SEX. a few from drug use.  (i haven't heard of a transmission form transfusion in years.)
I guess gay people get more HIV than straight.  but plenty of straights do, too.

So what was your point, repeating the same ignorant epidemiology of the OP, momof2. 

Oh right. Yeah I agree, deal with the now.  But please everyone HIV-, let some facts in about who is at risk.  You all are!!!!

lemme reword this then since ya wanna pick it about so damn much - he doesn't fit in with most people typically think of. i'm not stupid and i'm not uneducated, I work in health care, I have for several years, I know that HIV isn't even remotely selective with a group. Sorry I didn't word things to your perfection, forget people are so picky with wording.

Calling me ignorant is far from the case though, I've spent more hours learning about HIV than I ever thought I would.  I understand everyone is at risk, there's no race, gender, orientation...no boundary whatsoever that it doesn't cross.  I just know from my research and the talks I've had with my boyfriend that he falls into categories that are less likely to have contracted it than others.

Explained better?  Or do you still wanna feel the need to over think what I'm saying to pick it about more.  Feel free to...be my guest, I know I'm going to continue to learn more because there's always something new, something I didn't see or hear before that's out there.  But I also know I've done more researching than a ton of people in this world have.  These stigmas of only certain people get affected doesn't just pertain to HIV, I have herpes..not the same, but there are plenty of stigmas attached to that too, so I know better than to listen to any of em and to educate myself instead.

[kntrymama]

"He's young, white, straight, non iv drug user, no transfusion..nothing. but it happened and to this day hasn't been able to figure out who he got it from" that's what he says.

Right, glad you're part of our relationship and know these things.  I'm sure he'd love the answer since you seem to have it...but seeing as with the military's help he still never found out who it was, I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and guess your ignorance of thinking everyone is the same got in the way for a moment.

[Jeff G]

Hey Mama . We do a bit of give and take on these forums so don't take it so personally when people ask you to clarify a remark or disagree with you . The tone of your reply suggest we are getting off on the wrong foot here , with a little patience we can get past that . Thanks .

[mecch]

OK Peace.  I am glad that you the way you first worded it, doesn't represent your knowledge base about who gets HIV.   And besides that, I agreed with your advice to the OP.

[ohwell]

Look, I'm not trying to get specific with your relationship with your boyfriend, my point is that your boyfriend's memory could be flawed, maybe he doesnt remember things maybe he chose not to. But from what I've learned HIV is transmitted in certain ways.

Call me a morbid reader, but i have the habit of reading the "Am I Infected" forum and people use posts like this one to justify their fears, they think they can get HIV from doing anything and it doesn't happen that way.

[ohwell]

Now, a little more personal, if you believe that he didnt have any risk behavior ( correct me if i'm wrong) and he's hiv+, what do you do in order to remain hiv-? if it happened to him in some other way.

i mean, given the information about it, i take precautions in order to have a normal life and sex life with my partner, knowing that gives me pice of mine of what i can and cannot do.

so, how do you both sleep at night if you are so sure that it didnt happen in any of the known ways?


sorry if it gets to personal, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, and sorry momof2 we haven't really talked about your question.

[kntrymama]

Now, a little more personal, if you believe that he didnt have any risk behavior ( correct me if i'm wrong) and he's hiv+, what do you do in order to remain hiv-? if it happened to him in some other way.

i mean, given the information about it, i take precautions in order to have a normal life and sex life with my partner, knowing that gives me pice of mine of what i can and cannot do.

so, how do you both sleep at night if you are so sure that it didnt happen in any of the known ways?


sorry if it gets to personal, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, and sorry momof2 we haven't really talked about your question.

To answer both of the posts you made... I've known this man my entire life, I trust him and I know.him.well enough that if he could.figure out the how and when, he would. He's been tested on a regular base for several years because of his job.

Yes, he did partake in risky behaviors having unprotected sex with multiple women over the years, but they went back far enough that had he gotten it from one of them, someone would have tested positive.

As far as him and I, we're long distance, so we have not had sex yet..however, he's been educated in what precautions to take, I have talked openly with him, I've turned to the aids project here in my state a few times with questions and spoke with their educators, sat through a meeting they had for healthcare providers, I've also spoken with my OBGYN about it AND my primary because of my own health issues and having questions, plus I have a couple of women who's husbands are positive who I have turned to with questions as well.

The distance will be changing shortly, so I have no doubt in the next couple months sex will come into play. In all honesty though, I'm not worried at all. Sure it freaked me.out at first, but he's to the point of beinf undetectable and takes care of himself, which greatly reduces the risks. Condoms for sex, avoid if I'm having an outbreak since the open.sores increase the risk.again. Oral I know is fine as long as I don't have any sores or nothing. same ole same ole...do what we can and don't stress the rest. for me, it.came.down to realizing that my fear of losing him was far far greater than the slim chance of contracting hiv from him as long as.we take.care of.ourselves and take the precautions we can.

[kntrymama]

Hey Mama . We do a bit of give and take on these forums so don't take it so personally when people ask you to clarify a remark or disagree with you . The tone of your reply suggest we are getting off on the wrong foot here , with a little patience we can get past that . Thanks .

I have no problem with give and take of advice, I'm a member on a forum for herpes so I know how it works on any good forum. but when tone turns disrespectful, I do open my mouth and am extremely blunt. may not be the best way to handle it all the time, but it's how I am. I have no issue with someone disagreeing with me, but there is also a way to.respectfully ask for.clarification or educate someone.

[kntrymama]

OK Peace.  I am glad that you the way you first worded it, doesn't represent your knowledge base about who gets HIV.   And besides that, I agreed with your advice to the OP.

I guess coming from the same viewpoint as the OP I wasn't considering how anyone else would take it...it was simply me extendingthat I understand the confusion and slap to reality  that comes with it. When you mention HIV to people who aren't educated, there is a "stereotype" that a lot of people jump to. Just as it helps those of you who are pos to hear from someone else who is, that maybe doesn't fit that stereotype, to.be reminded it doesn't have  boundary, its.the same.for us. The women I have found who are in my situation of their boyfriend/husband being.pos ans we're negative...they have been the most amazing as far as help and support goes.  The one thing I've noticed over the last several months is that sometimes people.forget that while we may not be pos, we go through a similar "how is that possible" phase when we first find out. I can pretty much guarantee that OP understood what I was saying because I've been there and have found other women who also have.we  process what is said slightly different than men typically. We just need to not jump to.conclusions and start pointing fingers.