just after a little help and advice

[chopperr1978]

im sure that questions like this are recieved every day, but i really need to talk to someone, and am in need of some good advice. 

 basically i am an Elite middle distance 1500m runner who rarely goes out and parties/ drinks heavily, as my time is usually taken up by training. however i had been injured with a calf problem, and had some time on my hands. a few mates of mine i had not see for some time came to visit, from London, to cut it short we ended up going out to a club in Cambridge England i got drunk and ended up going back to a girls house.
i was obviously not in the best shape to have intercourse, but i gave it a go, which i do remember using a condom, but due to my state of alcohol consumption i gave up, and we agreed to have a go in the morning.
the morning came and we again attempted to engage in intercourse, i again used protection but my sensations were still numb to the effects of alcohol, the girl then said that she was on the pill and if i wanted she had no problem with me not wearing protection, i frowned upon this but decided to go ahead. i entered her, and was inside for a few minutes, but my thoughts were elsewhere and was uneasy about having sex without protection, i did not ejaculate and pulled out. i have since seen the girl, again and had intercourse with her, she again said that i did not have to use protection as she was on the pill but once again i wanted to be safe and i again used protection this time.

my dilemma or worry is that just under 2 weeks i developed a sore almost clear lump on my penis just inside the foreskin, after washing. although it disappeared after an hour, ( possibly caused by to vigorous washing?) how ever i was a bit worried. also around now that is  3 weeks since the encounter  ( i entered her unprotected) i have developed very swollen glands in my neck, under my chin and general feelings of unwellness( not feeling like myself) i have no sore throat or cold no muscle aches, no other strange symptoms or any fever like symptoms, but just feel my body is doing something. i am normally super fit being an elitle runner, but just dont feel to well within myself.

the girl seems to be OK, holds down a respectable job, but i do not know much about her  history, only that she has just broken up with her boy friend. but i was suspicious when she was prepaired to sleep with me, unprotected, after just meeting me.
this is why i am worried deeply about hiv,
can anybody give me some help or am i being paranoid and a little stupid, plese help
cheers for reading
I G 

[Matty the Damned]

Ok,

You had an unprotected encounter and you need to test 12/13 weeks from the date of that encounter. As for the lumps on your doodle, well the doctor at the clinic will need to look at those.

I do have an issue with this:

the girl seems to be OK, holds down a respectable job, but i do not know much about her  history, only that she has just broken up with her boy friend. but i was suspicious when she was prepaired [sic] to sleep with me, unprotected, after just meeting me.

however.

Just because someone appears "OK" and having a "respectable job" (what the bloody hell does that mean anyway?) means bugger all when it comes to HIV. Of course you don't know anything about her history, anymore than she knows about yours. Your comment about her preparedness to sleep with you unprotected just after meeting you is astonishingly sexist. Perhaps you wouldn't have problems like these if you reconsidered your attitude to women.

MtD
/edited for the eschewal of a pronoun/

[chopperr1978]

im sorry if that comment came out sexist, i really didnt mean it to sound like that,the girl seems to be OK, holds down a respectable job, but i do not know much about her  history, only that she has just broken up with her boy friend. but i was suspicious when she was prepaired [sic] to sleep with me, unprotected, after just meeting me.
what i memeant was it was not deemed as a high risk encounter ( for example i have read some threads rereferring to people sleeping with prostitutes and classing that as a high risk) that is what i memeant as seems ok 'I'm sorry i should have taken some more consideration over the wording of my message. i am in no way a sexist person and i appologise as to the reference i made about the susspiciousness of sleeping unprotected, i just feel it is wrong until you know that person before u trust oral/pill contraception's for myself i would expect any partner to refuse to sleep with me unprotected if i suggested or was prepared to sleep with a girl unprotected on a first encounter as she to would not know anything about my history. and thus should get to know me better, i would expect her to be a little warry or think of me as irresponsible

[Matty the Damned]

Well Chopper,

You see this stuff about her having to "refuse" your advances indicates that you don't appreciate your responsibilities when it comes to safer sex. Protecting your health is up to you, not the people you sleep with. The difficulties you now find yourself in are of your own making -- not the woman who consented to have sex with you.

You need to understand that it is behaviours, not people, that are "high risks". Sex workers are not "high risk" but unprotected sex is. Unprotected sex with ANYBODY.

But enough of the lecture. The reality is that HIV transmission during vaginal sex is more likely for the woman than the man involved. You have had a risky encounter, you do need to test, but the likelihood of you being infected is not terribly high.

MtD

[Ann]

chop,

You need to know that it's not WHO you have sex with, it's WHAT and HOW you have sex. People aren't high risk, but some activities are. Intercourse with a sex worker is not a risk when you use a condom, and unprotected intercourse with someone you think is "respectable" IS.

The bottom line here is that you had unprotected intercourse and therefore you put yourself at risk not only for hiv, but also for other sexually transmitted infections such as chlamydia. The rates of untreated chlamydia infection in the UK are sky-high.

You need to test for hiv and all the other sexually transmitted infections as well. Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs. If you aren't already having routine sexual health check-ups, now is the time to start. Some of the STIs like chlamyida can be present without symptoms - that's how it's getting spread so widely.

As it has been more than ten days since your incident, you can test now for most of the STIs, but syphilis shares a three month window period with hiv.

Your chance of getting a negative hiv result after a one time unprotected encounter is excellent, but you must test.

Ann

[chopperr1978]

once agin im sorry matty, for my statements, im just worried, and i agree with all you have said, it is my own resposibility, and i regret what i have done, the only time i go out and do something like this in years and im left with concerns. i am still very much in contact with this girl, as she contacts me regulary, but i keep saying i am busy to avoid her, wrong i know, as i should express my concerns to her, i want to bring up with her, but dont know how to go about it? how do u say to somone im worried about hiv, have u been at risk?

[chopperr1978]

cheers Ann, i did go to my doctor, and explain what i had done, and told him all my symptoms, i asked about testing but he said that it was not  a necessity, i also explained about the lump, but that went within minutes, and he thought nothing of that, but to put my mind at rest i would like the testing,
and i would like to talk to the girl to about how i feel,

[DingoBoi]

DO NOT talk to the person... ONLY YOU are responsible for your sexual health and if you want to stick your dick into somebody unprotected it is ONLY your responsibility.

First she will think you are crazy.... and you can't rely on anything she tells you in any event.  Put that idea out of your mind right now.

Test at the appropriate time.

[Ann]

chop,

Are you telling me that a doctor told you that you don't need a full STI panel after having unprotected intercourse? Sheesh, no wonder chlamydia rates are growing by leaps and bounds in the UK. As I said, you don't always get symptoms with chlamydia infection.

You do need to test for hiv as well, but again, the odds are firmly in your favour that your result will be negative. The ONLY way to know for sure is to test at the appropriate time.

Go to your local GUM and tell them you want a routine STI panel NOW, and book a follow up appointment for an hiv test for twelve weeks after your incident occured.

If you want to pursue a relationship with this woman, by all means talk to her. However, if you're only wanting to talk to her for your own peace of mind, forget about it. You will still need to test no matter what. Many people are unaware that they have an STI, especially where something like chlamydia is concerned. I'm telling you, chlamydia is practically an epidemic amongst the 16 - 24 age group in the UK. Get checked out.

Ann

[chopperr1978]

OK dingoBol comment noted, and i think that is fair to say, after all, you are correct in saying the information given is only on her word,
thank you

[DingoBoi]

ann says it nicer, i have no patience.... but the message is the same....

test now for general std's and test for hiv after 12 weeks from your encounter.

and wear your rubbers in the future.

[chopperr1978]

OK Ann, i will do exactly as you say, is the GUM at a local hospital, like a a clinic you just walk into, again thank you so very much for the info, as regarding the girl i do like her, but am so consumed with worry i can hardly talk to her let alone carry on a sexually relationship with her.

[Ann]

and wear your rubbers in the future.

LOL! In the UK, rubbers are what Yanks call erasers. We call condoms johnnies.

Ann
(who is bi-lingual)

[Ann]

chop,

Your best bet is to ring your local hospital and ask for the GUM department. Some allow walk-ins, others require an appointment to be made.

I hope you don't have further sexual relations with her until you can talk to her. We woman like that sort of thing. I know you men aren't big on talking, but there you go.

Ann

[chopperr1978]

lol Ann, aah no i will be talking, that is for sure, and that will be all for the time being until i have had testings done, just one last thing do any of my symptoms seems suspicious, while i have been typing messages my glads feel to have gone down again on my neck, its like i get what i feel is swollen glands in my throat then they go away, i mean i generally don't feel unwell, just worried, sorry to ask so many questions.

[Ann]

Chop,

While none of your symptoms sound "suspicious", symptoms or the lack of symptoms mean nothing when it comes to hiv infection. The ONLY way to know your hiv status is through the appropriate test at the appropriate time.

And keep yer mitts OFF your glands. Constantly checking them to see if they're swollen will make them swell and keep them swollen.

I'm off to bed before I'm tempted to watch Big Brother internet streaming.

Ann

[chopperr1978]

me to, I'm taking a rest day from training tomorrow so going fishing, so i better get to bed.

once again i appreciate all your comments and help, I'm gonna go to the hospital get the sti panel test and book for a hiv test in 12 weeks,
and in the mean time, keep it in my pants,
thank you

[Andy Velez]

You've already received some excellent advice. I just want to add a few thoughts.

In the future, if you can't get it up with a condom on, just call a halt and go no further as far as intercourse is concerned. I know guys don't like the feelings they get when they fail to get hard or it doesn't remain a stiffy, but that's much preferrable to risking your friggin' life just to prove your virility.

You also need to keep in mind for future reference that HIV is very democratic and the range of those who have become infected covers every sort of person you can think of. Which is why you always need to wearing a condom when you have intercourse, no matter whom you are with, until such time as you may be in a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners test negative together.

As to the woman you were with, if you are still in a friendly relationship with her, you might caution her that being on the pill affords her absolutely no protection against HIV or any other STDs. Tragically, some continue to believe they are safe(r) on the pill from STDs.

Given this was a single incident and how difficult it is to transmit from female to male, I do expect you will come out of this ok. But you do need to learn from the experience and not put yourself at risk like this again.

Cheers, 

[chopperr1978]

cheers andy for your imput, i feel like a fool, at what i have done, one incident, that is so out of character, but that is what alcohol does. i still am worried as my glands in my troat are up quite heavily today more so than the last days and are painful, again i know that there are no set symptoms, but i have read some articles, that do site refrence to certain symptoms after 2 to 3 weeks,

[RapidRod]

chopperr1978, the symptoms that you have are caused and do extend to a lot of other problems. You are fixated on HIV at the moment and you've not looked at what else could be causing it. This is the reason we do not discuss symptoms. HIV doe not have any specific symptoms.

[chopperr1978]

rod,
 at the end of the day you are absolutly, right. i have been looking into early symptoms, and relating them back to myself. but there is nothing i can do at the moment appart from go and get the approprite sti testing then as Ann said go along in 3 months time and get a test for hiv. i guess there in not much point letting my worry consume my life. a visit to the doctor, next week will help me as i can sit down and talk about my concerns with him. and  to go from there. just out of interest is there any reliable test that can be done for hiv, before the 3 months.
again thanx for all teh help and information
chops

[DingoBoi]

no... do the crime, do the time.... test at 3 months