Author Topic: Seems like a lot of hurt out there today... (Read 9635 times)

rayvjr · « **on:** December 08, 2006, 09:43:27 pm »

I see a lot of people hurting tonite. A little more than the ordinary night. It's okay people, you are not alone, we all have each other. What seems terrible today, might not look so bad tommorow. Last week I was feeling pretty lousy, tonite things are much better. Whatever feelings you are having, give yourself a week and you will see that things are much better.

Eldon · « **Reply #1 on:** December 08, 2006, 11:52:45 pm »

Hey Ray,

Thank you for your words of encouragement. We all need this from time to time. I am sending some positive thoughts your way this evening.

Happy Holidays!

Jeffreyj · « **Reply #2 on:** December 09, 2006, 01:53:54 am »

Ray,
Thanks. Life with HIV can be a challenge at times. Holiday time can be a challenge for the 100% healthy. Thanks for the words of encouragement. If I might add, I find that keeping busy helps allot.

It is nice to know that we have each other.

aztecan · « **Reply #3 on:** December 09, 2006, 01:58:11 am »

Hey Ray,

Life can seem like a bowl of pits at times, rather than a bowl of cherries.

I am grateful we have one another to lean on when that happens.

HUGS,

Mark

DanielMark · « **Reply #4 on:** December 09, 2006, 05:48:04 am »

This time of year is hard for a lot of folks. There were years when depression would take me over in Decemeber with an intensity that would have me paralysed for days, if not weeks at a time.

Now I just remember that nothing lasts forever – not the good or the bad times.

I have been seeing the same doctor for counselling for about 18 years, believe it or not. Most of my life I have had problems with depression, and anxiety in my case is just another component of that.

Currently I am taking a low dose sedative during the days (as required), and a higher amount at bedtime.

Another thing I make a point of doing, is to get out at least once a day, even tho my inclination is often to isolate. That, and keeping connected with others, if only online.

Oh, and the ability to find humour in just about anything (especially myself) helps lighten me up too. Sorrow and laughter go hand-in-hand in my life.

Daniel

poet · « **Reply #5 on:** December 09, 2006, 06:20:49 am »

Hey Ray. Thanks for putting it so simply. I'm glad to hear you say, too, that it turns around if you give it some time, especially for yourself. Win

Iggy · « **Reply #6 on:** December 09, 2006, 09:15:31 am »

NightmareHall · « **Reply #7 on:** December 09, 2006, 11:38:03 am »

poet · « **Reply #8 on:** December 09, 2006, 04:25:36 pm »

Iggy, I more than understand where you might be coming from, but I think that what Ray said could also be said as 'give yourself a week and you will see the things much better. You are right that for some (many?) people, things don't get better in a week. And I certainly hate anything with a whiff of New Ageism myself, not as others might find it useful for them. And if we look at this rephrased, in the moment, it is hard for many of us to see things for what they are, but given a week of time to look at them, being able to shift focus can allow many of us to then see the things as solveable. For some, as Ray said, things may simply be much better. For others, things might not. Win

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #9 on:** December 09, 2006, 06:08:48 pm »

As I sat... Thinking, Alone and Melancholy AND without a friend, there came a voice out of the Gloom saying, "CHEER UP, Things might be worse." So... I did cheer up AND sure enough, Things got worse. Have the best day
Michael

Blixer · « **Reply #10 on:** December 09, 2006, 06:35:13 pm »

Ray, thanks for the encouragement. I find that I've been a bit anxious and and loose ends the past couple of weeks. They claim I've been a grouch at work. I don't think I've been that bad, but I do realize this is my first holiday season being Poz and I find I'm much more emotional than normal. Maybe it's the meds, maybe its the year I've been through. But the good news is that I'm in better shape today than I was a year ago at this time before I even knew I was poz. You are right, give it some time and things will probably look better. Although I do love Michael's comment... that is the way I have felt so many days recently.

Iggy · « **Reply #11 on:** December 09, 2006, 10:02:32 pm »

heartforyou · « **Reply #12 on:** December 10, 2006, 05:16:08 am »

Quote

Sorrow and laughter go hand-in-hand in my life.

I can so well relate to that statement.
Being very sensitive helps you to "feel" people's moods and energy levels as well. And thus pick up a lot around you.
The only way to help me deal with that "gift" is nature and humor.

I love to laugh.....and yes, black humor is mine.

hermie

Basquo · « **Reply #13 on:** December 10, 2006, 09:46:09 am »

Quote

please avoid saying things will get better for others.

Since we're making suggestions here, please forget you read the above sentence. Say what you want to say, Ray.

Best,
Basquo

FiercenBed · « **Reply #14 on:** December 10, 2006, 10:50:41 am »

im on board w/ iggy & sonomabeach. this is my 1st 'poz xmas' and itza bitch! my mother said on the phone the other day 'u seem so unhappy'. <i havnt disclosed yet> im like what do you want me to do....sing jingle bells. i was diagnosed in june and if u check out my other post iv had 1 medical issue after another. and im talking major major issues and i dont feel like typing them all. this virus is literally eating me alive. i have never gotten any good news after seeing a doctor. im in viral failure after being told by the doc for months 'ur fine ur fine'. turns out im not so fine and have to change the meds after just 5 fricken months. im tired of people saying 'ur fine' 'it will be okay' 'this isnt a big deal' 'it will be better tomrw' and my favorite.....'no one dies from aids these days' what rock are these people hiding under?

well guess what people.......im not fine! and no i dont need a shrink or an anti depressant (no more pllis please); im a realist.

well iv had enough! after cing the doc on wednesday and c what he has in his bag of medical poison im going to the airport on thursday and pick a plane any international plane and go somewhere anywhere <airline employee here> and i just might not come back. or mayb better yet the plane will crash and solve all my problems.

ho ho ho everyone.

Dachshund · « **Reply #15 on:** December 10, 2006, 11:17:58 am »

Look, anybody here can tell you I am not part of the kumbaya crowd...and sometimes it makes me want to pull my hair out when I hear repeated over and over again, "don't worry be happy." That being said, they do mean well.

For the most part human nature compels us to move forward...unknown mechanisms of the mind. Right now for you, it is anger and frustration and God only knows what else. You have every right to those feelings and every right to express them.

Look, there is nothing you can say that will shock or upset us. Most of us at one time or another have been drugged, drunk, dazed and emotionally insane dealing with HIV...don't let the "happy talk" fool you. However, if you choose to use it, there are brilliant people on site with a wealth of knowledge when it comes to HIV.

Good luck,
Hal

Razorbill · « **Reply #16 on:** December 10, 2006, 11:39:40 am »

I am so over the holidays. Screw Christmas. If I weren't broke from traveling so much this year, I'd get on a plane and go to Costa Rica for some sun and sand and lotsa life birds. But I'm not. Trying to start up a new relationship, but finding the spark elusive at best. Works going ok, as is gym routine, health is good - so on balance I'd give life a 7 outta 10 right now. Course, my frame of reference is white, middle class professional neuroses - not anything nearly so challenging as some folks in here are dealing with.

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #17 on:** December 10, 2006, 04:26:03 pm »

Um, just wondering....Is this a thread to make complaints and vent? As I like to call myself The Queen of Positivity but there are moments when I have just fucked up days..SO, if this is what this thread is about, let me know because I have a few things I would like to bitch about...

Iggy · « **Reply #18 on:** December 10, 2006, 04:45:34 pm »

Boo Radley · « **Reply #19 on:** December 10, 2006, 05:52:22 pm »

I agree with Ray and Iggy...

I deal daily with depression, urges to kill myself, anxiety that makes my jaws clench so much it's painful, and fatigue which often keeps me in bed all day. Bromides and home-spun wisdom like "life will get better" are the last things I need. My life doesn't change much from day to day. I distract myself with DVDs or books or playing with my 4-legged housemates (or logging in to AIDSmeds) to cope with my crappy existence.

On the other hand, when faced with a crisis or unpleasant events beyond my control I do tell myself to hang on for a while longer because crises pass and life returns to normal over time. Normal for me might be unbearable for you but we each have our thresholds. When my best friend died over 8 agonizing months in 1997 I didn't think I would ever recover, but I did. When my mother died 6 months later I couldn't see an end to the sadness but it came, or was ameliorated sufficiently over time.

I hate to say this because I feel petty but seeing how bad other people have it gives me another perspective over what I endure. Some of the people on the forums have dealt (and do deal) with problems I don't believe I could. Since hurricane Katrina destroyed most of my world I see so many people so much worse off than I that I cannot help but be thankful for how much I was spared.

As an individual philosophy "life will improve" is what it takes for some people to manage and I am happy they can make it work. As a pat answer to my or another's life "it will improve" is a bunch of horseshit.

That's as clear as the Mississippi River water, isn't it?

Boo

Cliff · « **Reply #20 on:** December 10, 2006, 06:05:56 pm »

It would be nice if people didn't turn general statements into absolutes. I'm sure Ray knows that sometimes things just don't work out. But it is beneficial to encourage people and I thank him for sharing HIS views, even if they are not applicable to every situation known to man.

Longislander · « **Reply #21 on:** December 10, 2006, 06:06:10 pm »

sure is Boo! And neither side should be left without what they need, whether it be meds or just words of encouragement.

marco23 · « **Reply #22 on:** December 10, 2006, 09:44:03 pm »

There's been so many times I've given up on hope. I've been positive for 13 years. The first 10 years was w/out meds then I got extremely sick. I got on meds in 2003 and for the past 3 years, I'm living. So many times I get depressed but there is always that little voice in my head telling me to hang in there. There is a lot of hurt that comes w/ HIV but there is also a lot of support to help and understand the frustration and lonilness one always feels........I'm here for anyone who feels that.....

Longislander · « **Reply #23 on:** December 10, 2006, 10:00:34 pm »

Hey Marco, glad you stopped in, I hope you look around and stay. Once you're comfortable, introduce yourself in a new thread. Be nice to know about your experiences.

Paul

marco23 · « **Reply #24 on:** December 10, 2006, 11:05:07 pm »

Hi Paul,

I'd like to tell you about my experience....how bout telling me something about you?

Longislander · « **Reply #25 on:** December 10, 2006, 11:07:33 pm »

I wasn't rushing you Marco, take your time and read around the forums. My story is still on page 1 of 'off topic'

Paul

Eldon · « **Reply #26 on:** December 10, 2006, 11:18:45 pm »

Hey Marco23...

WELCOME! I would have missed it if you had not posted in this thread. Paul is right, read around, there are a lot of different threads about others and their experiences.

Happy Holidays!

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #27 on:** December 11, 2006, 12:55:15 am »

By no means was I making fun of your thread, I was simply asking, if you took it that way then I truly apologize. As of late, I have not been myself and had some things going on. I thought maybe it was a thread to vent is all....

Boo Radley · « **Reply #28 on:** December 11, 2006, 01:41:27 am »

Quote from: Queen Akasha on December 11, 2006, 12:55:15 am

By no means was I making fun of your thread, I was simply asking, if you took it that way then I truly apologize. As of late, I have not been myself and had some things going on. I thought maybe it was a thread to vent is all....

Dear Queen A,

Please always feel free to start your very own venting thread so we all have a chance to add our sympathetic 2 cents. I hope you know you'd get many supportive responses!

Boo

DanielMark · « **Reply #29 on:** December 11, 2006, 05:14:43 am »

Hi Marco,

My story is quite similar to your own, only in my case it was 14 years without meds. Then in 2002, big crash. Been on meds since then, and so far so good.

Recently I posted my own living with HIV experiences here:

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?PHPSESSID=a29a8133d891989c5f6551f6cf281939&topic=6264.0

Daniel

Razorbill · « **Reply #30 on:** December 11, 2006, 06:27:43 am »

Sorry typed my reation to what I was reading earlier... didn't mean to hijack anybody's threat. Like a game of telephone, things wander over time.

David_CA · « **Reply #31 on:** December 11, 2006, 09:26:29 am »

So, from what I'm understanding from some posts in this this thread, we should be saying "don't worry, things will get much worse" instead of "things will get better". Hmmm.... I'm fairly sure which I'd rather hear. Hope and positive thoughts / energy CAN lead to desired results. Maybe just a "It'll be just as crappy tomorrow and the next day" would be more P.C. and not offend anybody.

Like Marco23 said, that 'little voice' is drive, motivation, and the will to survive. Stifle it with negativity and then what's left. I think so many people are filled with anger, resentment, and general self-dislike that they don't want to hear this 'little voice', that it would be easier just to 'end it'. I'm sure it would be easier. I guess I just never received an "Easy Button" for my life.

When I see the lady in a wheelchair/bed in Walmart, with a full set of monitors beeping away, O2 system, catheter bag discretely hanging, doing her Christmas shopping and picking out things for her daughter, who am I to bitch about my life? SHE'S NOT going to get better physically, but emotionally, she's functioning ... laughing and joking with her husband.

It's easy to get caught up in our own problems, and sometimes these problems are so big that I can't even begin to imagine them. What I always tell myself is that I've pulled through every situation I've been in at least OK. There's always going to be people that are better off than me, and a whole lot of people that are much worse off than I am. So what is one to do? Give folks information they need (if any), positive thoughts, and a bit of empathy. Some of us are in really bad places right now, both physically and emotionally. I understand why some seem to resent the good fortune of others. Let's all continue to try and move to those good places and things WILL get (or at least seem) better.

Remember, we might be in their situation at some point too and I personally won't want to hear that "It'll be just as crappy tomorrow and the next day". There is a lot of hurt out there today, but I see a lot of happiness and healing out there, too.

David

Iggy · « **Reply #32 on:** December 11, 2006, 11:01:16 am »

David_CA · « **Reply #33 on:** December 11, 2006, 11:24:25 am »

Iggy, I wasn't specifically targetting you. This point has come up from time to time and I was only sharing my feelings on it. You're obviously free to feel about it as you wish, and my opinion in no way lessens yours. Take care and don't stay away too long, if you do take a break.

David

dad1216 · « **Reply #34 on:** December 11, 2006, 11:59:03 am »

Quote from: Iggy on December 11, 2006, 11:01:16 am

I guess this is a good time to give myself a break from the boards as ironically this thread is depressing me more than helping me. And No, I'm not making a dramatic exit or a teary farewell, I'm just really hurt right now and don't feel that my mood is good for posting. Maybe This step will please those who I bothered as I am taking Ray's advice and seeing if things look different in a week.

This is so sad....another one gets pushed away.

Longislander · « **Reply #35 on:** December 11, 2006, 01:31:27 pm »

he didn't get pushed away, he took a break. Iggy's in a bad spot these days, and he sees that. I hope he's able to get more help for himself so he can have a few brighter days in the future.

Dachshund · « **Reply #36 on:** December 11, 2006, 01:51:40 pm »

I think Iggles predicted that his post would be taken out of context...and it was. I didn't read "bad spot" in any of his posts or that he was in need of help. I think Mr. Iggles became frustrated trying to explain himself. I think he explained the reasons for his "break" and I look forward to his return.

H

DanielMark · « **Reply #37 on:** December 11, 2006, 03:04:52 pm »

Lordy lordy. Who is responsible for our choices please? We are!

No one has the right to tell anyone what to do in life unless they are willing to take responsibility for what comes of those decisions. This is one reason I don’t offer advice here or anywhere (tho perhaps suggestions). I only share what has been my own experience.

Feelings are only feelings, and only have as much power as we allow them. If you don’t believe life will ever get better, then it likely won’t. Only a fool would jump aboard someone else's sinking emotional ship.

If someone needs to feel hopeless (for whatever reason) and spread that around, others can try to bring light into their darkness or carry them until they can stand on their own again, but no one can make anyone feel or decide anything.

Everyone has hard times in life - no exceptions. That’s life. Nothing lasts forever, not the bad or the good. I will not abandon hope no matter who else has. If I thought that way, I would not have survived eighteen years of living with this virus in my body. Guaranteed.

Daniel

rayvjr · « **Reply #38 on:** December 11, 2006, 08:51:38 pm »

Never expected this type of reaction. I was simply expressing that for me things felt horrible one week and with some time I began to feel better. I do acknowledge that for many, things will not get better, only worse. I guess I was just trying to express to people that they should not give up, even though for some it might seem the thing to do. I can understand that many here on these boards are suffering tremendously...and for some things may never get better....but I would hope that they understand that my comments were not "a commandment" but merely my feelings about how quickly feelings of sorrow and pain can change.

Eldon · « **Reply #39 on:** December 11, 2006, 08:56:08 pm »

Hey Ray,

Its all right once you get past the pain. Don't give up, don't give in, it is all within you to WIN!

Happy Holidays!

Jeff64 · « **Reply #40 on:** December 11, 2006, 10:21:45 pm »

I gleefully ignore the fake holiday cheer.
It is all so commercial and yukky.

jeff

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Author Topic: Seems like a lot of hurt out there today... (Read 9635 times)