Worried and Unsure of What I Should Do

[gt1993]

I'm an 18 year old bisexual male.  In mid December I had been talking to this guy for a few weeks and eventually I went over to his house at one point and we had sex.  He didn't use a condom.  I wanted him to, but I'm so freaking timid so of course I was too scared to say anything (extremely dumb choice on my part).  We only had sex one time and we don't talk anymore.

For a few weeks earlier in the year I remember having a lot of diarrhea which concerned me cause I read that that was a symptom of HIV.  Also, I have two auto-immune diseases, Type 1 Diabetes and Central Adrenal Insufficiency, and the last three or so weeks I have been a lot more sensitive to insulin.  I have woken up almost every day with low blood glucose levels and now I've had to decrease my insulin doses.  I don't know if maybe I need more medicine for my CAI (if you don't take the medicine prescribed for this disease it can cause low blood glucose and eventually death because it's a hormone that your body is supposed to produce), or if something like HIV could be causing it. I've also lost 10 pounds but I don't know if I should worry about that because my metabolism is so crazy that I could easily gain or lose ten pounds in a single day, and my weight always fluctuates.  The guy that I had sex with really did not seem like the type of person who would have sex with someone without telling them that they had an STD, but there's always the possibility that he had no idea that he had one.

I've been terrified to get tested worrying of what the possible outcome could be.  I'm not out so my family has no idea that I'd be involved in anything like this, and my biggest concern would be having to tell my parents that I have it if I were to test positive.  My parents are religious and conservative but not strict at all, and they're very loving.  I know in the end they would never disown me or anything for something like this, but it would break their heart and I cannot even see myself being able to tell them.  My mom has major depression too and I honestly feel like news like that could bring her to suicide because she thinks the world of me.

I know I must get tested so I can know whether or not to stop worrying, I just have no idea what I would do if I were to have it.  I'd honestly rather just die than have to tell my family about it in order to get treatment.  And I'd even rather tell them that I got it through intravenous drugs than gay sex (and honestly they would believe something like that since they know I have been involved in some drug use).  Also, I'm going to college next year and dealing with something like this would be horrible.  I'm also scared that since I have two other conflicting diseases that managing something like HIV would be extremely difficult.  I don't know, I've been a mess recently cause I've been so paranoid.  I'm just so angry at myself for making such a dumb mistake that could possibly change my life cause I know better than that. I'm a smart kid with a long life ahead of me and I'd be devastated if it had to get cut short.

If anyone could give me advice or if anyone knows how HIV can affect Diabetes (remember this is Type 1 not Type 2 which is the kind that most people have), I'd greatly appreciate it.

[jkinatl2]

Whoa there.

That sound you are hearing is the cart in front of the horse.

I am assuming that you had unprotected anal sex in mid December. I will also assume you were the bottom. Yes, that is a high risk activity insofar as HIV is concerned.

But it's been well over three months. An HIV test taken now would be considered conclusive.

I would also recommend a full STD panel as well. Your local AID Service Organization (ASO) or health department can arrange this, if you are living in the US. We can assist you in finding one nearby if you want. The cost will be either free or nominal, but I highly recommend a full panel since syphilis shared the same three month window as HIV, and often shows no symptoms.

Now as for the rest. What you choose to tell your family is up to you. We live in interesting times when IV drug abuse is more palatable than having sex.

Your chances are good that you will come through this OK. If you do, then PLEASE overcome your timidity and insist on condoms. It's your body. You have every right to determine based on YOUR choices what goes into it. I can't stress this enough.

Now, if you DO happen to test positive, believe me, it's NOT the end of the world. HIV these days is more than treatable. It's manageable. It's easier to manage than insulin-dependent diabetes, actually.

And please, no talk about preferring to die rather than tell your family.  First of all, it can take years to get to that point. Many of them would be spent relatively healthy. The unhealthy ones would be ungodly. You'd rather put your parents through THAT? Trust me, as someone who has seen that process, it strips the soul out of everyone you love, everyone who loves you. It's not an option unless you're a sociopath, and I really didn't get that vibe from your post.

So let's handle one thing at a time. Before we start a conversation about treatment options and potential complications, you need to know your status.  I think I can speak for all the authorized respondents on this forum when I say we absolutely won't go down that dark and twisty road until you get tested. It's ridiculous to try. HIV affects everyone differently, and attempting to discuss your future in that regard without even knowing your status (let alone the litany of numbers in your bloodwork) is as close to chaos theory as I can imagine.

Get. Tested.

And know you are not alone.