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Author Topic: post new med numbers  (Read 4800 times)

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Offline initforlife

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post new med numbers
« on: September 18, 2014, 03:39:00 pm »
So I have been on my new meds for over 30 days after giving up complera due to the depression and crap.   I got my numbers today..  UD AND CD4 974  Yay! why don't I feel more excited about this. maybe the dx is still so new to me?  who knows don't know if I will ever be excited about anything to do with hiv.
sometimes it is best to say nothing at all. then to offend

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: post new med numbers
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2014, 03:48:36 pm »
To each his own.
Hopefully you take comfort that you appear to have a fully intact immune system AND you are undetectable for HIV virus. 
A lot of people would be very fortunate to be in your shoes so, even if you don't personally feel excited, there is that. You are sitting pretty.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Almost2late

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Re: post new med numbers
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2014, 05:23:56 pm »
Init, your numbers are wonderful.. but I do understand how your not so excited  :-\ .. Its like "The Scarlet Letter", we think we're marked but it's mostly in our heads.. I can't remember who said it on these threads that the worst stigma we face seems to come from ourselves, at least it was for me.

I went to the ENT Dr. the other day and there was a poor girl in a wheelchair contraption, she appeared to have no legs, her facial expressions seemed distorted and she was left in the waiting room by herself by an ambulance type car service.. She asked me if I could put some water in her bottle, so I did.. She thanked me and smiled.. At that moment I thought to myself if this young lady can smile with the challenges she faces, I'm not gonna let HIV control my life.

Be happy Init, you deserve it.. Congrats on your numbers, HUGS!!!  :) :) :) :)

Offline Jmarksto

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Re: post new med numbers
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2014, 05:40:55 pm »

Congrats Init, it is good to see you doing well - even if it isn't being excited about HIV.

Init, your numbers are wonderful.. but I do understand how your not so excited  :-\ .. Its like "The Scarlet Letter", we think we're marked but it's mostly in our heads.. I can't remember who said it on these threads that the worst stigma we face seems to come from ourselves, at least it was for me.

I went to the ENT Dr. the other day and there was a poor girl in a wheelchair contraption, she appeared to have no legs, her facial expressions seemed distorted and she was left in the waiting room by herself by an ambulance type car service.. She asked me if I could put some water in her bottle, so I did.. She thanked me and smiled.. At that moment I thought to myself if this young lady can smile with the challenges she faces, I'm not gonna let HIV control my life.

Be happy Init, you deserve it.. Congrats on your numbers, HUGS!!!  :) :) :) :)

Well said, there are a lot of people that would gladly trade their problems for a disease that can be managed for the most part with a daily pill.
03/15/12 Negative
06/15/12 Positive
07/11/12 CD4 790          VL 4,000
08/06/12 CD4 816/38%   VL 49,300
08/20/12 Started Complera
11/06/12 CD4   819/41% VL 38
02/11/13 CD4   935/41% VL UD
06/06/13 CD4   816/41% VL UD
10/28/13 CD4 1131/45% VL 25
02/25/14 CD4   792/37% VL UD
07/09/14 CD4 1004/39% VL UD
11/03/14 CD4   711/34% VL UD
03/13/15 CD4   833/36% VL UD
04/??/15 Truvada & Tivicay
06/01/15 CD4 1100/50% VL UD
10/16/15 CD4   826/43% VL UD
??/??/2017 Descov & Tivicay
2017 VL UD, CD4 stable around 850
2018 VL UD, CD4 stable around 850

Offline initforlife

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Re: post new med numbers
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2014, 07:09:37 pm »
I don't mean to be a downer. or sound like I'm not thankful that i'm not sick and that I do have good numbers. it is just everyone today acted like I should be jumping for joy and my numbers were the next best thing since white bread.  I just don't feel it just voiced my feelings is all. Yes I'm thankful I found out I had hiv early and not 10 years down the road. Yes I'm sorry for all those who are very ill and Yes I'm here to help others get through this and live a long happy life.  And Yes I love yall for your help and kind words for the last few months . I never judge anyone ever!
sometimes it is best to say nothing at all. then to offend

Offline initforlife

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Re: post new med numbers
« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2014, 09:11:40 am »
So after thinking about why I get so mad after going to Dr everything few months. I guess I'm reminded that I'm still hiv+ and I always get so down after wards. I saw a new Id dr this visit and I'm so tired of the same question every damn time I see a new Dr.  first question do you do drugs. Me NO.  second is always do you drink.  Me... Not much if hardly any.  ..... Then wait for it this is always the third question how in the heck did you end up with hiv?  I hate being stereotyped this way.  Then the next question is is your husband or boyfriend gay?.  It just reaffirms my believe I don't fit in anywhere anymore.  I'm a PoZ straight women who doesn't do drugs or drink hardly ever who love sex and hooked up with a lying bi guy and got hiv. No i'm not against bi guys I just hate someone who lies and pretends he was something he wasn't. Sorry my rant on why I feel Like I do... I'm trying to stay upbeat .. just hard at times
sometimes it is best to say nothing at all. then to offend

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: post new med numbers
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2014, 10:07:56 am »
So after thinking about why I get so mad after going to Dr everything few months. I guess I'm reminded that I'm still hiv+ and I always get so down after wards. I saw a new Id dr this visit and I'm so tired of the same question every damn time I see a new Dr.  first question do you do drugs. Me NO.  second is always do you drink.  Me... Not much if hardly any.  ..... Then wait for it this is always the third question how in the heck did you end up with hiv?  I hate being stereotyped this way.  Then the next question is is your husband or boyfriend gay?.  It just reaffirms my believe I don't fit in anywhere anymore.  I'm a PoZ straight women who doesn't do drugs or drink hardly ever who love sex and hooked up with a lying bi guy and got hiv. No i'm not against bi guys I just hate someone who lies and pretends he was something he wasn't. Sorry my rant on why I feel Like I do... I'm trying to stay upbeat .. just hard at times

OK, you are being a bit over the top here -- these are routine intake questions. Every area keeps statistics on the demographics of HIV: race, gender, route of transmission, etc.

As far as you "not fitting in" I'm not sure what you are talking about. Your language reeks of a mindset that you don't fit in because you were not a bad person, which then implies you think other people that fit in those other boxes are "bad"... or something.

And to set the record straight, at least where I live probably 50% of new infections are straight women, non-IV drug users who got it by having unprotected sex. So guess what, you fit in pretty well.

I forget how long you've been diagnosed but my advice is if these thoughts don't settle down for you within 12 months of diagnosis you need to explore attending real life support group meetings and/or one-on-one counseling/therapist. There is not reason to go forward in life being obsessive about what you just wrote and having it upset you every time you go to the doctor. That is simply not healthy for you in the long run.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline initforlife

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Re: post new med numbers
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2014, 10:13:41 am »
You are right !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Time to put an end to it all right here and now. Thank you for the advice never said anyone was bad people. Oh who the hell cares anyway. I'm done !
sometimes it is best to say nothing at all. then to offend

Offline zach

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Re: post new med numbers
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2014, 10:15:32 am »
 ;D

those are pretty standard questions, don't let it get to you. for me it takes a few minutes to wade through the drug and alcohol use (abuse)...

once you settle into a longer term relationship with one med team, you won't field those questions so much

as far as how i was infected, i give an all of the above answer... it all sounds pretty plausible, hell, i dunno doc. how are we gonna handle this moving forward?

bottom line init, at some point, you have to accept that you didn't protect yourself. thats the hardest pill to swallow, lot harder than a handful of meds. living with it gets a lot easier when you own it... my virus is MINE, i earned it damn it

edited to add... i kinda agree with ms p... get over thinking its dirty... you're trying to draw a distinction between yourself, and those nasty people (thats us hon). you walk right up to saying it's those damn gays (without actually saying it)

you are one of us, you dirty dirty
« Last Edit: September 21, 2014, 10:19:15 am by zach »

Offline Almost2late

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Re: post new med numbers
« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2014, 10:28:08 am »
Hi Init, its much clearer now why your not to enthused about your numbers.. Seeing a new doc does bring going over some of the same old questions but asking "how you got it" is totally irrelevant at this point.. Hope your next visit isn't so redundant.. Your not alone though, It use to drive me nuts that people must think I'm "gay or bi" but now I really don't care what they think.

Online leatherman

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Re: post new med numbers
« Reply #10 on: September 21, 2014, 10:52:46 am »
I saw a new Id dr this visit and I'm so tired of the same question every damn time I see a new Dr.
depending on how your doctor is funded and/or how your health care is paid, many of those questions may be state and/or federally mandated. Get used to some of them ;) cause I've been answering some of the same stupid questions every visit for nearly 25 yrs now.  ::)

Do you drink? do drugs? (goes thru drug list) what risk behavior exposed you to HIV? (MSM sex! WooHoo!) Do you take your meds every day? blah, blah, blah. It gets old, very old. (there are times I will answer the a question "wrong" just to screw with the nurses at my clinic. LOL) I understand your issues though. There have been plenty of times when certain doctors asked these question

However the CDC, ADAP, the state, and ASOs actually use that data to determine which prevention, education, adherence programs and clinics to fund. By joining the state health department's HIV Planning Council, I learned exactly how all this data is compiled into the state epidemiology report and then used to help determine which CDC-approved programs might work in our state and which clinics to give funding to so they can implement these programs. In SC for example, your answers of being a straight women with HIV is part of what determines that we fund the implementation of the WILLOW program (Women Involved in Life Learning from Other Women).

And I don't think these questions will be going away anytime soon. Currently our state is researching (I'm on the subcommittee) and beginning to implement a Data-to-Care strategy that "uses HIV surveillance data to identify HIV-diagnosed individuals not in care, link them to care, and support the HIV Care Continuum".  Although I have some serious patient privacy issues with the implementation of this program, SC DHEC (dept of Health and environmental control) is determined to put it into effect, so the questions gathering the HIV surveillance data aren't going anywhere in SC.  ???
leatherman (aka Michael)

We were standing all alone
You were leaning in to speak to me
Acting like a mover shaker
Dancing to Madonna then you kissed me
And I think about it all the time
- Darren Hayes, "Chained to You"

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: post new med numbers
« Reply #11 on: September 21, 2014, 06:48:43 pm »
I'm a gay man was in the hospital for Hep A in the 90's.  Was HIV-.  A handful of doctors passed by my bed asking lots of questions that didn't have anything to do with my reality but were based on me being gay.  Its not pleasant but don't let it ruin ones day.  We are sometimes cockroaches in a Kafkaesque bureaucracy that doesn't see us in our individuality.

When I joined this forum I discovered people did all sorts of things around HIV that didn't feel very natural to me, because its just not my character or experience. 

So just honour your experience, and humour or even appreciate others.

I never got why some HIV+ people remember the exact date of their diagnosis. I can't remember the year, myself, unless I make a concerted effort. But some people obvious discover this in dire circumstances.  Or it has life-changing implications. So of course its an "anniversary."  Still i don't feel it at all. Sorry.

I don't get ("feel") why people congratulate each other for reaching undetectable status - because in my mindset, its not something a person achieves, its just the time for the drugs to do their work.  But Ok, why not... If it makes someone happy to hear that. And maybe sticking to drugs is a personal achievement. Sure, sometimes is....

Also on this forum, I see people congratulate others on having a good immune response to HIV (without drugs) "like its some personal achievement...?" I wonder to myself, "and not a genetic crapshoot?"

But to each his own.  I definitely get your neutral reaction to the way others might react to HIV and the milestones of living with it.  Thats why I say, to each his own. 
« Last Edit: September 21, 2014, 06:51:38 pm by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

 


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