New way to think?

[revann33]

First let me qualify myself ( I haven't been on here in a long time).  I tested Poz in 1987. 

I recently met someone right here on Poz.com, we have gotten together and are even talking about marriage.  It is great!  However, he often tells me that I need to get rid of the way I view things.  He is kinda right.  I have a jaded view of things.  I look at everything and approach it the same way I did 20 years ago.  He often pionts out that things are not as bad as they used to be, you can tell people you are infected today.  While there are some who are still stupid and uneducated, for the most part, it is not a big deal. (His words not mine) Not to mention that the meds today actually are helping not killing us.  He always makes sure that he tells me that it is because of people like me fighting the stigmas that used to surround HIV/AIDS.  Still, it is hard to change my views.

Just thought I would throw this out there and see what people think.....

[emeraldize]

First let me qualify myself ( I haven't been on here in a long time).  I tested Poz in 1987.  

I recently met someone right here on Poz.com, we have gotten together and are even talking about marriage.  It is great!  However, he often tells me that I need to get rid of the way I view things.  He is kinda right.  I have a jaded view of things.  I look at everything and approach it the same way I did 20 years ago.  He often pionts out that things are not as bad as they used to be, you can tell people you are infected today.  While there are some who are still stupid and uneducated, for the most part, it is not a big deal. (His words not mine) Not to mention that the meds today actually are helping not killing us.  He always makes sure that he tells me that it is because of people like me fighting the stigmas that used to surround HIV/AIDS.  Still, it is hard to change my views.

Just thought I would throw this out there and see what people think.....

I'll throw this observation back. Your thinking and hence, your views, netted you 23 years of living, and survival post-diagnosis. Further, you met your current beloved through a website (contemporary vehicle of communication)and you've kept your wits. Somehow, though, you are willing to consider, emphasis on consider, that he has a valid point in asking you to change because he believes you should. What do YOU believe? It's okay for you to have your very own set of beliefs and behaviors. What did he fall in like and love with if he's asking that you scrap stuff that's kept you intact at this late date? Are you happy to continue on as is? Then do so. Life is short. Why not live it as you see fit? If your beau is into advocacy and the elimination of stigma, may he go forth and prosper in that role --- and, he can benefit both of you. It's not for everyone and that is okay.


Amended with an apology...I did not realize this was in LTS and at just nearing seven years, I don't qualify as one. Moderators: Please delete if necessary. I just responded to the post and didn't heed the forum title. I'm sorry. Em

[Donna]

It's definitely possible to get stuck in a way of being that doesn't help one live a good life. But there are reasons for that - they're strategies that sort of work and can be scary to chuck aside. But hang, if you've survived this long - through life and the funny viruses love throws up - then you're already savvy enough to know this. The trick is to let oneself risk throwing out old survival strategies and seeing whether new things develop, but being able to redeploy old ways of being when one needs them. Mostly i find once i've chucked a way of being, there's little reason to re-adopt it fully again. But you don't know that until you try. Go for it, i say, try it on. You're losing nothing by trying.