If only we could exercise control over people we love who are doing self-destructive things, but we can't.
It sounds like your friend is "in denial," a bit of psychobabble meaning he's ignoring his poz status and even acting in ways that could easily be detrimental to his health. No amount of pleading, begging, arguing, etc. will make him change until he wakes up to the facts.
I advise you to be as supportive as you can by encouraging him to get his lab work done regularly. Educate yourself on HIV medication guidelines and try to make him understand the crucial importance of starting meds when the time comes. Unfortunately, though, it sounds as if the group of people he's taken up with are leeches and users and the time may come when he rejects you as a true friend. I hope not because it sounds like you're the person who has the best grasp of his situation.
As for your questions about drug use, tobacco, drinking, etc., while it is probably true the human infected by HIV is better off not engaging in such bad habits the fact is many do and seem to get away with it unless they really become excessive. A hard meth or crack habit is going to damage the person eventually, HIV or no HIV, but occasional use is less dangerous.
I hope your friend wakes up and realizes what a great friend you are before it's too late, but you are doing everything you can and it's up to him. My best friend refused to listen to my begging to get blood work at the NO/AIDS Task Force here (it is a free service) until he was too sick to help. By the time he got scared enough to act he was already dying. I hate to think of other people, like your friend, throwing their lives away like that.
Best of luck with your efforts.
Boo
J.R.E.:
--- Quote from: Jason11 on February 07, 2007, 08:13:43 am --- My friend is on meds, he says he takes two pills a day, I am worry that sometimes he forgets to take his medication because of the hangovers or drugs withdrawal. I wanted to keep this thread strictly on topic, but...YES, you're 100% right. He has other issues just besides being HIV +.
Thanks again, and have a great day
--- End quote ---
Hello Jason,
And once again, this could be a major problem, if indeed your friend is missing his scheduled doses. The meds should be taken at their prescibed times, and missing or skipping, or being late on doses, is not a good thing. This can lead to the virus mutating, and the virus becoming resistant to the meds that he is on.
I also agree with what Boo stated about your friend being in "denial". I have been there, and I know the dangers of being there. Just continue to be supportive...
Ray
Queen Tokelove:
I pretty much am in agreement with what the others are saying. Your friend has to want to help himself. It seems like he is in denial and is leading a very destructive life. If he has been in rehab and gone right back out to drugging, he prolly didn't learn anything while there. I speak from experience because I had been in rehab back in the day. The one thing they stress is changing the people, places, and things that might trigger you to use. I'm no angel, I smoke weed but rehab did help me to stop doing what I went in there for. From the friends you say he has now, it sounds like he is smoking crack or hanging with crackheads. I don't know the behavior of people on meth or anything hardcore but I do agree with what you are saying about his new friends. I wish there was more I could tell you but I think you are a good friend for trying to help. But keep in mind, you can only do so much. When the time comes when he crashes and burns, it will, just be there for him. When that time comes, he will more than likely feel that he burned all his bridges, so he will indeed need a friend who has his best interest at heart. Good Luck....
Jason11:
--- Quote from: Queen Akasha on February 08, 2007, 02:14:57 am ---I pretty much am in agreement with what the others are saying. Your friend has to want to help himself. It seems like he is in denial and is leading a very destructive life. If he has been in rehab and gone right back out to drugging, he prolly didn't learn anything while there. I speak from experience because I had been in rehab back in the day. The one thing they stress is changing the people, places, and things that might trigger you to use. I'm no angel, I smoke weed but rehab did help me to stop doing what I went in there for. From the friends you say he has now, it sounds like he is smoking crack or hanging with crackheads. I don't know the behavior of people on meth or anything hardcore but I do agree with what you are saying about his new friends. I wish there was more I could tell you but I think you are a good friend for trying to help. But keep in mind, you can only do so much. When the time comes when he crashes and burns, it will, just be there for him. When that time comes, he will more than likely feel that he burned all his bridges, so he will indeed need a friend who has his best interest at heart. Good Luck....
--- End quote ---
Hi Queen, Thank you for the reply. I must tell you that you got it right!!! My friend has been in rehab before for using Crack. He doesn't have pleasant memories from that period of his life which makes me think that he isn't doing crack now or Crystal Meth...from his statements and strong opinions about both substances when I have questioned him...but you know it is hard to trust someone with addictions. I think he is doing Cocaine occasionally, his friends, the ones I referred earlier, are Coke users and dealers. He admitted he does drugs about twice a month. I didn't want to ask him what his drug of choice was, Eventhough, he is one of my best friends and there are very little secrets between us, I think he deserves some privacy. I assume it'ss Coke. But this is just one thing...there is the alcohol (he can fill a fish tank with all the beers he pops in one night), tobacco. When it comes to sex, I must tell you that he is gay, and from "guy's talk" we've had, he is 90 % of the time the receptive partner. I do assure you that he tells guys about his HIV status; but he has also confessed that sometimes there is too much alcohol involved, both parties neglect protection, he goes home and later finds out that the guy he hooked up with that night blew his fluids inside him. I have come to the conclusion to just back off and observe, be less and less involved, keep our intercommunication civile and simple. If the situation gets worse, If he hits rock bottom because of the things he is doing, I will try to be there for him. Now, it is time for me to... pretty much... leave him on his own.
Thank you all for the great advice I have received in the last couple of days. God bless you and live well.
mjmel:
--- Quote from: Jason11 on February 08, 2007, 09:16:35 am ---I have come to the conclusion to just back off and observe, be less and less involved, keep our intercommunication civile and simple. If the situation gets worse, If he hits rock bottom because of the things he is doing, I will try to be there for him. Now, it is time for me to... pretty much... leave him on his own.
Thank you all for the great advice I have received in the last couple of days. God bless you and live well.
--- End quote --- Hey Jason. Welcome to the forum. I read your post very early this morning before any of the above responses were posted. I wanted to offer some advice but didn' t want it to be the first thing you'd digest following your post. I wanted to advise you to do just what you've stated in above quote. You have got a good heart and want to reach out to help........and you speak with understanding. If your friend is hell bent on learning his lessons the hard way--then so be it. Been there; done that. You be there for him but take no bullshit. He'll respect you for it. If not now, then later.