How Much Info to Share?

[tednlou2]

I've been talking to someone via PMs.  I was on the verge of giving him my facebook screenname, but thought I should reconsider.  I'm wondering what your thoughts are on sharing info with other members.  The only problem I could see with the facebook thing is someone accidentally outing my status to friends and family.  I've gotten to know many of you as much as you can on here and I wouldn't feel worried for any of you to know my name and other personal info.  I know some of you have met in person and talk on the phone. 

I feel it is good that people you talk to on a daily basis know more about you.  Always being so curious about people (probably nosy), I would like to see member's pix of their vacations, their night out at the bar, or videos they've posted on youtube or facebook of themselves. 

Just thought I'd see what your thoughts are on sharing personal info?     

[MitchMiller]

If the person posts regularly on this site, then there would seem to be little risk in getting to know someone personnally.  However, if you want to keep your status confidential, I would be really wary of using facebook for that purpose, especially if your page is open to searches and you use your real name.  Employers have been known to search public web sites for info on prospective candidate employees. 

[leese43]

I have 2 or 3 friends on fb that I met on various poz sites. I've only ever added after chatting with them for a few weeks on a day to day basis and feel that it's going to be a lasting friendship. So far my instinct has been correct.  One friend is like a little sister to me and I've been to stay with her twice now in NY, we're also planning for her to come visit me. I think it's worth taking a risk for friendship sometimes.

Leese

[mecch]

If you want to include someone from here on facebook, first trust the person, and then second, explain the dos and donts of what you accept on your public wall at facebook.

Facebook seems like a pandora's box of possible privacy leaks.

[skeebo1969]

   One thing I learned on facebook is never have both your ex-wives as friends.  They are supposed to think you are absolutely miserable without them, they go easier on you when they have this train of thought.  The bad thing is when they see your lifes not so bad and start giving you a hard time, you cannot drop them, because this only infuriates them more.  I actually posted a pic of a run down trailer home in the middle of the everglades, proclaiming it my new home.  They didn't buy it.

   Adding my mother-in-law wasn't such a great idea either.  Right after I added her, she asked my wife,"why does Thomas have so many female friends?".

[Miss Philicia]

tedderz, don't you think that this "friend" here on AIDSmeds will be kind of insulted by this thread when they read it?

Otherwise to answer your question, there's little to nothing to be gained by peeking at someone's boring vacation pictures if it's going to cause you daily worry.  Then again, there's definitely such a thing as being overly paranoid.

[Rev. Moon]

OMG, Teddy Baybee, you're not giving me your Facebook addy?

Evidently, if you post important stuff on boring Facebook (which to this day puzzles me as to why people would do that if they are in any way concerned about privacy), you should only share that info with someone that can be trusted. The same applies in "real" life.

[Hellraiser]

I've been talking to someone via PMs.  I was on the verge of giving him my facebook screenname, but thought I should reconsider.  I'm wondering what your thoughts are on sharing info with other members.  The only problem I could see with the facebook thing is someone accidentally outing my status to friends and family.  I've gotten to know many of you as much as you can on here and I wouldn't feel worried for any of you to know my name and other personal info.  I know some of you have met in person and talk on the phone. 

I feel it is good that people you talk to on a daily basis know more about you.  Always being so curious about people (probably nosy), I would like to see member's pix of their vacations, their night out at the bar, or videos they've posted on youtube or facebook of themselves. 

Just thought I'd see what your thoughts are on sharing personal info?     

Share absolutely nothing about your personal life on these forums.

[next2u]

i've friended three people from here (skeebo would have been the fourth but he denied me).

things have gone well. they post regularly here. from their posts i garnered they were sane. we took it to the pm or im realm and really hit it off. i really liked getting to see a more holistic version of them and drop in on them from time to time.

anyone who knows your status can out you for any reason. accept this and move forward. i find this to be an irrational reason not to move forward with many things. it has happened to me in my personal life and i still survived. others have had more damage.

like with most relationships take it step by step and within your comfort zone.

and to philly - i give great relationship advice. as for my own personal adventures - i am an optimist who is still an optimist after courting an asshole. people change (he went from caring to selfish), and hopefully some of us will change for the better. but i digress.

take care,
d

[Miss Philicia]

Share absolutely nothing about your personal life on these forums.

Just because you had one bad experience doesn't mean the issue is really that black and white.  Then again, it depends on what and how much you're hiding from people in real life I guess.  Someone PMing everyone on my facebook page that I'm a poz infested leper and deviant cocksucking poppers whore wouldn't get much traction from my non-AIDSmeds friends because they all (or at least most) already know this fact.

[Hellraiser]

Just because you had one bad experience doesn't mean the issue is really that black and white.  Then again, it depends on what and how much you're hiding from people in real life I guess.  Someone PMing everyone on my facebook page that I'm a poz infested leper and deviant cocksucking poppers whore wouldn't get much traction from my non-AIDSmeds friends because they all (or at least most) already know this fact.

All it takes is one bad experience for me to learn.

[Miss Philicia]

All it takes is one bad experience for me to learn.

Yes, but you're projecting this onto others without explaining the details, thus potentially making them more paranoid.  It would be like me telling everyone here not to take their HIV meds simply because of my bad personal experience with lipo.

[next2u]

Just because you had one bad experience doesn't mean the issue is really that black and white.  Then again, it depends on what and how much you're hiding from people in real life I guess.  Someone PMing everyone on my facebook page that I'm a poz infested leper and deviant cocksucking poppers whore wouldn't get much traction from my non-AIDSmeds friends because they all (or at least most) already know this fact.

omg...you're ... on .... facebook? lol.

[GSOgymrat]

As someone who has posted pictures of their bare ass, I'm probably not the best person to ask how much info you should share.

[Jeff G]

omg...you're ... on .... facebook? lol.

I think I saw his profile on fistbook

[Miss Philicia]

omg...you're ... on .... facebook? lol.

Amazing how I actually have any friends!

[next2u]

As someone who has posted pictures of their bare ass, I'm probably not the best person to ask how much info you should share.

can you repost that link ford...it's for scientific purposes and hellraiser needs some motivation...lol.

[Hellraiser]

can you repost that link ford...it's for scientific purposes and hellraiser needs some motivation...lol.

I'm more concerned about his front side

[next2u]

im sure miss p is all about grindr...lol.

[next2u]

I'm more concerned about his front side

oh...so you are confirming your bottom status...lol. i'll second that handsome.

Ford, our scientific study needs more data. i think you're gonna have to submit more photos for science...thanks for being a trooper.  

[Hellraiser]

oh...so you are confirming your bottom status...lol. i'll second that handsome.

Ford, our scientific study needs more data. i think you're gonna have to submit more photos for science...thanks for being a trooper.  

I admit nothing.

[Ann]

Share absolutely nothing about your personal life on these forums.

Mr Hell, I also had a bad experience with - and was very much hurt by - the person who was giving you grief. (I was unavoidably offline at the time, but read the memos when I returned.)

I have to say I apologise for that, as I was part of a group decision to allow that member back into the forum. I very much wanted to give him the benefit of doubt that he was in a better place these days, but alas, my trust and hope were misplaced.

You simply cannot let one person colour your future. If I'd let him get to me, I would have disappeared from here a few years ago - from the whole of the internet, in fact.

I did learn some very valuable lessons from the experience. I'm more careful these days and tend to keep myself to myself to a greater extent - but not so much that I deny myself friends and support. I still get burned from time to time, but hey, that's life whether you're online or offline.

The people here who are malicious are very much in the minority. We (the mods) do our best to keep it that way.

You can help to keep it that way yourself by reporting any abuse or threatened abuse. We can't do anything if we don't know what's going on and we keep any reports of this nature in the strictest of confidence.

Keep things on a first-name-only or assumed-name-only basis until you're sure of who you're communicating with - and that takes more than a couple PMs. Don't give people your home address or phone number until you're sure of them.

Be aware that some people are struggling with issues that are not always apparent. If you have nagging doubts about someone, heed them. On the flip side, if your instincts tell you someone is genuine, heed them too. Always listen to your gut instincts. 

There have been too many long-lasting friendships formed in these pages over the years to give much weight to the odd one out who was intent on causing pain. Share yourselves, but exercise caution at the same time. It's worth it in the end.

[GSOgymrat]

I'm more concerned about his front side

I'm sorry, but I don't do full frontal!

well... unless it is in the name of artistic expression...

But I certainly wouldn't show an erection!

Unless... maybe... if it is tastefully done...

However I absolutely, positively drawn the line at bad lighting!


I have standards.

[Ann]

I'm sorry, but I don't do full frontal!

well... unless it is in the name of artistic expression...

But I certainly wouldn't show an erection!

Unless... maybe... if it is tastefully done...

However I absolutely, positively drawn the line at bad lighting!


I have standards.

Oh come on, Ford. Next Halloween I fully expect to see a full-body shot, with full-body makeup, erectally frontal to boot. After all, "artistic" is in the eye of the beholder. (hehehe.... my spell checker [not the one provided by AM] just suggested "e-rectally".... wonder what that could possibly mean? Kinda like e-mail back in the old days? Electronic rectal? Oooo I'm gonna have to go visit redtube!)

Stop being so damned modest. If you got what it takes to excite not only the jaded queens around here, but also the bi-women, then flaunt it man, flaunt it!

[skeebo1969]

    I'm here guys!! WHAT DID I MISS?!?!?!  What's the topic??  Who the hell done got Ann all turned on?? 

[Ann]

Who the hell done got Ann all turned on?? 

T'weren't you mate. As Newt the Beaut would say, "soz".

[skeebo1969]

T'weren't you mate. As Newt the Beaut would say, "soz".

Miss I know it wasn't me, you ain't mah type!

[WillyWump]

  Who the hell done got Ann all turned on??  

sorry

It obviously was me and the goats.

-Will

[leatherman]

thought I'd see what your thoughts are on sharing personal info?     

it's like when worlds collide.

Anytime you begin to make the connections between one online persona (ie Tednlou2) and Ted (the other guy, the "real" you at FB), you make a connection that allows data to flow back and forth. Anytime you make a connection between one person and another, the data can flow.

recently at a Peer Counseling training class my ASO sponsored, we discussed this kind of privacy issue. Say when I as a counselor am matched up with another client, I now know some of that client's medical data - with no HIPAA rules constraining me. The instructor suggested that rules/boundaries would need to be discussed. When we meet in Walmart, for instance, can I say hello? Will having to explain how the client knows me initiate some sort of disclosure or force the client to lie to his companions? Of course, even setting rules doesn't mean the other person will not break them accidentally or even on purpose.

once you make that connection online between Tednlou2 and Ted on FB, the chances increase that the connections can be followed and all information you have given here would leak over there. And vice versa. Several times people have mentioned information about their FB or MySpace accounts, and out of curiosity and the magic of Google, I have easily found those people and learned much more about their true personal life and data then they ever released in these forums.

As an IT guy, just going online anywhere and posting any of your personal data makes you much more vulnerable to everyone having access to much more your data. There really isn't that much privacy once you're online. Even this site is Google-searchable and exposes everything we write here. It's just the way things are in 2010.

Personally, it's one of the reasons I frequently counsel total disclosure. You might as well get all those scenes of confrontation out WHEN you want them and on your TERMS. If your status information (some connection between you and HIV) is out there somewhere on the net, eventually someone you don't want to have that information will. The same thing applies in RL (real life). Even though you (not "you" personally Ted, but the general "you" as in everybody) may not want to disclose to your parents, your employer or whoever else, if someone else knows you and knows your status there is that chance of connection between the two and your "secret" is out.

Now I'm not counseling paranoia; but counseling honesty plus a little caution in revealing too much personal info. Oh and it doesn't hurt to have the same name as a celebrity, so a google search doesn't immediately pop up your information. LOL

[WillyWump]

Personally, it's one of the reasons I frequently counsel total disclosure. You might as well get all those scenes of confrontation out WHEN you want them and on your TERMS.

I tend to agree with this. I'm not ready for full disclousre yet, hence I'm not that open to adding just anyone to my FB acct that may know my status. While overwhelmingly the scenario would likely turn out fine, there is always that slight chance of it exploding, ie. Hellraiser situation.

So until I am comfortable with accepting that "slight chance" and being fully outed, or until I fully out myself, I will try to exercise restraint in these areas. But that's just me.

-Will

[Ann]

Miss I know it wasn't me, you ain't mah type!

Oh I know, I'm vanilla - except when it comes to my profile on sites I have no intention of mentioning here.

sorry

It obviously was me and the goats.

-Will

Goats? Goats??? Can I watch? Purely from a scientific viewpoint, I assure you. As in... how on earth???...

[leese43]

I'm more worried about a dog ugly photo of me being tagged by my RL friends than being outed. I have the untag process down to a fine art believe me! 

[WillyWump]

Goats? Goats??? Can I watch? Purely from a scientific viewpoint, I assure you. As in... how on earth???...

See , she wants to watch now 

ba-aa-aaa-aaa-!

[next2u]

has ford consented yet?

lol. but back to the topic at hand. it's totally up to you to decide how much to share. i tend to trust easily, others do not.

let us know your decision.

also, i'm so out of the loop (i am most of the time). can someone pm me the name of the banned individual that played foul?

best,
d

[next2u]

lol...ann's on fistbook donning her black latex skin skeebo...

[tednlou2]

tedderz, don't you think that this "friend" here on AIDSmeds will be kind of insulted by this thread when they read it?

Otherwise to answer your question, there's little to nothing to be gained by peeking at someone's boring vacation pictures if it's going to cause you daily worry.  Then again, there's definitely such a thing as being overly paranoid.

Thanks for all the advice everyone.  Miss P, after I posted I thought about that.  I talk regularly to about 3 people, so they wouldn't know which one I was about to give that info to and then reconsidered.  But, I did think the very same thing.  It isn't like they are dying to have access to my FB page anyway.  They may not even want it.  I just thought it would be nice to run into each other there, since we talk so much here.  I may still do it. 

By the way, I like looking at vacation pix and pix of people out at the bar, charity event, etc.  It is kinda like people watching.  I would love to see your vacation pix, Miss P.  Maybe in the future, this site will have the ability to add pix and videos to our profiles, so we can keep it all here and learn more about each other.     

[Hellraiser]

Goats? Goats??? Can I watch? Purely from a scientific viewpoint, I assure you. As in... how on earth???...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wtZX1i6OYc


This clip and Mr Pillowpants the pussy troll were the only redeeming jokes in this entire movie.

[Ann]

See , she wants to watch now 

ba-aa-aaa-aaa-!

Got news for you, mate; I always want to watch!

lol...ann's on fistbook donning her black latex skin skeebo...

Hush your mouth!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wtZX1i6OYc

OK, you got me there. So maybe I DON'T always want to watch! Do people really pay good money to watch crap like that? Hooboy!

[J.R.E.]

I've never had the interest to create a facebook account.  I have never found the need to have one. I don't twitter, tweet , or chirp. I like doing things the old fashion way, may be a little slower, but what the hell.

Besides, facebook has been having an awful lot of security issues lately.  Profiles being hacked ETC.

You can read more about that in the computer forums I belong to : Under updates security and scams : Just scroll down, to any thread about Facebook.


http://forum.worldstart.com/index.php