Goodbye

[Biggums]

I know it is a crappy time of the year to do it but me and my honey are calling it quits.  The age difference has just gotten to be too much.  I am a homebody at 44 and he is a party boy at 25.  At ten I am ready for bed and that's just when he is getting ready to go out.  It causes major problems.

Also, since he got diagnosed, he is having major, major problems with commitment.  He can't seem to get over this and all the counseling hasn't helped.  He feels like a walking plague and wants to have no close bonds to anyone.

I love him with all my heart but there's nothing else I can do.  I am crushed and in a few weeks he is leaving to move to another state.  I feel I have lost my world.

Also, since I am not going to be in a relationship with him anymore, I no longer feel I should come here.  I feel I would be a troll.  I do want to thank all of you who have helped us through this time.  Your friendship and advice have helped so much.  I love y'all and wish you the very, very best.

[Longislander]

wow, I'm really sorry to hear this. So many threads going around here right now about not being able to make someone do something they can't or won't do.

With time, you'll be ok. I wish you all the best!

Paul

[Eldon]

Hello Biggums,

It is unfortunate that you are going through this situation with your BF. It is certainly understood where your heart resides and the surge of emotions that are present. You know that deep within you , you have done what you could, through your unspeakable support. It is sad that it has to end this way.

Emotionally your BF is going through with his situation. He is coping with this in his own way. There are some things that you can suggest and there are some things that you cannot suggest. It all boils down to the "choice" of the individual on which direction on their road they have decided to travel on their journey in this life.

The BEST thing you can DO right now is to take care of YOU. Accept the things that you cannot change, and change the things that you can and that is within you.

I extend my deepest sympathy to you and your situation.

Make the BEST of each Day!

[Life]

Don't say goodbye... 

[Just John]

Biggums I feel for you with all my heart.

Me and my BF are in a similar situation, I'm your age and poz and he's 16 years older and not; as if the age difference in itself wasn't going to cause some tension at some stage anyhow now we have to cope with my disease and all it entails too. I know where your guy is coming from too though I think, because I often feel the same way, I still love my guy but I just can't seem to stop this thing driving a wedge between us. I push him away sometimes subconsciously and only realise I'm doing it when I see the hurt in his eyes, I hate myself for it but can't help it. It crosses my mind occasionally that it would be better for both of us if I wasn't here; but.....................

I don't know what the future holds for any of us but I do know that if you've supported your BF so far, and from your posts here I know you have, then you really are a wonderful hearted person, I only hope that he realises it, if not now then in time.

Right now though, no matter how hard it might be you need to put your selfish hat on and look after yourself, although this will be hard for you to believe, I TRULY BELIEVE, that a guy as nice as you is bound to find happiness again.

If you feel you must leave the site, (and I don't think so), please look in on us from time to time and let us know how you're getting on.

John.

[poet]

I hope that we can convince you otherwise, that you are part of the family of voices here and that we might be of some comfort to you as you deal with what may be the result of holiday pressures causing crashing and burning all around (based solely on my quick review of your recent posts).  We need all of the voices, the positive, the negative, the newly diagnosed, the ancient warriors, the young, the older, those from the U.S. and those from across the world.  At the same time, since you always have the right to withdraw, know that I wish you well if you do leave.  Best, Win

[Jerry71]

Don't ever give up trying to find someone elsse they are out there believe me I know been there before. This is your family on here and we love and support each other and you should not ever think you should have to leave beacuse of that. 

[Christine]

Hi biggums,

You are part of the family, I don't want to see you leave either. I am sorry about you and your bf. Holidays can bring out the worst amount of stress. If you need to talk we will be here.
Christine

[Andy Velez]

Big, I was very sorry to read your news about the breakup. Damn!

Wishing you a good holiday in spite of....and good luck in getting through this difficult time. Like that old song says, "breaking up is hard to do." Sometimes I don't know how people survive it.

Cheers,

[AlanBama]

Hi B,

You have given help and support to many here who do have HIV/AIDS, and you are a person who is/has been affected by it.   I say you are most welcome to continue posting here, don't feel that you have to leave because your relationship ended.

Best of luck to you, and I hope that you find peace.

hugs,

Alan

[Poz Brit]

Your no troll, we need your input, your love, and sometimes, some one on the out side of the fence, can see what the insiders can’t see, perhaps, drop by now and then and tell us how your life is. Any way, this place is like the eagles song “Hotel California”
“You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave”
Take care; hope to hear from you soon.

John(UK)

[RevMC]

Big,

If your an ole troll, then I guess I am too (43).  There are quite a few of us older men on here and I for one would hate to see you leave just because of your age.

From the posts I've just read, you've helped and made a difference in quite a few people's lives on here.  I only wish I had the opportunity to get to know you a bit more.  Why not stick around and take the chance to meet some of us new older people.

If you do decide to leave, may which ever god you believe in watch over you, protect you and bring happiness in every form into your life.

Love and Light,

Rev. Michael

[Teresa]

Biggums,

So sorry this is happening to you. Please dont be a stranger here. We all care about you and want to help you in any way we can get thru this.  You are family! You have helped me many times.

Big Hugs
Teresa

[jntmax39]

HEY BIG
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE. I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I WAS DIAGNOSED IN 05 ALSO
IT WAS DEVASTATING TO ME AND MY BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME WAS SO VERY UNDERSTANDING,BUT I JUST COULD'NT SEE MYSELF WITH ANYONE I FELT SO VERY SAD AND I WAS SO AFRAID THAT I HAD GIVEN HIM HIV. WE WERE TOGETHER THEN FOR ABOUT SIX YEARS. I MADE HIM LEAVE ME TO GO BACK TO HIS FAMIY AND I DECIDED THAT I WOULD GO THREW THIS BY MYSELF. I WENT THREW ALL OF THE EMOTIONS FOR ABOUT SIX MONTHS STILL KEEPING IN CONTACT WITH HIM.HE KEPT TELLING ME IT'S OK WE'LL GET THREW THIS IT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING. MY POINT IS WE HAVE TO DO WHAT WE GOT TO DO IN OUR OWN WAY BECAUSE THAT WAS THE ONLY THIN THAT I COULD CONTROL AT THE TIME WAS MY RELATIONSHIP I COULDN'T CONTROL WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO MY BODY AND MIND AT THE TIME,ANYWAY I REALIZED THAT I NEEDED MY MAN BY MY SIDE TO HELP ME FIGHT AND WE HAVE.NOW HE IS MY ROCK MY BESTFRIEND. NOW 2 YEARS LATER WE ARE MARRIED AND VERY HAPPY. MY POINT IS AND I KNOW I HAVE A POINT HERELOL.... IT JUST TAKES A LITTLE TIME TO THINK LOL... OH YEAHDON'T GIVE UP ON HIM HE WILL REALIZE ONCE HE LEAVES OF HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE TO HIM. IT WILL TAKE SOME TIME BUT I BELIEVE HE WILL MISS YOU.
HANG IN THERE AND I WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR PARTNER.

[Jeffreyj]

Hi Big,
I hope you choose to hang around here. I am really sorry to hear of the break up. That can never be easy. There are many who care about you. I 'm not sure how your age has anything to do with leaving.
If you do leave know that you will be missed! I hope things get better for you, good friend!

[bobik]

Hey Biggums,

sorry to hear what is going on. I would say your life is affected by HIV and would feel sorry if you left.

Hug

Coen