POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => I Just Tested Poz => Topic started by: onelife on April 21, 2013, 03:30:15 pm
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Hello all,
It has been an emotional roller coaster since Wednesday (April 17, 2013) that my HIV rapid test came out to be reactive. I have no words to describe what I am feeling right now - I am doing my best to appear calm and normal in front of others but I am in a terrible state right now. I can't sleep or concentrate or cry. I haven't told this to anyone yet and I don't know what to do. All my life is seems to be washing away.
The doctor ordered the confirmatory test and said the results should take a week to come back. I am scared, tired, drained, angry, sad, full of shame and guilt. Please help me. I don't know what to do.
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Hi Life and welcome to the forum . We can still hope for a negative confirmatory result but I can promise you that if you do test HIV Positive all is not lost and what you are feeling will get better in time .
I have been poz 30 years now but one thing we all have in common was that day we found out our status . Its natural for you to be feeling as you are , I do understand .
You will find that this site will be here for you and you will always have a place to come and vent , get support or information . I'm sorry you are having this to deal with but at least you are not alone , not by a long shot .
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Thank you Jeff for the kind message.
Regarding the confirmatory test, the doctor said out very blatantly that the chances are "very rare" for a false negative. I will keep you posted as and when I hear back from the doctor.
Would you have any tips/suggestions on what I should before the results come out and after the results come out?
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Thank you Jeff for the kind message.
Regarding the confirmatory test, the doctor said out very blatantly that the chances are "very rare" for a false negative. I will keep you posted as and when I hear back from the doctor.
Would you have any tips/suggestions on what I should before the results come out and after the results come out?
I would try as hard as it may be to find things to do that can keep you from dwelling on what ifs and negative thoughts until your you get the results confirmed .
If your test comes back positive you must remind your self that a positive diagnosis dosent mean you are going to get sick or decline rapidly . With todays treatments and the fact that you know to be vigilant with your health means you most likely will never suffer like some people do that find out they are POZ when they are in the hospital with pneumonia or worse .
Either way you are going to be OK .
May I ask you for a bit more of your story of how you wound up here talking to me on a beautiful spring day ?
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Hey Onelife; Sorry you are here, but welcome.
I was diagnosed 10 months ago - and I was on that same emotional roller coaster, not sleeping or eating. All I could think of was the diagnosis and I had to try to keep my life in order.
I came here and found some very good advice - and as simple and basic as it sounds, it is true. The advice was to take a deep breath, try and relax, try to do something good for yourself, and most of all know that with the proper medical treatment things are going to be ok -- in the words of my doctor "HIV is manageable". One person told me that my life would not change that much at all.
I am only 10 months in, and things are much, much, much better - I am much more educated on the disease, I am on treatment, and I know that with proper management I am going to live a full productive life.
One thing that also helped me was seeing a counselor who addresses the issues of HIV in his practice. I know many others on the board have benefited from support groups.
Hang in there, I know what the roller coaster ride feels like, it will get much, much easier with time.
JM
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Thank you Jeff and JM for the tips. In honesty, I will try my best to follow them in my best abilities. Unfortunately, the mind doesn’t co-operate always. I am trying to keep myself active as much as I can by doing routine things.
Yes, I should have introduced myself earlier. I am 28 years old gay man from Boston. Originally from India, I came here 4.5 years ago. My family is still in India. Every since, I have found out about my test I am reading about HIV and came across this helpful resource. As wired up and depressed I get reading things here, I couldn’t help but share my story.
Jmarksto: I am glad to hear that you are in a much better place now. Keeping hanging there. I do intend to get counseling and attending work groups. We have Fenway health here in Boston which has a good and support LGBT community.
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Hi onelife sorry that you are going through this. I myself tested positive 2/21/13 and from Boston also. So its very resent for myself as well, I just want to tell you to hang on that it does get better, its ok to be scared and sad but you will get through this.
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I look bad and it has just been 90 days since I found out I was positive. I read your post and it brings me back to those same feelings that you are having now.
The one thing that I can remember being told was "you will be okay" It's true you will be okay. Things will get better. I also in the Boston area.
I have been seeing the doctors at Mass General.
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Thank you aaware72 and fer00. I am so glad to you guys are from the area - it somehow gives some mental support.
Although the test results haven't been confirmed but I know what to expect - I had flu in February 2013 and seen white blotches on my tongue. :(
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Just to be clear, white blotches on your tongue are in no way an HIV symptom. If you think they might be thrush, you are likely wrong - because thrush hurts like crazy. You would have seen a doctor about it by now, if not gone to an Urgent Care Clinic.
Even though flu-like symptoms are indicative of ARS, please remember that it IS flu season!
I sincerely hope you have received a false positive - but if you have not, PLEASE read our lessons about HIV and it's presentation. If you are recently infected, then rest assured that you have months if not years to decide on treatment. And treatment options abound these days. There is absolutely no logical reason why you won't live a normal, HIV-symptom-free life with current therapies, provided you have access.
I sincerely wish you the best.
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Jkinati2: You are awesome! Your sincere wishes are touching.
No word from the doctor yet on the confirmation results. But they did some blood work on last Wednesday and the results are out. Here are the T-level counts:
CD4 count – 380
CD8 count – 1731 (range is 193 to 685)
CD4/ CD8 ratio – 0.2
T lymphocyte count, blood, total 2550
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I know there is a correlation between HIV and CD4/8. I just don't know what to make of it.
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I know there is a correlation between HIV and CD4/8. I just don't know what to make of it.
HIV infection causes a drop in your cd4 count. A normal count is about 500-1500.
When that happens the body responds by fighting back, this can lead to an increase in your cd8 count.
The cd4/cd8 ratio is used to see the correlation between cd4 and cd8 counts. A normal ratio is greater than 1.0 (meaning more cd4 cells than cd8 cells) A ratio of less than 0.9 is common in positive people (showing more cd8 cells than cd4 cells) the significance of it isn't really known. It shows the body is in an inflammatory state most likely due to fighting off the HIV.
After you start treatment you will see that your cd4 count will start to rise and your cd8 count will drop. Your cd4/8 ratio will increase and will get closer and closer to 1.0.
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Thanks for the clear explanation buginme2. Very useful.
The Elisa and blot results are out. I am positive.
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Sorry to hear about the positive result on the blot.
It will take some time to get used to being positive, but you will, and things will be ok. You are fortunate to be living in Boston and getting care there. There are some great medical facilities in Boston.
Based on the lab results you posted you will be starting treatment shortly. First they will do a genotype test to see if the HIV you acquired is resistant to any current meds. They will also do a viral load test to see how much virus they can measure. Once they get those results they will prescribe a medication. Depending on those results it's likely your medication will be one pill a day. Very easy. And don't worry, the medication today have very few side effects.
If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask.
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Thanks for the support - it really means a lot. I am still grappling with being positive.
Yeah, the doc has ordered the genotype and viral load test already. Hopefully, the results will be out this week.
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Hi Onelife,
I feel sad you tested positive, but I am glad you found this forum.
You've already received great advice from the other members of the forum. I am getting into my 7th year post diagnosis, and this forum has been an awesome haven for me in my most troubled times. The positive life is full of ups and downs....some days bright, somedays grey. On those grey days, just try to focus on the positive things in life. Dont forget we are here to listen to you and to share the good and bad days with you.
What I have learnt in the past is that tomorrow is better than today.
Hugs to you.
Karry