Author Topic: Mother's illness (Read 15609 times)

wolfter · « **on:** January 09, 2014, 01:59:00 pm »

I've made references to my mother's diagnosis with leukemia, but didn't want to start a thread about it. It's about her, not me. That being said, I just needed a place to share my thoughts and fears.

She came to my room a little while ago, looking deathly sick. She was shaking and crying and asked if I'd drive her to the hospital. I instead took her to her oncologist who promptly saw her. They're fearful that she has contracted the flu since her immune system is whacked.

I was sick to my stomach with worry as she's not the drama type who complains. I can't post on FB as I don't think she'd appreciate all the hoopla.

She's finally resting but I'm still worried as hell. Almost 30 years ago, she had to deal with my illness that didn't have a good prognosis. Now, history is repeating in a sense as her form of leukemia doesn't have a good prognosis. Average life expectancy is around 2 years and she was only diagnosed 5 months ago.

Wolfie

Jody · « **Reply #1 on:** January 09, 2014, 02:05:01 pm »

So sorry to hear your mom is not doing well right now. Hopefully the flu will go away and she will have some better days ahead. Hugs to you Wolfie, you are a fine, caring son. Hugs to you and your mom.

Jody

Joe K · « **Reply #2 on:** January 09, 2014, 02:11:42 pm »

Greg, I am so sorry to hear about your mother's health. I went through a similar thing with my mother and pancreatic cancer. While your mom may not want a lot of attention right now, you need support, so we are here for you. If you feel it important to share this news via FB, try explaining to her that you both need support and you should permit your friends and family to do what they do best: love and support you.

My thoughts are with you both.

Joe

wolfter · « **Reply #3 on:** January 09, 2014, 02:14:54 pm »

thanks guys. I feel better just having an avenue to vent. It's difficult to watch a once vibrant and active parent suddenly looking so frail. This is a woman who hadn't seen a doctor since 1971. Even then, it was her last pregnancy and she didn't even have a doctor. She drove herself to the ER and checked herself out the next morning.

tednlou2 · « **Reply #4 on:** January 09, 2014, 02:23:30 pm »

Wolfie,

I am so sorry she's not feeling well, on top of the big issue. Isn't there a test to diagnose flu and start those antiviral meds? Or, are they thinking this is just due to the leukemia? I hope she feels better soon and she doesn't have the flu.

I will keep your mom in my thoughts. I read where you said she was out with friends recently, and I thought that was a good sign. She sounds like a trooper and that's good. I can only imagine how tough and scary this is for her and you.

wolfter · « **Reply #5 on:** January 09, 2014, 02:32:08 pm »

Quote from: tednlou2 on January 09, 2014, 02:23:30 pm

Wolfie,

I am so sorry she's not feeling well, on top of the big issue. Isn't there a test to diagnose flu and start those antiviral meds? Or, are they thinking this is just due to the leukemia? I hope she feels better soon and she doesn't have the flu.

I will keep your mom in my thoughts. I read where you said she was out with friends recently, and I thought that was a good sign. She sounds like a trooper and that's good. I can only imagine how tough and scary this is for her and you.

They did a swab test and also drew blood. they have scheduled her back for Monday. I'm going with her regardless of her opinion. I think she is purposely not worrying us, but I need to hear from her oncologist exactly what is happening.

Prior to yesterday, she was doing quite well. I warned her about being out amongst sick people because she has no immune system at this point. she's also quite stubborn, not sure if that's a family trait or not as I ALWAYS follow professional advice.

Theyer · « **Reply #6 on:** January 09, 2014, 02:35:13 pm »

Wolfie, I am sorry , and off course you are worried.It throws up a lot off things when our Parents become venerable and need our strength and care. Off course you need to talk about it , where you do that is up to you but here seems appropriate to me. I doubt if your going to think or feel anything that those off us who have a few years on you have not felt or thought.

It is differcult to watch fraility desend , however your Mothers strength off character does not depend on her physical strength and if she is like my Mother she will find away off making you realize that , take care Greg ,
Michael

mitch777 · « **Reply #7 on:** January 09, 2014, 03:01:52 pm »

Greg,

Sorry for this recent news. We have discussed her diagnosis over the phone many times and I'm always here down the road. I'm glad you started this thread. Caregivers need support too and I think this group of people have some experience with that.

You and your mom are in my thoughts. Be sure to take care of yourself!

Hugs,
Mark

BT65 · « **Reply #8 on:** January 09, 2014, 03:43:15 pm »

Greg, so sorry to read this. I like what Michael (theyer) said: "your mother's strength of character does not depend on her physical strength." This is so true.

When my mom finally fell on her last days from lung cancer, it was extremely difficult to cope with. But one of the things that actually helped was taking care of her. No regrets.

You can pm if you need to. Keep talking, I will be thinking of you both.

Betty

wolfter · « **Reply #9 on:** January 09, 2014, 03:57:37 pm »

You guys/gals are great. Our family does a lot of denying and therefore we aren't discussing this much. My siblings insist she'll be just fine and refuse to deal with it. Of course, I'm the emotional one and I worry the most.

thanks again all.

britchick · « **Reply #10 on:** January 09, 2014, 04:05:16 pm »

Im thinking about you and your mum.She sounds like a very special lady.Im so glad that you have been such a good support to each other and that you can come here to talk about your feelings.

britchickx

Jeff G · « **Reply #11 on:** January 09, 2014, 04:05:30 pm »

I'm sorry you and your mom are forced to meet this challenge but knowing you and what you have been through I can say your mom is lucky to have a son with such strength and determination . You have to offer exactly what she needs and I know you are taking good care of her .

bocker3 · « **Reply #12 on:** January 09, 2014, 04:49:52 pm »

Greg,

So sorry to hear about you mom. She is very lucky to have a good son like you to be there for her.
I'm glad you started this thread -- use it for all you need. Venting and sharing your thoughts, worries, etc is very good for you. You need to take care of you too, else you won't be at your best for her.

You are both in my thoughts.

Hugs,
Mike

wolfter · « **Reply #13 on:** January 09, 2014, 07:18:12 pm »

Heading to the hospital again. They just called with her lab results and she needs another immediate transfusion. This is the 3rd one in 2 weeks. I really need to talk to her doctor and determine if the correct/best procedures are being followed.

thanks again all.

I'm not good at driving after dark, so I hope to see you all again soon.

mitch777 · « **Reply #14 on:** January 09, 2014, 07:29:24 pm »

Quote from: wolfter on January 09, 2014, 07:18:12 pm

Heading to the hospital again. They just called with her lab results and she needs another immediate transfusion. This is the 3rd one in 2 weeks. I really need to talk to her doctor and determine if the correct/best procedures are being followed.

thanks again all.

I'm not good at driving after dark, so I hope to see you all again soon.

hugs again.

OneTampa · « **Reply #15 on:** January 09, 2014, 08:40:48 pm »

Wolfter, so sorry to ready about your Mother's illness. Sending best wishes to you and her.

Take care.

wolfter · « **Reply #16 on:** January 10, 2014, 01:14:59 am »

They admitted her tonight. Her hemoglobin level is frightening low. They are doing 2 transfusion units through out the night.

They put a port in this week and they couldn't get it work correctly. They finally decided to start a regular IV until they figure out what's wrong with the port. She is supposed to start another round of chemo Monday, but they can't if her hemoglobin remains low.

I truly don't know she has the strength to handle this treatment course. She has to do 5 straight days of chemo every 4 weeks for the rest of her life. The terribly sad thing is that this treatment eventually stops working. On average, about 2 years.

I teared up pretty badly as we wheeled her to her room. I had sudden memories of the many times the roles were reversed. I wasn't allowed to stay with her as she's in an isolation room and they need to be cautious of infection. I had to wear a mask while in her room.

thanks again all, it REALLY means so much to having this avenue to share.

greg

Ann · « **Reply #17 on:** January 10, 2014, 05:17:52 am »

I'm very sorry to hear about your mum, Greg. Having low hemoglobin levels and the flu on top of everything else must be very hard on her. I had dangerously low hemoglobin levels for a while (due to Ribavirin) and it's no fun.

I'm glad you're there for her, but don't forget to take care of you too. Are you still working so many hours? Might be time to cut back (at least for a while) if you are. We don't want you getting sick too.

Thinking of you both,
Hugs,
Ann

Jeff G · « **Reply #18 on:** January 10, 2014, 06:13:15 am »

Hugs Greg .

GSOgymrat · « **Reply #19 on:** January 10, 2014, 08:07:09 am »

So sorry that you mom is not well.

Ford

Theyer · « **Reply #20 on:** January 10, 2014, 08:23:46 am »

Big Hugs try not to stop the tearing up just tear up and carry on with what needs to be done , , I feel sorry for siblings who do not engage in this stage off a parents life , for me it produce the richest off memories and at times underwear wetting laughter , as well as the horrid hurt . Sometimes all off that in 2 minutes.

I will leave you with one of my Mothers quotes to me,

Mother
Getting old ain't for sissies boy.
ME
How am I gonna get on then MUM
Mother
OH your just a sissy in the bed thing.

I took it that "bed thing" meant Sex as Sex was not a word that was used often by her.

thoughts are with with Greg.

Buckmark · « **Reply #21 on:** January 10, 2014, 10:12:22 am »

Greg,

I'm so sorry about your Mom's illness, and that both you and her are having to go through this. I wish you both lots of strength.

Henry

wolfter · « **Reply #22 on:** January 10, 2014, 12:04:47 pm »

Things are much brighter today. Yesterday simply took a huge toll on me. I spoke with each of my siblings and was pretty told the same thing. Mother has been downplaying the seriousness of her situation. I expected to be assertive but didn't need to.

My sister left work to go sit with her and also meet with her oncologist. She'll ask and demand the appropriate questions. I guess I also had a little bit of resentment going on without realizing it. Now, I feel as if the burden can be spread across each of us.

thanks again all.
greg

britchick · « **Reply #23 on:** January 10, 2014, 03:00:52 pm »

Wolfter,

Please make sure you look after yourself and get some rest too.Re family,im so glad that your sister is sitting with your mum too,

We are all thinking of you and sending best wishes to your mum
britchickx

pozniceguy · « **Reply #24 on:** January 12, 2014, 06:53:56 pm »

sorry about the issues with your Mom Greg.... been through that a few years a go it is really tough..keeping a brave front or trying to ignore it away as many people will do wont change anything... take care of yourself and be with her as much as you can.... keeping you and her in thoughts

Nick

denb45 · « **Reply #25 on:** January 12, 2014, 07:00:21 pm »

Greg,

know that my thoughts are with you and hoping my mom pulls thur

last week Bob's mom died, and his siblings are being real shitty to him

he tried to call some of them, and they just hung up on him

he found out that she died from his stepmother

HUGS

DEN

Theyer · « **Reply #26 on:** January 14, 2014, 05:34:45 pm »

Its good to read Greg that you and your Mother,s children are talking and sharing , keep on keeping on with love to you all.
m

wolfter · « **Reply #27 on:** January 16, 2014, 10:33:02 am »

Thanks all. It appears she won this battle. After 5 transfusions in 2 days, they finally built up her hemoglobin levels so she could do her 5 days of chemo this week.

Today she even drove herself since she's feeling so much better.

greg

Ann · « **Reply #28 on:** January 16, 2014, 12:04:31 pm »

Good news, Greg, glad to hear it.

britchick · « **Reply #29 on:** January 16, 2014, 04:54:50 pm »

Thats really good news.Im really glad to hear things are looking up.

britchickxx

wolfter · « **Reply #30 on:** March 18, 2014, 01:25:39 pm »

I've had a stressful couple of months feeling like a total uncaring, judgmental fool of a son. I was forced to disassociate with the situation. My own health and well being was at stake. I quickly tired of pretending everything was OK and reverting to old behaviors to deal with it all.

I'm mindful everyday of those issues and try my best to deal with them and I recognize the triggers but am also mindful that it's easy to deny that issues have arisen. At first, I was angry at those whom I adore for commenting on my physical appearance, asking if I was sick and such. That's an entire topic in itself that I'll finally address.

Being the closest to our mother (only in proximity sense) has afforded me the opportunity to witness and reinforce my life long understanding of a person that I really don't like and only love because of a dictated notion.

She has done several things that have totally upset her other children which I delighted in. That seems so horrible and yet, feels so liberating. Prior to my surgery, I went to the market and specifically asked if she needed anything. I wanted to make sure we had all the necessary items since I wouldn't be able to get out and about.

I posted a couple of quick updates on FB and mentioned that even with all my planning, I forgot the main nutrition staple. Protein bars! Of course, my sister recognizes and understand my issues and immediately offered to stop by and bring me some. I acknowledged the sweet gesture and told her it wasn't necessary.

My mother, without even commenting about my situation, created her own status. It simply read; "I sure wish someone would stop by and go to the grocery store for me". Of course, all her children saw that and took offense as it appeared to the outside world that her children weren't doing a damn thing for her. We all rec'd phone calls and texts in addition to seeing all the comments.

She was admitted to the hospital a few days ago and I rec'd a phone call from a friend of hers. Mrs Glenna explained that I was to call all the siblings except my sister because mother is upset with her. WTF. I don't play that game.

I've since had communications with all the siblings and didn't lead the conversation. Her most favorite (my older brother) is distressed also but also revealed observations that I've known to be true forever but have continually been told that I was wrong. He stated that she has a sort of warped enjoyment over her illness and is enjoying all the attention. DUH!!!!

There is a sort of liberation in discovering that your beliefs and thought patterns weren't as skewed as you were led to believe. If this makes me a horrible person, I'll accept that.

hope_for_a_cure · « **Reply #31 on:** March 18, 2014, 07:04:26 pm »

Family dynamics and as you know a true matriarch always lead to drama. Just know you are doing what you can.

Theyer · « **Reply #32 on:** March 21, 2014, 08:15:35 am »

Your post is full of your own hard fought for sanity, I wish you all you and your family all you need for the coming weeks,I am pleased that you are noting your trigger points , remember to act on them also.
Take great care off yourself Greg in the coming weeks.
Michael

BT65 · « **Reply #33 on:** March 21, 2014, 10:28:25 am »

Greg, I don't think that makes you an awful person at all. I don't know exactly what state your mom is in, but it would be wonderful if she would realize what she's doing so she can "make good" before she exits the world.

Nice knowing it wasn't all in your head, isn't it? I hope you and your siblings can pull closer together, and that that will help you get some peace. Good luck, Greg!

RapidRod · « **Reply #34 on:** March 21, 2014, 10:38:37 am »

Wolfe, don't kick and beat yourself up. You are dealing with a situation that would be hard on anyone let alone doing it by yourself. Keeping you and your mother in thoughts for the strength to continue the battle. Best wishes to your both.

Andy Velez · « **Reply #35 on:** March 21, 2014, 10:45:43 am »

Greg, turn off that self-critical voice. That's just some old and no good tape running. You're doing the best you can and angels can do no more.

Best to you.

Andy

wolfter · « **Reply #36 on:** April 02, 2014, 12:51:59 pm »

Sorry for not thanking you all sooner for the responses. I've went through a lot of emotional turmoil and had to disassociate for a while. I'm pretty much back in a good place and I forced the dark clouds to become bright. It started with realizing that once again I was allowing someone else to control my outlook.

I've selfishly decided that my primary focus is on me. It was so frustrating as I never behaved in such a way even when it looked like my time was up. I relished spending time with loved ones and didn't want them to grieve me before I was gone. Instead of constant complaining about my situation, I cherished the opportunity of enjoying their presence.

Fortunately, my aunt is an RN and semi-retired. She came down from Fort Wayne to spend time with mom and took her down home to West Virginia for a few days. My aunt was of course shocked as she thought she was coming to help with setting up home health aide service and such. Through their constant phone calls, mother had convinced her that she could barely walk and had to use a cane or hold onto walls.

Mother must have forgot all those complaints as they managed to go out to eat, do some shopping and even stop over at my new place for a visit.

Thanks again all. I was truly concerned I was entering that dark abyss again but I managed to prevent it. I remember too well being at the bottom of that abyss and am not sure if I have the strength to claw my way if I ever completely return again.

hugs all

Theyer · « **Reply #37 on:** April 02, 2014, 03:38:47 pm »

Good for you , another way to look at past dark places is that they are in fact past. And you did get out off it and its easier doing something the second time, no sorry that's crap in this context. But its not crap to say that if a individual has experienced a bout off disabling depression which they clawed there way out off they have learned a thing or two about avoiding having to do it again.

Is your insides still inside ?

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