Becoming whole.. Stream of Consciousness rant...

[comino]

 So when I was first diagnosed I felt as if all the pieces that made me whole were compartmentalized and some, like my sexuality I put aside as they didn't “fit” in with my new poz persona.  I jumped into a relationship with a man because he was poz, paid attention to me and seemed supportive.  He turned out to be the psycho killer kind and I left him behind with all my possessions but that's another story… anyway it’s time to work on becoming whole again.  I’m going to seek out a therapist as I know that’s the way to go.  It will be difficult to find one I’m able to relate to here in Utah but that’s yet another story…I guess what I’m wondering is if this is something common for other poz people?  Many of my poz friends swung in the complete opposite direction and became sex fiends, which I must say I was before diagnosis hence the predicament I’m in.   Is it difficult to accept sex in a positive manner (no pun intended) back into your life; after all it is the reason why you are sick?  Is it possible to feel truly in love and shake the feeling that you are settling on a partner just because you are sero compatible?   Yes, I’ve made the choice to sero sort, I wonder if I did so out of fear of infecting someone or fear of rejection, yet another story…  Anyway , thanks for reading & letting me vent.