Oral exposure [very anxious] ... please help

[spookylish]

1)First of all, I wanna say hello to everyone... I respect what you're doing for people, even if I'm still unable to calm my fears.
My story: I had a short relationship with a HIV+ female 2 years ago. She told me that he is HIV+ and that she is refusing to take meds afterwards. We had protected vaginal intercourse, but we deep-mouth kissed and performed oral sex each other. I only used my tongue to lick her clit and a little bit for her vagina, but it was a brief oral from my side. We also used plenty lube for intercourse. She also approached my penis to her vagina. I'm not sure if any vaginal fluid got on my penis, but there was no penetration. I am also uncircumcised. After that moment I put on a condom and started penetration. Was this considered a risk ?
We used condoms everytime we had vaginal intercourse, but I'm kinda scared because of the oral, considering that she's off meds for 12 years (and I think this means high viral load aswell). I had 3 HIV tests 3 months ago, but I'm not sure how good the tests were. All of them came back negative ( 2 of them were rapid tests based on immunocromatography and 1 of them was an Elisa 3rd generation - performed at a Blood Clinic ).
Now, my question is: Considering the fact that she's off meds for 12 years (and I think that means a high viral load aswell), should I retest? Excuse me guys for being so scared, I know you guys will say that usually oral sex is NO RISK, but what   concerns me is the fact that she was off meds. I'm so scared...
In the meanwhile I got some stretch marks on my hand, but I don't know if I got them either from exposure or just because I'm kinda fat.

Her doctors prescribed meds, but she refused to take them because she considered that her CD4 is not low enough.
I live in Romania and I'm not sure if I can trust the tests I've already taken. I heard that many tests show false negative (even she told me that when she was in Italy - a rapid test she took there was negative). Please help. It is possible that she has a rare strain or something so the test provided false negative result ?

2) And I have another question. If you guys will consider that I had a NO RISK situation, what happened to the HIV that entered my mouth but had no path to the bloodstream ? Will it lay there until I damage my mouth (like when I'm brushing my teeth) and then infect me ? - I know this last question is kinda funny, but I don't know exactly how HIV infects, I'm not sure even if the virus itself can *walk* in my mouth without me placing it directly to an open wound.

[Jeff G]

The important thing is you never had a risk in anything you did with her so we do not even have to discuss her as we always assume the other person is HIV positive and infectious when we do assessments . HIV is sexually transmitted from unprotected anal and vaginal sex and not from getting a blow job or cunnilingus ... the very slim and rare risk from oral transmission comes from giving a blow to man with a high viral load while you have significant open wounds in your mouth ... Your question about where does HIV go once in your mouth is obvious ... the real bottom line fact is is it a risk or not and in your case is was not ... not even a Lilllie . HIV does not walk slither or hop and is actually fragile and hard to transmit .

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI.Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Although you did not have a risk and do not need to test for this specific incident , anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Here is quote from Ann about oral sex and cunnilingus ...
Quoted from Ann .

Hiv transmission doesn't stand a chance of happening via female genitals to mouth - there are just too many obstacles on the oral route.

The first obstacle is the mouth itself. The mouth is a veritable fortress, standing against all sorts of pathogens we come into contact with every minute of our lives. It's a very hostile environment and saliva has been shown to contain over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv.

Hiv is a very fragile virus - literally. Its outer surface doesn't take kindly to changes in its preferred environment; slight changes in temperature, moisture content and pH levels all damage the outer surface. Importantly, it needs this outer surface to be intact before it can latch onto a few, very specific cell types and infect.

Which leads to the second obstacle. Hiv can only latch onto certain types of cells, cells which are not found in abundance in the mouth.

The third obstacle to transmission this way is having hiv present in the first place. The female secretion where hiv has been shown to be present is the cervicovaginal fluid. This fluid is actually a thick mucus that covers and protects the cervix.

The fluid a woman produces when sexually excited comes from the Bartholin's glands, located on either side of the vaginal opening. I have yet to discover one shred of evidence (and believe me, I've looked) that shows this lubricating fluid to have any more hiv present than other bodily secretions such as saliva, sweat or tears. Saliva, sweat and tears are NOT infectious fluids.

So there you have it. Once the results of the serodiscordant studies started rolling in, what we know about hiv transmission on the cellular level was validated. The only people who were getting infected were those who had unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. Period. One of the three studies went on for ten years and involved hundreds of couples. That's a lot of nookie.

[spookylish]

Thank you Jeff for your answer. You're my hero man ! I really appreciate your kind answer.
Ann, I remember I read somewhere on this forum that you were in a relation with a guy and unprotected oral sex both ways was involved and he remained negative. Excuse me if I'm asking too directly, but were you on meds in that moment ?  ( I'm asking this to try to compare it with my own situation and try to calm down and put my anxiety at rest )
I'm trying hard to relax , but I get lots of scenarios in my mind, such as what if the virus got in a microscopic wound in my mouth, even if I had only a small amount of vaginal fluid there. What scares me the most is the fact that she tested negative on a rapid test when she was in Italy, but she had the virus for 15 years... How is this possible ? Rare strain or lab issues ?

[Joe K]

The status of the women does not matter, as you never had a risk.  Read Jeff's response to you again. YOU NEVER HAD A RISK.

Joe

[Jeff G]

There have been no fewer than three separate serodiscordant couples studies (where one person is HIV positive, the other negative.) These couples were tracked for three. five and ten years. The couples used condoms for penetrative vaginal and anal sex, but NO BARRIER at all for oral sex. Any kind of oral sex.

These studies yielded NO infections.

[spookylish]

Yes, but in those studies all of them had low viral load(or UD) I think, right ?

- I will take 1 more test to get off my anxiety. I will tell you guys the result. I'm going to test tomorrow and this is my last test and I will trust it.

I'd appreciate sooo much if Ann will answer to my question.

[Jeff G]

Ann is on leave so your stuck with me . You are missing the point ... Getting your dick sucked and cunnilingus is not a risk and this is not a trick answer where if you keep asking the question a different way there will be a balloon drop and music will start playing when you finally get it right ... no risk means no HIV .