Protected Anal with Known HIV+

[scaredstudent21]

Hi all,

I'm a gay man who is in a new relationship. We have only had anal sex one time (I was the top, we used a latex condom, the condom did not break as far as I could tell), and he briefly performed oral on me. I did not reciprocate. He told me he was HIV negative when we discussed our statuses prior to doing this; however, as I know people may not actually know/can lie I always make sure condoms are used like we did this one time.

So, things have been getting more serious and I wanted us to get an HIV test. It turns out, he is positive. He got it from his ex-boyfriend. I really care deeply about him, but I'm terrified! I am trying to be there for him as I'm sure he needs it, and I feel so selfish worrying about my own health, but I don't know what to do! I'd appreciate any assessment this site can offer. What are the chances if I was the top, used a condom that did not break, and only briefly received oral sex from him that I will test HIV positive 3 months from now?

Also, as I don't want to just walk away from this relationship, if I use condoms for anal sex consistently, will we be able to have a fulfilling sex life without me always worrying about being infected? I appreciate any help and assistance. I've been going crazy!

[Matty the Damned]

Yes, if you and your partner use latex condoms and water based lubricant consistently and correctly you will be protected from HIV. Even if a condom was to break (and you'd know if it did) the likelihood of you being infected (if you're topping) is quite small. The risk is somewhat greater if you're the bottom during unprotected sex - particularly if your partner cums in you.

The oral sex you received was not a risk and so testing is not necessary from a risk point-of-view.

That said it's always wise to have a full STD screen when starting out in a new relationship but you should expect to test negative.

If you expect to have substantial intimate relationship with this fellow, you're welcome to post in our Someone I Care About Has HIV forum. You'll meet other folks in sero-discordant relationships with who you can share experiences.

MtD

[Andy Velez]

There are many, many thousands of sero-discordant couples, both gay and straight, who are having active sex lives together while successfully protecting the status of their sero-negative partner. The key thing is for them to use condoms for vaginal and anal intercourse consistently and without exceptions.

As Ann is wont to say here, it really is that simple.

[wow1969]

LORD .. the levels of ignorance just amaze me.

1. It's a virus, not a moral judgement.
2. I'm in a magnetic relationship. I found out I was poz 10 months into this relationship. Yep, my ex did it to me also.
3. HIV has never been an issue until recently. This issue? I want my partner to learn more about it. Yep, that is our big HIV issue.
4. It doesn't get in the way of intimacy, sex or our lives.
5. Our issues have NOTHING to do with HIV.
6. If you love him, then love his HIV and get on with it. What happens if your next partner has cancer, or is blind, or ... If your ability to love is limited to those that are physically healthy, then you are the one is ill in my opinion and not your boyfriend.
7. HIV is scary, but it's only scary when you don't know what is going on. Take the time to learn what is up and go from there.
8. Enjoy your time together. Tomorrow you could get hit by a car and he could live with HIV for the next 50 years. There are no guarantees.

[Andy Velez]

WOW, only those who are authorized by the site are supposed to respond to questions and comments in this particular Forum. I don't think you are so authorized, so however well intentioned, please don't post comments in this section. Thanks for your cooperation.