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Author Topic: Thanking in advance for words of wisdom  (Read 4242 times)

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Offline SFwoman

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Thanking in advance for words of wisdom
« on: November 24, 2006, 03:13:13 pm »
Hello and thank you for your valuable service. I have read through these posts, been through the welcome thread, read the rules, and now ready to post. Like others, I am afraid I have engaged in behavior that puts me at high risk for HIV. I live in San Francisco, am a woman in my early forties, very fit, healthy, etc.  For a year, I have been in a monogamous relationship, or at least on my end of things. Recently found out my partner was with other women about 4 months ago that he met from an internet casual encounter site. He says he used protection, but I know I can't go by that. So I am going to get myself tested in 2 months time. He and I have been having unprotected sex once we decided to be monogamous, starting about 7 months ago. My last HIV test was a little over 2.5 years ago. I tested negative. I have been very ill recently, chills, fever, diarrhea, sore throat, headaches, though from reading Ann's comments I fully see I shouldn't jump to conclusions--it is flu season and I just returned from a trip to Mexico where I could have picked up a bug. My concern is that my doctor has done blood tests and I have been told that my lymphocytes are low. I went to the web and typed in "low lymphocytes" and found most sites were connected with HIV. I'm also very concerned because I also have Hep C (though this is very manageable right now) which I contracted in 1986 from a blood transfusion when I gave a kidney to a sibling. So I have Hep C, one kidney...adding HIV to the mix sounds pretty bad. So my question is, if my ex-bf did not use protection and had straight hetero sex with what seems to be two women, are the chances high that he could have contracted HIV from one of them if they had it? From reading info on your site, it seems that form of transmission is not very high. I've also seen on your site that many women who have partners who are HIV+ do not have the virus themselves, which is very encouraging. I know you can't tell me whether I'm infected or not, I'm just trying to get a feel for how worried I need to be. I'm pretty consumed by it at this point, yet I have to wait to get tested. Thanks again for any wisdom you can impart to me.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
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Re: Thanking in advance for words of wisdom
« Reply #1 on: November 24, 2006, 03:46:04 pm »
SF,

There's no point in speculating on your partner's hiv status. For all you know (as it doesn't seem you two got tested together before dispensing with the condoms) he could have been hiv positive long before you met him. The only way to know your own hiv status is through testing.

The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, so a test at that point would be an excellent indication of your true hiv status. However, a negative result at six weeks must be confirmed at the three month point.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.

As you don't know your partner's status, you have had a risk and you do need to test. Please remember to use condoms in the future until such time as you can be certain of not only your status, but his as well. To do otherwise is to risk your health.

Good luck with the testing.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline SFwoman

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Re: Thanking in advance for words of wisdom
« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2006, 04:18:13 pm »
Thanks for your reply Ann. I didn't get tested before not using condoms with my ex because I knew I hadn't engaged in risk behavior (always use condoms and had only one partner before him), but now I know I should get tested regardless as long as I'm sexually active. My partner's situation was very similar and he had been tested 6 months prior to us being together. He said he hadn't been with anyone without condoms either. If I turn out to be negative, I now know not to be so naive next time.

Thanks,
SFwoman

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Thanking in advance for words of wisdom
« Reply #3 on: November 24, 2006, 04:25:29 pm »
SF,

The guy from whom I got my infection also tested negative in the past. Past tests don't mean a thing. In future, you should ideally be with the person for three securely monogamous months before you test together. It's really the only way to be sure. Learn from my mistake - you won't regret it.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline SFwoman

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Re: Thanking in advance for words of wisdom
« Reply #4 on: November 24, 2006, 04:42:42 pm »
Dear Ann,

I will most definitely follow your advice should I be in the position to do so, though I most likely will be too afraid to not use condoms in future with anyone. I'm also scared of giving anyone Hep C though I know sex is not thought to be a way to transmit Hep C. Seems the jury is still out somewhat on that one. Ah, too many bugs out there.

Best of luck to you and thank you for being kind and generous enough in your life to help other people.
SFwoman

Offline SFwoman

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Re: Thanking in advance for words of wisdom
« Reply #5 on: November 28, 2006, 01:37:19 am »
I just wanted to comment on symptoms and how most of us seem to jump to the conclusion that our symptoms are HIV related, despite how you guys tell us to chill out about it. Once again, you are right. I was upset about my symptoms and couldn't see how they could be related to anything else but HIV. Turns out I have Salmonella; diagnosed today. I still need to get an HIV test in 3 months time, but Ann, you were correct. It was pointless to focus on my generalized symptoms, which really could have been from a myriad of bugs.

Still worried, but feeling a little better now.

Thanks again,
SFwoman

Offline SFwoman

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Re: Thanking in advance for words of wisdom
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2006, 12:19:50 pm »
Greetings,

I'm back with another question. Still feeling scared about the possibility of being HIV+. I am getting over the Salmonella but now have been diagnosed with Ringworm. I also have a bad cold which has now lasted 2 weeks (highly unusual for me). I found out that people who are HIV+ are prone to both Salmonella and Ringworm. This has alarmed me of course, though I try to keep in mind the words on this forum regarding symptoms and jumping to conclusions. If I just had a cold and general flu like symptoms, I wouldn't be so worried, but these two things, Salmonella and Ringworm, are just so bizarre to me that I'm scared. It's too soon since I was last with my ex-boyfriend to get tested.

My question to you then is are Salmonella and Ringworm signs of early stages of HIV infection. I haven't been able to find that out on my own. So far, what I've read seems to indicate that these can happen in later stages, but I'm not certain about that. Do you know?

Thank you

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Thanking in advance for words of wisdom
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2006, 01:39:21 pm »
Neither ringworm nor salmonella are ARS HIV-related occurrences.

Understandably, your mind is working your nerves. Stay productively busy until you test. Nothing you have reported thus far points specifically to HIV infection. Given what you have reported I'd say the odds are in your favor that you're going to test negative.

Now, get busy getting busy.

Cheers,

Andy Velez

Offline SFwoman

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Re: Thanking in advance for words of wisdom
« Reply #8 on: December 21, 2006, 02:16:53 pm »
Thanks Andy. I was pretty much not thinking about the possibility of HIV until the diagnosis of ringworm. Even then, I knew I had to keep in mind that I work with disturbed teens who often put themselves into close proximity to me when they are in attack mode. In the last two month I've been bitten, punched in the mouth, scratched, spat upon, so it's easy to get bugs from them. I also work in ghetto areas with small children who seem to always be ill, so I shouldn't be too surprised by the ringworm I suppose. It's a relief to hear that these bugs aren't ARS HIV-related occurrences.

Thanks again, and I will just leave it at that while I wait to take an HIV test.

Have a good holiday. Be safe, be well.

 


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