Hey there! (yet another introduction) ;-)

[loop78]

Hi everyone!

After a hell of a waiting game, I finally got my WB results and they were not quite what I'd been hoping for ;-) Anyway, I've had so much time to prepare myself for a poz result since my first Elisa came back positive, that I think I feel better right now than during that time of uncertainty.

A little background for those of you who haven't read my previous thread on the other forum. I'm a 29 years old gay guy from Spain. I'm not quite sure how or when I got the bug (tested negative 4 years ago): might have been with my ex 4-3 years ago (only one with which I had unprotected sex, but he had had only two sex partners in his life, both girls, and according to him, always with a condom) or maybe in one of the 4 or 5 times when I did some brief dipping without protection. Otherwise it would have to be through oral sex, which I think it's highly improbable. I'm in the process of telling the "dippers", so maybe I'll find out and that way I'll know how long I've had it, though the most probable scenario is that I got it 2 months ago as I had a timely "dipping" encounter and ARS consistent symptoms 2 weeks afterwards.

I have my first appointment with the doctor next Thursday. By then all the blood tests results but the viral load one should be ready. For now, the nurse has scared me a little about my cd4 count. She implied it's low and then refused to tell me how much is "low" and told me the doctor would be able to inform me next Thursday. She also implied that if the number doesn't improve I will have to start treatment. (I'm hoping here for the "I just  seroconverted and my numbers will improve" scenario, but we'll see).

I've read a lot this week and half, and done a lot of thinking. It has been a rough week, and believe me, living alone leaves you a lot of time to think (too much time!!), but I had told 4 friends and all of them have been great. Well, all but one of them, my ex (yeah, that one), he's a good guy, but has the emotional intelligence of a wall of bricks, so I guess he hasn't done that bad, all in all.

I know my life is gonna change. I know my life's not ended at all. And I know this doesn't mean my life is gonna be necessarily less fulfilling unless I allow it. I've already passed a week thinking (despite my efforts) in doom and gloom, so that's enough negative thinking for me for a long time ;-)

There are a couple of things the nurse told me I've read conflicting opinions about and I would like to ask you for feedback:

- Toxoplasmosis: I'm supposed to never have again cured meats (it's gonna be difficult, love cured ham!) and also to avoid raw vegetables. The nurse told me I should also avoid having salads in restaurants, for example. Is she being overzealous or is this a real risk?
- Alcohol: She told me I could drink with moderation as long as I'm not on meds. However a book she gave me is adamant regarding alcohol and it says it's limited to a glass of beer a day. I've never been one too drink too heavily, not a single beer during the week, but once a week, during the weekend, I used to go out with my friends and drunk between 1 and 4 gintonics. Is this a no-no? No biggie if I have to turn 100% sober, but I wanna know before I'm too drunk to remember :-P

I also would like to tell you since the first Elisa positive I've been noticing strange symptoms (what I think is a very low recurring fever and a bit altered perception, as if I were to get sick, also waking up with my arms numb...) but I don't know whether this is just my mind and the stress playing tricks on me or something real. Well, the stress must've had some role for sure but who knows. Will tell the doctor next Thursday anyway.

Well this is getting kind of extensive for an introduction, let's leave it like that.

Thank you Andy, Ann, Matty and Thunter for your support with my tests and see you and all around here!!

PS: Especially Thunter, he's smoking hot ;-)

[BT65]

Hey Loop,

Welcome to the forums.  You seem to be well-informed about what to expect.  I think though that your doctor's nurse had no business eluding to what your numbers are.  That's the doctors job.  About the two questions:

1.  I don't eat cured meat myself, so someone else will have to answer that.  About the veggies, there's nothing wrong with eating raw veggies, as long as they're rinsed properly.  I've been HIV+ (diagnosed) since 1989, and I eat salads at restaurants.  I've never gotten sick from that.  There used to be quite a scare concerning toxo, but I haven't heard of one in quite awhile.

2.  About the booze, drinking in moderation is not going to hurt you, whether you're on or off meds.

Good luck and keep in touch!
  Luv,
Betty

[dusty99]

Good luck with the DR visit and keep us informed. Welcome to the forum

[Matty the Damned]

Loop,

I'm sorry that you've "graduated" from AMI to the poz-only forums. You join a very small and select group of AIDSmeders. I think we can literally count you guys on one hand.

I recommend that you take the time to peruse our excellent Lessons. They're a great place for the newly diagnosed to start out.

Hugz,

MtD

[VM-Bass]

Welcome to the Forums!!  We always hate to have to welcome someone, but you've found a wonderfully supportive group of people here. 

Let us know what the doctor says.  Here's hoping your numbers aren't as bad as the nurse is making them out to be.  Doctors and nurses can be real drama queens sometimes...

[BlueMoon]

Hi Loop, and welcome.  Sorry that things turned out like this but you just have to make the best of things.  Good luck with your doctor next week.

[dgr20002]

Hi there.  To address your question concerning toxo it is my impression that cat feces and undercooked meats are the likely culprits. I have eaten plenty of veggies and salads and been poz more than 20 years with no ill effect.

As far as drinking goes I have been known to have a few. i do not get drunk but I have deffinately been tipsy. This has had no effect on my VL or CD4 counts.

Your mileage may vary.

Welcome to the forums,

David

[BT65]

Just to clear one thing up-cat feces that contains toxo is usually found from cats who often peruse around outside.  I have an indoor cat who has tested negative for toxo (yes, vets can test for that).

[J.R.E.]

hello Loop,

Sorry you had to join us, but at least you've found a site, where you can educate yourself, and get good information. Don't try to take in everything from the lessons, in one day.  Take your time. You'll have plenty of it.



Take care of yourself------Ray

[loop78]

Thanks everyone for your answers!

Things have been somewhat more complicated these last days. Not because of HIV, really, but it helps ;-)

I've developed (again) a sore throat and sometimes I feel a bit sick. Maybe it has nothing to do with HIV, but I have to consciously stop myself from worrying about it.

Besides, my ex is staying with me for some days because of his work, we even sleep in the same bed, though we're supposed to be just friends. I still have feelings for him (have had for 3 years), and keeping them to myself while he talks about the last guy he just met (with whom he had dinner the day before yesterday, then breakfast and dinner again...) takes a lot of energy on my part. I guess I expect him to pay me some attention, given the circumstances, but I know it's not his fault if he doesn't feel like doing it, but mine for allowing that kind of thing to get to me.

Whenever we talk about how I'm doing, and I try to get him to empathize with me, all I get from him is this talk about me thinking to much about it and him saying I should just go on with my regular life. And I guess he's 90% right, but I already know that. On a rational level at least.

I know it isn't healthy, but I guess I was secretly hoping that this was at least gonna bring us closer... maybe even back together. It has not.

So I'll have to get a grip and admit that how well I'm gonna deal with this depends only on me.

[BT65]

Loop, I'm glad to hear back from you.  About your ex..... sometimes we put expectations on people that aren't going to be met.  I've done it myself plenty of times.  If it gets too much, tell your ex that he's going to have to find another place to stay.  And you can tell him why.  It's alright to express your feelings.  But remember, how much you'll take is up to you.  If I let someone stay with me who I have feelings for, and they're not reciprocating, then it's up to me to do what needs to be done for me.  If I would continue to let that person stay with me, then I bring on my own misery.  Do you see what I'm trying to say?  I'm not trying to come down hard on you.  I guess I've just learned that we're responsible for stuff like that. 

If your throat becomes really bothersome, or you develop a fever, I would suggest you see your doctor.  Hang in there and let us know how you're doing.
  Luv,
Betty

[loop78]

You're not being hard at all, Betty. I appreciate your words, I know you're right... If something is not doing me good I'm the one who has to let it go.

I think my sore throat might be oral thrush... I'm trying to just cope with it for now, as I'm going to see my doctor for the first time this Thursday, then I'll bring it up.

Another update: Tomorrow I'm going to go with the guy I was dating when all this happened to have him take a rapid test. When I first told him 4 days ago and he told me he had had an elisa a year ago and no unsafe sex in between I thought everything was gonna be ok. However today he's told me something that makes me think he might in fact be positive. He told me a year ago he was dating a guy and they didn't use condoms. They were together around a year and a half, then the guy told him he was positive and they broke up. He got tested and was negative, but given the circumstances, I think it's highly possible he tested too soon (he didn't seem to know about the window period, but I don't know how much time he waited for the test... I didn't wanna ask and get him nervous, after all we're gonna find out tomorrow).

If I'm right, tomorrow is gonna be tough. I plan on being along with him through this, so at least he won't be alone. I hope it wasn't him I got it from, he's a nice guy :-/

Anyway, let's hope for the better... I'll keep you updated.

Hugs,

[BT65]

Loop, if indeed it is oral thrush, you need to see your doctor asap.  That's a nasty bugger to deal with.  And it can get worse if not treated.

Good luck tomorrow.

[loop78]

Good news! (I love being able to say this again!)

He just tested negative. What a relieve! :-)

I'm even more puzzled than before about how I got it in the first place, but the cause is a good one, so wooooo-hoooo! :-)

Hugs for everyone!

PS: point taken, Betty ;-)