Worried about infection

[worry_very_much]

I am now feeling not good, and I feel it is the initial symptoms of hiv infection..I am not fully sure how I have been able to got it, as I am now travelling in a country where HIV is not rare, Ukraine!

I went to seen few girls on a date, one was very strange, about 2 weeks ago I met her, and after 10 min of talking tried to kiss me so that I didnt expect it and could not stop! She was able to stick her tongue in my mouth before I stopped her, seemed to be very slutty girl and after this said she want to fuck and I sent her away! I had just about 40 minutes cleaned a pimple thing under my lower lip with alcohol, and the skin got a little damaged from this as the white stuff got out. So maybe the virus from her mouth had contact to this damaged skin when she suddenly kissed me and virus got in..I even remembered this 5 min after the incident and tried to clean the area with lots of vodka but I guess it might have been too late.

Another thing happened maybe 10 days ago, when another girl came to meet and sleep to our apartment as she was from another city. we both had underwear, but she rubbed herself on me, there was my pants and her small panties in between but after i ejaculated inside my pants, and went to wash myself, I noticed that the underwear was wet from both sides, it looked like the sperm got trough the material so it wasn't that protective after all! I tried my best to wash myself and also to clean the urethra opening by peeing but of course it was too late..

And another risk about week ago, I met another girl and on the date we started kissing and kissed very much, like an hour total!

And also about week ago, I started to feel something strange, I walked quite a lot but my feet got very tired from this, even the next morning they were a little sore! And about 5 days ago I felt tired when I woke up, normally I am never tired..And I went to a bus and all morning until one o'clock I felt very tired, I had planned to write something on the bus ride but didn't have any energy.
aft
and now it has been every day this tiredness...and I have slept! Especially in the morning, when I wake up, not refreshed at all! And yesterday it happened also in the evening, at 19:00 I had to go to bed to just lie there as I felt so tired, and I had only been walking for maybe 2 hours that day, resting other time..and my feet and hands felt very warm, i didn't want to have blanket on my feet..

And today I woke up after sleeping maybe 8 hours..and very tired feeling still! And only when being up for 2 hours feeling more normal..now hands and feet not warm, but my head and face feels warm..and yesterday started diarrhea, and I had loose stool 2 times, and today also once already...

So to sum it up, no feelings of normal flu, so it seems to be unfortunately more serious! Just tiredness which normally never happens, loss of energy, diarrhea, and strange warmness in my feet and hands sometimes, which also my friend felt..! Feels like being ill, with no normal illness things like runny nose or cough, just very little energy and tiredness with warm head and stomach problems! I can see that this is like the most clear sign of HIV, with the fatigue and no signs of more common illnesses!

I now wonder, should I immediately return to my country, to seek for instant help for this, or at least to get to better hygiene conditions, to lessen the amount of bacteria and viruses my body has to fight against with this infection, as far as I understand, the conditions during start of the HIV infection might have a big impact on the course of the disease in the future, and having lots to fight against also makes the hiv multiply more rapidly!

[RapidRod]

HIV is transmitted by;
Unprotected anal or vaginal sex
Sharing works with other IV drug abusers
Mother to child

Kissing is not a risk of HIV transmission.

[Andy Velez]

Nothing you are reporting of your sexual activities put you at risk for HIV transmission.

Sexual risk for HIV is not a complicated matter. Essentially it means always using condoms for vaginal and anal intercourse. That's it! Anything else in sexual acitvities is only theoretically risky. But in the real world of HIV we know it's about unprotected intercourse.

You have no cause for further concern at this time nor any need for testing so get on with your life.

[worry_very_much]

Now even more worried..on monday I met this girl which i kissed on thursday again, and we went to sleep together..started kissing and i put my finger in her pussy 2 times and then rubbed her very wet pussy with my left hand...and she took her panties off and mine too, and kissed my balls and then took my penis in her mouth and after maybe 5 seconds i ejaculated from anxiety! I went to was myself, penis, fingers, didnt see any cuts but now after few days i see that in the middle finger there is some abrasion on the skin right below the fingernail, maybe site of infection inflamed! like a small piece of skin up like a woodchip and touching it doesnt feel good..It was completely intact at the day of incident happening but now i see it is not ok anymore..

And I had also shaved my pubic hair few days before incident, and there were some red spots near my belly button, and maybe some of her liquids touched this area, not sure!

And then I started to understand that she was indeed hiv positive..she had very strange looking nails, fake nails with very thick material, maybe to make weak hiv nails with some growth underside them stronger?? Also some special colours on her toenails, maybe 2 coloured painting, or maybe just one coloured painting revealing some growth under toenails...and she got blisters behind her ankles, she said from shoes and it hurted her..and in 5 days they didnt heal, and even blood coming one day, and she all the time kept some good smelling chewing gum in her mouth, and didn't chew it! And only few times i saw a little her tongue, which looked white...and sometimes she felt very hot, and complained how hot it is, while temperature was normal...sometimes very cold for her...and she wanted me to slow down walking while i walked normally...and when she came from work, she said she is very tired, and many times, in the morning, she said she wants to sleep..and her face was very pale looking...I first thought my mind is playing games as I have been diagnosed to have delusion disorder for diseases, and didn't take advice my mind gave me, when I felt her hot body or her pale face..and did these stupid things!

And now, it is already sunday, and still this unexplained fatigue is a problem in the mornings! and also in afternoon more tired than normally but nothing extreme..but mornings never like this, and also feel some nausea all day today, and yesterday evening too..and my face feels hot, and some not completely sharp feeling in my mind, like little headache, or light headness, and there is a small lump behind my righ ear, feels like inflamed skin pore or maybe something else!

[worry_very_much]

And I guess the transimmission is not so difficult after all..maybe she was having ARS! or post ars situation..and then the circulating amount of virus is very high..so i think it was very unfortunate thing from my side..Having this delusion disorder and believing how I am only imaging things, and engaging in close sexual contact with high viral load person and end up with this situation, and now also the symptoms very clear I feel that on this forum many risks are under estimated, maybe because it is of course very different to say that someone here has not infected her partner in many years, if she is taking HAART and having undetectable levels, compared to some 20 million copies per ml in recently infected!

[Andy Velez]

And maybe you aren't listening to what has been said to you previously and instead are just listening to the anxious junk running around in your head.

The only confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. Nothing you have reported would have put you at risk for HIV. You are worrying needlessly. Are you listening or are you just going to come back with more meaningless details. what ifs and symptoms?

No risk = no HIV. Give it up and get on with your life.

[Ann]

Worry,

You need to speak to a therapist about this delusional disorder you've been diagnosed with. We cannot and will not deal with that here.

Everything you're imagining about both the state of your health and the state of her health is delusional. You have not had a risk for hiv infection even if her viral load were in the millions.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

[worry_very_much]

OK, I finally understood the route of transmission...I feel so stupid now..I felt already before this, that I might have been infected, maybe by mosquitoes, i believed, as I started to get strange join soreness in my fingers..but now i am quite sure that it is because of something happened in June, a girl kissed my dick and I think I might have gotten chlamydia from her..as it is know to cause sometimes arthritis

and now when I met this HIV-positive girl, my system was compromised because of untreated chlamydia, and it made it so easy for the virus to get in my body, as I have read that untreated STDs make the entrance for hiv easy..and this is why, a simple touch with her mouth on my dick for 4 seconds or maybe some her liquids on my finger were able to transmit the virus.

I still feel strange, easily fatigued and getting sweaty when thinking something stressful like hiv, and when i go to walk with dogs i am getting sweaty easily..and in the mornings when I wake up there is a little nausea present..and also daytime some nausea..and small bump behind my left ear towards neck already 5 days and there has started to be burning sensation in the urethra opening in my dick..and I think it is because my immune system used to be very strong, and that is why i didnt feel the chlamydia before, but now it is more active because hiv made my system less efficient.

[RapidRod]

   Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

[jkinatl2]

OK, I finally understood the route of transmission...I feel so stupid now..I felt already before this, that I might have been infected, maybe by mosquitoes, i believed, as I started to get strange join soreness in my fingers..but now i am quite sure that it is because of something happened in June, a girl kissed my dick and I think I might have gotten chlamydia from her..as it is know to cause sometimes arthritis

and now when I met this HIV-positive girl, my system was compromised because of untreated chlamydia, and it made it so easy for the virus to get in my body, as I have read that untreated STDs make the entrance for hiv easy..and this is why, a simple touch with her mouth on my dick for 4 seconds or maybe some her liquids on my finger were able to transmit the virus.

I still feel strange, easily fatigued and getting sweaty when thinking something stressful like hiv, and when i go to walk with dogs i am getting sweaty easily..and in the mornings when I wake up there is a little nausea present..and also daytime some nausea..and small bump behind my left ear towards neck already 5 days and there has started to be burning sensation in the urethra opening in my dick..and I think it is because my immune system used to be very strong, and that is why i didnt feel the chlamydia before, but now it is more active because hiv made my system less efficient.

What? Have you really learned nothing on this site?

You cannot get HIV through getting your penis kissed. If YOU had untreated chlamydia, YOU could have given HER something, of course.

You really have not spent a moment reading our lessons on transmission, have you?

If you have, then this is the irrational thinking taking hold, and nothing this site - which is based on science - can tell you will make a bit of difference. I highly suggest you get the help you need.

[Andy Velez]

You need to listen carefully to what I am saying to you.

I will repeat what you've already been told several times. Nothing you are reporting of your sexual activities in anyway put you at risk for HIV transmission. Zero risk. Period.

There is no need for testing nor for further concern on your part about HIV.

As to your symptoms if you have any, that is strictly something to discuss with your doctor as to what the real cause.

There is nothing more that we can do for you in this setting. If you come back with more about this same non-risk incident and your so-called symptoms, you are going to get a Time Out from the site.

You do not have an HIV problem. Period. End of story.

[worry_very_much]

I am not coming back with same things, I mean, maybe the transmission has happened for example if I was sleeping, and a girl injected something to me, of course it is strange but some people do horrible things for some reasons..I would not think about anything like this unless it feels so clear now..Now it has been about the 17 days from start of symptoms, and I feel first time fresh after waking up, the fatigue started to fade away after 2 week period :O And also, well, I haven't had real diarrhea after the first day, but still the stools are not normal and solid, and even yesterday some bad smelling farts were produced by my body. And never I got any sore throat, but feel often tired in feet after walking, maybe the HIV infection destroyed platelets in blood and feet get internal bruises easily..and the lymph nodes seem to be not swelled too much, but felt some aching sometimes at the back of my head where some bumps were, now it seems to have settled down..and also some feelings in armpits, cannot feel anything swollen but sometimes when I push my arm to the side of my body, I feel there something inside, maybe because some nodes have gotten harder but not tender :O

I visited STD clinic, as it is completely free and nice place here, and the doctor tried my groins and didnt feel any swollen nodes and told that it does not indicate chlamydia as there is no swelling but i took tests for clhamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis, HIV test she didn't would need to take as I had taken 2 already this year, and none of the exposures I explained was a real risk in her opinion..just told me to not think about it.

But the fact is that never before I have had this tiredness without normal flu illness, like runny nose and cough..and the 2.5 week duration fits too well the time frame of ars..and had all symptoms except rash and sore throat..had strong tiredness, some headache and light headed feeling, concentration problems, easily getting sweaty and got exhausted quickly when walking or bicycling..and stomach problems, and  and now the remaining things, some feelings of little harder nodes in many places and easily bruised..and the gut problems, like hiv has invated Gut Associated Lymphoid Tissue and causing troubles..

[RapidRod]

   Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

[Andy Velez]

Clearly you are still hanging on to what ifs and totally speculative scenarios, when the reality is you have not had a risk for HIV. Period.

I am giving you that 28 day Time Out from the site which you have been warned about. Don't make the mistake of trying to get around it by creating a new name for yourself. We'll spot that right off and it will get you permanently banned from the site.

If you continue to have troubling symptoms you need to discuss them with your doctor. And if you can't let go of your unfounded HIV fears, I suggest you meet with a therapist or other professional to discuss that.

Whether you accept it or not, HIV is not your problem.

[worry_very_much]

 had so many fears over HIV, getting it from kissing, insect bites and so on, that I spent most of this year in a strange feelings of not feeling like myself...and then I thought that I stop worrying and met this Finnish girl from the dating site..and after few meetings she started to be very demanding and I allowed risky situations to happen while feeling constant fear all time, oh, I should have got my psychiatric problems solved before meeting anyone and now it feels like it is too late as the transmission most probably happened and it is very clear!

I never had intercourse with her, but we were in the same bed and she touched my penis, so called hand job..I never wanted to touch her pussy as I had fears and I also told her this..and then she wanted oral sex, fellatio on me and I don't know why I could not prevent it from happening, I am stronger and tried to stop her but she just got more interested in doing it and got aggressive and I am a weak person and cannot say no to aggressive people, wish I had fixed this problem in my behaviour in time! Also I had gotten a scratch to the skin on my hand, not where it should touch anything but there is a possibility that this damaged skin area touched her skin with sweat or maybe the bed in the same place where she had been and some of her genital fluids there might have been?!

She sucked my dick twice, once about 4 seconds, and second time about 60 seconds as I had talked her about my fears and she told me that she helps me to overcome and it is stupid and she would help me stop worrying, oh how stupid I was! I also didn't want to kiss her, only very quickly did it to feel that it was very uncomfortable because of the feelings of disgust I had with all the transmissions possible! But the craziest thing, I didn't want to kiss her of have intercourse with condom, but I let her have unprotected oral sex, and this was the first time during my fears that I actually did risky behaviour and now I have all the reasons to believe that HIV is multiplying rapidly in my body.

Why I believe so??! Well, because I have now actual symptoms! few days after being with her, my stomach became a little bit achy, I mean some unwell feelings inside..and I used to have somewhat loose stools for years, not diarrhea but not too dry anyway..but it changed completely..and same time with these feelings inside my stomach, I saw a change to happen and suddenly I didn't have to visit the toilet everyday as the stools became so much less watery and it has been going 2 weeks already. also during this time one day there was some rash on my left wrist, about one inch area of some red dots..

 then my eyes became much more dry than usually, and also my skin on my face felt dry, I never had this problem before but now it really feels like this, that I have dry eyes and I felt some sores in my mouth..I looked in mirror and saw that inside the mouth on mucous membranes near lower lip, there were small things like healing cuts and I thought it is maybe some herpes stuff or something, and they healed quickly but then my mouth started to get dry and I felt some strange feelings near the molar teeth, like infection of the gums and mucous membranes of the insides of cheeks..it started 4 days ago and still is there..and when I go out to walk in the cold, I start to feel some discomfort in the areas where salivary glands are located and they probably get swollen more!

So, generally speaking, I have gotten very specific symptoms, all body has become more dry with saliva and tear production much lower that usually, drier skin, even my intestines aren't making anymore as much secretions as they used to..and then had that small rash one day on my wrist, and then the problems inside my mouth, first some sores and then inflamed salivary glands and it is still going on.

I don't generally feel any lymph node swelling or other symptoms, but this generalized change in my body is noticeable, and while it seems strange that transmission would happen under circumstance mentioned, it seems to be possible as there are so clear signs now.

So, the ways of transmissions I can think of here are:
kissing maybe 3 seconds, no tongue but lips skin was not very good condition

insertive oral sex, about 4-6 seconds, I think this must be the one because symptoms started before the second, longer about 60 sec exposure a week later

general frottage with underwear on, maybe something has touched wrong place, like her touching her pussy without me noticing and then rubbing my penis with her fingers.

scratch on my skin and touch and maybe a touch to her skin and some infected cells touched the scratch and infected me.

Whatever the route of transmission, it seems like it was one of these things which happen not very often but sometimes..and probably the transmission happened so easily because the girl had maybe recently acquired the virus herself, she had few days of sore throat while we were having meetings before anything sex related and I already then suspected that maybe it is the reason for her sore throat!

And after my fears got stronger, I told her about it all and she told me that it is totally unnecessary that she is not stupid and has been tested many times and has not been in risk situations and is healthy..but of course she just thinks so, I think I am not the first one she wanted to have oral sex with!

So, a word of warning to all people, transmission can happen more easily than you could believe!

so the timeline is very clear, on 14th November had this risk contact, with small kiss and 4 second insertive oral sex.. and then on 16th I started to feel the change in my stomach, some discomfort and then it went on 5 days, and maybe on 17th I noticed some problems in the oral mucosa and dryness of eyes and skin and mouth..and 21th, one week after, this swelling inside mouth started and inflamed gums feeling and it has been going on now during this week.

It seems that the virus entered body and went to multiply in the stomach are, GALT lymph nodes..and spread to the glands which produce saliva and tears and spreads everyday more and more.

[Ann]

Worry,

So a word of warning to YOU. We've already told you how hiv is transmitted and yet you come back here with more NO RISK situations and tell us you "know" you've been infected? You don't know what you're talking about, mate.

Not one single symptom you describe points to hiv infection. Not one. If you feel unwell, see a doctor. It's nothing to do with hiv as you did NOT have a risk for hiv infection. Not even the slightest risk.

If you insist on coming back here with your latest litany of symptoms, you'll quickly be given a second time out.

Ann

[worry_very_much]

Now It seems that all I wrote earlier was nonsense, nothing to worry about, but now it seems like it happened Still unknown what the route of transmission is. My friend from Ukraine came here, and one day she sucked my dick few min, and then few times she masturbated my dick with her hand. And at some point, she had gotten one of her fingers burnt, it was on the top side of one of her fingers, and I suscpect that at some point her fingers have moved so that the damaged skin of her finger with possible fluids came to contact my dick or maybe her use of lube made those infected materials go to the lube and from that a good airtight enviroment for transmission to my dick...

But anyway, the problems started a week after this, first with stools becoming very different, dark and oily, everytime had to wash those away because water would not get them as the oily materil is so hard to wash away..then got diarrhea like visit once to the toilet, then I started to feel headache and some unwell feeling, face felt hot..And it continued and I slept long times, like 10-12 hours instead of regular 6...I felt inside my mouth something strange, and saw in lower lip region somekind of ulcer, and it healed in 2 days but then came similar inside mouth to cheek and on other side too, all went away in 3 days.  At this time it started to feel, strange stiffiness in back and neckmuscles and it moved on the first days, and the middle back, upper back pain went away but neck felt strange and easily fatigued, like just standing or walking became uncomfortable because of the growing pain in neck.

also it started to be so, that my hands and feet became totally different than they used to be! Like when I was touching something, like computer mouse, it became sweaty and also feet, sock in shoes got wet just from standing and walking around..and most of the time these extremeties are feeling cold now,  fingers and toes, feel like they are too cold, sometimes they get hot but then cold again.

Now after about 3 weeks, I still feel the uncomfortable feeling in my nect even when sitting, cold fingers and toes, and this strange feeling of not being able to control my fingers like I used to, like when I touch some tools, and the touch feels different somehow, and all muscles seem weaker, cannot keep hands in one position for long time as it becomes fatigued..actually even when trying to hold something, the thumb muscle feels like it is too fatigued after a minute and all these feelings are new...

And this friend, a girl, I found out that she had this same problem with cold and sweaty hands, and I was asking about it from her before I got it myself, because it felt so strange but now I have the same thing myself. She also seemed to be not very strong, weak actually, and for some reason she spent lots of time in bathroom everyday..showering at least twice a day.

[RapidRod]

■Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

[Ann]

I have been diagnosed to have delusion disorder for diseases

Worry,

We have repeatedly told you that you have in no way had a risk for hiv infection.

You admit to having been diagnosed with a delusional disorder where medical things are concerned. What you are displaying here are symptoms of your delusional disorder, not hiv.

We cannot help you with your psychiatric problems here. You need to see a therapist face-to-face.

I'm giving you that second time out you've been warned about. Do not attempt to create a new account to get around your time out because if you do, you will be permanently banned.

Ann