Risk from foreplay

[worried845]

I would appreciate it if you could assess the risk in this situation.

I was with a guy and I was the bottom.  At the outset he rubbed his penis against my anus and made thrusting motions for quite a few minutes.  As this began to get a little vigorous, I stopped and told him to put on a condom and lube, which he quickly complied with.  We then had sex, me receptive, for a few minutes.  I am not experienced with anal sex and this hurt a bit, so I called it off before he came.  So from what I can tell there was no significant penetration without a condom, but there was some grinding.

I noticed some blood this morning on the toilet paper, nothing too serious.  But this freaked me out.

My question is - how risky is this kind of behavior, since he was not wearing a condom in the beginning, even though there was no penetration, but it was fairly vigorous, his penis was on my anus, and simulated screwing?

I am a bisexual man, and I have only had 4 experiences with anal sex over about 5 years, all of them I demanded condoms be worn.  But this latest incident has me wondering because of the foreplay. 

Thank you so much for what you do.

[Andy Velez]

As long as you are certain there was no unprotected penetration then you can relax about this incident in relation to HIV transmission. Condoms provide very effective protection and it's good that you're consistently making sure they are used during anal intercourse.

The bleeding doesn't really mean anything in terms of risk since a condom was used.

The foreplay including with his penis rubbing against your anus is not a risk for transmission.

This time out I don't see any cause for further concern nor for HIV testing.

Cheers,

[worried845]

Thanks for the quick reply!

I am trying to resist the temptation towards paranoia in terms of whether there was any unprotected penetration; I can only say that he was trying to penetrate and when I became aware of this we stopped and got the condom.  I'm guessing it is not worth splitting hairs over.

[Andy Velez]

It's good that you're staying awake and aware about the risks of unprotected intercourse. You can have sex as often as you like and with as many partners as you like. As long as the insertive partner is wearing a condom everytime the HIV status of the guy you're with is irrelevant. Condoms really do the job. And it's intercourse and not frottage or rubbings of whatever sort that is the risky business.

Worry no further this time and stop splitting butt hairs. Really.

[worried845]

I would like an opinion, although I believe I already know what that opinion may be....

I've had receptive anal sex six times over the past six years, each time a condom was used.  I've also performed oral sex on men about a dozen times over that time frame.

A little over six years ago, I had a very brief incident of unprotected anal sex.  I became very worried over this incident and ordered a PCR DNA HIV test two weeks after the incident.  That came back positive, but it was a false positive, as follow up testing did not confirm it, and I had a final traditional antibody test to rule out infection 3 months after the incident.

My issue is that this incident has left me very scared to get tested again.  I am petrified of the thought of once again hearing that a test came back positive.  I am also amazed and ashamed that I have participated in behaviors that may have put me at risk, however small the risk may be since condoms were used. 

My question is simply - should I test?  Are the incidents I describe here risky enough that I should submit myself to a test?  I suppose I know the "correct" answer is, yes, test and put your mind at ease.  And if the test is positive, it is better to know.

But I also wonder if I am just being overly paranoid and there is no real need to test. 

I am sorry to be so wishy washy; perhaps I just need to write this down and realize that my experience with a false positive should not color my decision to test soon.  I would want to hold off for a few months in any case as my most recent incident is still inside the window period; but I also want to make a decision on whether or not to set a date to get a test done.

[jkinatl2]

You know, you could waffle about this forever.

Or you could test.

Any sexually active adult ought to have a complete STD workup, including an HIV test, at least once a year (Me, I would go twice).

Peace of mind cancels fear. Every time.

[worried845]

Thanks, and you are right.  I'm letting my fear get the best of me.

I will set a date and test.

[RapidRod]

You were never at risk of contracting HIV in the situation you've provided.

[worried845]

Thanks for pointing that out, Rod.  I understand that given the condom use my risk is extremely low to non-existent, but...I think I need to test just in case, given the possible dire consequences of undetected hiv.  It has been years since I've had a full board of STD tests, and I think it is time to do it; just my experience with that false positive has me very wary of testing.

For any other worried folks reading this thread and considering the PCR test - think long and hard before you take it to get an early "diagnosis".  False positives happen with that test, and in my case it truly messed me up for a full week (while I was waiting for the follow up tests to be completed).  (And even longer as I had to wait to take the conclusive 13 week antibody test).