POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => I Just Tested Poz => Topic started by: Kilo on July 03, 2008, 11:18:09 am
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Im 20 years old, black, college student.
Gay male.
I live in ATL, GA.
As a gay man, I knew that I was at risk, SCIENTIFICALLY. But that risk never REALLY sunk in.
I never had unprotected sex. Until one night last summer. My long time boyfriend's birthday.
He keep asking me for unprotected sex and I told him we could on his birthday.
Biggest mistake of my life.
Now were not together because of other reasons.
I live with my parents and am planning to stay here until I finish college.
I dont know how in the hell I am going to tell my parents
They dont even approve of the gay lifestyle.
If I tell them my diagnosis, it will be like an I TOLD YOU SO
But I really NEED them to help me through this
I dont want to have to hide medicines, doctor's appointments and other HIV related things from them
I have 3 best friends... I have told one of them.
She was very supportive and is trying to keep me optimistic. She's a God send and I love her.
Ive known her since I was 4.
My other two best friends Ive known about 3 years and they are gay men as well.
I dont mean to stereotype of generalize but the African American community is not as open and loving to HIV+ people
As other communities are
Im scared to death to tell them
I just really need LOVE right now and I feel sooooooo very alone
There have been times where Ill go outside and cry b4 anyone gets up JUST so I can get it out
Whats worse is that I feel no matter who sympathizes, no one can really understand how I feel
:-[
I have not been sick... and I dont have my blood labs back yet
I feel perfectly fine and I plan to just continue eating right, working, schooling and I want to start exercising
Im just all around scared though...
Its moreso the stigma and ppl finding out
I really just need someone to talk to... I guess
Im confused
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So it's been a week since you have found out. Guess what you're still here and the world didn't end. It is a lot to handle and understand, but remember it is not the end of the world. Things have changed yes, but as you said you continue to eat, work, go to school and are going to start to exercise. Good for you!!!
You are going to be getting a lot of advice, read alot of things and have many decisions to make regarding your HIV. The thing to remember is that this is your HIV and everyone is different in the way they handle their experience being HIV+. What works for one person may not for the next. Hell, HIV itself effects each of us differently. My advice is to take a deep breath and take your time in deciding who to tell. You are going to be here a long time, don't rush things thinking it has to be done today. If you need to talk maybe find a support group or ask people here. Get your numbers so that you can assess where things are for you. And remember, with the internet it is so easy to go into HIV overload, don't get to overwhelmed everything will be here next week.
Best to you and welcome to the forums!
Woods
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Hey Kilo,
You don't have to hide here.
welcome
ronnie
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Kilo Welcome!
Wow your just a baby...(((kilo)))) ..You will be fine sweetheart..stay in school and do what u have to do...Its so definitely not the end of the world....
BtW im jamie...31, single blk f, poz 5 years this sept..never been sick....keep the faith..you will survive...
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Hi Kilo~
Welcome to the Forums, you're in the right place. I am 38yo, outside of DC and poz 14 yrs with no OIs to date. I had trouble telling my parents and chose to wait nearly 5 years. Its good that you have been to the docs and that you seem to have found out early, without being sick.
There is a wealth of info on this site, esp in the Lessons (scroll to upper left of screen).
You're doing the best thing that you can for yourself, and that is reaching out. Continue to get medical care and know that you don't have to disclose to your parents this week or this month. Give things a little time and get your questions answered by your doc regarding meds and counts, etc.
One step at a time. :)
~ Cindy
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Welcome, Kilo
Sorry you're going through such a rough time right now. There's a lot to process. Give yourself time to adjust. If nothing else, know that you're not alone. Keep us posted and reach out to us here.
-YaKaMein
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I never had unprotected sex. Until one night last summer. My long time boyfriend's birthday.
He keep asking me for unprotected sex and I told him we could on his birthday.
Biggest mistake of my life.
Hi Kilo
Yes, unfortunately one time is all it takes. The good news is you've found out your status, and can no begin to deal with it. There is no reason whatsoever that you need to disclose this to your parents just yet; it may be quite some time before you even need any medications.
So don't panic.
Read all the Lessons on this site, and get acquainted with some of us by reading in the forums. Glad you've joined us!
hugs,
Alan
HIV+ 22 yrs
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Welcome to the forums. Being told you are HIV+ is a lot to take in. I agree with Alan that you may want to review the information on the forums before talking to your parents. The discussion wil go better if you can answer all their questions and have some handle on being HIV+ yourself. There are a lot of supportive people on here.
Ford
HIV+ 15 years
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Thanks guys for all the love.
I plan to be an active contributing member here.
I look forward to getting to know you all.
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Kilo.. welcome to the community..you have already heard the best advice you can get...slow down..take it all in a little at a time...the time to tell your parents will come.. don't rush it.... many persons on here have been through just about everything that can happen with this bug.... If you have a question or just want to "talk" someone here can help you...try to get a Dr that will be open and respectful....some of us have the same Dr we started with ( me= 15yrs ) some have had many more Dr's before settling on a compatible soul....
so,welcome.,.take a deep breath and try to take one issue at a time......
Nick
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Hi
Just stopping in to say hi and read your post. So....HI!
Joel
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Kilo -- I'm glad you found us. It sounds to me like you're taking the right steps so far, and you are very mature for your age. I'm looking forward to getting to know you too!
I've been HIV+ since 1983 -- 25 years! -- and founded this website 8 years ago. I blog here as well (click the blogs link at the top of this page).
Peter Staley
Founder
AIDSmeds.com
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Kilo, welcome to the forums. You've been given some pretty sage advice by everyone.
I've been diagnosed for 19 years. I was in a treatment center and called my parents right away. But just because I did it, that doesn't make it right for everyone. You have to get comfortable with it first. Like others have said, take it one issue at a time. Try not to go into overload about all the information about HIV that you find on the internet or other places. Find a good doctor. You also might call your local ASO (Aids Service Organization). They will be able to help walk you through this process, recommend a good doctor and if ever need be, a good therapist. They also usually have a support group or two that might interest you (you know, meeting other HIV+ people in your area). And, if you ever need government assistance, they can walk you through that as well. So much better with some help. :)
Again, welcome. I hope to hear more from you. BTW, I'm going to school also. Good luck with your classes.
Luv,
Betty
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Thanks to all again.
I already have an appointment with an HIV specialist, a counselor and another HIV case worker.
I feel like I am in good hands.
My moods are going up and down cause earlier today when I first made the post I was feeling sad and blue.
But I feel confident and strong right now.
What I keep trying to remind myself is that EVERYONE in the world is going through something right now.
This is just MY struggle.
And then I try to remind myself of the million ways my life could be worse.
No matter what virus is attacking my body, Im blessed.
;D
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Hi Kilo
Kilo you're welcome to this forum,anyway i'm also a black guy here in this forum but you've come to the wright place at first time ,people here are very suportive as well and you've heard them so do not think you're alone i'd like you to read other thread inside here iyou'll be more courageous .
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Kilo, welcome!
The most important thing is for you to have a doctor who's keeping watch your numbers and on your health. As for evertyhing else like disclosing to whom and when as well as meds and other issues, there's no rush. Give yourself time to get adjusted to this new element in your life. Sure it's something serious and important, but it is not going by any means to be all that your life is about. You should already be getting a sense of that from some of the responses you've received.
You're always welcome here to ask questions, to discuss anything that's on your mind or just hang out.
Cheers,
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Hi Kilo :-*
Sorry for the news... but welcome to the forums.
Like everyone said, don't worry... you will be ok and you will survive :) Every day poz people are living longer and better lives, so keep on planning for future. Here you have found not only friends but an extended family who will always support you.
Big hugs kiddo!
Juan Carlos
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hello kilo,
you've received a lot of great advice already. one day at a time man, thats all we can really manage. i was diagnosed almost a year ago and things have definitely improved for me. by improvement i mean i don't think about it as much and i also think about my future more now. i am student also and i had to take some time off from school to get my head straight. now im back on track and things are looking well.
the point of me blabbing about myself is to illustrate 2 things, 1 - life goes back to normal and 2 - things do get better. take care of yourself man, all yourself time to adjust to your new status and maintain the core elements of your day-to-day routine. i am looking forward to reading your posts in the future.
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Welcome to the best site in the world for us HIV-ers! I'm very glad you found us, I know you will love it here as much as I do.
Hugs and welcome!
Jeff (24 years poz now!)
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Hey Kilo, hope u coming up well. Fact that u have posted here is encouraging, u could'nt have chosen a better place.
Being +ve is not the end of life trust you me, it might not make a lot of sense right now but its not the worst your life. The best is yet to come and you can still live your dreams, (not to say they will not be complications). I felt that way when u r newly diagnosed, but i'm living ma life to the fullest now. Was diagnosed last April and started on meds this March, 25yrs, black female
Keep your head up high hey, we here anytime...
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Hi killo just read the following
Many patients taking HIV drugs can now expect to live into their 70s
;D ;D
Michael Carter, Friday, July 25, 2008
A large international study has provided evidence that people taking HIV treatment can now expect to live into their 60s and beyond. The study is published in the July 26th edition of The Lancet, and showed that an individual starting successful HIV treatment aged 20 would be expected to live to be 63, and that a patient initiating an anti-HIV drugs regimen aged 35 could live to the age of 67. It also provided evidence of the dramatic and continued decline in the risk of death amongst people with HIV since effective HIV treatment became available.
What is more, the researchers found that starting treatment with a CD4 cell count above 200 cells/mm3 would mean that a person aged 20 could expect to live to be 70, and that a 35 year-old could survive into their 72nd year.
Reference
The Antiretroviral Cohort Collaboration. Life expectancy of individuals on combination therapy in high-income countries: a collaborative analysis of 14 cohort studies. The Lancet 372: 293 – 299, 2008.
Cooper DA. Life and death in the cART era. The Lancet 372: 266 – 267, 2008
So no big deal, we are in the wright forum
take care
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Hey Kilo,
Welcome to the forums, glad you found us and have joined in. This is a great place to find support and camaraderie, so settle in and make yourself at home.
I look forward to hearing more from you.
HUGS,
Mark