Severe anxiety over exposure

[whenitrainsitpours]

Three weeks ago today, I made an extremely regrettable decision and stepped outside of my monogamous relationship. With a trans woman I met on through an app, I engaged in mutual oral sex. At the time, I do not believe I had any cuts or abrasions in my mouth, though I may have. She did not ejaculate in my mouth, but there almost definitely was some pre-cum. I also had been dealing with what might have been some sort of non-STI irritation in the back of my throat for about a week or two prior; tons of mucous and lots of hacking. I also have HSV-2 and get sores on my lip about twice a year, though one was not present and no cold sores have developed since. I did ask her if she was free of STIs post-encounter, and she assured me she was, but given that I met her online, I don't feel very confident.

About 11 days after the incident, there was a localized rash (cluster of red dots) that had to be pointed out to me by my girlfriend on the back of my torso. The rash was non-itchy and disappeared almost entirely overnight. Around the same time, my tongue started becoming slightly swollen in areas and over the course of the week, developed a thick white coating and a very bitter, metallic taste. One incredibly small sore developed below my tongue.

Initially concerned about syphilis, I went in for testing after 12 days. After reading about the possibility of contracting HIV from oral sex, which at the time I did not realize was possible, I went to get an early RNA test at 17 days, followed the next day by additional testing, including an antigen test, after the initial group of tests all returned as negative. I will not know these results for another week and a half.

I've been dealing with severe, severe anxiety about the possibility of contracting HIV, moreso because I may have exposed my girlfriend to the virus if I have it. It seems that most of the people on this forum do not believe in the possibility of contracting HIV through oral sex, but most of the medical experts seem insistent that it is a possibility and that it has been documented multiple times.

1. Do these symptoms sound indicative of an acute infection?

2. Have any of the moderators ever known anyone personally who has been infected this way?

3. How do you deal with anxiety while you're waiting for test results?

[Jim Allen]

1, No
2, No
3 - No need to panic in the first place.

RNA testing is not recommend for routine testing due to the high level of false results and costs.

Getting your penis sucked is not a HIV risk . 0 and nada.

As for giving one well there is no need to run test every time you give a blow job, just get tested the next time you are due for a regular checkup and expect a negative result.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, every time, no exceptions.

Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as ‘safe’ in terms of HIV transmission might still pose a risk for transmission of other STI's, so please do get fully tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and the only way of knowing is by testing.

More information on HIV Basics, PEP, TaSP and Transmission can be found through the links in my signature to our POZ pages, this includes information on HIV Testing

Kind regards

Jim

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[whenitrainsitpours]

Thanks for the reply, Jim. I am trying to remain rational about everything, but the anxiety over the symptoms keeps getting to me, as I never experience rashes and I'd never experienced anything like thrush before. Have you heard of anxiety causing these symptoms?

[Jim Allen]

Looks millions of HIV negative people get thrush and/or rashes from time to time.
Its part of life.

Stop stressing, look the largest concern that you posted was your GF i presume your having unprotected sex with her and that is a real world risk to you.

Get tested yearly for STI's including but not limited to HIV. Stop stressing its pointless.

Jim

[whenitrainsitpours]

I'm doing my very best to maintain a calm head about all of this, but I'm very much struggling. The white-coated tongue and bitter taste have returned with a vengeance and I have a moderately swollen lymph node behind my ear. My knee has also been experiencing some pain that I'm not accustomed to.

I'm really not sure what to do here.

1. Jim, you mention false results from RNA testing; I've read about false positives, but false negatives don't seem to be much of an issue. Does this imply that even if I get a negative result when the result comes, there may still be a chance I am infected?

2. In terms of antigen/antibody duo testing, I was under the impression that my 18 day test would be conclusive when I get the result this week, but after reading more today, I'm not so sure. Does anyone have any insight into this?

3. I know this question has been exhausted on this site again and again and again, but I'm having the most difficult time parsing through the what-ifs on the oral sex debate. In the Spanish study showing no transmission between seriodiscordant partners, I noticed that there is discussion of both co-presence of other STDS (including herpes without symptoms present) and alcohol use (not from decision-making but from something it does to neutralize disease-fighting elements in the mouth), both of which my exposure would be elevated. Is this understood by the moderators here? Or do most of you hold to a firm stance that even giving oral sex is almost a non-issue?

4. The anxiety is really at a premium. I have an appointment to talk with someone in a couple days, but not too far from the time I receive my results. The advice not to stress, while appreciated, isn't doing much for me. Anyone have some advice to get through these next couple days?

I also understand that this must be my last post until I receive results. Thank you for reading and your consideration and here's to hoping for the best.

[Jim Allen]

Hi,

1: Between 2 -8 % and hence not recommended as standalone test or for routine testing.

2: Duo testing (Antigen/Antibody) is just a fourth generation test now they may pick on on infection sooner a repeat test at 3 months is still recommended to definitively exclude HIV infection. To explain even with the antigen (The Antigen only tests for HIV 1 and the antibody for both HIV types)  an HIV antibody response can be detected as early as two weeks even in some people however 99.9% of people will test positive by 13 weeks or 3 months except for those with underling medical conditions such as receiving cancer treatment.  So 3 months is considered conclusive. Testing before 3 months so 6 weeks can give you a good indication of your HIV status, but test at 3 months after the exposure to be considered HIV negative.

3: Drinking alcohol does not change it, the only think drinking does is it causes people to have unprotected intercourse and do stupid stuff. (Relates to human behavior,  not HIV biology)

As for co-infections, look this is often misunderstood having an STI does not make a "No risk" into a "risk" all it does is increase the odd if you engage in a already known transmission risk for HIV to start with such as unprotected intercourse.

STI "increasing" the odds of HIV transmission theory is if you have a preexisting STI causing lets say inflammation or open sores it might when you do take an already known risk, lets say unprotected intercourse increase the likelihood of HIV being transmitted to you.

Your risks:
Look in terms of BJ's there hasn’t been a single documented case of HIV transmission to an insertive partner (the person being "sucked") and you will not be the first. Saliva is not HIV infectious, it also contains over a dozen elements that neutralize HIV. - Risk none

As for giving a BJ well there is no need to run test every time you give a blow job, just get tested the next time you are due for a regular checkup. The theoretical risk is when you give a BJ and additional conditions so active gaping holes in your mouth combined with the partner ejaculating in your mouth.  So no need to panic.

4:

You need better coping skills, if you are going to have this much angst and panic every time you have sex its going to be a real problem, and its not healthy. In short you need to learn to deal with this or seek a therapist to hep you past your angst and help you gain some coping skills.

Sex comes with risks, even sexual practices which may be described as ‘safe’ in terms of HIV transmission might still pose a risk for transmission of other STI's. You need to simply learn to practice safer sex and accept that life has risks.

Now there is not much more we can do for you, i've explained testing, risks, and given you information on safer sex.  Please do not post about this anymore as we simply can't help you further. 

Jim